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Should I Marry My Girlfriend Despite Her Past Physical Relationships?

Ravi Mittal |590 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 19, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

HI i had a girlfriend and she is loyal to me but she had a 2 relationships before this and with both she also physically involved, now we are planning to get married , she did not have any connections with them but I'm unable to forgot that she was physically involved, although she is very loyal and careing to me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I will tell you what I tell everybody, your partner's past is in the past. There's nothing either of you can do to change it. And remember, your partner is not in the wrong here. But if you have issues with her being physically intimate with her exes, it is high time you air your concerns. If this is going to be an issue forever, it is better to get it out now, and deal with it, than wait for it to get worse. Neither you, nor her, deserves a life that is weighed down by the past. I cannot tell you what should and what shouldn't bother you, but I can tell you one thing- the past should not mess up the chance for a wonderful future. The choice is yours.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |590 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi

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Before coming into our relationship I knew that my girlfriend had a past relationship of 3 years. I asked about it just to clarify if anything was there which will harm our upcoming relationship we gona Start. She mentioned that she did not liked her past relationship and other stuff and she mentioned she had not any physical relationship of any kind with her ex . But now after we came into relationship after 2 years. I found out that she had a physical relationship with her ex . But no intercourse but other stuff. I could not believe her words when she told all this and she been laying all the things I asked if it was your first time and other things. I had no such relationship as of myself and told her that I hate such types where u already experienced stuffs with others . What should I do . I like her too she too loves me . But the thing I found out haunts me and make me fill miserable

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are hurting but her past truly should not matter to you in the present. Ideally, I am not in favor of pushing people to disclose their past experiences, especially if they are not comfortable with it. But I agree that she was wrong to get into a relationship with you when you specifically showed dislike towards the things you mentioned. I suppose she liked you too much and did not want to ruin her chances. I should also mention that judging a person by their past or because they had certain kinds of relations with their ex is not fair; you were not in the picture. Regardless of it, your pain is valid. It isn't easy to come to terms with new information about your partner's past.

Now hear me out, past is in the past. It can only hurt you if you let it. Think about it properly- did she do anything in the present to hurt you? NO. Can you or she change the past? NO. Should she apologize for having a past? NO. Should you move past this and work towards a better future? That's the only thing in your control. Chose wisely. If you think you will hold her accountable for this forever, then you both should reconsider this relationship. If you think this fight is meaningless, and want to move forward with your relationship, then great.

Best Wishes.

Anu Krishna |1604 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2025

I had a 2 years relationship with a girl. Last year she left me for another guy and gave him her virginity and got pregnant. After getting abortion that guy left her. Now she came back to me and talked to me for about 2 months just as friends but i loved her so much that i forgave her and accepted her and we got in relationship. But one night she told me about all her past with her 2nd boyfriend. Now i don't want to keep relationship as her past makes me shiver and i promised her for marriage but i can't get over the fact that she cheated me and lost virginity to another guy then came back and wants me to marry her. So if i am not sure of marriage should i involve in physical activities with her ( we never envolved in physical activities before ) or should i avoid doing that until i am sure of marrying her.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not even sure whether you want to accept her past with the other guy. If you have not made peace with this, why talk of marriage and indulging in physical stuff with her? It's not her this time; it's YOU!
So, take a break from this association, clear your mind space on what you want from life and a life partner. If she is the person you know that fits the description, then perhaps the past will not matter. Mere love is not enough, what you value in a relationship is in question now...so, take time to think i through and then make a decision on it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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