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Married for 7 Years, Feeling Burnt Out: How Can I Get My Husband to Support Me Financially?

Kanchan Rai |615 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi

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Madam i am married for almost 7 years as of now and last year i have been blessed with a daughter. I have had a job which was sufficient to fulfill my expenses and i use to save a bit too and therefore can claim I wasn’t dependent on my husband. After the birth of my child , my work has been affected which has also put an impact on my earnings. My husband doesn’t support me and my daughter financial needs and i am now feeling the burnout of raising me and my child and managing our day to day expenses single handedly. I have communicated this to my husband but he pays no heed to it. Please advice.

Ans: It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, managing the responsibilities of raising your daughter and handling the financial burden on your own. After the birth of a child, it's normal for work and earnings to be affected, but the fact that your husband isn't supporting you financially—especially when it comes to your child’s needs—must be very frustrating.

The first step is to have a clear, calm conversation with him again. Sometimes, financial issues become a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding about the situation's seriousness. Make it clear how much pressure this is putting on you, both emotionally and financially. He needs to understand that raising a child is a joint responsibility, and financial support is a big part of that.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you may need to consider seeking outside support. Whether that’s through family, counseling, or legal advice, it’s important to know that you don’t have to bear all this weight alone. In some places, the law ensures that both parents are responsible for a child’s welfare, including financially. It might help to consult a family lawyer to understand your rights in this situation.

In the meantime, try to reach out to supportive friends or family members who might offer temporary emotional or financial help. You deserve to feel supported, and it’s not fair for everything to fall on your shoulders. Don’t hesitate to explore different avenues to get the help you need for both you and your daughter.

Remember, it's not just about your financial health, but also your emotional well-being and your daughter's future.

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Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2022

Question by PS - Sep 28, 2022Hindi

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Dear Anu, I am a housewife with two kids, younger one is 3 years old. I used to be working before the birth of my second child. I can't join back the job as we are nuclear family and husband is busy whole day with his work. I have to take care of the house and kids almost full day. Sometimes I’m frustrated and irritated. I gave talked about this to my husband but not much respite. He says 'I’m doing my job to earn. You do your job to look after house.' Don't know what to do.

Ans:

Dear PS,

Typical nuclear family with very little family support relies solely on the mother being the caregiver and this can result in a lot of frustrations. Understood!

But what exactly are you trying to do fighting the situation knowing that things might be the same for a few years down the line till the children grow a little older? Are you planning on being frustrated for all these years?

Also, someone needs to give your husband a talk on these gender specific remarks and pushing the job of the home to you.

Maybe he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but well…

In the digital world, there is enough and more to do to use the skills that a person has. So why not explore, a work-from-home part time option?

Depending on what your expertise is and the time that you can give to the work from home option, why don’t you focus on searching for this?

This will require an amazing time management and organization skills on your part, so you are able to give it at least 3-4 hours a day.

This will not only keep you occupied and financially stronger, it will also give you a sense of direction and purpose which is what is currently lacking.

Also, if you have an option of a ‘nanny’ for even two hours during the day when the children can be kept busy, you can even have some time for yourself which will re-energize you.

Caring for two small children is no mean feat and make sure when you discuss the work-from-home option (If you choose this), with your husband, you emphasize how important it is for you along with managing the home.

The commitment ‘to do something for yourself’ will be the focus of your discussion and please do something before your frustrations start seeping out and get onto the kids which might eventually happen.

First, be happy yourself to nurture your home and family.

Step Up…All the best!

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