Single Mom Dilemma: To Remarry or Not?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss; the passing on of a spouse almost feels like you live that grief everyday.
Your relatives are simply reacting to what they see as loneliness that you are living and that you can bring a Mother for a child.
Now, the choice of remarrying is a decision that solely must be made by you and your daughter. Relatives think for you but they do not know the consequences of such an important step.
Who is this person that you will be marrying?
Are you okay to take on another lady as your wife?
Will she be fine raising your daughter as her own?
What happens when the two of you decide to have a child of your own?
Is your daughter willing to see another person as a 'mother' figure?

If you choose not to remarry?
Being a girl, will you commit to caring for your daughter in more ways than a father?
How will you associate with her emotions as she goes through puberty and needs you to step in to do what her mother would have done for her at this time?
Do you see yourself going through life by yourself once your daughter leaves home to live her life?

These are just a few questions for you to get you started. You can add many more to both scenarios and play them out in your mind. The answer will emerge from within you.
But let me warn you, never ever remarry to temporarily erase your emptiness OR simply to yield to the demands of relatives to bring a new Mother for your daughter. This is a Disaster Zone and everyone will turn out unhappy.
Second shot at living or creating a life must be taken once you are aware that it will never be compared to your earlier life and that both the women are unique and will be respected by you and all as someone who brings forth new energy and wisdom.

Hope this helps. All the best to you!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am really sorry for your loss. I understand that pressure from family and peers can be stressful, but it's important not to rush into a new relationship simply because others want you to. While their opinions likely stem from concern for you, it's crucial to allow yourself the time and space to grieve your wife's passing.

If your family doesn't understand your decision, it's okay to stand firm. You're an adult capable of discerning what's best for yourself. Stick to your current path and honor your grieving process. Once you believe you have felt all the emotions, processed your loss, and begun to move forward should you consider the possibility of remarrying, but that too, only if you feel like it and are ready for it. Marrying to fill the void, or to take of your kid is never a good idea. I am sure you are doing a great job as a single dad. Trust yourself to make the right decision when the moment is appropriate.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me ask you one thing, if you knew a plane was going to crash, would you still get on it because you are worried you will reach your destination late? No, right? Similarly, if you know this marriage could be really tough on you, with the added responsibilities of a teenager and another soon-to-be teenager, do you still want to go ahead with it, just because you might have to stay alone for a while longer?

I can't really make a decision for you, but I can urge you to rethink this alliance. It's great that you are trying to compromise but do not compromise so much that nothing that you want is given any importance. You cannot ask a father to send his child to a hostel so that you can have some privacy; similarly, no one can force you to raise him as well. The best decision would be to either reconsider the relationship or have an open conversation and come to a middle ground that works for all.

Best Wishes.