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Anu Krishna |1622 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 13, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by M on Mar 08, 2023Hindi

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I'm 42 year old man. I fell in love with my student while I was married. We found each other through social media after a decade. She is 12 years younger than me. My marriage was already in trouble but after the relationship between me and my student, things got worse. Finally my wife divorced me and I have two children which are in my wife's custody. The relationship with my student was virtual. We used to call late night every day expressing each other and this went on for couple of years till the divorce. After divorce communication with my student ceased because of her family problems. Her mother is the second wife to her father who is an influential lawyer. He has written all the property to his first wife's children. Her mother had some property in her name but that also came into dispute by the mischief of her father. Now they are homeless and stay at her aunts house fighting civil case. She says that's the reason she isn't calling me because she doesn't have privacy. It's been a year now and she stopped calling me. The last time when she called me, she said I should never call or sms her but she will be calling me when she gets chance. Now this is frustrating for me because she is adamant to get that property but her father is influential and it's almost impossible for her to get her property. She can neither tell about me to her mother and her wellwishers because already there is problem there. In this typical situation what should I do? Should I wait for her or try for a fresh marriage? She is not replying to my messages or taking my calls. I'm in a situation where I can neither blame her nor I can console myself. K

Ans: Dear M,
Tough call you must make now!
As much as you need to appreciate her situation and not make matters worse for her, you also need to take care of yourself. Also, when there is no light at the end of the tunnel from her side, it can be unsettling and frustrating.
If she has decided to fight for the property, there is little that you can do even if you feel it's at the cost of your relationship and connection. I assume that the two of you haven't met as yet...which relationship goes on for years without as much of an in-person meeting?
It is likely that the time she was totally communicating with you, it was out of the fact that she had a lot of time on her hands and also it gave her the necessary attention.
In contrast now that she is occupied with family problems, your connection has taken a backseat. So, let it be...within a few months, without any effort, the relationship will fade or if she makes an effort, it can get stronger.
So, DO NOT chase anymore...if you mean anything to her, let her take the effort and initiative to revive the connection. Also, to be fair to her, being homeless isn't an easy thing; allow her the space to get her life back in order. She is simply securing a future for herself and her mother. You can't fault her for that, can you?
So, in due course...things will find a place...but do not chase her anymore...

All the best!