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Kanchan Rai  |276 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Harshita Question by Harshita on Jun 10, 2024Hindi
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i am an neet aspirant in class 11th and i want to take a single room on rent for preparation because i don't want any disturbance but my family is not allowing me to do so because i am a girl and i can't live alone in the rented room. Also they are not allowing me to join hostel too and at home i can't able to focus cuz of guests gathering and in this relation , my parents said that you have endure and live at home even my home doesn't have a separate room too for me. they said that we have a joint family and you can't say someone not to come home.I don't know what its really hard for me to prepare from home in so much distractions . I don't know what to do and i am really frustrated becz of this but they are not ready to listen becz they always thought that they are always correct . they never tried to understand me

Ans: Dear Harshita
Best of luck for your exams!

Balancing your preparation for such a demanding exam like NEET with the dynamics of living in a joint family can be incredibly tough, especially when you don’t have a quiet space to focus.

Your desire to have a dedicated and peaceful study environment is completely understandable, and it's frustrating when you feel your needs aren't being acknowledged. NEET preparation requires a lot of concentration and consistency, and it’s clear you’re trying to set yourself up for success by seeking a quiet place to study.

It seems your family’s concerns are rooted in traditional views about safety and the roles of girls, which can be a difficult barrier to navigate. They want to protect you, but their protective instincts are clashing with your need for independence and a conducive study environment. It's also challenging because their stance seems inflexible, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported.

In situations like this, it can help to approach the conversation from a place of understanding. Try to express your needs calmly and clearly, showing that you understand their concerns but also need their support to achieve your goals. Perhaps you could propose a compromise, such as finding a nearby library or study center where you can go daily, which might address their safety concerns while providing you with the quiet space you need.

Another approach could be suggesting study times at home when the house is quieter, or discussing with family members the importance of creating a study-friendly environment for you. Sometimes, explaining how critical this phase is for your future might help them see the importance of supporting your study needs.

It's also essential to manage your frustration and stress levels. Finding small moments of peace, practicing relaxation techniques, or even reaching out to friends who are supportive can provide some emotional relief.

Remember, you’re striving for something significant, and your determination is commendable. Continue to seek ways to communicate effectively with your family and look for any potential middle ground that can help you focus on your studies while respecting their concerns.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2023Hindi
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My age is 42 years now. I am an elder son in my family, then my sister and two younger brothers. My father was a clerk in state govt. office. Being an elder son I did all my duties at par with my father. I spent my entire 9 years’ salary on my family, it includes sister marriage, brothers education (Engineering/Polytechnic), their coaching for competitive exams, books other monthly expenses. Under my guidance they both got job. I also performed co-applicant to Education loan to one of my brother. But now my father, mother and brothers betrayed (Beyimaan). Because my younger brother’s wife was selected in state govt. job and my wife is not employed. They kicked off us from their house. All it happens like TV serial. Now my wife also get job in central government under my guidance. My family member also did same with my younger brother and kicked - off them also. Now they ask me to live with them. I am very much in stress. I want to totally detach with my family. I want to close my all relationships with them. I also don’t want my father’s property. But every now and then they call me. They never help me. We live in same city. Please help me out. I don’t want to be part of B. P. and Sugar patient. I want to be a Vinod Khanna dialogue Parva Nahi from film Dayavan.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time for you to do things for yourself! It may seem selfish at the beginning but taking care of yourself and your needs is self-care above everything else...
For once put your needs before everyone else's and resist any sort of manipulation from family. Serving themselves was their agenda at your expense; why still allow it?
Firmly refuse moving in with them as it won't take them long before they kick you out when things are not in their favour. You have the ability to be by yourself and support yourself...maintaining a healthy distance in fact helps relationships grow stronger. So, time for you to be kind to yourself...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma'am I have suffered a lot with my parents since childhood they never allowed me to go outside with friends. I have never even attended a birthday party of my friends. They never want me to be independent and do something which I like to. Even on lockdown time they don't allow me to go to the terrace of my own house because they think I will talk with someone. Now I am doing a job in my city only but they also force me every day to leave that job because the are super unhappy that I am not dependent on them financially. I have a boyfriend and want to marry him but they will not agree to that also as it will be a intercaste marriage. And I will let them know about this they will house arrest me. My father also told me that even if I got a job of 1000k per month he is not going to allow me to do that. He just want me to stay in home do help my mother on house hold work and get married to his choice boy. I really love my boyfriend he is the one who supported me till now please help me that how can I get out of my house and get married to him. Also his parents are very supportive for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown-up...what makes you want to heed to your family's drama? Are you unsure of whether you will be able to make it without your family's support?
It's your life and if you know what you want of it and out of it, then do the things that make it happen. Take decisions and stick by them...
You clearly know what the issue is from your parents (from what you have shared here). When you are able to express it here to me, what stops you from actually telling your parents how you feel about the way they treat you? What will happen if you tell them that they are being obstacles in your happiness path?
Sometimes people; even if they are your parents must be told not to cross the line especially if it has begun to hamper your life's growth path. Be bold and firm...The biggest thing on your side is that your boyfriend and his family are in support of you. What more do you want?
Never heed to emotional blackmail from anyone even your own family. Your parents hold a great level of control over you and you have given them that power to do so...how much longer? Now when its' time for you to create your life, make sure what and how you include people in them.
Don't confront your parents, simply tell them that you are old enough to take decisions for yourself and that you would love if they supported you. If they don't and start their drama, you know what you must do...Build your life...

All the best!

..Read more

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