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Anu

Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 19, 2023

Sunjay Question by Sunjay on Sep 19, 2023
Relationship

I'm 60 yrs old & my wife is 54 years old. We are married for 33 years now and have 2 grown-up children. My wife was always having less interest towards the physical relationship. She had lost further interest since last 10 years and totally stopped since last 6 years. She sleeps in a sperate room to avoid any physical relationship. She always says we are too old for physical relationship and let is not do any such thing now. I feel an urge to have a physical relationship atleast one a week and because of no relationship, I feel irritated and this is also effecting our general relationship. Unfortunately she is not understanding this. Please suggest what to do???

Ans: Dear Sunjay,
Many of my responses in similar questions like yours have been:
1. Either your wife is in her menopause phase or has menopaused and this can cause lack of interest in sex due to hormonal changes
OR
2. It's a belief system that once you have children, sex if off the table
If it's 1, then there's a lot more empathy that you can show as a husband and possibly explore options with a doctor who can guide the two of you on sex after menopause
If it's 2, then there's a task you are up against where you need to understand where this belief system set inside of her and what it might take for her to break it

So, irritation from you may not solve your problem but only aggravate it, but if you put your mind into finding a solution, you will be interested in finding the source of the problem and eliminate that.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |53 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2023

Hello Kanchan I'm 43 & my wife is 39. We have known each other for almost 25 yrs now (8 yrs before marriage and 17yrs of married life). We had our ups and downs in our relationship. But somehow we stayed together. We have a daughter who is 8. I've been working abroad for 4yrs and I used to come only once in a year to see my family. Now I'm back and doing a full time job. My wife works from home as a freelancer. I've observed that, after I returned, my wife has lost interest in me. She's also not interested at all in physical relationship. It is really very irritating as I am a romantic person. She simply says she doesn't feel like having intercourse. She does love me but what's the solution? How do I satisfy my feelings? She agrees to have intercourse so that I don't feel bad. But it is not satisfying! How do I tackle this situation?
Ans: Hello Keshav

It sounds like you're going through a tough time in your relationship. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding towards your wife's perspective. It could be that she's going through her own challenges that are affecting her desire for physical intimacy. It could also be that the dynamic of your relationship has shifted with your return, and you both need to find a new balance.

The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand what might be causing her lack of interest in physical intimacy. It's important to approach this conversation without judgment or blame.

If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to seek the support of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you both work through any challenges and find ways to improve your intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, it's important to focus on building emotional intimacy in your relationship. This can be done through spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other. This may help to improve your physical intimacy over time.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with effort and communication, you can work through challenges and strengthen your connection with your partner.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2023

Relationship
Hi, I am 42 and my wife is 36. Been married for close to 9 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......parallel I am taking time to appreciate how caring she has been in respect to taking care of the family, complimenting her how beautiful she looks inside and outside, how much she is glowing, sometimes I take efforts to cook for her giving time offs and also I look after the kids, press her legs etc. but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside so much that sometimes I have been getting false & weird thoughts in my mind to have an affair or go to a call girl. Need your advise on this....
Ans: Dear Chandra,
I am glad that you are putting in all efforts in a non-sexual manner which is what most people miss out on.
But since it isn't working, I think it could be just caring for two young children. It can sap a woman's/primary caregiver's energy to a point that intimacy is the last think on her mind.
You children are at an age where they are dependent on parents and also are full on energy with high demands. This could be the reason as well.
I would also suggest that with growing demands from the children in terms of time and attention, what might be overlooked is your wife has some vitamin deficiency which can lead to lethargy, lack of interest and more. My suggestion would be to visit a doctor who will write down specific tests that may get to the root of the problem.
Till then, be the supportive husband that you have been AND a call girl is a momentary rush of adrenaline; so be wise...

All the best!
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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2023
Money
Sir, I just retired from my service @60yrs. I will get my PF+other fund ₹50L. Please advice how to invest the amount so that my principal not disputed and I can get ₹30,000 pm for my monthly expenses. My family of 2 persons are covered ₹50L health insurance. Regards
Ans: Considering your age and your requirement, you will need to invest in a mix of debt and equity instruments. Here are some investment options available to you:-

• Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS) – This is a pure debt instruments and provides guaranteed returns of 8.2% per annum. The interest is paid quarterly. The maximum amount that you can invest is Rs. 30 Lakhs.

• Corporate FDs – It provides you return more than the regular bank FDs. It contains two options i.e. cumulative and non-cumulative.

• Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This is another government-backed scheme that offers guaranteed monthly income. The current interest rate is 7.1%.

• Debt Mutual Funds: As your main concern is to protect the principal amount you may consider debt funds and monthly income can be achieved through the route of SWP (systematic withdrawal plan).

• Equity mutual funds: Equity mutual funds offer the highest potential returns, but they are also the riskiest. A small portion of the amount can be invested in the equity mutual funds for growth of the money in the long-term horizon.

It is good to know that you are adequately insured for any healthcare emergency.

Your requirement of Rs. 30,000 will be changing in the future due to inflation, hence you should consult with your financial advisor for a proper increasing income or SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) which can help you to ensure sufficient amount available for your monthly expenses.
(more)
Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Money
Hi Sir, I worked a small level company between 01.02.2018 to 30.04.2021. They paid standard EPF contribution of Rs. 1800/- from my side they deducting the same of Rs. 1800/-. After I exit the company I applied the EPF Withdrawl (both contribution) on 06.05.2023 and it was rejected by the officer and the reason was mentioned "Claim Rejeced EQUAL SHARE 07/18". The Employer deposit the July 2018 share in wrongly i.e. The deposited Rs. 1800/- in Employee Share and Rs. 1800/- employer Share and Pension is " 0 ". instead of Rs.1800/- as employee, Rs. 550/- as Employer and Rs.1250/- as pension contribution. When I sent a 2 continues mail to EPF they taking my query as a grivience and sent a query to the employer. But Still they not close the issue. How to I approch them to clear my claim. Because there is no mistake from my side. Thanks in Advance. Narayanan
Ans: I understand that your EPF withdrawal claim has been rejected due to an error in your employer's contribution. This is frustrating, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people experience problems with their EPF claims, especially when their employers make mistakes.

When filing a grievance, be sure to provide clear and concise information about the issue. You should also include any relevant documentation, such as your EPF statement and the revised Form 11 from your employer (if you have one).

Once you have filed a grievance, the EPFO will investigate the matter and try to resolve it. This process can take some time, but it is important to be patient.

Here are some additional tips:

• Keep track of all your communication with the EPFO. This includes emails, phone calls, and visits to the office.
• If you are not satisfied with the EPFO's response, you can escalate the issue to the regional or national level. You can also mail on employeefeedback @ epfindia.gov.in for the redressal of your grievance.
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