Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Bholanath Question by Bholanath on May 20, 2024Hindi
Relationship

Thanks a lot for such a nuanced response to a set of rather complex emotions posed as questions. Now there has been some further developments. First, the interaction has graduated from text chats to frequent voice calls and even video calls. The points of touch have become varied and we are almost in constant touch as in case of two love birds . And the topics have become varied, even often including innuendos involving alluding possible physical intimacy. She has openly started saying that she finds me incredibly attractive even physically! We have been indirectly and lately directly talking about physical meetings and then now she has even set up a rendezvous. She informed me that she had long planned and arranged a travel to a tourist place with a friend long time back and then in passing informed me that she has booked an additional room for me. And requested me to join in. I jumped into the fray and have now booked my tickets. She tells me that her long standing friend on this trip knows about her state of marriage and she is going to tell her that we are in fact lovers !And the stay , for a couple of nights would also include a temple visit together …. Just to reiterate, my friend is no impetuous, love infatuated school girl; she has been the head of a school and has worked in responsible positions. And she also has two grown up children with newly set up families. But she says had it been possible, she would have loved to have a baby with me …. Secondly, I have been mildly persuading the lady to share my profile with her kids- so that they also get to feel that her mother's ex. classmate is also one with accomplishments. Incidentally I have a public profile which could be interesting to the NewGen kids. However, my friend probably doesn’t get the drift or unsure how to share this without having to reveal the intimacy level or doesn’t want to take any step forward now . Thirdly, I also notice that she also remotely keeps track of my activities , whether the maid has come , when I am taking food , whether my health /mood is as in case of a couple . She also sometimes even seems to be getting a little possessive about me , my being in touch with other lady batchmates , mostly in a good humoured manner ! Now in this back drop my questions are these: i) I am a little weary of getting into a physical relationship with a married lady (how so much she may love me ) as it feels unethical , I feel for the partner of the lady and also afraid that both me/ and the lady may also carry a feeling of guilt if we get into a physical relationship in the sly . So what would be the right thing to do on this planned rendezvous to be able to nicely avoid the physical part ? ii)I have been cautioning her to lock her phone lest her family member accidentally read her messages / hear our voice message exchanges. But she seems to have thrown all caution to winds without thinking about consequences. She is in constant touch with me .So how to get over this ? iii)And my hunch is that she would like to continue with the marriage and simultaneously carry on meeting me. to my mind, It doesn’t seem to go any where . So what should I do for letting her know that I expect her to come over in due course in a nice way? iv) I wanted her kids to know me as her mother’s friend , classmate . But she isn’t sharing my profile with them , nor is she interested that we ( her children and me) engage in usual conversation . What is that I need to do to get her think that getting her children to know me could be a good idea? Yours sincerely , Bholanath

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am happy you found my advice helpful. Coming to your current query-

1) If you are not comfortable getting physically intimate, clearly communicating that is the best thing. You both are adults; beating around the bush or making other excuses to avoid getting intimate might come off as disinterest. Clearly expressing your concerns is the right way. Tell your partner that you don't think it's ethical to get intimate with someone who is committed to another man; while you love her, you are not comfortable with that. Instead, you want to focus on emotional intimacy.

2) Seems like that is her choice. You can only caution her and you already did that. The only thing to do here is continue doing so. She is an adult and you can't really do anything more than that.

3) I repeat, communication is the only answer. If it bothers you that she won't leave her husband and settle with you, you have to voice your feelings to her. It isn't easy to leave a marriage, no matter how it is. You can let her know that you don't want to be in a dead-end relationship if that's what is bothering you. I am sure she can handle the truth.

4) She is their mother. She knows what's best for her children. I would recommend not interfering with it. But you can directly ask her why she is not willing to introduce you to them. You might get some clarity.

Best Wishes.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
To start with I am in my early sixties . We have a large WhatsApp group of undergraduate college batchmates where sometimes news about batchmates / their families get posted . A married lady batchmate, located in one of the metro cities reached out to me over phone to offer her condolences / sympathies for loss of a family member that I had suffered . While I didn't personally know the lady , found the gesture empathetic & touching . So when the next physical batch meet took place I sought her out to thank her and we chatted for some time too ! Subsequently , we started being in touch , she mentioned that she found my gesture ( asking her to sit besides me to chat up very affectionate ) both through chat and calls and started sharing about each other , even personal matters . And now it seems that the relationship is moving in to a clear zone of intimacy ! And we talk pretty affectionately and frequently these days and it seems we make a good chatting pair . She is pretty attached to her grown up children and probably with a non intimate, dysfunctional, unsatisfactory marriage dragging on . She says her relationship in her marriage has totally failed right from beginning but she has not been able to do anything about that so far . It seems that the children are with the mother ! I find her balanced, affectionate and would like understand if something akin to a long term relationship /companionship would be possible . So have asked her to share about me, about our mutual feelings to her kids . Have also sounded her that if her husband gets to know about this relationship - it might lead to a family issue including formal break up of her marriage. And I am truly concerned about that . But she is very wishy wishy in her ideas about possible course of action , way forward .And I don't want her to get hurt or disappointed nor I want to be placed in a emotional drag. My questions are 1. Can this relationship go anywhere ? And if yes , what is the minimum expected from her ? 2. Can we be just be chatting friends ? Doesn't seem so as we talk & share as if we are a couple ? 3. What should we both do to avoid any possible emotional trauma to each of us ? (A still active and adorable senior citizen without strings and without a care in the world )
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am glad you found a genuine companion. I understand that you both care a great deal about each other and that is rare in today's day and age. Now coming to your questions-

1) It most definitely can. But that depends on the course of action your partner is willing to take. I assume that neither one of you would like to formally tag it as a relationship till she is married to another man, no matter how the marriage is. So, in that case, your partner must have a clear discussion about the same with her husband and you can proceed from there. But going ahead and having a romantic relationship while she is married to someone else would not be ethical and even when she has every right to seek happiness in her life, it would be her who faces all the societal judgment.

2) You can be two friends chatting with each other. Friends do share a lot, even personal matters. Having said that, it did not sound to me that you are in that platonic friend zone anymore. You have grown to like each other a little more and given the circumstances, it is perfectly alright. But to be more than friends, it is important for your partner to first speak to her current husband and consider separating. But at the end of the day, it is her decision. If she doesn't want to formally end it, you would have two options. One, love each other in secret and never have the chance to show off your love to the world. Two, break it off and either try to remain friends or sever ties altogether.

3) Don't have unrealistic expectations. We are all guilty of it time and again. In this case, even though her marriage isn't perfect- you know and she knows it too- it isn't easy to let go of a relationship people spend years to build. Take things slow and let her make her own decisions. If you expect she will leave her marriage for you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It might happen, but then again, it might not. Focus on being each other's companion. You can't help how you feel, but that does not mean you have to act on it right now.

One more thing- if you can see yourself getting hurt, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship. Every relationship has in its capacity to cause emotional trauma. That's the thing about romance- it can make or break you.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8069 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
Sir please guide the order, IIIT Hyderabad ECE, IIT Kharagpur Mathematics and Computing , or BITS Pilani Mathematics and Computing 5yr. Kindly advise
Ans: Utpal, All three programmes deliver rigorous academics through NAAC/NBA?accredited curricula taught by predominantly PhD?qualified faculty, feature specialized labs (IIIT Hyderabad’s VLSI and communications; IIT KGP’s computational and statistical modeling; BITS Pilani’s data?science and scientific computing facilities), and ensure strong industry linkages with mandatory internships. IIIT Hyderabad ECE achieved a 98.8% BTech placement rate in 2024 with an average package of ?21.39 LPA and top?tier recruiters across telecom and embedded systems. IIT Kharagpur’s five-year Integrated BSc (Hons)+MSc in Mathematics & Computing sustains research-driven learning, placed ~70 students in its inaugural years with an average package of ?21.2 LPA and highest offers exceeding ?1.7 Cr, reflecting its finance-tech recruiter appeal. BITS Pilani’s four-year BE Mathematics & Computing (NIRF #20) offers curriculum flexibility, ~90% first-degree placement consistency, an overall average of ?20.09 LPA and median of ?18 LPA across 500+ recruiters.


For exceptional core?hardware roles and near?universal campus recruitment, the recommendation is IIIT Hyderabad ECE. For a research-intensive, finance-tech pathway with dual-degree depth, choose IIT Kharagpur Mathematics & Computing. Lastly, for broad computational foundations with flexible degree options and strong overall placements, opt for BITS Pilani Mathematics & Computing. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |1580 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8069 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
I got 98.87 in mhtcet , I'm a female obc candidate. Is it possible for admission in coep, vjti, spit, pict for cse, ai-ds, it or lastly entc?? Please recommend a preference order.
Ans: Shifa, With a 98.87 percentile in MHT-CET under the OBC category, you qualify for assured All-India-Quota seats at COEP, VJTI, SPIT and PICT (for ENTC), all of which are NBA/NAAC-accredited with PhD-faculty, advanced labs, strong industry collaborations, mandatory internships and 75–95 percent placement consistency over the last three years. At COEP Pune, CSE closes around 97.68 percentile for GOBCS candidates, and IT and ENTC cutoffs are similarly within reach. VJTI Mumbai’s GOBCS cutoffs for CSE (94.9–96.82 percentile), IT (99.92 percentile for OPENS; roughly 96 percentile GOBCS), and ENTC (99.69 percentile OPENS; ~99 percentile GOBCS) ensure admission viability. SPIT Mumbai’s DEFOBCS cutoff for CSE is 97.85 percentile and GOBCS 98.87 percentile, with ENTC GOBCS at 96.75 percentile. PICT Pune admits GOBCS candidates in ENTC from 98.82 percentile, though CSE, IT and AI & DS require ≥99.5 percentile. Each institute offers robust placement cells engaging top recruiters and modern infrastructure to support both core and tech careers.

For the strongest software-driven outcomes, the recommendation is SPIT Mumbai CSE. Next, prioritize VJTI Mumbai CSE, COEP Pune CSE, SPIT ENTC, VJTI ENTC, and PICT Pune ENTC based on your percentile and placement consistency. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |1580 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8069 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
Sir I've got 93.10 in mhtcet.I'm getting ECE in MIT WPU PUNE with 50 percent scholarship and chemical/material science engineering with 100 scholarship in same college. Which branch should I go for?
Ans: Kumari, MIT WPU Pune’s B.Tech programmes in Electronics & Communication Engineering and Chemical/Materials Science Engineering both hold NBA alignment and AICTE approval, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty in specialized labs—EDA and VLSI labs for ECE, and unit-operations, reaction-engineering and materials-characterization labs for Chemical/Materials Engineering. ECE graduates have achieved 70–80% placement consistency over the past three years, engaging recruiters across telecom, IoT and embedded systems domains, and benefit from mandatory industry internships and a dedicated career-development cell. Chemical/Materials Engineering records around 75–85% branch-wise placements with core-process, biotech and advanced-materials firms, supported by live projects in green chemistry and process simulation, and internships with companies like Reliance and Honeywell. Both branches leverage MIT WPU’s 1,600+ industry connections, experiential “Practice School” model and 80% overall placement median, ensuring strong employability outcomes.

recommendation
Electronics & Communication Engineering is recommended for a technology-driven future that offers broader software-electronics roles and higher median recruiter engagement. If you prefer core-process expertise, materials innovation, and stronger scholarships, choose Chemical/Materials Science Engineering. MY SUGGESTION: Prefer ECE over Chemical/Material. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8069 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2025Hindi
Career
Mathematics and computing in iipe or csc in jntu.. please advice
Ans: IIPE’s B.Tech in Mathematics & Computing is offered by an Institute of National Importance with an interdisciplinary curriculum blending deep mathematical theory and modern computing applications, PhD-qualified faculty drawn from IITs and industry, specialized AI/ML/Data Science labs, mandatory practical projects and a 93.75% placement rate across B.Tech programs. Pros include focused analytics training, small peer cohort, cutting-edge research exposure, strong industry tie-ups in energy-data domains and close mentorship. Cons involve a nascent alumni base, limited program track record, fewer generalist recruiters, lesser brand visibility compared to older IITs, and geographic distance from major tech hubs.
JNTU Hyderabad’s CSE, with NAAC A+ accreditation, offers a comprehensive core-to-emerging-tech syllabus, robust infrastructure (networking, cybersecurity and software-engineering labs), large alumni network, extensive corporate partnerships and an 87.62% UG placement rate with leading recruiters through its dedicated Training & Placement Cell. Pros include proven placement consistency, vast peer and research community, diverse elective options, strong academic reputation and central Hyderabad location. Cons include large batch sizes, bureaucratic processes, less personalized mentorship, curriculum slower to adapt to niche trends and potential campus overcrowding.

For specialized analytics and close mentorship within an Institute of National Importance framework, recommendation is IIPE Mathematics & Computing. If you seek broader recruiter access, a large peer network and established CSE reputation, choose JNTU Hyderabad CSE. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x