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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2023Hindi
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Dear Anu, I am married for 24 years having two grown up children. Both are studying. My wife is not working. She had been adamant and spendthrift since the beginning of our marriage. Just to maintain peace I was putting up with her undue demands. Than in last decade my business suffered for quite sometime still I sold some property and managed the household expenses. Than in 2017 the business started picking up and it started doing well. but having learned the lesson I became very firm with wasteful expenses. And by end of 2017 she broke all ties with me, and started sleeping with our daughter in her room. Now since last six years we are hardly talking to each other despite living in the same house . Her parents are also hand in glove with her and disconnected with me. I also came to know lot of factors about her family. Her father claimed to be a businessman before marriage and later I learned he was working in subcontracts division of a company and making money by illegal means from vendors. He was a heavy drinker and had relations with many women. I also came to know that her father had thrown his father out of house and that old man had died in a temple. To make matter worse her parents are having one more daughter which they claim to be given to some family member and now they don't have any relationship with that girl or the couple to whom they have given their daughter to. So prima facie they have a child or children which they have hidden from society. We attended marriages of her uncle's daughters out of Mumbai. His uncle and his family attended my marriage and marriage of my wife's only brother. Now after all marriages are over they have broken up with that uncle too. He is real brother of my father in law. Her aunty expired two years back I offered to call her uncle and offer condolences she said no need now relationship with uncle is over. With all these I am able to come to a conclusion that the family doesn't value relationships and once their purpose is served they discontinue the relationship. Due to constant problems my children have also become very adamant and are not concentrating on studies. Kindly suggest what should I do in the given situation. Can the marriage be annulled on the grounds her family concealed vital information before marriage. I offered her to go for marriage counselling and therapy but she refused. Please suggest some suitable solution.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Too much of a mess, yeah?
Why they hid certain facts and what impact that has had on your marriage is something that you are experiencing. Relationships are built on trust and honesty leads to that trust. You possibly feel being misled multiple times over and it will indeed affect the mind state of your children.
Good that you have woken up to this NOW.
Are you sure that you want to end this marriage? Or is there a possibility of saving it?
If you want to end it through a legal recourse, find an able lawyer who specializes in divorce cases. She/he will advise you on annulment or mutual consent divorce or filing for one. These options come to a better choice when you seek an expert in legal matters.
In the meantime, keep your mind in a place where it is calm. Too much of muddle and constant over processing will make you have bitter thoughts and keep you engaged in stress building situations.
Accept what's happening (difficult, I know)...but doing this will enable you to take the right decision not only for your life but also for your children. Also, I suggest spend a lot of time with the children and teach them not to take sides of any parent.
Whatever you decide is going to impact them and they must be prepared anyway. So, talk to them like they are grown ups and let them grow into it supporting you both rather than be caught in the cross fire.
I am sure if you have had the courage to understand what has been happening to you, you can surely take additional steps to safeguard your mind space and do what's right for the children as well.
All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Relationship
Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Dr. Ashish, Good Afternoon, Iam 45 years old. I got married in 2010. My wife has ego and doesnt get adjusted to me and my family. I occured the experience after 2012 when my wife was 2 month pregnant. I was going to job, there was no peace of mind at all. From 2013 february we are not staying together. Her life is running as per her mother advice. We are having a communication very rarely. I had heard from her mother in law like impotent, not capable of doing anything. There are de-grading words always used and treated with no respect whenever i visited my wife house. My wife has communicated me verbally on January 2023, that she doesn't want the relationship to continue. She blocked me on whatsapp dated 03rd February 2023. I have one daughter aged 9 years. I am calling every week to get in touch with my daughter. The wife family not responding to the phones and my wife also. Request your sincere advice for permanent solution. Thanks & Regards, Deepak Shetty
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your marriage and with your wife's family. It sounds like a challenging situation, but I'll try my best to offer some general advice.

Seek professional help: Considering the complexities of your situation, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide a neutral space for both you and your wife to express your concerns and work towards finding a resolution.

Legal advice: If your attempts at communication and reconciliation have not been successful, it may be advisable to consult with a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options. They can guide you through the process and help you navigate any legal implications, especially regarding your relationship with your daughter.

Open communication: While it may be challenging, try to maintain open lines of communication with your wife. Clearly express your desire to work on the relationship and be involved in your daughter's life. Choose a calm and respectful approach when communicating, even if the response is not favorable.

Mediation: Consider involving a mediator to facilitate communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help create a constructive environment for dialogue and negotiation, increasing the chances of finding a mutually acceptable solution.

Patience and understanding: Dealing with relationship issues takes time and effort. It's important to remain patient, understanding, and willing to work towards a resolution. Focus on the best interests of your daughter and strive for an amicable co-parenting relationship, even if the marital relationship cannot be mended.

Focus on personal well-being: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a positive outlook.

Remember that every situation is unique, and the advice provided here may not fully address your specific circumstances. It's crucial to consult professionals who can provide personalized guidance based on a deeper understanding of your situation.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I married 1year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but within 3 months she had medical issues and went to her home for treatment. after informing all her activities now her father is threating me and my family, also making false allegations against me for all her problems. Now he is demanding to go separately from my parents to send her back. if not they will file case against me in the court and make me and my family suffer. Now she was not telling the truth with their parents about her mindset and acting according to their portents guidance that i am the reason for her medical issues and she was not interested in the marriage because i didn't take care of her well. she have depression and anxiety issues from childhood her mother refused to see her face when she was born, as 5th girl child as they expect atleast 1 boy kid she said this to a doctor. she faces refusal and ignorance in her family she said this too the doctor i dont know the truth behind it. she has chronic gastritis also she is under weight (35kgs still at 27years old) and cant increase weight even after trying for 5 years of medication. Doctor suggested for a therapy but she refused to come with because she already had therapy before which we don't know. . even though we lived in same house but she lived in separate room all the days she was with me. Now due to her inability to handle her father she is acting along with them like i was the one who refusing her. Her father even knows about all these matters to hide is fraud he is now threatening me like police case and court. I did nothing wrong in this except married her. what should i do now ?. And I lost hope that she would change here after.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are many cases like yours where men are being trapped with false allegations.
First evaluate:
Do I want this marriage to continue?
If YES, I feel it's time your parents also step in to state your side of the story. It will be an uphill task to bring her back as she clearly had mentioned to you that she was forced into this marriage. Also, how do you plan on working out the home situation given that the condition is that you separate from your parents?

If NO, will you be able to prove all the allegations put on you are false? Hire a good lawyer, because you will surely need one. Tread carefully and make very calculated moves in terms of what you say (even if it's on a text message) as everything can be held against you. Your lawyer will advise you on this.

So, time to think what is the best option...lay all the cards on the table and play this very carefully...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

..Read more

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