Hi ma'am. I am 37 years old, married, financially independent working mom of two, and not to forget I have a perfect husband.
Problem - I'll not say it's a problem but the thing is my mother was also a working mom. She is super egoistic and critical towards her kids.
I had a severe case of insecurity due to continuous criticism regarding my weight, colour and beauty while growing up.
I always tried for good academic scores, even then also there was someone better than me. We were always compared.
She always said No for any request I made. So I stopped asking and informing her or I'll just tell her some lie.
After I got married and after so many years, I thought I am over being that girl.
But even now, she gets annoyed if I miss calling her.
She calls me names and tells me how I am an awful child to do that to my parents.
I try my best to call them every day, I try to include them in everything.
Why do I have to be a perfect daughter when I was never told that she is there for me. That I am beautiful, I am a good student or a good daughter.
She never calls or allows my father to call if I miss a day.
I feel it's only when I do everything the way she wants. Then she is happy. Otherwise she makes sure to hurt me with her words.
Please help me.
-An insecure daughter

I am brought up in a middle class family where both my parents were working. I am the elder sister and I have a younger brother. Since childhood i feel that my mother has given more time and efforts towards my brother. When he asks something he gets it and when I ask I'm told that it's not required. My mother pretends that she treats both of us equal but i can feel the difference. I'm currently married with a 4 year old kid. My husband is very loving and we have a happy family. My issue now begins when my mother comes to stay/visit us. She begins pointing faults and imposing decisions on us. She does that same with my husband and he doesn't like it either. My mother wants to prove herself right even if she is wrong and will never accept her faults. She is interfering with my child's upbringing too. She will never ever behave like that with my brother. I won't deny the fact that she comes to help when I need since I have no inlaws but just because she knows that we need her she will try to dominate over us. One example is that when my child was 10 months i got a potty seat and she never let me put my kid on it saying that kid is too young and because of this my kid never sat in toilet till he turned 4 years. Another is that she used to feed my son only biscuits all the time even when I used to oppose. Also, once she fed my son ice cream when he was 1 year old and my child developed fever next day and she put blame on me saying I took him our for walk in the evening hence my child got fever. When I used silicon brush to brush my kids teeth she stopped me saying there's no need to brush before 1 month when i objected and continued doing it she blamed .e whenever my kid cried saying that his gums are hurting because you brushed his teeth. Many more such incidents where she puts blame on me and tries to prove me wrong She will almost daily try n tell me that my husband is blaming her for groceries getting over/ equipment not working etc which I know my husband does not (he is very kind hearted ) and she just keeps all this misunderstanding in her head. Many times I've clarified by talking to both of them together. Now, my husband is going out of town and again my mother will be coming. I'm fed-up of these fights n arguments but when in emergency i have to rely on her but she takes full advantage of the fact that I need her. I can't take this anymore and its affecting my mental health

Hi ma'am , i am a 22 year old girl who is financial independent now . I am very grateful to my parents for everything they did for me but i feel like my mom hasn't let me be the person i want to be . For instance , my mom would pick my clothes for the longest , she would most often not allow me to pick a dress of my choice . Not just this she wouldn't allow me to go out with my friends to a mall (even if it involved the entire class) or a restaurant or have sleepover (with only my group 5/6 girl friends). So much so that they all stopped inviting me back then and still don't invite me . I still let all of this slide . After finishing 10th standard , i wanted to become a doctor and took up NEET coaching . Now again my mom didn't want me to become doctor simply because i would have to study for 10+ years and she wouldn't be able to find a suitable husband for me . I was in the top 5 students in my class and was consistently securing 500 .. 550 out of 720 in the NEET exams . I felt extremely heartbroken because she would continuously fight with me every morning until i dropped the interest in medicine. I am an engineer now and have a nice job but i still feel bad because this wasn't really my choice . I often feel self-doubt now in making my decisions because of how my mom has treated me . Just before my 12th standard exams , a boy on my mom's side was of marriage age , this guys is 10 years older than . even though this guy had a great family and is himself a good guy , it doesn't mean my mom wishes for me to marry him , more so since i am a good student who wanted to study . Luckily neither his parents nor mine initiated any discussions about our marriage . I have always felt like my life is not my own and even now i often have self doubt when i have to make a serious decision for myself . i now have boyfriend who i really want to marry .Both he and his parents like me very much and approve of my marriage . He is 6 years older than me , but i don't see that as a problem because we really get along really well and even my parents have an age gap of 6 years. However my mother doesn't understand this , she was okay with getting me married to a guy 10 years older than because it was an arranged marriage apparently and the same for her own marriage ! All of thing frustrates beyond no measure . She gave us time till the end of the year , so that he can get a better job , but she still keeps talking to me about marriage with other people . Imagining marriage with anybody other than my boyfriend makes me sad . I don't want to let go of my parents and neither my boyfriend because i really don't want to hurt my parents , i also have a younger sister so i don't want to ruin her life either . But i really don't think that choosing whatever will make them happy is right for me , especially since i have been doing that for 22 years already. I already explained to my dad about evrything that makes me sad but my mother doesn't seem to understand any of this . Recently this inicident took place , my laughed about how i cried when a group of friends came to invite me to the mall , she literally fought with them and sent them away while i stayed back at home and cried . This incident was embarrassing for me back then and still makes me sad . My mom hasn't treated me with respect at all , she thinks i should do whatever she says simply because she's my mom . Even though my mom said she'll give me and my boyfriend time , she didn't stick to her words , she didn't ask me for his number but instead thought she would get it from a proffesor in my egineering college . She started ranting to the professor about me loving boyfriend etc etc . This incident again was extremely embarrassing for me . I really don't know what to do . Sometimes i just feel like choosing to die is the simplest way out . please help me ma'am . what is the right thing to do for a girl living in india who is in this situation ?

Hi Anu. This might take up quite a bit of your time. I am currently stuck. Single child, lost father to a road accident at the age of 15; within a year, realised my mom's has got in to a physical relation with an already married person, all our 'relatives' trash talked about her. I was too young to understand her crisis of losing her husband at 40 and was struggling to accept her new torrid affair. Somehow, the man ditched her & mom left her temporary job (she took up after dad expired) & fell into a depression. We had landed up in extreme financial distress, so much so, that I had to quit Uni to take up job. Am working for the last 23 years, providing for her. My problem is now, am 45 & married with a teen kid, in-laws, job, health issues but my mom (now 71) is perennially complaining about her struggles in life.... what she never got - be it financial stability (as she has no savings, no pension & solely relies on my income), health, societal recognition (dont know for what). She is unhappy with her flat, neighbors, maid/ cook, relatives including my husband!! She doesn't even appreciate gifts which we give on various occasions, she back-bites about everyone known, completely phobic about her health! had sought counselling for her thrice, but to no avail. During Covid, she stayed with us for nearly a year - each minute she had a new complain. I get so stressed even talking to her over the phone or during my fortnightly visits. I know she is my responsibility, but dont feel the daughterly affection towards her...been so since the last 30 years almost. I still am not over the trauma i had during the high school days (i.e. when she was having her affair). I have never ever mentally felt connected to her since then. But I don't know how to let go the past, handle her & keep my sanity. Please suggest. Please dont publish my name.