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Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have two daughters, both unmarried and working in different companies in Bengaluru and staying together in a rented house. But there is lack of harmony between them and often small arguments between them for petty reasons is creating a devide between them. How should i address this, as both are dear to me and I wish both of them to stay together, peacefully.

Ans: You can try to mediate, but it’s a tricky situation; they will both accuse you of playing favourites. Maybe it is better if they start living separately? Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt; if they can’t sort things out, they should split. Tell them they should take a couple of months to try and iron out their differences and live peacefully, or then they should go their separate ways and meet when they want to see each other, not because they have to see each other.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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Relationship
Hi Anu I m married got last 18 years . I have 2 daughters .Elder us in 11th std science and younger is in 5th std . I more attached yo my younger daughter. I am always scolding my elder daughter as she doesn’t listen to me at all and always acts the opposite of what I tell her . She also doesn’t share anything about her life or any events or her plans with me or my husband. I come to know from her friends or there parents which annoys me a lot . Also myself and my husband relationship is not at all good . We are having lots of financial issues . He has incurred major loss in stock market and he wants to set it right and is involved with wrong people for making things proper. He’s hot zero knowledge of stock market and has taken multiple loans and now my parents are repaying the loans . He’s not ready to listen to anyone and also trying to avoid any kind if communication or conversation with me . Even our daughters are not getting good family support during there crucial age . I Ann confused and don’t understand how yo handle him and due to this issues I am always stressed and all my anger is on my daughter. Please guide me
Ans: Dear Minu,
It's possible that your older daughter has been a witness to many arguments between you and your husband in her growing years and that could have caused her to shut down and be within herself.
Whatever the reason, what's the point in being angry with her? When we want to see a behavior change from our children, it's our turn first. So, as parents work on your relationship first. When children grow up in a loving environment, they feel loved and are able to trust their parents. Work on building that trust with her where she feels safe to share things with you and her father...
It comes right back to the two of you as parents...
About his financial issues, I cannot suggest what he can do or not...but you can certainly talk to him about how it has begun to eat into your savings and how much it is bothering you. Hopefully when the two of you work on your relationship, he will be in a place where he will hear you out better.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu! Am a 55yr old Telugu NRI Male. Father of 3 daughters (27, 23 & 18). I luv all 3 of them more than my life. I have struggled extremely hard in my life to reach this position. And, have given my best to them always. They know about that. But, what they have done has broken me. All 3 of them r NRIs like me, and Engineers. Elder one is a Masters from USA. Younger one still studying. I had planned the marraige of my elder one when she was 23. I had already conveyed this to her in advance, for which she agreed. I clearly conveyed to her, that, having 3 daughters, I cannot afford any experiments. Only, if I plan to settle off all 3 of them in a proper and phased manner, I can finish off my duties for the youngest, by the time Im 60. Else, things will become challenging if any one of them delays for any reason, and being in a Gulf Country, I loose my job anytime, or, if I have to return due to health issues, we cud become challenged financially. Effecting the settling of my daughters. So, when I went to India around 4yrs back to initiate the plans for her match making, she stunned me by conveying that, she likes someone (a Telugu but from a different equal caste). Though stunned at her reversal, I went along, and decided to approach the Boy's father, who was a close friend. But, I was in for a bigger shock, where, the Boy's father (my friend) himself approached me, and conveyed in quiet an abrupt manner, that, he is against an intercaste marraige. I conveyed this to her (my daughter) and my wife, in front of my other 2 daughters. To my surprise, i found all my 3 daughters totally silent on this subject. Except my wife, who supported me on the insult I had to face from the Boy's father (my friend). None of my daughters felt pricked at the way he conveyed his message to me. Until this incident, my wife too was supporting my daughter, despite fully knowing that she had reversed from he initial agreement. But, this incident took her away from her support and towards the family respect. This was resented by my 3 daughters against my wife. So, after this, I started to build pressure on my daughter, conveying that, lets put this behind us, and lets proceed with seeing matches for u. She conveyed that, she needs time to heal. I asked her how much time? 1month, 2 months, 6months a year? She wasnt clear about that, which made me upset. And defeated, I left back to my job outside India. Suddenly, out of the blue, I was informed by my wife, that, she has done GRE, and got a very good score of 325/340. And, she plans to go to USA for her Masters on Scholarship. I was surprised, that, I had spent Rs.40K to join a Guidance Class to help her get a good score, which she cud not the 1st time. But, this 2nd time, how cud she get such a good score without any gudance? What was her motiivation? Whatever be the case, I felt proud of her achievement, and agreed to fund her (close to 60 Lakhs). I felt that, getting such a good score, she shud seek admission in a prestigious University, whatever be the cost on me. I had conveyed to her thro her Mom (as we werent on speaking terms), that, this money is for her's and her Sisters marraige expenses, whenever their marriage comes. I had kept aside 20 lakhs each for each of my daughters exclusively as marriage expenses. And, she has to return that amount once she starts earning. This is usually what all kids going to USA for their Masters do. They return back the money taken from their Parents, or pay back the Bank Loans. But, I payed off the Bank Loan (full 60 lakhs), so, that, the interest doesnt burden her, and asked her to pay me back when she can. Condition being, she has to pay back a min 20 lakhs in time for her marraige expenses. I was further stunned and shocked by 2 more reveals. One that, she took the step to do Masters, as the Boy too was in USA, and she followed him there with his concurrence. Which again, she hid from us. 2nd being, she also took this step to escape the marraige pressure from us in the aftermath of the Boy's father's insult to me. All these 3 yrs, she never bothered to even ask or enquire about the Financial Burden her expenses has caused to the Family. Let alone trying to convey how she plans to repay them back. Worse these 3 yrs, she doesnt attend our calls (specially her mother's, as I dont call at all), talks to her Mom in a haughty tone. Seeing her, my other 2 daughters too behave with their Mother, and at times with me to the same way. As if, it is our duty to ensure that, we provide everything to them, and when they ask. Now, it has also become clear thro my 2nd daughter that, my elder one is going to marry the same guy. Where, frankly, me and my wife dont care much about at this stage. But, this betrayal by her and the following her footsteps by her Sisters is eating me day and out. And I feel my life slipping away from my hands. I lost my only Sister, around 25yrs back. Then my Mother around 16yrs back, and my father around 4yrs back. Im alone with just my wife as my Companion. Im financially well off, but, seem to have lost my will to live. I want to live only till my 3rd daughter settles in life. And bid good bye. But, each time I think in such a way, my wife's picture comes in front of my eyes. Me and my wife luv each other a lot. I have not been a perfect husband to her. But, she has always loved me with her full heart, despite her initial mistake in supporting my elder daughter on her actions. The purpose of this query, is not for guidance, but just for sharing my pain, which, I cannot share with anyone. Not even my wife. Else, she will be devastated. She too is extremely pained with the attitude of my daughters.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have mentioned that you don't seek guidance but just wanted to share the pain; thank you for writing in and sharing and I wish you well in life and can only hope things get better for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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