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29-Year-Old Woman Seeking Advice on Inter-Caste Marriage Delays

Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024Hindi

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Hello, I am in a relationship and have been trying to convince my parents for the past two years. We belong to different castes, and our families live far apart, which makes it difficult for us to meet in person. I am a 29-year-old woman, and my parents have finally been convinced. However, the issue is now with the boy's family. They are delaying making a firm decision. This is the second time they haven’t confirmed whether they are ready. The boy's father is elderly and unwell, but I can't tell this to my parents, as they might think his family is using it as another excuse to delay. The boy is under a lot of stress because his family blames him for his father's illness. Meanwhile, my parents are losing interest, as this is the second time they’ve been convinced, only for the boy’s family to delay. Both families have met twice, but there has never been a discussion about how to proceed with the marriage. We have a mediator known to both families, but since the boy’s parents haven’t given a clear answer, the mediator got frustrated and said something to my parents, making them suspicious. Now, the mediator wants to clear things up, but the situation on the boy's side is so sensitive that he cannot talk to his parents directly. The delays are making my parents even more frustrated. I do not want to leave him. My parents believe that because this is the second time things have fallen through, it's a bad omen. While the boy's mother and brother have no issues with the marriage, his father is still not fully convinced, and they are not taking any initiative. I’m unsure what to do. My parents are pressuring me to leave him and make a final decision. It's been 10 days since this situation escalated, and I keep fighting with them. They believe there’s no solution to this problem, but I am not ready to leave him, and neither is he. For my parents, two years feels like a long time to wait, and they think it’s time to move on.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents seem to be right from their point of view. Two years is a lot of wait time. I think you need to step in and bring in this perspective to your boyfriend that you cannot wait forever. It's time that he took charge and understands that by postponing, the problem does not go away!
So, let him deal with his side of the family as only he can get through to them. Stay away from worrying about his family as he needs to take responsibility for it. Talk to him and clearly state to him that waiting forever is not what you can or wish to do. Sometimes, an ultimatum can bring closure to situations that are hanging in balance.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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