Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Was he the one? Still thinking about my ex after 15 years

Anu Krishna |1549 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 14, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi

Hi, I was in a relationship rather I can say love bonding with a man who is 7yrs elder to me. We both loved each other. It was 2yrs of relationship and it was strong from my side. But we had a religious/spiritual constraints to get married . Elders did not agree to get us married. Finally he left because of this reason and married another girl. I was depressed for 2 yrs then gradually came back to normal. My instincts still tell that he liked me but he never reached out to me after that. It’s been 15yrs and I still think of him even though I’m happily married. There is never a single day I don’t think about him. Recently I texted him casually without bringing the past in our conversation. He was chatting normally , but suddenly he restricted me and stopped texting. He came into my life like a rescue as I was mentally very weak facing family issues. I can never forget him For being with me and for having given me happy days atleast until He was with me. I used to Feel so happy to be with him and talk to him all day. Off late I’m thinking of him all the time and want to see him and talk to Him. I know it’s wrong and not good to disturb his life but why not just 10mins to express how I felt when he left me?? I really miss that I am Not able to spend the rest of my life with him.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, you have chosen not to move on...Yes, as hard as that hits you, this is the truth...you are still pining for someone who has clearly moved on. Your attempts at reaching out to him in the hope that he will respond has already been met with disappointment!
Why go through the pain all over again?
Now, let's get to the main point of your LOVE right now...does it not seem that you are finding reasons to be with him...like, he helped me out during this time and that...that you felt happy talking to him all day...
When you base your happiness on anything/anyone outside of you, do know that it is temporary and never ends well...So, rather than basing all your happiness on him, find other reasons to be happy without involving him or anything else.
A bit difficult initially, but not impossible!
De-focus by building strong personal and professional goals for yourself. Reach out to a friend who will be of support as your go through this phase of releasing your past. Physical pain is real, Emotional pain is a choice...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

RelationshipReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu Krishna |1549 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

Question by LM - Nov 08, 2022Hindi

Dear Madam I had a relationship with my childhood friend till last year. We both got married to different people. Due to some misunderstanding he is not talking to me right now. I tried lot from my end to contact him through social media but no response from his side. My intention is why can’t we be friends at least now. His thoughts are torturing me badly and I am suffering with depression now a days. I am trying to get out of this, but I'm unable to do so. Help me out, what should I do now.Pls reply through email only. It should be confidential.

Ans:

Dear LM,

Things have moved for him, and he has clearly decided to move on.

Why choose to pine so much? If it is some misunderstanding, give him time to sort it in his mind and get back to you.

Trying and not getting the expected result will cause you more pain and anguish over the fact that he is not responding because of this and that.

Your mind will search for all reasons to justify your pain and the action that you have taken to reach out to him.

Give this a break. Respect his decision as hard as it maybe for you, but if he somewhere in the future decides to be a friend, let him approach you.

The more you are chasing him, the more it is hitting your self-esteem with the rejection and soon it will start to make you feel bitter. So, Pause and take that break.

And to defocus on this, make sure you spend more time with your existing set of friends, go deeper into work (if you are a working professional), spend more time with your family, develop new hobbies and more…

What all this does is, give the mind an alternate path to focus on…slowly, the pain starts to ease as your focus on him eases…and this is possible only if you willfully choose to ease the pain for yourself.

Your life, your choice…so, be kind on yourself and choose what’s best for your mind and you.

Best wishes!

Relationship

Latest Questions