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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I have a sort of boyfriend. He tells me he loves me but is holding back because of past trauma and stuff going on in his life. We have had great chemistry too sexually and he's pretty attentive but defers when I talk about relationship. He also tells me that whenever he is ready it will be me. I don't know what to do. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is great that you have found someone you adore. Also, it's amazing of you to give him the space to deal with his issues at his own pace. Having said that, I want to remind you to take care of your own needs too. If you ever feel like you are being dragged without any commitment and that bothers you, you should communicate it to him. And if he still does not want to label your relationship, it is okay to reconsider it. While he is not wrong to need time, you are not wrong to want clarity.

Right now what you can do is sit with him and have a clear discussion. Express your concerns. Let him know that you are concerned about where this relationship is going or you are confused about what you two are to each other. Point out how cooperative you have been with him and ask him to give you a little more clarity because you deserve it. Saying that you will be the one when he is ready can sometimes seem like he is keeping you on the hook without actually intending to get serious. Have the talk. It might be tough but it's necessary.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52. He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him. I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp. When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021. Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough. I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek. He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?
Ans:

Dear VG,

It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.

Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.

What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.

When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.

Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.

Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.

If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.

So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a guy for 5 months. I met him via social media. We know each other since a year. Initially I saw him only as a friend, but we grew close, talked daily for a year, met a few times and decided to date. But I am still confused if he is right for me. It's a long distance relationship and I am not able to connect as much as him. I am not able to decide if I want to spend my life with him. He is too deeply involved, and that scares me, I try to break up because I feel it's not fair to him, but I end up going back to him because I miss him. This continues. I am stuck in a loop, I don't know what to do. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear DJ,

It can be a little difficult to know people through social media as they are at their amazing best there; pictures, videos, status updates usually is for someone else to validate them and possibly does not reflect who they truly are. And yet you call it a relationship? How?

Also, you have chosen to feel guilty for being upfront about it or take a decision to move on.

How much of emotions are invested in this ‘relationship’ or have you grown it in the mind to an extent that doesn’t even exist?

Time to introspect and evaluate:

Who is he?

How much do I know him despite speaking to him every day?

Does his thoughts and idea match mine?

How do you know that he is deeply involved?

Could just feeling lonely be the reason that the two of you are stuck in this?

I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you one thing; there is no future where there is no true love and for true love to grow, one needs to be with another person initially, investing time in one another.

In your case check if the two of you can meet and maybe things might fall into place after that clearing up many of these confusions.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am 36 yrs old divorcee and the person whom I dating from past 4 years is recently divorced (when we started dating, his case was subjudice). From past 1.5 years, his behaviour is on and off. He took a break for 3 months, now also someday he talks and then disappear for days and I constantly supported him by giving him benefit of doubt as he was going through divorce (as I already had gone through that phase). But, even now he is not talking anything about commitment or our future. I am stuck with this. I even started seeing other guys too on matrimonial sites, but find that they too have a commitment phobia. Now, I am hopeless and don't get it what to do? please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry that you are facing so many issues. I understand that it can be frustrating but rest assured it will get better. Coming to the issue you are facing with your partner, I suggest having a clear conversation about it with him. Tell him how you are feeling about his on-again-off-again attitude. Make it clear to him that you won't be waiting forever for him to commit. Do not just say it because you want to give him an ultimatum, rather mean it because you should not compromise your mental health and self-respect for anyone. If your partner still does not change his ways, it might do you good to reconsider the relationship and put down some ground rules.

About the guys you met- in today's dating scene, some people are hesitant about commitment, but it does not mean every single person has the same fear; for instance, take a look at yourself. You are ready to commit. There are many like you. To find like-minded men, try dating apps known for serious relationships. Write a clear bio about what you're looking for to attract the right match. Ask friends and family to set you up with people looking for a committed relationship to save time and energy.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |105 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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