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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1553 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
hi mam,i am in love with a boy for 6years.i have only my mother with me my father passed away on 2016.one day my mother caught my relationship when me and my boyfriend went for outing.my mother told about my relationship to all my relatives since they have great care for us in our tough times.my relatives called my boyfriend through phone and collected his details.All of them didn't liked him since he is from lower caste,poor economic background also they didnt like his job of mechanical fitter in shipyard.I am preparing for competitive exams for 3 years but didnt get one.now all my relatives blame me for my relationship and treat me like a girl with bad character who always roaming with boyfriend.I love my boyfriends character and he supports me in my studies but i am struggling with exams and not easy for me to get a job.how can i convince my mother and relatives
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Convincing someone especially if they believe and have decided that your boyfriend is not the right one for you, is a difficult task. My question to you is: How old are you? Are you financially independent?
These two answers will determine how and where you can lead your life. Assuming that you are a major, understand that money is an essential part of life. DO NOT look at your boyfriend earning and then supporting you...is this the reason that your family does not support you? Are they worried about your future?

Love can become impractical and make a person numb in the head; so think first about how the two of you are going to plan your life. Love is not enough to pay bills and start a family. What kind of a job is he going to look for?
But since he is still preparing for his competitive exams, he has a long way to go...You are both young; focus on your studies first...
Maybe when he starts to study further and focus on his life, your family may accept him BUT well caste differences etc, is a very strong belief that can be difficult to overcome.
Start by focusing on studies and making a future first. Who knows, things may get better!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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