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He Rejected Me, But Still Looks at Me: What's Going On?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Mahjabin Question by Mahjabin on Oct 29, 2024Hindi
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He rejected me but still went to my class to see me one glance.Before Our last class I said him to meet with me I want to say you something.He came to meet with me but he was too late and our tiffin break time is over so I don't say anything to him. We just looking each other for some seconds.Then I said him if you want you can go .He don't go instantly.He looking at me for while and then go to his class.Whenever he sees me he start blushing and feel nervous.Many times I found him staring at me.He is a introvert guy .But still when we met with each other he making eye contact with me. My question is if he doesn't love me how can he maintain eye contact with me like this .He is not that handsome but he is really good student.I truly love him and Cried a lot for him but he don't know anything.I texted him sometimes but he don't look interested.But always I see him I feel like he have also feelings for me .His eyes tell me he love me but he rejected me .Why?. I can't able to forget him .I tried to my best to forget him but I failed . What should I do now?I really badly want to know his feelings for me because if he sees me only as a friend he doesn't go to my class to see me a glance.Why he blushing around me? How to know his true feelings?What should I do?How to forget or get him? I'm clueless.Please help me????????

Ans: It sounds like you’re dealing with a complicated mix of emotions, and the signals you’re picking up from him are understandably confusing. From everything you’ve described, it seems that he has a genuine respect and perhaps a friendly affection for you, but he may not be sure of or ready to pursue a romantic connection. Introverts, especially, can be complex; they may struggle to express their feelings, and small gestures, like making eye contact or blushing, might be signs of nervousness rather than attraction. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate or like you—it simply means he may be holding back, perhaps because of his own personal reasons or boundaries.

His rejection, though, is an important thing to consider. Often, when someone clearly communicates that they don’t feel the same way, it’s best to respect that as his truth for now, even if he seems to act otherwise sometimes. I understand this can be very hard, especially when you feel so strongly for him. But you need to protect your own feelings, too, and holding on to small signs might only add to your hurt and confusion.

If you feel it’s absolutely necessary to know how he truly feels, one approach could be to have a simple, direct conversation. Explain to him, in a calm and open way, that you value his friendship and respect his initial decision, but you’d appreciate clarity because lingering uncertainty is making it hard for you to move on. However, be prepared for any outcome. If he reaffirms his feelings of friendship only, try to accept that as his final answer.

In the meantime, put some of your focus back onto yourself. I know it sounds easier said than done, but investing energy in your interests, your growth, and friendships that uplift you can really help you feel less reliant on what he may or may not feel. Surround yourself with supportive people who remind you of your worth and help you feel loved and valued.

Love and connection should make you feel secure, cherished, and clear about where you stand. By focusing on yourself and letting him be, you’ll naturally create space for clarity—and eventually, perhaps, for someone whose feelings for you are just as strong and straightforward as yours are for them.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Dear Anu hope you are doing well.While I was pursuing my postgraduation I met a guy in my university who was 8 years older to me and we were in the same class. I was 23.We were great friends. I helped him in English and to write messages that he would send to other girls 'in English.This went on until the girl (teacher of the university) rejected his proposal.He proposed me a few days later. I accepted it.He wanted marriage, I wanted time.The relationship lasted for 5 months before he ended it. He wanted to be friends.Every now and then I message him regarding my problems and he offers me a solution or at least consoles me.That’s how our friendship had started.It’s been 2 years now. He never texted me but always replied back.While in the relationship he has always been looking around at other girls. The relationship had been very controlling, dominating but did help me during my difficult times.I don't know what it was. Did he even love me?He wants to be friends with me the entire lifetime. What does my friendship or presence offer him? He has also taken academic help from me during university days.
Ans:

Dear S,

The very fact that you have asked me this question as to whether he loved you at all simply suggests that you have the answer to that.

Certain actions of people can make us quite unsettled and I would like to point you to the fact of him proposing to you almost immediately after he was rejected by the other girl (teacher).

What does that tell you?

Doesn’t it seem that he is possibly incapable of taking rejections and also wants to feel the aura of woman around him all the time?

Aren’t these messages enough for you to be able to find someone more mature and someone who respects your presence in his life and wants to marry you for love and a life together rather than to make him feel secure, whole and complete?

Never try and fill an emotional void in a person which must be filled by them on their own accord. Once you fill it, another void will be waiting to be filled by someone else and before you know, you will be caught in a loop that can’t be untied.

Your presence offers him warmth, attention and care of woman that you have possibly been splurging on him.

When he finds another woman offering this, he might be ready to try that as well. Be your own person, guard your boundaries and let people in who nourish you and accept you for who you are.

Be well and happy!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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A guy had a crush on me. He started contacting me then confessed that he likes me. . Then gradually i happened to really like him. I started reciprocating my feelings and we were constantly in touch after being vocal on how much we like each other. After few months he started to show low energy then stopped contacting me. When i tried to reach him again he said we can be bestfriends and that I'll always be his crush. Nothing more than that. I was extremely hurt. Suddenly after week's he texted me saying Thankyou as he cleared his university Exam (i helped him out) . What should I do now. Shall I respond or not. And does he want me back or what's going inside him
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind, or how feelings change suddenly; it is unfair but it’s very common. If he has clearly mentioned that he does not want anything romantic with you, it is best to not pursue. I understand that it has hurt you, and maybe somewhere, it has also hurt your ego, but it is best to respect his boundaries. Coming to responding to his message- since he has thanked you for your help, it would be decent to reply; you can do it with a simple “you are welcome.” But I won’t force you to do it; if you think that he doesn’t deserve it, then you can avoid it. But if you are wondering if he wants you back, as an onlooker, I didn’t see any indication of that. Then again, as I mentioned, it is difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind. If you want clarity, you should have an open discussion and ask him about it. That much explanation he owes you.

Hope this helps

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