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Love Guru |213 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Anonymous on Oct 03, 2022Hindi

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Relationship

Dear Love Guru
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over 10 years. We knew each other since college. He is 32. I am 31. We are both well settled in our jobs and almost everyone in our group is either engaged or married. And every time I bring up the idea of marriage, he says 'I need more time.' Do you think he must be bored of me?

Ans:

Do you think that he's bored of you? You should be able to tell if that's the case.

The question is, why does he need more time?

If there's a practical angle to it, like finances, settling abroad or buying your own home, that's understandable. But if he's still not sure of settling down with you after a decade, then he'll never be.

Don't ever be that person who got married because you were together for so long. Marry because you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together.

You shouldn’t marry because the relationship has become a habit; so is smoking.

If he's not sure of you even now, it's time for you to seriously re-examine this relationship and why you're in it.

And you may want to read my previous answer above, about rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons.

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024

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I am a 27 year old female. I am dating a guy for 10+ years, we have become too casual about each other. Its like our relationship has lost the spark after we left college. We are dragging our relationship just because we both arent ready to put efforts in finding new partners. Whenever we meet, we cuddle and sleep and havent had sex since last 2 years. Emotionally we are too close but physical intimacy is kindof lost. Since its time to get married. I am still unsure whether he as of now is the one for lifetime. Should we venture for new partners respectively or are we the one for each other. Please Suggest.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have to ask "Are we the one for each other?" something must be going really wrong in the relationship. Moreover, you also mentioned dragging it, so reconsidering the relationship can't hurt. There is another option- you can try couple's therapy and get to the bottom of this detachment. It can be time; it happens to many long-term couples. Nothing comes without effort- you will have to work on it every day and explore new things to bring back the spark. If you don't want to let go of this relationship, try these suggestions. But to continue lugging it because this relationship is all too familiar and comfortable now is not the right decision. If it's okay with both of you, take a break and venture out for new partners. See how things pan out. The choice is yours. The only thing that I can confirm is that at this point, you should not rush into getting married and focus on sorting things out first.

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 21, 2024Hindi

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Dear Anu, I am a 45 year old female, iam single and now from last year involved with a guy of my age who is also single. We have a long distance relationship but somehow we like each other and are from the same sector. Iam financially stable and have and am doing good in my career and life. When i met him i thought may be i was longing for a male companionship and physical relationship which i was avoiding consciously. We both are from the same field but he is struggling financially and is very unstable right now. He is not physically healthy and is overweight. But he promised me 2 years back that everything will be alright. But nothing has changed, i asked him to make the relationship formal and then continue working towards his goals, but he says he needs more time, maybe one year more. Iam not happy with this, i want to be together. I have given him a ultimatum of this year December and otherwise i will not wait for him. I have also cleared him that i dont need any financial support from him only if works on his physical health it will be fine for me. Please suggest iam i right in asking this, should i give him more time or quit?

Ans: He has not changed since 2 years - you need to gauge from this data if the needle will move - it takes a lot of discipline to loose weight and more so as you grow older....

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi

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I'm in a relationship, I’m 19, and he’s 26. He works and is the eldest son in his family, and I’m still in college. He’s often busy with work and other commitments, so we only talk for about 1-2 hours at night, but even then, he doesn't talk late, he goes to bed early. Is this okay, because I like talking late, but he doesn’t give me enough time? His family is pressuring him to get married, and on top of that, he’s not from my caste. So, what should I do to make him sure about me and wait for me? Also, lately, he’s been a bit rude, he’s not the same as before. Is it that he doesn’t care about me, or is he taking me for granted, or is it just me thinking that he’s not as good as before?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your wish to keep talking late, but there's a big difference between your lifestyle and his. He is the elder son with responsibilities and a job, while you are a college student; besides studies, you have the luxury of not having all the burdens of your family on your shoulders. His eagerness to sleep early might be owing to tiredness or having to wake up early.
Having said that, if you think there is some other reason, you can always ask him directly. Coming to his rudeness- while I do not support misbehavior in any condition, there still might be reasons like office pressure or family pressure and more. In no way am I excusing his behavior- what I am saying is to talk to him about it. Let him know that his behavior is hurting you and you would like to know the reason behind it.

I can't tell you for sure if he is taking you for granted, or has stopped caring for you, but a direct and open discussion with him can certainly offer you some clarity on it.
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I am in a serious relationship with a guy I met in my college. I am 29, he is 31. We have been dating for 3 years now. I think we are ready to take this relationship to the next step. I want to get married to him and have some stability, but my partner keeps saying 'let's see where life takes us.' I feel stuck between waiting and moving on. How do I know if I'm being patient or just postponing the inevitable?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are right; it does sound like he is stalling, but then again, we might be wrong. The best way to gain clarity is to ask him about it. Asking directly might cause a conflict, so do it in a more subtle way- ask him where he sees himself in 5 years. If he does not mention you in his plans, it would be an indication that he is not serious about the relationship. And keep note of small things like if he is making small-term plans with him, like a travel plan 3 months later or long-term plans, like a friend’s wedding that will happen one and half years later. These small details can help you get a rough idea of what he is up to. But I want you to remember that all of these are just speculations. You can take your speculations, put it on the table and have a clear discussion.

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