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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |484 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Harshita Question by Harshita on Jun 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

i am an neet aspirant in class 11th and i want to take a single room on rent for preparation because i don't want any disturbance but my family is not allowing me to do so because i am a girl and i can't live alone in the rented room. Also they are not allowing me to join hostel too and at home i can't able to focus cuz of guests gathering and in this relation , my parents said that you have endure and live at home even my home doesn't have a separate room too for me. they said that we have a joint family and you can't say someone not to come home.I don't know what its really hard for me to prepare from home in so much distractions . I don't know what to do and i am really frustrated becz of this but they are not ready to listen becz they always thought that they are always correct . they never tried to understand me

Ans: Dear Harshita
Best of luck for your exams!

Balancing your preparation for such a demanding exam like NEET with the dynamics of living in a joint family can be incredibly tough, especially when you don’t have a quiet space to focus.

Your desire to have a dedicated and peaceful study environment is completely understandable, and it's frustrating when you feel your needs aren't being acknowledged. NEET preparation requires a lot of concentration and consistency, and it’s clear you’re trying to set yourself up for success by seeking a quiet place to study.

It seems your family’s concerns are rooted in traditional views about safety and the roles of girls, which can be a difficult barrier to navigate. They want to protect you, but their protective instincts are clashing with your need for independence and a conducive study environment. It's also challenging because their stance seems inflexible, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported.

In situations like this, it can help to approach the conversation from a place of understanding. Try to express your needs calmly and clearly, showing that you understand their concerns but also need their support to achieve your goals. Perhaps you could propose a compromise, such as finding a nearby library or study center where you can go daily, which might address their safety concerns while providing you with the quiet space you need.

Another approach could be suggesting study times at home when the house is quieter, or discussing with family members the importance of creating a study-friendly environment for you. Sometimes, explaining how critical this phase is for your future might help them see the importance of supporting your study needs.

It's also essential to manage your frustration and stress levels. Finding small moments of peace, practicing relaxation techniques, or even reaching out to friends who are supportive can provide some emotional relief.

Remember, you’re striving for something significant, and your determination is commendable. Continue to seek ways to communicate effectively with your family and look for any potential middle ground that can help you focus on your studies while respecting their concerns.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |120 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi sir, I am 42 years old married. Living along with father and mother. My father is retired and mother is housewife. Since long I am not speaking with father because of his rude and illogical behavior, and since mother always takes fathers side so stopped speaking with mother too. We all are living in same flat along with my wife and children. I do not know how to deal with father and mother since they do not want to live separate also. Because of behaviour of father and mother our relatives also do not come to home. Please guide us since I do not know how to behave. One side I wanted to be good son and other side not able to bear the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your situation. It's clear that you deeply value your role as a good son, yet you’re feeling trapped in a challenging environment. Balancing respect for your parents with your own emotional well-being requires patience and a plan. Let’s approach this step by step.

Understanding the Dynamics
Your Father’s Behavior:
His rudeness or illogical behavior may stem from age, personality, or even deeper frustrations that he hasn't expressed. Often, retired individuals struggle with feelings of lost authority or purpose, which may manifest as controlling or negative behavior.

Your Mother’s Role:
Your mother’s tendency to side with your father might not mean she agrees with him entirely but could reflect her way of maintaining peace. She might feel torn but unable to express it openly.

Your Feelings:
It’s important to acknowledge that your frustration is valid. However, remaining in silence and avoiding communication won’t resolve the underlying issues. It may actually deepen the distance.

Steps to Address the Situation
Break the Silence Gradually:
Start by speaking with your mother in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you feel without placing blame. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as:

“I’ve been feeling very disconnected, and I miss having open communication with you and Dad. I want us to understand each other better.”

Initiate a Calm Conversation with Your Father:
Timing is key. Choose a moment when he is relaxed. Keep the focus on your desire to improve the relationship rather than pointing out his faults. For instance:

“Dad, I know we’ve had our differences, but I value our relationship. I’d like us to find ways to communicate better.”

Set Boundaries Respectfully:
If certain behaviors trigger conflict, it’s okay to set boundaries. Communicate them kindly but firmly, such as:

“I’d appreciate it if we could avoid certain topics that lead to arguments. I think it will help us get along better.”

Involve Your Wife and Children:
Encourage your wife to participate in creating a positive environment. Small gestures, like involving your parents in family activities or decisions, can help them feel included and respected.

Bridge the Gap with Relatives:
Relatives may stay away because of the tension at home. Once you begin rebuilding communication with your parents, invite close relatives for small gatherings to create a more welcoming atmosphere.

Consider Mediation or Counseling:
If direct conversations don’t lead to improvements, involving a neutral mediator, such as a family counselor, can help address issues in a structured way.

Changing Your Perspective
Your parents’ behavior may not change overnight, but your approach can influence the dynamic. Remember, it’s not about winning arguments but about fostering harmony. Small, consistent efforts to connect, like sharing meals or discussing lighter topics, can gradually ease the tension.

Taking Care of Yourself
While rebuilding family relationships, don’t forget your own mental and emotional health. Find time for activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s hobbies, spending time with your wife and kids, or seeking support from friends.

Relationships with parents can be complex, especially when expectations clash. However, by taking the first step and showing willingness to reconnect, you can slowly shift the situation. It’s a process, but the effort is worth it.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am I have suffered a lot with my parents since childhood they never allowed me to go outside with friends. I have never even attended a birthday party of my friends. They never want me to be independent and do something which I like to. Even on lockdown time they don't allow me to go to the terrace of my own house because they think I will talk with someone. Now I am doing a job in my city only but they also force me every day to leave that job because the are super unhappy that I am not dependent on them financially. I have a boyfriend and want to marry him but they will not agree to that also as it will be a intercaste marriage. And I will let them know about this they will house arrest me. My father also told me that even if I got a job of 1000k per month he is not going to allow me to do that. He just want me to stay in home do help my mother on house hold work and get married to his choice boy. I really love my boyfriend he is the one who supported me till now please help me that how can I get out of my house and get married to him. Also his parents are very supportive for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown-up...what makes you want to heed to your family's drama? Are you unsure of whether you will be able to make it without your family's support?
It's your life and if you know what you want of it and out of it, then do the things that make it happen. Take decisions and stick by them...
You clearly know what the issue is from your parents (from what you have shared here). When you are able to express it here to me, what stops you from actually telling your parents how you feel about the way they treat you? What will happen if you tell them that they are being obstacles in your happiness path?
Sometimes people; even if they are your parents must be told not to cross the line especially if it has begun to hamper your life's growth path. Be bold and firm...The biggest thing on your side is that your boyfriend and his family are in support of you. What more do you want?
Never heed to emotional blackmail from anyone even your own family. Your parents hold a great level of control over you and you have given them that power to do so...how much longer? Now when its' time for you to create your life, make sure what and how you include people in them.
Don't confront your parents, simply tell them that you are old enough to take decisions for yourself and that you would love if they supported you. If they don't and start their drama, you know what you must do...Build your life...

All the best!

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1139 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am a 17 years old student of PCB i took addmission in Kota for prep of neet but messed my 1 year then i asked my parents to tranfer to hometown but they didn't now its about 6 months in 12th board i forcefully got back to my home but not from last 1 month they continuously say that you can't do it and so on. Now i also feel because my 11th messed up half 12th messed up now i started preparing but now they don't support any more and also they denied that they will not allow me to drop 1 year ??
Ans: Hello.
Those who leave their homes town and shift to either Kota or any other city for the preparation of NEE/JEE, happen with many students. Nothing new happens with you also. Unable to understand, you messed 1st year in Kota? Despite your request, your parents did not respond to you on time. It seems that there is a lot of communication between you and your parents or there might be confusion from either side. Now, either forcefully or with consent, you are shifted to your hometown. It is suggested that, by staying at home town, take the help of local teachers and focus of studies. If possible, join a test series with reputed offline/online platforms. Keep all other worries/aspects aside for the coming few months. Before appearing for the examination, there is no need to think about taking a drop.
Best of luck for your future and coming NEE examination

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam.

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