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41-year-old woman confused by man's mixed signals in arranged marriage

Anu Krishna |1488 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

"Ma'am, I am a 41-year-old woman, and I met a 43-year-old man for an arranged marriage setup. The man and his family were very happy after meeting me and my family, and the man took my number when he was leaving. This all happened after the first meeting, but after 10 days, his response was negative. However, he still saved my number and keeps checking my status."

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's most likely that he and his family were being very polite to your face and then went home to discuss that this alliance will not be right...
Ignore, move on...So, what if he checks your status? Do you think that he is interested? Do you not check the status of other people? It's done and over...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi

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I am 33 year old women and have been looking for matches in matrimony from year 2021 but was not getting suitable matches. Got connected with multiple profile but it didn't workout well.Just last month i saw one profile i liked it and sent request. My request got accepted and then i shared the contact no with my dad which was registered on matrimony. My dad called his dad and discussed about profiles and they liked it. Now the guy is in USA and his dad said he will be coming back next year. Till then his dad said let them connect on video call. So his dad shared my contact no with him and said he will call me. 2 days passed but he didn't call so my dad informed his dad and his dad called him and then he said he is quite busy in work and will ping me either in weekdays if free or on weekends. But then i didn't receive any reply and then again my dad called them after 10 days and asked why their son has not called yet so his dad also said he is busy but he will definetly call her and till then as per their earlier request we also said if you want to come and meet the family then can do that.so his dad said if we don't have any plan for the next week on weekends[i.e on 24th nov] then we will surely come but then on 23rd nov my dad called them regarding the meet and then they said they are out so mostly will not be able to come tomorrow and his dad said i will ask son to talk to your daughter first today. After this there was no conversation bcoz his son didn't call. Later when i searched him on facebook coincidently on one of his post i saw his contact number and i checked on whatsapp and then i came to know he has saved my contact no. But then i am confused why he haven't called me yet. First time i have got some good vibes about someone but this is really killing me. I was doing lot of overthinking then i asked my dad again if we can ask his contact number and my dad said no this will look desperate to them. I already have his contact number but confused like should i text him what can be the consequences.Lots of thoughts running into my mind. Please help me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, there is no hard and fast rule that says that men have to make the first move. If you like someone, you can easily give him a call or drop a text. If a man finds that desperate, you should not settle for someone like that.

Next, judging by the series of events, I would say there is a good chance of either of two things happening- first, he might actually be very busy. But I don't think people are ever so busy that they can't take five minutes of their time to make a call. But then again, you are still strangers and hence, you are not his priority currently. Second, they might be breadcrumbing you. Just giving you enough hope to keep you hooked while they search for more potential matches. The most concerning thing is that the entire family can't keep their word or have the decency to inform about the change of plans.

Your father is not wrong; right now if you contact him after he has repeatedly failed to contact you, it will not look good, and worse, you will not feel good about it. My question is, do you really want a man like this? I know you have been trying for a while and not getting good results can be frustrating, but that does not mean you have to settle for this. I truly believe you deserve better. You can wait some more and see where it goes, but I strongly suggest not pursuing things from your end anymore. Let them do so if they are truly interested. Suppose they don't, understand that you have dodged a bullet.

Best Wishes.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Question by Ganesh - Feb 01, 2025Hindi

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Hi mam, I liked onw girl whose iet in my office 3 years back . We didn't talk much as she is speaking different language. We used to talk oly work related thinav.i texted her many time personally and she is not responsible properly.but she will reply anyways.one day we all oru team went to mall and played a bowling game including her..that day that cherish moment everyone is happy..that day I fell for her. Use to text her random days regularly.one day I asked her that do you have bf.. she said no and asked me like this" did you saw anay post i put with a guy ". So we used to talk 3 to 4 days a week.the main thing is she and me not at the same location. She left the city afterwe all went to the mall and enjoying one day evening at there. She resigned job because she wanted to do mba..so she came to office where I was at to submit the laptop. I met her..went canteen had some snacks she is in hurry anyways she submitted laptops and she left..after that she called me to take the photos..but we didn't meet. She left the city saying that she will meet next time. One day while chatting I opened up about I liked her. She is laughing

Ans: Dear Ganesh,
She may not have feelings for you like the way you have for her. The only way is to find out by telling her how you feel and see how she responds.

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2025

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I am 26 year old male Unable to control the physical intimacy urge I am unmarried and I don't have relationship. How to control it. Sometimes it is hard that I don't have have relationship and other people are having situationship and having physical intimacy before marriage Is there solution for this.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown man and need not be advised on how to deal with physical urges when you are not in a relationship. Do just that...
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi

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I am a 60 year old lady,financially independent. Almost 2 years ago I got my son married to a girl who posed to be a brilliant student.She was tactfully painted and looked pretty.Just2 days after marriage when she took out her make up,I was shocked to discover that she is extremely plain looking.Within 1 month she gained 10 kgs and now she is 100 kgs.This occording to her is her normal weight We are all working in the house.She does'nt clear any entrance exam so as to get admission anywhere.She prefers to stay at home but doesn't help in household chores. She spends her time on Netflix. Despite explining to her politely she refuses to be active I want my son to take divorce from her and remarry. Am I wrong in anyway if I want my son to spend his life with a prettier lifecpartner who can stand by him in all aspects of life especially when is only 34 tears old

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As concerned you are for your son, to be with his wife or not must be his decision and not yours.
And as far her behavior is concerned, kindly request your son to take this up with his wife. It is his job to ensure that she is comfortable at home and also adding value to a new family system. So, let his do his job as well...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1488 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2025Hindi

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Hy iam 27 years old my husband has medical problems so that he has to live with my mil atleast 3 months and mil always try to bad baking about me to my husband and try to control me. She always pries her daughter and insult me always even my sister in-law hisband allways try to control our life. My mil wants me to give respect to her daughter and son-in-law but they never respect me all ways bake beching me and try to finsh my and my husband relationship ple tell me what to do is it ok live my husband with mil for 3month

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Why should your husband live with his mother when he is unwell? Why can't you and he manage this situation yourselves?
When a husband and a wife work through a challenge together, it can make their marriage stronger.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1488 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Question by Nibedita - Feb 03, 2025Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu I am a married woman with a very supportive husband and daughter. For last 10 years I am having an affair with a colleague and things are pretty well between us. Both of us have found the comfort and requisite from each other which we missed in married life and it saved our respective marriage though none of our family are aware of it. We balanced this till now effectively. Recently I got an opportunity within the company which is very lucrative and will enhance my career goals altogether however, for this I have to shift to another state. Now , my bf is very upset on this as it means he will not be able to meet me as we do every day. My husband and Daughter is fine with my shifting however my parents who are old are also apprehensive since I am the only child and do take care of them. My husband has assured to support them in absence of me and I have full confidence on him. All throughout my life I have focused on my professional career and have worked towards that and now when I got this opportunity I am emotionally unstable and unable to take the decision. My dilemma is surrounding various aspects. 1- Don’t want to leave my BF as he is my strength. 2- My parents are old and since I being the only child,they ae 3- If I could not perform in the new role then? 4- The daily hardship that I have to take over in a new place as my husband will not shift. 5- Remuneration wise not as such however if you say power then yes. Learning – knowledge enhancement and career upliftment - yes very much. 6- Current role will not grow much however stability as of now do exists. Can you help me to take the decision ?

Ans: Dear Nibedita,
What is important to you and what helps you grow professionally and personally must be looked at? Constraints are always going to play a role BUT working around it may help you make a decision. If professionally you are going to grow into the role and for this you need to work around things for the time being, then you must do just that. But in all this, do factor that you have a daughter who is still young and will need your presence a lot; physically and emotionally.
Now, how you work this with your BF is something that is between the two of you; but it's not power or money BUT how you grow in your new role.
Also, talk to your family and come to an arrangement whereby they also become your pillar of strength and support. You will then be able to come to a viable decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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