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Government worker seeking advice on advancing relationship with a colleague

Anu Krishna |1576 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by RABI on Oct 17, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

I am working in Government organization and having friendship relation with a lady in the same organization for a long time we are always stand in need to each other but nowadays I am getting attracted towards her please advise can I advance or not.

Ans: Dear Rabi,
Make sure that she is on the same page as well. If she views it only as friendship and nothing more, do not over-step and spoil what you have. I am sure you will know through your interactions how she feels about the friendship and if she has feelings for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan Rai |571 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?

Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

Anu Krishna |1576 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Question by Rupannita - Nov 16, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. We both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,

Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
Feelings cannot be deleted as you said BUT whether you want to act on those feelings is a choice that you must make. See where your life moves hanging onto a parallel life!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Kanchan Rai |571 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Question by Rupannita - Nov 25, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. Now we both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,

Ans: The first step in addressing this is to recognize that feelings, while they can be powerful, do not define actions. You’ve already demonstrated a strong commitment to your family by maintaining boundaries and shifting your relationship with your colleague to a purely professional one. This shows a conscious effort to align your actions with your values, which is an important foundation.

It’s also important to reflect on what might have contributed to these feelings. They may not solely be about your colleague as a person but could also reflect unmet emotional needs, stress, or the appeal of a connection that feels easy and understanding during a challenging time in your life. Identifying these underlying factors can help you understand yourself better and redirect your energy toward strengthening your emotional connection with your family.

Managing the proximity with your colleague at work is understandably challenging. To maintain your professional relationship while protecting your personal boundaries, consider setting clear mental and emotional limits. Focus conversations strictly on work-related topics, avoid situations that might blur boundaries, and remind yourself regularly of your commitment to your family and the life you’ve built with them.

It might also help to channel the emotional energy you’ve felt toward this colleague into enhancing your relationship with your spouse. Reinvesting in your marriage—through shared activities, open communication, or even small gestures of affection—can help renew your bond and remind you of what is truly meaningful in your life.

If these feelings continue to linger and cause distress, speaking with a therapist or counselor could provide a safe space to process your emotions and explore strategies to cope. They can help you navigate this situation in a way that aligns with your values and preserves your emotional well-being.

The fact that you are seeking advice and prioritizing your family shows that you are deeply committed to doing the right thing. With time, effort, and self-awareness, you can navigate these emotions and maintain integrity in both your personal and professional life.

Ravi Mittal |560 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by jayesh - Nov 27, 2024

Relationship

Iam 42 yrs old and i have crush on a female which board my train and get down the same station. From that day she meet me for a day or so as we share one bus stop for office going. Then afterward she met me once a week or occasionally and iam getting feeling towards her. While on the bus stop if i see her i usually follow her and greet her(for couple of minutes). Today while i was talking i made eye contact with her and she too. And if she see me she allow me to touch her hair and body too Dont know what to do kindly guide me.

Ans: Dear Jayesh,
The best way to confirm if she shares the same feelings for you is to simply ask. Tell her how you feel and ask if she feels anything close to that for you. If she says yes, then you can ask her out on a date- maybe start slow with a cup of coffee and see where it goes. If she says no, then please do not take that as a sign to pursue her some more and convince her.

Hope this helps.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan |8190 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2025Hindi

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Money

I can invest Rs 10,000 every month for 10 years. Kindly suggest investing options -- where should I invest? How much wealth can I create after 10 years?

Ans: Investing Rs 10,000 per month for 10 years is a great decision. It will help you build substantial wealth over time. Here’s a detailed assessment of the best investment options and the potential returns you can expect.

Investment Options for Rs 10,000 Per Month
1. Equity Mutual Funds (Actively Managed)
Suitable for long-term wealth creation.

Professional fund managers make investment decisions.

Offers better flexibility compared to direct stock investment.

Can generate high returns over a 10-year period.

Ideal for those who can take moderate to high risk.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Provides stability to your portfolio.

Lower risk compared to equity mutual funds.

Useful for balancing risk and return.

Returns are better than FDs over a long period.

3. Hybrid Mutual Funds
Invests in both equity and debt.

Suitable for investors looking for stability with some growth.

Balances market volatility better than pure equity funds.

4. Gold Investment (Sovereign Gold Bonds - SGBs)
Offers capital appreciation and fixed interest income.

Safe investment backed by the Government of India.

Can act as a hedge against inflation.

5. Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Tax-free returns.

Provides capital protection.

Best for those looking for safe and guaranteed returns.

Lock-in period of 15 years, but partial withdrawals allowed after 5 years.

6. National Pension System (NPS)
Ideal for retirement savings.

Provides tax benefits under Section 80C and 80CCD.

Investment mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Partial withdrawal allowed after a few years.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Equity Mutual Funds: Rs 6,000 per month

Debt Mutual Funds: Rs 2,000 per month

Gold (SGBs): Rs 1,000 per month

PPF: Rs 1,000 per month

This diversified approach helps reduce risk and maximize returns.

Expected Wealth Creation After 10 Years
The wealth you create depends on returns from different assets. Here’s an estimate:

Equity Mutual Funds: Can generate higher returns over 10 years.

Debt Mutual Funds: Provides stability with moderate returns.

Gold (SGBs): Prices depend on market demand and inflation.

PPF: Offers safe and steady returns.

You can expect to build a significant corpus by following this plan.

Why Not Index Funds?
Index funds do not offer active management.

They simply track market movements without strategy.

Actively managed mutual funds can beat index funds over time.

Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market conditions.

Higher potential for wealth creation with actively managed funds.

Final Insights
A mix of equity, debt, gold, and PPF creates a balanced portfolio.

Stay invested for 10 years to benefit from compounding.

Review your investments every year.

Consider increasing your SIP amount whenever possible.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for better guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Radheshyam Zanwar |1515 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2025Hindi

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Career

I am in 11th standard. I love graphics and 3D animation. Is BDesign a good course to pursue? What are some of the best colleges to study BDes in India? I want to do BDes in animation. What will be my starting salary? My parents are not convinced and want me to do a regular course. What should I tell them?

Ans: Hello Dear.
I am glad to hear that you love 3D animation and graphics and want to pursue a career in it. Many colleges offer diploma courses in this field. If you are an expert, salary is no barrier in this profession. Your parents are understandably not convinced, as you mentioned. It would be wise to focus more on your upcoming state-level and national-level engineering entrance tests to secure admission to a promising computer-related B.Tech course. While pursuing your undergraduate degree, you will learn more about coding, which will enhance your skills in 3D animation and graphics. Merely learning software and its applications will help to build your career to some extent, but in the long term, the chances of failure are higher. Listen to your parents and prioritize admission to top-tier engineering colleges. You are still young to make a life-altering decision at this stage. Best of luck for your bright future. Thank you.
Follow me if you like the reply.
Radheshyam

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay |542 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Question by aman - Apr 03, 2025Hindi

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Career

Hello sir Sir me 2022-23 me 12th pass ho gya tha par mera 75% nhi tha to me 2023 me jee nhi diya. Uske bad me dubra 2024 me improvement de aur first time jee mains April attiamp diya ( appring dal ke) To kya sir me 2026 me jee mains de skta hu

Ans: Yes, a Higher Secondary candidate who passed their Class 12 exam in 2024 can appear for JEE Main in 2026, as long as they also passed in 2025 or are appearing for it in 2026.

Milind Vadjikar |1152 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Question by stuti - Apr 03, 2025Hindi

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Money

I have worked for 5-6 companies from 2000 and each of the companies had PF ; while the most recent ones are aligned and carried forward some very early ones are not ; how do i check the amounts in each of the accts AND align/ carry forward all my PFs into one account(under UAN #) ? i have all PFs nos and other details

Ans: Hello;

If you have an active UAN then you can easily link your previous pf accounts to your UAN by following simple process given on EPFO portal.

You need to access the EPFO portal, navigate to "One Member - One EPF Account (Transfer Request)," verify your details, and initiate the transfer request, ensuring you have your old and current employer's details available.

Best wishes;

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay |542 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Question by Shailu - Apr 03, 2025Hindi

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Career

Hello sir Iam 27 years old I have completed my bsc biotechnology in 2018 I have career gap now I want to start my career my doing a job but how to start from where to start iam not getting it which job suits me please suggest me some courses and jobs

Ans: There is a huge gap of 6+ years. Either go for M.Sc Biotechnology or prepare for competitive exams if your age permits. At least do an online MBA for enhancing your qualification. Best of luck. Professor.........................:)

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay |542 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Question by Aayush - Apr 04, 2025Hindi

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Career

I have given 12th for the FIRST time in 2024 and gave improvement in 2025 Am I eligible for jee advance 2026

Ans: Yes, a Higher Secondary candidate of 2025 can appear for JEE Advanced in 2026, as the eligibility criteria allows for two consecutive attempts after passing the Class 12 or equivalent examination. So you can appear. Professor........:)

Milind Vadjikar |1152 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Question by AYESHA - Apr 04, 2025Hindi

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Money

MY PF IS OF YEAR 2008 WHEN I LEFT JOB I DONT HAVE PF NUMBER ,AADAHR WAS NOT AT THAT TIME HOW CAN I GET MY PF

Ans: Hello;

Contact your employer at that time. They may have records of past employees.

Else visit the EPFO office where your PF account was held and seek support for getting your pf account details.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |1152 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2025Hindi

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Money

I am an 22 year old commerce graduate. I got a job in December. My salary is Rs 16,000 per month. I am ready to invest Rs 2,000 per month. Should I invest in an RD or a chit fund? What about SIPs or mutual funds? Please suggest where to invest and how it can help me.

Ans: Hello;

Chit funds often turn out to be cheat funds so a strict NO.

A RD with a PSU bank is a good way to begin your investment journey.

I recommend you to look at SIPs in mutual funds after your RD matures, you have 6 month of expense coverage as emergency fund and you have bought term life insurance.

Also don't forget to open and invest in NPS for retirement planning.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |1152 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Question by Shubham - Apr 04, 2025Hindi

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Money

Sir, Age: 26 Subject: NPS ( National Pension Scheme) Scheme Choice : LC 75 ( Aggressive Auto Choice) Tier : Tier 1 Pension Fund: ICICI Prudential Pension Fund Current value of scheme : Rs. 57927/- Investing Rs. 5600/- on a monthly basis My goals: Want my portfolio to beat inflation and provide a pension of Rs. 1 lakh monthly ( in hopes that beating inflation value of Rs. 1 lakh does not decrease over time) Time horizon : 34 years Questions: 1. Sir will my NPS scheme beat inflation? 2. Is the Pension Fund ( ICICI Prudential) a good choice or should I shift? 3. Will one lakh pension after 34 years be enough to support my lifestyle? (Assuming that everything pans out smoothly) 4. Judging by today's tax law income up to 12 lakh p.a. is non taxable, will I be taxed on my pension still if the law remains as is? (Hypothetical question) My details : 1.Unmarried, never planning on marriage or kids ever. 2.Current utility bills amount to Rs. 15,000 per month 3. Other expenses Rs. 5-7k per month. 4. I have other investments too, but I want to know if I can rely on NPS in old age or not. With this information alone, is retirement with NPS feasible?

Ans: Hello;

Your current expenses add upto 22 K per month.

After 34 years this amount will be 1.6 L per month considering 6% inflation.

This would need a corpus of 5-6 Cr.

Your current investment would fetch you around 1.2 Cr which is quite low.

You need to invest minimum 25 K per month in NPS to expect 5 Cr+ corpus build after 34 years. (A modest 8% return considered from NPS)

Also you may shift from Auto choice to Active choice so as to ensure 75% allocation to equity upto 50 age.(In Auto choice after 35 age equity allocation is tapered down).

You are allowed to have different fund managers for different asset classes based on their performance in respective category.

Current fund manager looks okay however you need to review performance every year.

For generating retirement corpus it is better to have 2-3 investment avenues rather then a single one.

A mix of EPF/PPF, NPS and MFs should be more appropriate.

Best wishes;

Vipul Bhavsar |54 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi

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Money

I don't have any salary income but I do stock trading and have short term capital gain of two lakh. What exemption I'll get?

Ans: Trading income/loss also needs to be considered
Only 2 Lakhs STCG shall bear NO Tax

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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