Dear Love Guru,
I will be getting married soon. It’s an arranged marriage and we met just a month ago.
Due to certain family constraints, the marriage is next month.
We like each other. We have met a few times and make it a point to talk via video call every day. But we haven’t even held hands yet.
While I am aware of the physical aspects of sex, though I am a virgin, I am not sure how to approach this whole matter of the first night.
I don’t want my wife to be uncomfortable or dislike the experience.
Any advice you can share will be much appreciated.
R

Ans: Dear Naveen,
You can make your sex life smooth by not focusing much on it.
Yes; focus instead on how to bond better as a couple.
For a woman, what happens within the bedroom is directly dependent on what happens outside of it. A lot of emotional connect where she feels wanted, loved, valued, cherished is where you should be spending time and raising feelings in.
Here's what you can do if you haven't done these already:
1. Spend time as a couple going on dates, vacations and more
2. Indulge in common interests together
3. Offer to help out with household chores not just over the weekends
4. Pamper her with not just gifts but encouraging her to spend time with her friends
5. Connect better with her side of the family as well
6. If you have children, offer to be more hands-on raising them
7. Indulge in non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, kissing...

This does not directly impact your sex life but it helps you connect with your wife better where she feels nurtured enough to want to give back more into the relationship; intimacy being one of them!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Right or wrong is simply the way you look at the world. What is the lens that you wear to see the world?
That will define 'your right and your wrong'. Honestly, there is no right or wrong as it's all perception (the way your beliefs rule your thoughts will lead you to believe in right and wrong.)

Society has labeled something as wrong and generations down the line, it has been followed...whether anyone likes it or not simply because of the fear of being condemned. So, that's where sex before marriage falls under. Of course, it was also pushed down as way of controlling cross-mixing of genetic pools perhaps and maybe also to control the population and give children a stable home. Else, it would have been a free for all society which does have it's negative impact.
So, I am sure you know what it is for you and you don't require anyone telling you what you must do or not. Use your mind to do the thing that is right by you and others as well. Sometimes, it may align with the rule makers and sometimes it may go against and that's where every new generation comes in to challenge old thoughts. But be wary of recklessness and impulsive acts...they lead to quite a lot of confusion and aftermath.

Casual by the very word, can mean temporary or fluid with possibly no strings attached and serious is serious maybe leading to a commitment of some nature in a relationship.

All the best!

Ans: Marriage ideally means monogamy. Multiple partners is a slippery slope and it may do irreversible damage to your relationship. Think about it carefully; do you really want to throw away a good equation with your wife for a few rolls in the hay? Because inevitably, such “arrangements” begin to cause problems sooner or later.

Ans: Balancing differing views on spirituality and intimacy can be challenging, but it's essential to approach the situation with open communication and understanding. Here are some suggestions that may help both of you find common ground:

Open Communication:

Have an open and honest conversation about each other's perspectives and beliefs regarding spirituality and intimacy.
Share your feelings, desires, and concerns without judgment. Make an effort to understand each other's viewpoints.

Educate Yourselves:

Read and learn together about different perspectives on spirituality and sexuality. Sometimes, gaining a broader understanding can help bridge the gap between differing beliefs.

Seek Flexibility

Explore ways to find a middle ground that respects both of your values. This might involve finding a balance between spiritual practices and physical intimacy that feels comfortable for both of you.

Involve a Professional:

Consider seeking the guidance of a relationship counselor or a sex therapist. They can provide a neutral and professional perspective to help navigate these conversations and find solutions that work for both of you.

Redefine Spiritual Practices:

Encourage your wife to explore spiritual practices that embrace physical intimacy as part of a holistic approach to spirituality. Some belief systems see sexual connection within a committed relationship as a sacred and spiritual act.

Set Mutual Goals:

Discuss your individual and shared goals within the relationship. Find common ground and align your aspirations, ensuring that both spiritual and intimate aspects are considered.

Respect Boundaries:

Acknowledge and respect each other's boundaries. If your wife feels uncomfortable with certain aspects, try to find alternatives that are agreeable to both of you.
Remember, the key is mutual understanding and respect. By openly discussing your feelings, educating yourselves, and seeking compromise, you can work together to find a harmonious balance that honors both your spiritual and intimate needs. If necessary, involving a professional can provide additional guidance and support.