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29-Year-Old Woman Seeking Advice on Inter-Caste Marriage Delays

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am in a relationship and have been trying to convince my parents for the past two years. We belong to different castes, and our families live far apart, which makes it difficult for us to meet in person. I am a 29-year-old woman, and my parents have finally been convinced. However, the issue is now with the boy's family. They are delaying making a firm decision. This is the second time they haven’t confirmed whether they are ready. The boy's father is elderly and unwell, but I can't tell this to my parents, as they might think his family is using it as another excuse to delay. The boy is under a lot of stress because his family blames him for his father's illness. Meanwhile, my parents are losing interest, as this is the second time they’ve been convinced, only for the boy’s family to delay. Both families have met twice, but there has never been a discussion about how to proceed with the marriage. We have a mediator known to both families, but since the boy’s parents haven’t given a clear answer, the mediator got frustrated and said something to my parents, making them suspicious. Now, the mediator wants to clear things up, but the situation on the boy's side is so sensitive that he cannot talk to his parents directly. The delays are making my parents even more frustrated. I do not want to leave him. My parents believe that because this is the second time things have fallen through, it's a bad omen. While the boy's mother and brother have no issues with the marriage, his father is still not fully convinced, and they are not taking any initiative. I’m unsure what to do. My parents are pressuring me to leave him and make a final decision. It's been 10 days since this situation escalated, and I keep fighting with them. They believe there’s no solution to this problem, but I am not ready to leave him, and neither is he. For my parents, two years feels like a long time to wait, and they think it’s time to move on.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents seem to be right from their point of view. Two years is a lot of wait time. I think you need to step in and bring in this perspective to your boyfriend that you cannot wait forever. It's time that he took charge and understands that by postponing, the problem does not go away!
So, let him deal with his side of the family as only he can get through to them. Stay away from worrying about his family as he needs to take responsibility for it. Talk to him and clearly state to him that waiting forever is not what you can or wish to do. Sometimes, an ultimatum can bring closure to situations that are hanging in balance.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I fell in love with a boy 6 years younger than me. Besides knowing that family and society will not accept this relationship I fell in love with him and we spend a beautiful nice happy moments with each other. My parents when get to know they forced me to stop my job snatched my phone stopped me to use any social media so that I cannot contact him. And I was not allowed to leave house alone. It's been 9 years now I still don't have my own mobile phone or are not allowed to leave house alone. In these years twice or thrice my partner's parents have called my father regarding our marriage proposal but my father refused. I have tried him alot of time that I can't marry anyone else we want to be with each other we love each other he just don't understand. I have even told him if not him I will always stay here without marrying anyone he said okay love here but I will not allow you to marry him. They are not of our standard he is younger than you he can't keep you. They even have told me false things like he has a girlfriend outside we have seen him with girl. He is alcoholic etc. my partner is now out of patience he said I need you with me now and when are you coming your parents are not agreeing it's been 9 years and same situation. So I initiated a healthy calm talk to my father again three days back. I told him I am 32 now and it's my decision I want to marry him. It might be a bad decision like you think but it would be my decision and I will bear the responsibility of that. And it will also help me to move on. I want to give a chance and want you to respect my decisions and he said you decision or wrong. He is not a good guy his mother has insulted me. And I said I am not living with his mother its him I want to spend my life with. He said I can't see your future their but I was firm on my decision and than he said I will think about it. Today my mother told my younger brother that father has said no to my decision. I don't understand i don't trust my mother she has lied to me before many times. And I am feeling stucked here
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, whatever the reason, it is not fair to make your partner wait any longer. 9 years is a long time and from their side, they have tried to approach your family.
Why your family does not want this to happen can have many reasons, but what is it that you want? What makes you stuck? 32 is a great age to start taking decisions of life, you don't think? Move on this else, you will wait another couple of years and then realize that you have wasted enough time.
So, for once, keep your side of the family aside (in thoughts) and then ask yourself: Am I ready to marry my partner?
If YES, you know what to do and if NO, then you are perhaps making your family an excuse and not willing to move into marriage.
Reality check, but a necessary one...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |21 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 10, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 46 years old residing in a B Town in India. I have 2 daughters one 16 years old and second 7 years old. I have Savings of 25 Lakh in my account as emergency find. I have FD of 65 Lakhs. PF, PPF and NPS of 25 Lakhs, Mutual Fund and Shares of 25 Lakhs, Lic policies worth 25 Lakhs, Gold around 1.2 Crores. I have a medical insurance of 20 Lakhs for me and my family, Term insurance of 1Cr. As properties. I own 2 independent houses, 2 flats and 2 plots in Bangalore which has a current value of about 4.5 Cr. In my home town i have 2 Houses, 1 apartment and plots which has a current value of 2.75 Cr. Currently i am drawing a monthly salary of 2 Lakh rupees and get a rent of 30K/ month. I donot have any emi's and my monthly expenses is currently 75K. I am planning to retire at the age of 50. Is my financial condition stable to retire at the age of 50? Thanks for your suggestion in advance.
Ans: Hi,

Lets understand the value of your current Investments at the time of retirement. Below is the list with its current value and (expected rate of return).
Emergency Fund - 25 lakhs (3.5%)
Fixed Deposits - 65 lakhs (7%)
PF/PPF/NPS - 25 lakhs (8%)
MF/Stocks - 25 lakhs (10%)
LIC Policies - 25 lakhs (no change)
Your current investments listed above will achieve a value of 3.5 crore at the time of retirement 4 years from now.

Apart from this you have mentioned properties worth 7.25 Cr. Assuming you will only use/liquidate them if required, so excluding them from consideration for now.

You total income is 2.30 lakhs per month (includes rent) and expenses are 75k per month. So there is potential to add to the above investments for the next 4 years.

I will assume your current expenses are sufficient for the lifestyle you want to continue post retirement.
You will require a corpus on retirement after 4 years to sustain your expenses adjusted with inflation of 6% which will be close to 1 lakh per month (at the time of retirement).
With this starting point, and adjusting for inflation of 6% each year, and life expectancy of 30 years post retirement you need a corpus of approx. 2.5 crore - again assumed this will earn a return of 8% for the 30 years.
If you can invest wisely and generate a slightly higher return of say 10%, the corpus requirement will be 2 crore.

Your current investments at the time of retirement with value of 3.5 crore is sufficient to cover your expenses for the next 30 years inflation adjusted at 6%.
And this is excluding the properties you own and additional investments you can make for the next 4 years.

Summary - You are more than stable as far as your financial state is concerned. You have a strong base to meet your retirement needs and also a potential to create wealth for the generations ahead.

I want to highlight/recommend few points -
1. Increase the medical Insurance for yourself and family to 1Crore as medical expenses will only increase in future.
2. Stop the Term Life Insurance and save the premium for investment. As you have no liabilities and net-worth is high enough to cover any outcomes in life ahead, this premium is a lost cause considering your strong financial state.
3. Revisit the LIC Policies you have and consider surrendering/stopping them if they are not nearing their maturity. They are not giving you enough cover and providing below par returns. So do discuss with a trusted licensed advisor and evaluate them. If they will mature in the next 4 years, ignore this point.
4. Post retirement period is a long duration of 30 years, so do consider getting a good advisor - a Certified Financial Planner who can guide you to plan your retirement well and help you design a portfolio for additional wealth creation as a legacy for your children/dependents.


Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I have the following funds part of my SIP and the last 4 funds are my one time lump sum of 35K each and invested sometime in November last year. Are these good to hold (lump sum) and rest as SIP for another 5 years. 1 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Reg Gr 2 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Dir Gr 3 Tata Multi Asset Opp Dir Gr 4 TATA Nifty 50 Index Dir Pl 5 Technology Plan - Direct - Growth 6 Bandhan Sterling Value Fund-(Reg PIn) -Gr 7 Nifty Smallcap250 Quality 50 Index Fund - Dir - G 8 | HDFC Dividend Yield Direct Growth 9 Quant Large and Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth 10 Quant Multi Asset Fund Direct Growth 11 Groww Nifty Non Cyclical Consumer Index Fund Direct Growth 12 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: You have invested in multiple funds through SIP and lump sum. Holding them for the next 5 years is a good approach. However, it is important to check if your portfolio is diversified, aligned with your goals, and tax-efficient.

Overlap Between Funds
Your portfolio has multiple funds from the same category.

Too many similar funds do not improve returns but make tracking difficult.

Checking fund overlap can help avoid duplication.

Actively Managed vs Index Funds
You have index funds in your portfolio.

Index funds do not offer downside protection in market corrections.

Actively managed funds can outperform the index in volatile markets.

Switching from index funds to actively managed funds can improve growth.

Direct vs Regular Funds
You have invested in direct funds.

Direct funds may seem cheaper, but they lack expert guidance.

Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials ensures better selection and tracking.

Regular funds provide better decision-making support over time.

Sector-Specific and Thematic Funds
You hold a technology fund.

Sector funds are high-risk, as they depend on one industry’s performance.

If the sector underperforms, returns may be negative for years.

A diversified approach reduces risk compared to sector-based investing.

Smallcap and Midcap Allocation
You have smallcap and midcap funds.

These funds can be highly volatile in the short term.

Holding them for 5+ years is necessary to reduce risk.

Ensure you rebalance if the portfolio gets too aggressive.

Multi-Asset and Dividend Yield Funds
Multi-asset funds provide stability during market corrections.

Dividend yield funds are suitable for conservative investors.

These funds help in balancing the portfolio between risk and return.

Final Insights
Reduce overlapping funds and focus on fewer, well-performing funds.

Exit index funds and shift to actively managed funds for better growth.

Consider switching from direct funds to regular funds for expert tracking.

Keep sector funds below 10% of your portfolio to avoid concentration risk.

Continue SIPs in high-quality diversified funds for long-term wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

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Money
Can I run my family with 15 k exp and 20k retirement income
Ans: You have a monthly retirement income of Rs 20,000 and expect monthly expenses of Rs 15,000. On paper, this looks manageable, but there are important financial factors to consider. Let us analyse whether this income will be sufficient for the long term.

Cost of Living and Inflation Impact
Expenses will increase over time due to inflation.

If inflation is 6% per year, your Rs 15,000 monthly expenses may double in 12 years.

If income remains Rs 20,000, the gap between income and expenses will widen.

Healthcare and Medical Costs
Medical expenses increase with age.

Even with health insurance, out-of-pocket medical costs can rise.

If a medical emergency arises, your savings could be depleted quickly.

Emergency Fund Requirement
A sudden family emergency can strain finances.

Having at least 2–3 years' worth of expenses in a liquid fund is necessary.

If you do not have an emergency fund, your retirement income may not be sufficient.

Unplanned Expenses and Lifestyle Changes
New financial needs may arise, such as helping family members or home repairs.

You may want to travel, pursue hobbies, or engage in social activities.

A fixed retirement income can make such expenses challenging.

Investment Strategy for Long-Term Security
To beat inflation, invest a portion of savings in growth-oriented assets.

A mix of equity and debt funds will help generate better returns.

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds can provide a higher monthly income.

Alternative Income Sources
Consider part-time work, freelancing, or consulting if possible.

Rental income or dividends from investments can support retirement cash flow.

Final Insights
Rs 20,000 may be enough now, but inflation and rising costs can make it insufficient later.

A combination of investments, emergency funds, and alternate income sources will provide financial security.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to sustain your retirement lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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