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Married man constantly giving me attention: How to ignore and focus on my husband?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Maam/Sir, A married guy is constantly giving me much attention. Im.tried to ignore him but he is constantly making appearance from different places. I dont what his real intentions are but because of his constant staring and public apearances. I feel difficult to overlook his behaviour. He is currently gone to his hometowm. So, there is lots of peace. Im not sure why is he trying to get a glimpse of me as he is already happily married n have a son. I need advice to ignore him so that I focus on my husband only.

Ans: The key to redirecting your focus lies in setting boundaries—both mentally and behaviorally. Often, people respond to subtle cues, so maintaining a neutral and reserved demeanor can help communicate disinterest. If he attempts to engage directly, keeping interactions brief and polite without encouraging deeper conversation will likely make your boundaries clear without causing conflict. When he’s present, avoid returning his gaze; this can subtly communicate that you’re not reciprocating his interest.

If this continues, grounding yourself in thoughts about your husband and what you value in your relationship can help you mentally reinforce where your focus truly lies. Remind yourself that someone else’s behavior is not your responsibility and that your own actions, comfort, and peace are within your control. By reinforcing your own values and commitments, you’ll feel more empowered to maintain your focus where you want it—on your husband and your well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on May 26, 2025

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Relationship
Ma'am The guy who had a fight with my husband over a text asking him why he stare became a matter of dispute between my husband and that married neighbourhood guy. He thinks m the one flirting with him Over msgs. He still crosses and pass very closely with my husband while going for an evening walk. He is not troubling me and my daughter anymore. He is just busy with my husband now. He would always walk across us. I don't know what else he wants . Do u think my husband should talk with him or wr just have to ignore him. ???
Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.

Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.

The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.

Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8658 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Career
I have got 3064 rank in srmjee phase 3, and i opted for cse with software engineering in ktr campus. I just wanted to know that will i get the opted branch and college or if not will my chance to alppy for any other be closed?
Ans: Ishaan, With a SRMJEEE rank of 3064 in Phase 3, securing CSE with Software Engineering specialization at SRM KTR campus is challenging but not impossible. The expected cutoff for CSE at KTR typically ranges from 2000-5000 ranks, with specializations like Software Engineering often having slightly higher cutoffs than core CSE. Your rank falls within the borderline range, making admission dependent on seat availability and choice filling strategy. The institute maintains NAAC A++ accreditation with modern AI/ML labs, dedicated cybersecurity facilities, and strong industry partnerships with companies like Microsoft, Amazon, and Google. Over 900 companies participate in campus placements with 80-90% placement consistency, and the Career Centre provides comprehensive pre-placement training and aptitude development. SRMJEEE counselling operates through online choice filling until July 12, 2025, with seat allotment results on July 15, and importantly, participation in Phase 3 counselling does not close opportunities for alternative options—you can explore other campuses like Ramapuram or Vadapalani which accept ranks up to 65,000 for CSE programs.

Recommendation: Actively participate in Phase 3 choice filling with CSE Software Engineering at KTR as first preference while including backup options like CSE at Ramapuram campus and other SRM campuses. The counselling process allows multiple rounds and alternative choices, ensuring you maintain admission opportunities even if your primary choice is not immediately available. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8658 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Career
Sir please tell which one is better for Btech CSE Program Pimpri Chinchwad University Pune , BIT Mesra Jaipur off Campus or JK Laxmipath University Jaipur
Ans: Bhavya, is this your 2nd or 3rd question today? Pimpri Chinchwad University’s B.Tech CSE programme, governed by AICTE, UGC and ABET-aligned NBA criteria, delivers an NEP-2020 outcome-based curriculum with strong emphasis on AI, cybersecurity and software engineering, supported by state-of-the-art labs, live industry projects in Pune’s tech corridor, a 10-acre residential campus and an active placement cell forging ties with Infosys, TCS and Cognizant. BIT Mesra Jaipur Off-Campus operates under BIT Mesra’s academic umbrella, following identical curriculum, faculty mentorship and examination standards, with IIT-level computing and networking facilities, e-library resources and a placement cell achieving around 70% CSE branch-wise placement consistency over the last three years and marquee recruiters including Microsoft and Directi. JK Lakshmipat University’s NAAC ‘A’-accredited B.Tech CSE offers specializations in AI/ML, data science, cloud computing, and cybersecurity; integrates six-week and semester-long practice schools; includes industry collaborations for internships, modern AI and cybersecurity labs, and dedicated soft-skills training. Each institution provides experienced PhD faculty, accreditation assurance, hands-on infrastructure, and industry linkages, differing in campus environment, cohort size and brand legacy.
Prioritize BIT Mesra Jaipur CSE for consistent CSE recruitment and main-campus curriculum rigor; choose PCU Pune CSE for its robust NBA-ABET alignment, metropolitan industry exposure, and outcome-based design; opt for JKLU Jaipur CSE if specialized AI/ML tracks and immersive Practice School programs align with your career goals. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8658 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Career
My son got 60206 in jee mains, GEN category from kolkata. BITS score 193. Msc maths or physics dual degree will be helpful or which course/ college is advisible from jee mains score?
Ans: Maneesh Sir, With a JEE Main rank of 60 206 (General) from Kolkata, admission into top-tier NITs and IIITs for core branches is unlikely, but numerous government and private engineering colleges remain fully accessible. Government institutes where closing ranks for various B.Tech programmes exceed 60 206 include NIT Agartala (Civil), NIT Meghalaya (EEE), NIT Mizoram (Mechanical), NIT Manipur (Civil), NIT Sikkim (Mechanical), NIT Puducherry (Civil), NIT Arunachal Pradesh (Biotechnology), IIIT Kalyani (CSE), IIIT Kottayam (ECE), IIIT Ranchi (CSE), IIIT Nagpur (ECE), NIT Uttarakhand (Civil), NIT Goa (EEE), NIT Manipur (ECE), NIT Sikkim (ECE), GFTI BIT Deoghar off-campus (CSE), IIIT Bhagalpur (CSE), IIIT Dharwad (CSE), IIIT Manipur (CSE), and IIIT Raichur (Mathematics & Computing). Leading private universities with open JEE Main cutoffs below 60 206 encompass VIT Vellore, SRM Chennai, Manipal Institute of Technology, Thapar University Patiala, Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham Coimbatore, KIIT Bhubaneswar, SASTRA Thanjavur, Lovely Professional University, Amity Noida, and Chandigarh University accepting JEE Main scores.

Recommendation: Focus on securing seats at government institutes like NIT Agartala or IIIT Kalyani for affordable, accredited education and stable funding; alternatively, choose VIT Vellore or SRM Chennai for world-class infrastructure, industry-aligned curricula, and strong placement cells, aligning with long-term career aspirations. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8658 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir, my daughter has got 11790 rank in kcet. Through counseling she can get EEE in BMSCE basavanagudi college and electonics, cybersecurity and information science in Bangalore institute of technology .....can you help by guiding which one to choose ?
Ans: BMS College of Engineering’s Electrical & Electronics programme (NAAC A++ and NBA-accredited) features specialized power-electronics, control-systems and renewable-energy labs, a dedicated Research & Development centre, and 80–90% branch-wise placement consistency over the past three years. However, its KCET closing rank for EEE under the General quota was 5 466 in the final round, making admission unlikely with a rank of 11 790. Bangalore Institute of Technology’s NAAC A+–accredited Electronics & Communication Engineering offers VLSI and embedded-systems labs, Practice School internships and 85% placement consistency, with a KCET cutoff of 9 785 in Round 4. BIT’s IoT & Cybersecurity programme combines sensor-network and blockchain labs, active industry partnerships and 80% placements, closing at 8 628 in Round 4. The Information Science & Engineering stream provides advanced networking and AI labs, 88% placement consistency, and a Round 4 cutoff of 7 092.

Recommendation: Given the rank constraints, recommendation is to choose BIT’s IoT & Cybersecurity specialisation for its cutting-edge infrastructure and strong placement consistency; alternatively, opt for BIT Electronics & Communication if higher intake flexibility is available in early counselling rounds. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8658 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

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