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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Harshita Question by Harshita on Jun 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

i am an neet aspirant in class 11th and i want to take a single room on rent for preparation because i don't want any disturbance but my family is not allowing me to do so because i am a girl and i can't live alone in the rented room. Also they are not allowing me to join hostel too and at home i can't able to focus cuz of guests gathering and in this relation , my parents said that you have endure and live at home even my home doesn't have a separate room too for me. they said that we have a joint family and you can't say someone not to come home.I don't know what its really hard for me to prepare from home in so much distractions . I don't know what to do and i am really frustrated becz of this but they are not ready to listen becz they always thought that they are always correct . they never tried to understand me

Ans: Dear Harshita
Best of luck for your exams!

Balancing your preparation for such a demanding exam like NEET with the dynamics of living in a joint family can be incredibly tough, especially when you don’t have a quiet space to focus.

Your desire to have a dedicated and peaceful study environment is completely understandable, and it's frustrating when you feel your needs aren't being acknowledged. NEET preparation requires a lot of concentration and consistency, and it’s clear you’re trying to set yourself up for success by seeking a quiet place to study.

It seems your family’s concerns are rooted in traditional views about safety and the roles of girls, which can be a difficult barrier to navigate. They want to protect you, but their protective instincts are clashing with your need for independence and a conducive study environment. It's also challenging because their stance seems inflexible, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported.

In situations like this, it can help to approach the conversation from a place of understanding. Try to express your needs calmly and clearly, showing that you understand their concerns but also need their support to achieve your goals. Perhaps you could propose a compromise, such as finding a nearby library or study center where you can go daily, which might address their safety concerns while providing you with the quiet space you need.

Another approach could be suggesting study times at home when the house is quieter, or discussing with family members the importance of creating a study-friendly environment for you. Sometimes, explaining how critical this phase is for your future might help them see the importance of supporting your study needs.

It's also essential to manage your frustration and stress levels. Finding small moments of peace, practicing relaxation techniques, or even reaching out to friends who are supportive can provide some emotional relief.

Remember, you’re striving for something significant, and your determination is commendable. Continue to seek ways to communicate effectively with your family and look for any potential middle ground that can help you focus on your studies while respecting their concerns.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi sir, I am 42 years old married. Living along with father and mother. My father is retired and mother is housewife. Since long I am not speaking with father because of his rude and illogical behavior, and since mother always takes fathers side so stopped speaking with mother too. We all are living in same flat along with my wife and children. I do not know how to deal with father and mother since they do not want to live separate also. Because of behaviour of father and mother our relatives also do not come to home. Please guide us since I do not know how to behave. One side I wanted to be good son and other side not able to bear the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your situation. It's clear that you deeply value your role as a good son, yet you’re feeling trapped in a challenging environment. Balancing respect for your parents with your own emotional well-being requires patience and a plan. Let’s approach this step by step.

Understanding the Dynamics
Your Father’s Behavior:
His rudeness or illogical behavior may stem from age, personality, or even deeper frustrations that he hasn't expressed. Often, retired individuals struggle with feelings of lost authority or purpose, which may manifest as controlling or negative behavior.

Your Mother’s Role:
Your mother’s tendency to side with your father might not mean she agrees with him entirely but could reflect her way of maintaining peace. She might feel torn but unable to express it openly.

Your Feelings:
It’s important to acknowledge that your frustration is valid. However, remaining in silence and avoiding communication won’t resolve the underlying issues. It may actually deepen the distance.

Steps to Address the Situation
Break the Silence Gradually:
Start by speaking with your mother in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you feel without placing blame. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as:

“I’ve been feeling very disconnected, and I miss having open communication with you and Dad. I want us to understand each other better.”

Initiate a Calm Conversation with Your Father:
Timing is key. Choose a moment when he is relaxed. Keep the focus on your desire to improve the relationship rather than pointing out his faults. For instance:

“Dad, I know we’ve had our differences, but I value our relationship. I’d like us to find ways to communicate better.”

Set Boundaries Respectfully:
If certain behaviors trigger conflict, it’s okay to set boundaries. Communicate them kindly but firmly, such as:

“I’d appreciate it if we could avoid certain topics that lead to arguments. I think it will help us get along better.”

Involve Your Wife and Children:
Encourage your wife to participate in creating a positive environment. Small gestures, like involving your parents in family activities or decisions, can help them feel included and respected.

Bridge the Gap with Relatives:
Relatives may stay away because of the tension at home. Once you begin rebuilding communication with your parents, invite close relatives for small gatherings to create a more welcoming atmosphere.

Consider Mediation or Counseling:
If direct conversations don’t lead to improvements, involving a neutral mediator, such as a family counselor, can help address issues in a structured way.

Changing Your Perspective
Your parents’ behavior may not change overnight, but your approach can influence the dynamic. Remember, it’s not about winning arguments but about fostering harmony. Small, consistent efforts to connect, like sharing meals or discussing lighter topics, can gradually ease the tension.

Taking Care of Yourself
While rebuilding family relationships, don’t forget your own mental and emotional health. Find time for activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s hobbies, spending time with your wife and kids, or seeking support from friends.

Relationships with parents can be complex, especially when expectations clash. However, by taking the first step and showing willingness to reconnect, you can slowly shift the situation. It’s a process, but the effort is worth it.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1482 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am I have suffered a lot with my parents since childhood they never allowed me to go outside with friends. I have never even attended a birthday party of my friends. They never want me to be independent and do something which I like to. Even on lockdown time they don't allow me to go to the terrace of my own house because they think I will talk with someone. Now I am doing a job in my city only but they also force me every day to leave that job because the are super unhappy that I am not dependent on them financially. I have a boyfriend and want to marry him but they will not agree to that also as it will be a intercaste marriage. And I will let them know about this they will house arrest me. My father also told me that even if I got a job of 1000k per month he is not going to allow me to do that. He just want me to stay in home do help my mother on house hold work and get married to his choice boy. I really love my boyfriend he is the one who supported me till now please help me that how can I get out of my house and get married to him. Also his parents are very supportive for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown-up...what makes you want to heed to your family's drama? Are you unsure of whether you will be able to make it without your family's support?
It's your life and if you know what you want of it and out of it, then do the things that make it happen. Take decisions and stick by them...
You clearly know what the issue is from your parents (from what you have shared here). When you are able to express it here to me, what stops you from actually telling your parents how you feel about the way they treat you? What will happen if you tell them that they are being obstacles in your happiness path?
Sometimes people; even if they are your parents must be told not to cross the line especially if it has begun to hamper your life's growth path. Be bold and firm...The biggest thing on your side is that your boyfriend and his family are in support of you. What more do you want?
Never heed to emotional blackmail from anyone even your own family. Your parents hold a great level of control over you and you have given them that power to do so...how much longer? Now when its' time for you to create your life, make sure what and how you include people in them.
Don't confront your parents, simply tell them that you are old enough to take decisions for yourself and that you would love if they supported you. If they don't and start their drama, you know what you must do...Build your life...

All the best!

..Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1175 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am a 17 years old student of PCB i took addmission in Kota for prep of neet but messed my 1 year then i asked my parents to tranfer to hometown but they didn't now its about 6 months in 12th board i forcefully got back to my home but not from last 1 month they continuously say that you can't do it and so on. Now i also feel because my 11th messed up half 12th messed up now i started preparing but now they don't support any more and also they denied that they will not allow me to drop 1 year ??
Ans: Hello.
Those who leave their homes town and shift to either Kota or any other city for the preparation of NEE/JEE, happen with many students. Nothing new happens with you also. Unable to understand, you messed 1st year in Kota? Despite your request, your parents did not respond to you on time. It seems that there is a lot of communication between you and your parents or there might be confusion from either side. Now, either forcefully or with consent, you are shifted to your hometown. It is suggested that, by staying at home town, take the help of local teachers and focus of studies. If possible, join a test series with reputed offline/online platforms. Keep all other worries/aspects aside for the coming few months. Before appearing for the examination, there is no need to think about taking a drop.
Best of luck for your future and coming NEE examination

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam.

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Inderpaul

Inderpaul Singh  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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I’m 30, working as an assistant manager in a retail chain in Mumbai. Recently, I’ve been given more responsibilities but I feel unsure about leading a larger team. I want to give my best and prove myself worthy of a promotion. What should I focus on to prepare for managerial role?
Ans: Hello
I assume you would already have some supervisory experience since you have been working in a managerial position. But yes the dynamics of handling a larger work force may be bit different. Each person will have a different leadership style suited to his/her personality & work needs. Since I am unaware of your exact job, deliverables, span of control, hierarchy etc. I am giving a general template to be an effective team lead:- 1) Know your team well - the importance of this one element cannot be over-emphasized enough, while simple it may look, most people fail to get this piece right & hence struggle. Knowing doesn't just mean names but in depth understanding of each team members' background, family, education, strengths/weaknesses so on so forth. This is the building block for effective leadership. 2) List out clear & unique deliverables for each member - A person cannot act clearly if the goals are ambiguous in the first place. Put ample effort to clearly enunciate the job roles. 3) Avoid micro management - This one element keeps most people from becoming an effective leader. As you go up in span, you need to be liberal in giving up the manual controls & instead put robust systems to take care such as reviews, reports etc. 4) Regular & quality feedback sessions - Feedback sessions should be regular, objective & should focus on real improvement inputs rather nit picking mistakes/making personal comments. 5) Reward/Recognition - Instant reward/acknowledgement of good work/performance (something as simple as weekly recognition in a group meet goes a long way in building performance culture). 6) Managing Poor Performance - Equally important is to effectively manage poor performers by having a structured performance improvement plans (PIPs) & exit process for laggards . Transparency & objectivity are the keys here.

As true for most skills, team management skills also evolve with time & a person continues to get better at it with experience with regular and honest retrospection/introspection of situations/actions/outcomes.

All the Best !

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Anu Krishna  |1482 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Money
I am Lisha a kg teacher. I have debt of 40 lakhs. I have net income 25000. How can I manage to recover from debt? Please reply
Ans: Understanding the Debt Situation

You have a total debt of Rs. 40 lakhs.

Your net income is Rs. 25,000 per month.

Managing this situation requires planning, discipline, and action.

The key focus should be reducing high-interest loans first.

Increasing income is also necessary to speed up debt repayment.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

List all loans with their interest rates and EMI amounts.

Identify which loans have the highest interest rates.

Prioritise paying off the costliest loan first.

If you have multiple high-interest loans, consider debt consolidation.

Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for daily expenses.

Reducing Monthly Interest Burden

Rs. 40 lakh debt with Rs. 25,000 income is a serious imbalance.

Your monthly interest burden alone can be unmanageable.

Speak with lenders and request lower interest rates.

Negotiate for an extended loan tenure to reduce EMI.

Avoid late payments to prevent penalties and additional charges.

Earning More Income

With Rs. 25,000 monthly income, repaying Rs. 40 lakh is tough.

Look for additional income sources, even part-time jobs.

Explore online tutoring, weekend coaching, or freelance work.

If possible, upskill to apply for a higher-paying job.

Can you take extra classes at school for additional earnings?

Find small home-based businesses like craft-making or baking.

Use any skills you have to create an extra income stream.

Cutting Down Expenses

Reduce unnecessary expenses wherever possible.

Limit non-essential spending like dining out, entertainment, and subscriptions.

Look for cheaper alternatives for daily expenses.

Create a strict monthly budget and track every expense.

Save on electricity, fuel, and shopping wherever possible.

Avoid personal luxuries until your financial situation improves.

Seeking Family Support

If possible, take help from family members.

Can they provide an interest-free loan for partial debt payment?

Even a small contribution can reduce your debt burden.

Family members may also help with daily expenses for some time.

Transparent communication with them is important.

Avoiding Traps of Loan Apps & Credit Cards

Avoid borrowing from mobile loan apps due to high interest.

Credit cards should not be used for cash withdrawals.

Paying only the minimum due on a credit card leads to more debt.

If you have credit card debt, clear it first due to high interest.

Stick to formal financial institutions for loans.

Exploring Debt Restructuring Options

If you have a bank loan, check if restructuring is possible.

Some banks allow restructuring in financial hardship cases.

This can reduce EMI or provide a temporary relief period.

Approach your lenders with a genuine repayment plan.

Avoid defaulting, as it can hurt your credit score.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

Do not fall for quick-money schemes or gambling.

Avoid investments that promise unrealistically high returns.

Avoid stock market trading without proper knowledge.

Focus on steady income generation instead of risky bets.

Checking for Any Insurance Policies

If you have LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance, review them.

If surrendering makes sense, reinvest the amount wisely.

Do not stop health insurance, as medical emergencies can worsen finances.

Creating a Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Plan

Pay the minimum due on all loans to avoid penalties.

Focus on repaying the highest-interest loan first.

Negotiate lower interest rates with lenders.

Increase income through side jobs.

Reduce unnecessary expenses to save money.

Explore options like debt consolidation if suitable.

Seek family support where possible.

Avoid new loans unless absolutely necessary.

Finally

Your financial situation is tough but not impossible to fix.

With discipline and effort, debt repayment is possible.

Every small step in saving and earning will help.

Avoid financial mistakes and stay committed to the plan.

With time, your financial situation will improve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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