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My online boyfriend says he loves me but can't forget ex – Should I cut off all ties?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Myself and a guy came to know each other through an online friendly chat app.It's been 7 months we are talking on calls and video calls.From the beginning he was interested to marry me n i saw him as a good friend.Later my feelings turned into love towards him.But,he has a past which he told me in the beginning and said that his ex girlfriend of 1 year whom he know through online has married another guy n left him.I thought he has no feelings towards his ex gf.But,after i developed feelings for him n having clearly told that i love him..he gets his ex gf topic saying they used to talk hours n hours n now he is not able to be with me the same way.He even says she loved him a lot n is unable to forget her love.He says she used to call him always n talk and i am talking only when he calls..he is comparing my love with her.I feeling bad..When i asked before he told he has no feelings on his ex gf but now seems different.He even told me that she is trying to get divorced from her husband n has called him once too.I told about my love to my parents too n they agreed for our marriage.Now i am feeling bad..what should i do?..cut off all ties with him or go a head.Please suggest.I am 24 and he is 25 yrs old

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Myself and a guy came to know each other through an online friendly chat app.It's been 7 months we are talking on calls and video calls.From the beginning he was interested to marry me n i saw him as a good friend.Later my feelings turned into love towards him.But,he has a past which he told me in the beginning and said that his ex girlfriend of 1 year whom he know through online has married another guy n left him.I thought he has no feelings towards his ex gf.But,after i developed feelings for him n having clearly told that i love him..he gets his ex gf topic saying they used to talk hours n hours n now he is not able to be with me the same way.He even says she loved him a lot n is unable to forget her love.He says she used to call him always n talk and i am talking only when he calls..he is comparing my love with her.I feeling bad..When i asked before he told he has no feelings on his ex gf but now seems different.He even told me that she is trying to get divorced from her husband n has called him once too.I told about my love to my parents too n they agreed for our marriage.Now i am feeling bad..what should i do?..cut off all ties with him or go a head.Please suggest.I am 24 and he is 25 yrs old
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jan 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 08, 2025
Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Could be many reasons. Maybe his physical needs aren't being met. Maybe he is not attaracted to you anymore . Love is not permanent in all scenarios. Enjoy it while it lasts. Don't have expectations

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

..Read more

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Patrick

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7612 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 23, 2025

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I will retire from PSU next month. I live in Delhi NCR and will receive a corpus worth Rs 1.5 crore. However, the company will provide only Rs 3,000 per month in pension. I have not built a house and intend to live on rent in a 3 BHK in Delhi. My monthly expenses on food and conveyance are below Rs 15,000 per month, with Rs 10,000 earmarked for philanthropy. My son is studying PG in a government college with Rs 8,000 per month expenses. I do not have any loans or marriage liability. I seek decent earnings from investments. Please advise me on how to invest to receive monthly Rs 1-1.2 lakh per month. Also, what should I do with the corpus from NPS? Suggest investment avenues for my situation.
Ans: You are retiring soon with a corpus of Rs. 1.5 crore. Living in Delhi NCR on rent will require strategic financial planning. Your monthly expenses of Rs. 36,000 (rent, food, conveyance, philanthropy, and your son's expenses) need Rs. 1-1.2 lakh monthly income for comfort and contingencies. A structured investment plan will ensure steady income and preserve your corpus.

Let’s explore how to manage your investments to meet your needs.

Allocation of Retirement Corpus
Your corpus should be diversified into equity, debt, and liquid instruments. This ensures stable returns, growth, and liquidity. A mix of growth and income-focused investments is essential.

Emergency Fund
Set aside Rs. 10-12 lakh for emergencies.

Park this in liquid funds or a high-interest savings account.

This fund will provide immediate access to money when needed.

Monthly Income Plan
To achieve Rs. 1-1.2 lakh per month, invest across growth and income-oriented instruments.

Allocate 60% to fixed-income instruments for stability.

Allocate 30% to equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Allocate 10% to liquid funds for short-term needs.

Fixed-Income Instruments
Invest in senior citizen savings schemes for assured returns.

Use corporate deposits or bonds for additional fixed returns.

Ladder your investments in fixed deposits for liquidity.

Debt mutual funds can also provide stable income with better tax efficiency.

Equity Investments
Invest in actively managed mutual funds for wealth growth.

Choose balanced advantage or hybrid funds to reduce risk.

Allocate some amount to large-cap and flexi-cap funds.

Avoid overexposure to high-risk funds like small-caps.

Liquid and Short-Term Instruments
Park Rs. 15-20 lakh in liquid or ultra-short-term funds.

These funds are ideal for monthly withdrawals and short-term needs.

Withdraw only what is required to avoid depleting the principal amount.

Managing NPS Corpus
Your NPS corpus will partially need annuitisation.

Use the 60% withdrawable amount for investment as per the above plan.

Invest 40% in an annuity as per NPS rules for stable monthly income.

Choose the annuity plan offering the best return and lowest charges.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning will maximise your post-tax income.

Income from senior citizen savings schemes and fixed deposits is taxable.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Equity fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Use Section 80C for additional savings by investing in tax-saving instruments.

Additional Considerations
Rental Expense
Rent will form a significant part of your monthly expenses.

Consider negotiating or selecting a reasonably priced 3 BHK within your budget.

Philanthropy
Allocate Rs. 10,000 monthly for philanthropy as planned.

Ensure your primary financial goals are not compromised.

Son's Education
Continue to allocate Rs. 8,000 monthly for your son’s education.

Plan for any additional educational needs over the next few years.

Monitoring and Adjustments
Review your investments every 6 months.

Adjust allocations based on market performance and changing needs.

Reinvest surplus income to grow your corpus further.

Finally
You have a solid foundation for retirement with Rs. 1.5 crore corpus. By diversifying investments and planning withdrawals, you can comfortably meet your monthly needs. Periodic reviews will ensure your financial plan stays on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7612 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 23, 2025

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Money
Hello Sir, Please review my portfolio: 1. jm aggressive hybrid fund - 1000 2. ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund - 4000 3. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - 4000 4. Nippon India small cap - 4000 5. Bandhan Small Cap Fund - 2000 6. Motilal oswal Midcap fund - 2000 7. Bandhan Nifty Alpha Low Volatility 30 Index - 1000 Time Horizon is more than 15 years. I am planning to increase my SIP from 18000 per month to 60000 per month.
Ans: Your portfolio is well-structured and diversified across various mutual fund categories. You have selected a mix of equity, hybrid, and small-cap funds, reflecting a balanced approach. However, there is room for optimisation to align with your increased SIP and long-term horizon of over 15 years. Let’s review each component and suggest improvements.

Analysis of Existing Funds
JM Aggressive Hybrid Fund – Rs. 1,000
Aggressive hybrid funds are suitable for moderate risk-takers.

This fund allocates around 65-80% to equity and the rest to debt.

Evaluate its historical performance compared to peers.

Consider continuing only if it has consistently outperformed similar funds.

ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund – Rs. 4,000
Large-cap funds are ideal for stability and consistent returns.

This fund invests in established companies with strong fundamentals.

Retain this fund as it provides a solid foundation to your portfolio.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000
A flexi-cap fund offers diversification across market capitalisations.

This fund’s global exposure adds a unique advantage.

Retain this fund for its flexibility and global equity component.

Nippon India Small Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000
Small-cap funds offer high growth potential but come with higher risks.

Retain this fund, considering your long-term horizon.

Avoid over-allocation to small caps to reduce volatility.

Bandhan Small Cap Fund – Rs. 2,000
Another small-cap fund increases concentration in this category.

Review its performance and consider merging with Nippon India Small Cap Fund.

Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund – Rs. 2,000
Mid-cap funds balance growth and risk well over the long term.

Retain this fund to maintain exposure to mid-sized companies.

Evaluate its performance against peers periodically.

Bandhan Nifty Alpha Low Volatility 30 Index – Rs. 1,000
Index funds are cost-efficient but lack active management benefits.

Low-volatility indices may not outperform actively managed funds in the long run.

Consider replacing this with an actively managed fund for better returns.

Portfolio Recommendations
Consolidation of Funds
Reduce the number of small-cap funds by merging Bandhan Small Cap into Nippon India Small Cap.

Replace the Bandhan Nifty Alpha Low Volatility Index fund with an actively managed multicap or flexicap fund.

Increasing SIP Amounts
With an increased SIP of Rs. 60,000, focus on reallocating funds wisely.

Allocate 40% to large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability and growth.

Allocate 30% to mid-cap funds for higher growth potential.

Allocate 20% to small-cap funds to leverage long-term growth.

Allocate 10% to hybrid or debt funds for stability and risk mitigation.

Suggested Allocation Plan
ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 12,000 for stability.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 12,000 for diversification.

Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 10,000 for mid-cap exposure.

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 8,000 for small-cap growth.

JM Aggressive Hybrid Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 6,000 for moderate risk exposure.

New Flexi-Cap/Hybrid Fund: Add Rs. 12,000 SIP for broader diversification.

Tax Implications
Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio at least once a year.

Check fund performance and make adjustments if needed.

Maintain a balanced allocation based on changing market conditions.

Emergency Fund and Liquidity
Ensure a contingency fund of at least 6 months’ expenses.

Retain this amount in liquid funds or FDs for immediate access.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is strong but needs some restructuring. Focus on stability, growth, and risk diversification. Your increased SIP will enhance wealth creation significantly over 15 years. Regular monitoring with a Certified Financial Planner will keep your investments aligned with goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7612 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 40 year old have 1 daughter aged 8 years current monthly expenses 60 thousand. I have 30 lakh in PF, 25 lakh in stocks, 40 lakh in fd,50 lakh cash, 35 lakh gold, own apartment no loan, 4 crore in real-estate. Please suggest what should I do if I want to retire in the next 2 years.
Ans: You are in an excellent financial position with diverse investments and no liabilities. Your assets, including real estate, provide a strong foundation for early retirement. Let’s review your financials and create a plan to achieve financial independence and maintain a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement.

Existing Financial Resources
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 30 lakhs – A stable, low-risk investment.

Stocks: Rs. 25 lakhs – Offers growth potential but comes with market risks.

Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs. 40 lakhs – A safe but low-yielding investment.

Cash: Rs. 50 lakhs – Ensures liquidity but does not generate returns.

Gold: Rs. 35 lakhs – A hedge against inflation but low on income generation.

Real Estate: Rs. 4 crore – Significant wealth but lacks liquidity unless rented or sold.

Own Apartment: Debt-free asset ensuring housing security.

Monthly Expense Assessment
Your current monthly expenses are Rs. 60,000.

Adjust this amount for inflation (assume 6-7% annually) to estimate future needs.

In two years, your monthly expenses will rise to approximately Rs. 68,000-70,000.

Retirement Goals
Your goals should include:

Securing a steady income for life.

Funding your daughter’s higher education and marriage.

Managing inflation and healthcare costs.

Preserving your wealth and passing it to the next generation.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Provident Fund
Keep the PF corpus as is until retirement.

Post-retirement, use this for regular withdrawals to supplement income.

Consider transferring part of the amount to a safe debt mutual fund for better liquidity.

Stocks
Diversify your stock portfolio into equity mutual funds.

Actively managed funds can offer professional management and better long-term returns.

Avoid holding only direct stocks as they are riskier.

Fixed Deposits
Reduce the allocation to fixed deposits as they generate low post-tax returns.

Reallocate funds to debt mutual funds for higher returns with moderate risk.

Retain Rs. 10-15 lakhs in FDs for emergency use.

Cash
Keep Rs. 10-15 lakhs as a contingency fund.

Invest the remaining Rs. 35-40 lakhs in hybrid mutual funds.

This will provide a balance of growth and stability.

Gold
Retain gold primarily as a wealth preservation tool.

Avoid increasing your allocation to gold as it does not generate income.

Real Estate
Explore renting out one of your real estate properties to generate monthly rental income.

Avoid depending entirely on real estate as it lacks liquidity.

Consider selling underperforming real estate and investing proceeds in mutual funds.

Retirement Income Plan
Systematic Withdrawal
Post-retirement, use systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) from mutual funds for monthly income.

SWPs can generate tax-efficient regular cash flows.

Supplement SWPs with PF withdrawals as needed.

Rental Income
Rental income from real estate can form a stable part of your retirement income.

Estimate a conservative rental yield of 2-3% annually on property value.

Gold Monetisation
Use gold monetisation schemes to earn interest on idle gold.

Avoid selling gold unless absolutely necessary.

Daughter’s Education and Marriage
Start a dedicated corpus for your daughter’s education and marriage.

Invest Rs. 20-25 lakhs in a mix of equity and balanced mutual funds.

Ensure investments align with her educational milestones.

Review this corpus periodically to ensure it meets future needs.

Inflation Management
Inflation will erode the value of your corpus over time.

Maintain a 60:40 allocation between equity and debt to beat inflation.

Equity exposure will provide growth, while debt ensures stability.

Healthcare and Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance for yourself and your family.

Opt for a sum assured of at least Rs. 25-30 lakhs.

Consider adding a super top-up plan for additional coverage.

If you do not have term insurance, consider a policy until your daughter becomes independent.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Equity mutual funds offer long-term tax benefits. Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab. Plan withdrawals carefully to reduce tax impact.

Rental income is taxable. Use deductions like property tax and maintenance costs to lower taxable income.

Investment Rebalancing
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Reduce exposure to high-risk assets as you near retirement.

Increase debt and hybrid fund allocations for stability.

Final Insights
You have a strong financial foundation to retire early. Focus on liquidity, steady income, and inflation protection. A mix of rental income, SWPs, and PF withdrawals will ensure a secure retirement. Periodic reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will keep your plan on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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