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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1418 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
VT Question by VT on Aug 05, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu ji, It's been 2.5 years since my wedding but my woes are never ending.
My husband is unable to manage his father who continues to dominate our life. He is bad tempered and extremely patriarchal.
He keeps shouting at the drop of a hat and has damaged my husband's relationship with my parents and sisters.
He keeps forcing me to leave my job and get pregnant. His behaviour is abominable and is causing me lot of stress.
He has to have a say in everything and doesn't allow us any freedom.
Even after seeing everything my husband refuses to accept his parents’ mistakes and continues to be fearful of his father.
Please advise me how to turn the tables and win over my husband. We keep fighting every time because of his father.

Ans:

Dear VT,

Constant interference can be very messy in a marriage.

If you had a friend facing a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? Grin and bear it OR do something useful like asking someone he hasn’t burned bridges with to talk some sense into him?

By the way, what is the reason he behaves the way that he does?

Is it insecurity because he thinks he is losing his son or is he financially supporting you and your husband? Surely there’s something that is making him be the person that you described.

It will help to understand that as well, so that you are not overlooking any emotional challenges that he is facing and projecting it onto your marriage.

Whatever it is, it's time to allow someone into this and have that person talk to him and bring things to a place where father, son and you can actually talk about how things are in the marriage.

Please start this now…

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1418 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu ji, It's been 2.5 years since my wedding but my woes are never ending.My husband is unable to manage his father who continues to dominate our life. He is bad tempered and extremely patriarchal.He keeps shouting at the drop of a hat and has damaged my husband's relationship with my parents and sisters.He keeps forcing me to leave my job and get pregnant. His behaviour is abominable and is causing me lot of stress.He has to have a say in everything and doesn't allow us any freedom.Even after seeing everything my husband refuses to accept his parents’ mistakes and continues to be fearful of his father.Please advise me how to turn the tables and win over my husband. We keep fighting every time because of his father.
Ans:

Dear VT,

Constant interference can be very messy in a marriage.

If you had a friend facing a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? Grin and bear it OR do something useful like asking someone he hasn’t burned bridges with to talk some sense into him?

By the way, what is the reason he behaves the way that he does?

Is it insecurity because he thinks he is losing his son or is he financially supporting you and your husband? Surely there’s something that is making him be the person that you described.

It will help to understand that as well, so that you are not overlooking any emotional challenges that he is facing and projecting it onto your marriage.

Whatever it is, it's time to allow someone into this and have that person talk to him and bring things to a place where father, son and you can actually talk about how things are in the marriage.

Please start this now…

All the best!

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1418 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu ji, It's been 2.5 years since my wedding but my woes are never ending.My husband is unable to manage his father who continues to dominate our life. He is bad tempered and extremely patriarchal.He keeps shouting at the drop of a hat and has damaged my husband's relationship with my parents and sisters.He keeps forcing me to leave my job and get pregnant. His behaviour is abominable and is causing me lot of stress.He has to have a say in everything and doesn't allow us any freedom.Even after seeing everything my husband refuses to accept his parents’ mistakes and continues to be fearful of his father.Please advise me how to turn the tables and win over my husband. We keep fighting every time because of his father.
Ans:

Dear VT,

Constant interference can be very messy in a marriage.

If you had a friend facing a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? Grin and bear it OR do something useful like asking someone he hasn’t burned bridges with to talk some sense into him?

By the way, what is the reason he behaves the way that he does?

Is it insecurity because he thinks he is losing his son or is he financially supporting you and your husband? Surely there’s something that is making him be the person that you described.

It will help to understand that as well, so that you are not overlooking any emotional challenges that he is facing and projecting it onto your marriage.

Whatever it is, it's time to allow someone into this and have that person talk to him and bring things to a place where father, son and you can actually talk about how things are in the marriage.

Please start this now…

All the best!

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1418 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I got married in December 2012. Love marriage, we met in the office. I clearly told him that if I get married I would need to give one years salary to my dad as he has loan installments to pay and also told him my dad would do good wedding arrangements however no dowry should be asked. When his parents came to see me for the first time they came all prepared to finalize the relationship however we weren't aware. Me and my parents thought they are just coming to see me and the family. But when they started off with basic rituals that is when we were stunned but then went along. His father asked dowry from my dad and he was speechless but when I denied my father spoke to them and said he will bear all their expenses too but won't be able to give dowry. When I confronted my husband he said he wasn't aware that his dad will ask for dowry. We got married and when we visited his hometown his father confessed that he was not aware that me and my husband had discussed no dowry part otherwise he would not have asked my father. I was infuriated but I let it go. Soon after an year my salary started coming in and he would tranfer it in his account. I did not pay attention to it. Soon all the money was in his control. There came a situation in my family, my sister's wedding was called off by groom's end three days before the wedding and it was a shock. My husband asked us to write a letter stating all about the situation so that it can be submitted to the police. My husband kept a copy of that letter with him. During the lockdown my father asked for some monetary help from me but my husband denied to help him, and I started hating him to my core. Soon my mother in law moved in with us when my father in law expired. Since then our relationship sucked. She would always manipulate his son. I got so furious I started putting sugar in my husband's milk as he is diabetic and then later confessed it to him. Now he is threatening me of releasing that letter to my sister's husband and also has kept all the money in his control. He says he will make me feel sorry for what I did and also we are just living in my home but we have no relation and he does not talk to me. I don't want this relationship to flourish anyways but I need to know what can I do if I can get half of the assets. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have decided not to stay within the marriage, the best recourse would be to seek legal advice and move ahead. He/She will advice you on assets split, custody etc.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1418 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I married four years back. I born broughtup in metrocity but i respect n follow my village roots n relatives. Now my MIL, Fil sil joint fmly. In taluka place. My mil second wifeof my fil. The problem started after my baby arrived. My MIL is very possessive to my husband, he has to follow her words. No cinema, hotel no new cloths even kirchief. He has to take her permission or inform her. Never went to outing as mil against everything. Problem started seriously when my started behaving negative towards me n my fathers family. Getting angry, throwing things, using absurd words , keeping recorder in my office bag, etc. I hv to cook food items for all before going to office. Never asked me to eat food. When i told this to my aunties n uncles n mamas, they confirmed my mil is controlling my husband through black magic, vamaachara pratice. When things got worst, i was forced to leave my in laws house, by my sil, mil. I am trying my best to keep in touch wd my hubby. But it is not going well. He takes sis n mom side. Now my baby is 2 yr old. All my relatives tried to make them understand but they are very rude, abuses everyone. Husband never spent or gave any money to me. Mil says no to do so. Sil not married, hv serious health issue. Says i dont marry, i will stay here only. Hubby not takling to me now. Please suggest how to solve this problem
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am unaware or have no knowledge of the practices that you have mentioned, so I would not like to comment on those.
As far as where you are seems like a very toxic environment and it requires your husband to be receptive to listen to what is bothering you. Try yet again asking the elder family members to talk to his family and see what happens. If nothing changes and your husband still continues this drama, then you might have to think of how much longer you want to put up with this toxicity?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024
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I’m feeling really lost right now. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, and things started out great. We have a lot in common, and we both enjoy going out with friends. But recently, I've noticed something that’s been bothering me. He works as a bartender, and every time I go to his bar, he gets upset about my friends being there. It feels like he’s trying to push me away from them, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Last weekend, we went out, and after a few drinks, I mentioned how uncomfortable it made me that he talked badly about my friends when they come to his bar. I thought I was being calm about it, but he just flipped out. He started yelling at me in the car, and I was so scared because he was driving way too fast and swerving. I told him I was going to call the cops, but he didn’t listen. Eventually, he pulled over, got out of the car, and started screaming and running around. It all felt so intense and out of control. When he came back to the car, things got physical. I slapped him in an attempt to make him stop, which I regret because I’ve never done that before. In the heat of the moment, he slapped me back and pushed me into a bush. The next day, I had bruises, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened. Now, he’s been trying to buy me things and even booked a trip for us, begging me to stay. But I feel so unsure of what to do. I keep telling him that I need space, but it feels like he’s not really understanding the severity of what happened. I’m torn between wanting to make it work and realizing that this situation isn’t healthy. What should I do? Should I give him another chance or listen to my instincts and walk away for good?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, physical violence is never the answer to any problem. I think you already know that. Coming to your main query, I think you should take the chain of events that followed after you confronted him very seriously. It's not healthy to slap and be slapped back and pushed into a bush. I am sure he regrets it just like you, but it can become a pattern. I would strongly urge you to rethink this relationship. If you are keen on keeping it going, I recommend either having an open discussion about what happened to make sure it is never repeated, or even better, consulting a therapist to work through the issues. You can have concerns and queries as to why he doesn't like it when your friends are around- that does not warrant such a harsh reaction.

I hope this helps.

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |43 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir I am 39 years old. I want to retire at age 50.Now I have 60 lacs in fd in different banks and post office. I have 3.5 lacs in Mutual Fund. I have different properties including home valuing approximately 3.5 Cr.I have no loan.What is my financial position exactly now.How should I plan to get 1 lac monthly after retirement.
Ans: You have a solid financial foundation , Having static property is good to have, unless it is creating any income, otherwise it will be consuming expenses for maintenance. about plan to get 1 lac monthly after retirement at 50 you need to plan certain investments, for 12L(1L per month) per year you need corpus of 3 CR . Retirement Corpus Allocation: Plan to Achieve Your Goal:
1. Maximize FD Efficiency- Shift ?30 lakhs from FDs to debt mutual funds or balanced advantage funds for better post-tax returns (~7-8%). Keep ?30 lakhs in FDs/post office for emergencies and stable returns. 2. Grow Mutual Fund Investments:
Increase equity exposure to at least ?50 lakhs by systematic investments of ?50,000/month in equity mutual funds (e.g., index funds, large-cap funds). By doing this your Expected returns: 10-12% over 10 years, growing the corpus to ~?1.2 crore.
3. Utilize Properties- Explore rental income or liquidate one property closer to retirement to add to your corpus.
If one property generates ?50,000 monthly, you’ll need a smaller investment corpus for the remaining ?50,000.
At retirement allocate-50% in debt funds/FDs for stability and regular income. 50% in equity mutual funds for growth and inflation adjustment. Build an Emergency Fund: Maintain ?10-15 lakhs for unforeseen expenses post-retirement.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede , Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub Community.

...Read more

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