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Devastated as Live-In Partner of 9 Years Opts for Arranged Marriage - What Should I Do?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |369 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi. I have a live in partner for almost 9 years now. But unfortunately he has to go for an arranged marriage this year. My heart is broken into pieces. He still want me to stay after his marriage because we both live abroad. He plan to keep his wife with his parents in India and live with me. I love him so much. I was also aware since we started our relationship that we have no future together and I agree with that. Now that the time has finally come, I’m so much in pain. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I don't think I have to tell you that what your ex-partner is planning is exceptionally wrong. Wrong to his new wife, wrong to you. The only one gaining from this situation is him. He gets to keep his parents' wishes and his own. But that is not how life works, does it? I hope you understand that accepting his proposition would make you an accomplice to this terrible plan. I hope you make the right choice and trust me, there is only one right choice here. And where there is such an easy distinction between right and wrong, there is no excuse to make the wrong choice.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
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My boyfriend of last 2.5 years who is 25 years old and has a 11 years age gap with me has decided to get married to someone else as per families choice. I am writing to understand few things: we started of casually where i proposed to him. He initially hesitated and after thinking for few days, also wanted to start the relationship. Later time went by we became involved at deeper levels. We spent majority of the times together, have shared goals, we lookout for each other. He doesn't state his feelings very often. He takes care, enjoys spending time, we planned tris together, we know our families but not that we are involved. He takes care of many things and it was almost like a live-in. Now and then he used to come up and tell we should stop, I'll be like give us time when rhe thing about marriage comes we will see. Now the thing is initially when he wanted to leave he was telling we are like Radha and Krishna, now when i am standing my ground that i can't see him with another girl, he is telling i was never in love with you. He never tells i love you and i have accepted it that way. Now he is telling me that it was my thoughts that we are in love but he was never in love. Im a person well established in my field and holding 3 degrees , pursuing further Higher Education. He needed me during his studies, ive told it to him multiple times that you needed me when you had work. Ive inspired him to do things he never thought of. But now it is firing back. I was a mentor, a friend, a girlfriend, a cook, an everything. Where did i go wrong to think that it is love? What do i do? I feel jealous to see him with anyone. Please guide
Ans: His sudden change in behavior—claiming he was never in love—seems like a way to distance himself emotionally because of family pressure. It doesn’t mean you were wrong in your feelings; it shows he might have been conflicted all along.

Seeing him with someone else hurts, and that’s natural. You’ve given so much of yourself, and it’s hard to accept that it wasn’t reciprocated in the way you hoped. Right now, focus on healing and remember that you deserve someone who values you fully. Take the time you need to process this, and know that you didn’t do anything wrong. This is more about his struggles than anything you did.

Moving forward, it's essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being. This situation may require some time to process and heal from, and it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused during this time. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor who can help you navigate these emotions and start focusing on your own needs and future.

In time, you might come to realize that this relationship, while significant, wasn’t the only path to happiness and fulfillment. You deserve a partner who reciprocates your love, acknowledges your worth, and is willing to build a future with you. For now, give yourself permission to grieve, but also start thinking about how you can rebuild your sense of self and eventually open up to new possibilities in your life.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I love a person, was in relationship with him for 4 years but decided to part ways because of the family but now after 4 years of breakup, I still love him it hurts because he is perfect for me. Reasons my family and his family are not ready to get us married 1. My family is well off financially and he is middle class. 2 We both are of different caste. 3 our living standards are somewhat different. 4 we are a very liberal and modern family but his family is traditional and conservative 5. He has started earning but it's not enough for my dad. 6 he is 10 months younger than me. I am suffering right now and I do not know what should I do I am just lost If we were not destined to be together then why did god let us meet in the first place Its killing me inside and I can not even talk to any body
Ans: I want to acknowledge that what you're feeling—this mix of love, pain, and frustration—is deeply valid. Love doesn't follow logic, and it doesn't just disappear because of practical obstacles. Your question, "If we weren't meant to be together, why did we meet?" speaks to the depth of your emotions and the spiritual confusion you're experiencing. Sometimes, life brings people together to teach us something, or to show us what true love feels like, even if the path ahead is challenging.

The real struggle you're facing is about what you want moving forward. If you still believe that he’s the right person for you, it may be worth having an honest conversation with him about whether he feels the same way. Together, you could explore whether it’s possible to work through these obstacles. You could also talk to your family again, sharing your feelings more openly about why this relationship matters so much to you, and perhaps even addressing some of their concerns directly.

But if you feel like the barriers are insurmountable, and that your families will never accept the relationship, it's also okay to grieve that loss and give yourself permission to move forward. Either way, this decision is deeply personal, and you should honor your feelings.

You deserve love, happiness, and the freedom to make decisions that feel right for your heart. Don’t be afraid to seek support, whether from a close friend, a therapist, or someone you trust, because keeping all of this inside will only intensify your pain.

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Pushpa

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Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Resected Madam, I am a 72 years male . I had undergone left hemicolectomy with diversion ileostomy ( open "Surgery" )for carcinoma descending colon on 23 March,2024 and the stoma closure was done on 17th July,2024. As per the consultant Oncologist the carcinoma was localized , did not spread to other parts of the body and I was not advised to undergone chemotherapy etc for the same reason. Kindly advise which Yoga postures I can practice now to ease constipation and also the yoga postures I must not / avoid now. With Kind Regards,
Ans: After your surgery, gentle yoga postures can help ease constipation and improve digestion. Start with simple poses like Pawanmuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose), which can relieve gas and promote bowel movements. Lie on your back, hug one knee to your chest, and gently press it down to your abdomen, then switch legs. Practicing Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclining Bound Angle Pose) can also be very calming and helps stimulate digestion. Breathe deeply and allow your body to relax fully.

However, avoid intense twisting poses (like Ardha Matsyendrasana) and deep forward bends as these may strain your abdominal area. Also, postpone advanced poses or any practice that puts pressure on your core until you’ve fully regained strength and mobility.

Consulting a certified yoga coach is essential to ensure you perform these poses safely, especially after surgery. A coach can help you adapt postures to your current needs and gradually increase the intensity as you progress.

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Avenues for BSc Honors Botany 3rd year
Ans: Lakshmi, Some of the options for you choose from:

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Government Jobs:
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• Agriculture Officer or Horticulture Officer: Roles in the Department of Agriculture or Horticulture.

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• Teaching in Schools or Colleges: With a Master’s degree, qualified for assistant professor roles or school teaching jobs.
• PhD in Botany or Related Fields: Essential for research-focused careers, teaching in universities, and leading scientific projects.

Industry and Corporate Jobs:
• Biotechnology and Pharmaceutical Companies: Roles in R&D, quality control, and product development.
• Agriculture and Agrochemicals: Roles in research, product development, and quality testing of seeds, pesticides, and fertilizers.
• Environmental Consulting Firms: Roles in environmental impact analysis, pollution control, and biodiversity assessments.

Certificates and Short Courses
• You can consider for Remote Sensing & GIS, Ethnobotany, Plant Tissue Culture, Agriculture Technology, or Bioinformatics.

All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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