Hi Anu. What is the best way to give relationship advice to your daughters so they actually listen to you.

Ans: You can try to mediate, but it’s a tricky situation; they will both accuse you of playing favourites. Maybe it is better if they start living separately? Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt; if they can’t sort things out, they should split. Tell them they should take a couple of months to try and iron out their differences and live peacefully, or then they should go their separate ways and meet when they want to see each other, not because they have to see each other.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I recall that letter/post and thank you for reading the column regularly. Greatly appreciated.
To summarize, one must perform/live their role and not focus on reciprocation. But as humans, we do have expectations that few times does not have boundaries. That's where the unhappiness begins. Expectations go haywire when there's disappointments from expectations not being met.
So, you are right...as a father, simply do what's needed for the children and not expect anything other than love. Well said! Again, thank you for adding your thoughts here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: It’s really commendable that you're seeking ways to improve communication with your daughters, especially when it comes to handling mistakes or weaknesses. The goal you're aiming for—creating a supportive environment where they feel safe to share their challenges—is a key part of nurturing a healthy and open relationship.

When addressing their mistakes, it’s important to remember that how they interpret your feedback can shape how they see themselves and their ability to handle difficulties. You want them to feel like they’re not being judged or criticized but instead being guided towards growth. One way to start is by focusing on empathy in your conversations. When they make a mistake, it’s natural to want to correct it quickly, but it can be more productive to begin by acknowledging how they might feel. This lets them know that you understand their experience, and that mistakes are part of life and learning. It shifts the focus from the mistake itself to their emotions, which builds trust.

Another aspect is how you frame the conversation. Instead of honing in on what went wrong, it’s helpful to highlight the effort they put in and the process they went through, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. Letting them know that their effort is noticed and appreciated can boost their confidence. When they feel that their hard work is valued, they’re more likely to discuss their challenges openly, rather than feeling like they failed. If they feel supported during these moments, they will be more inclined to seek your guidance in the future without fearing a negative response.

Listening is another vital tool. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or corrections. Instead, ask them how they feel about what happened or what they think they could do differently next time. This not only gives them ownership of their problem-solving but also empowers them to reflect and learn from their experiences. Sometimes, when children are given the space to voice their thoughts, they can surprise you with their insights. And even if they don’t have an answer right away, they’ll appreciate being part of the conversation rather than being lectured.

It’s also important to be patient with progress. Instead of expecting a big shift in behavior or attitude overnight, focus on the small steps they take. Recognizing these smaller victories can go a long way in motivating them to keep improving, even when they stumble. They need to see that progress is more important than perfection, and your role is to guide them through the ups and downs without focusing too much on the final result.

Finally, your own approach to challenges and mistakes plays a big role in shaping how they will handle their own. When they see you approach difficulties with a positive mindset—whether it's a work challenge or a personal frustration—they’re learning that setbacks don’t define them. Modeling this kind of attitude will encourage them to talk about their own struggles more openly and with less fear of judgment.

In essence, the goal is to build trust and maintain a positive tone, even when discussing difficult topics. With this approach, your daughters will not only feel comfortable coming to you but will also develop a stronger sense of resilience in facing their own challenges. You’ll find that as they feel more supported, their confidence in addressing their weaknesses will naturally grow.

Ans: Dear Minu,
It's possible that your older daughter has been a witness to many arguments between you and your husband in her growing years and that could have caused her to shut down and be within herself.
Whatever the reason, what's the point in being angry with her? When we want to see a behavior change from our children, it's our turn first. So, as parents work on your relationship first. When children grow up in a loving environment, they feel loved and are able to trust their parents. Work on building that trust with her where she feels safe to share things with you and her father...
It comes right back to the two of you as parents...
About his financial issues, I cannot suggest what he can do or not...but you can certainly talk to him about how it has begun to eat into your savings and how much it is bothering you. Hopefully when the two of you work on your relationship, he will be in a place where he will hear you out better.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/