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Govt employee in love with her mother's aunt's cousin's brother: How to deal with family disapproval?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |741 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am in govt sector and my partner who I wish to marry does his own business. We want to get married but my family is against this union because he is my mother's aunt cousin brother's son, a relationship which is quite distant. His family has no issues but my parents are not ready due to societal pressure they could face. We are planning to do court marriage with his family in agreement. I really love my parents but I can't see my future family being disrespected by them. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is hard to see your parents disappointed by the choices you make in life. If the only issue is the distant relationship between your parents and your partner, then I am not sure why they are so against it, but then again, all families have a certain set of rules and opinions they can't bend for anything or anyone. This might be theirs. Maybe give it one last try; let them know your decision and express how happy it would make you if they could be happy for you and join you for your wedding. If it still doesn't work, I would suggest you focus on finding peace in the fact that you have tried.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |741 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1813 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |12558 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Sep 15, 2026

Career
good afternoon sir i am a student passed my class 12th from cbse in pcb stream with 85% marks now in 2027 i want to give jee mains mhtcet nd comedk exams for engineering for that i have taken nios maths as an additional subject and opted for on demand exam in feb 2027 so i wanted to ask am i eligible for the addmissions in clg through these exams with holding two 12th marksheets??? pls ans asap it would be alot helpful... sir u speicifcally tell me abt mhtcet cap eound addmissions into colleges like coep pict spit vit nd etc cause i am more focused on it
Ans: Atharv, You are potentially eligible for engineering admissions, subject to the 2027 eligibility rules and acceptance of your NIOS Mathematics marksheet as an additional qualifying subject. For MHT-CET B.E./B.Tech CAP, Mathematics is compulsory, and your CBSE and NIOS documents must collectively meet the eligibility criteria.

Admission to colleges such as COEP, PICT, SPIT, and VIT through MHT-CET CAP cannot be confirmed until the 2027 CAP brochure clarifies the policy on two-board/additional-subject combinations. Please note that COMEDK (for Karnataka private engineering colleges) has historically not accepted marksheets from two different boards; therefore, your current combination may not be eligible for COMEDK counselling. We recommend reviewing the COMEDK 2027 notification once released to confirm the latest eligibility and admission criteria.

Additionally, it is strongly advisable to apply to at least 4–5 private engineering colleges through their respective entrance exams as backup options, rather than relying solely on MHT-CET and COMEDK. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 11, 2026
Money
I am a 25 yo looking to fix my money problems. Plsssss help!!!!!!!
Ans: At 25, you have something very valuable: plenty of time to correct money mistakes.

You do not need a perfect investment plan today. You need a simple system that you can follow every month.

» Step 1: Know Where Your Money Goes

For the next 2–3 months, track every rupee coming in and going out.

Separate expenses into:

– Essential expenses
– Family commitments
– Lifestyle spending
– EMIs and other debts
– Savings and investments

This will show where your money problem actually is.

» Step 2: Clear Costly Debt First

If you have credit-card outstanding, personal loans or other high-cost debt, give priority to clearing them.

Do not take more investment risk while expensive debt is eating into your income.

» Step 3: Build An Emergency Fund

Before increasing mutual fund investments, create an emergency reserve.

Keep around 4–6 months of essential expenses in easily accessible, safe options.

This money is not for wealth creation. It is for emergencies such as job loss, family needs or sudden expenses.

» Step 4: Start Investing Systematically

After your emergency fund and debt are under control, start a monthly SIP.

A diversified equity mutual fund portfolio can be considered for goals that are at least 7–10 years away.

Do not select funds simply because they gave high returns recently.

The investment should match your goal, time period and ability to handle market ups and downs.

» Step 5: Increase Savings With Income

At 25, your income may grow considerably over the next 10 years.

Whenever your salary increases:

– Increase your SIP.
– Avoid increasing lifestyle expenses at the same speed.
– Keep bonuses partly for financial goals.
– Build separate funds for short-term and long-term goals.

This can make a much bigger difference than trying to find the highest-return investment.

» Step 6: Protect Yourself

A 360-degree money plan also needs protection.

– Maintain adequate health insurance.
– If you have financial dependants, consider suitable term insurance.
– Keep nominees updated on your financial accounts.
– Avoid mixing insurance and investment without understanding the costs and benefits.

» Step 7: Keep Goals Separate

Create separate buckets for:

– Emergency money
– Short-term goals within 3 years
– Medium-term goals of 3–7 years
– Long-term wealth creation

Money needed soon should not be exposed heavily to equity market risk.

» Finally

At 25, even if your finances currently feel messy, you are very far from being financially stuck.

Start with three things: control expenses, remove costly debt and build an emergency fund. Then increase your long-term investments gradually.

If you share your monthly income, expenses, existing loans, savings, investments and major goals, an Investment professional can assess the complete picture and suggest a more suitable 360-degree structure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 13, 2026
Money
Hello sir, I am a mbbs second year student (about to finish) and currently earn about 50K from a part time job. After house expenses my savings are around 20K. I have recently invested in following sip- Parag Parikh direct growth 2.5K monthly ; hdfc large and mid cap 2.5K monthly ; hdfc defense 1K monthly I wish to grow this money in 5 years to somewhat amount to afford a down payment for a house on home loan as soon as I start my pg Any suggestions about my current sip and where should I put rest of my money?
Ans: It is good that you have started investing while still in your second year of MBBS. Building the saving habit at this stage can give you a strong financial base when your medical career grows.

You currently save around Rs.20,000 every month. Your present SIP is Rs.6,000, leaving around Rs.14,000 for other financial priorities.

» Your 5-Year House Goal

A 5-year period is relatively short for an equity-heavy portfolio, especially when the money is specifically required for a house down payment.

Your PG admission and career transition may also bring large expenses. So, the house fund should not depend entirely on equity market returns.

I would suggest keeping the house down-payment goal separate from your long-term wealth creation.

– Money required within 5 years: moderate-risk investments with increasing debt allocation as the goal approaches.

– Money required after 10 years: equity-oriented mutual funds can have a larger role.

» Review of Your Existing SIPs

Your portfolio has three different exposures:

– A diversified equity fund gives broad exposure and can remain a core long-term holding.

– A large and mid-cap fund can also be useful for long-term wealth creation.

– A defence-sector fund is a thematic investment. It can be more volatile because its performance depends heavily on one sector.

For a 5-year house goal, I would not make the thematic fund a major part of your savings. You may consider keeping the exposure limited and directing fresh money towards diversified investments.

» Direct Plan Vs Regular Plan

You are currently using direct mutual fund plans. Direct plans have a lower expense ratio because there is no distributor commission.

However, for a young investor starting his financial journey, the service and review support available through an MFD can be valuable.

A regular plan through an AMFI-registered MFD can provide:

– Portfolio review and rebalancing support.

– Help in matching investments with your changing goals.

– Guidance when markets fall sharply.

– Assistance with nominations, transactions and documentation.

– Review when your income changes substantially after MBBS and during PG.

The cost difference should therefore be evaluated along with the service you actually receive. If you are comfortable selecting, monitoring and reviewing everything yourself, direct plans can be suitable. Otherwise, regular plans through an MFD can offer useful ongoing support.

» Where To Put The Remaining Rs.14,000

I would not immediately put the entire balance into equity SIPs.

Your first priority should be an emergency reserve. Since you are studying and working part-time, your income may change during PG.

You can divide the remaining savings broadly into:

– Rs.8,000–Rs.10,000 towards a safe house/PG reserve.

– Rs.4,000–Rs.6,000 towards additional long-term wealth creation.

The safe portion can be built through suitable bank deposits or high-quality short-duration debt-oriented investments, depending on your exact need and tax position.

» Do Not Take A Large Home Loan Too Early

This is especially important in your case.

Your income may rise significantly after PG, but your education and career path can also involve relocation, fees and other expenses.

Buying a house immediately after starting PG may therefore put unnecessary pressure on your cash flow.

It may be better to first build:

– Emergency fund.

– PG education fund.

– House down-payment fund.

– Adequate health insurance.

– Personal term insurance when you have financial dependants.

Then decide the home-loan amount based on your stable post-PG income.

» A Better 360-Degree Approach

Your present age gives you a major advantage: time.

Do not focus only on maximising the SIP return. Focus on building financial flexibility.

For the next few years:

– Continue disciplined monthly investing.

– Keep the house corpus separate from retirement/long-term wealth.

– Reduce dependence on the thematic fund.

– Build an emergency reserve.

– Avoid unnecessary loans and lifestyle commitments.

– Increase SIPs whenever your income rises.

Once you complete PG and your income becomes stable, you can substantially increase your equity SIP and build wealth much faster.

» Final Insights

Your starting point is quite strong for an MBBS student. The important thing now is not to chase very high returns.

Your 5-year house goal needs capital protection as the date comes closer. Your long-term wealth goal can take more equity risk.

With disciplined saving now and a meaningful SIP increase after PG, you can create a much stronger financial position before taking a home loan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |12558 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Sep 13, 2026

Career
i am a partial dropper currently studying in manipal university jaipur in btech ece i want to give iat in 2027 and would like some guidence as to how to go abt it
Ans: Advaitha, If you are genuinely interested in research and pure sciences, consider appearing for IAT 2027. If you meet the eligibility requirements, you can prepare for IAT alongside your B.Tech rather than dropping out. Since IAT covers Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics and Biology, begin by strengthening your Class 11–12 NCERT concepts, followed by regular practice of IAT-level MCQs and previous-year papers. Always refer to the official IAT 2027 notification for the latest eligibility criteria, exam pattern and important dates. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 12, 2026

Money
Sir, I have a lic jeevan suraksha poliy plan 122 - 27 Yrs with terminal Bonus, Without Life Cover, Policy Issue date 1.7.2001, VEsting Date 30.3.2028, yearly Premium Rs 9918/-Monthly Annuity Rs 9990/- - NCO - Rs 1200000/- . I wanted to now if LIC actually declares any SRB in addition to NCO for policy. and If yes, What would be the Approximate Corups available to me on the vesting date for me to choose between the Options
Ans: You have given the important policy details, and the vesting date is quite close. This is a useful time to review the available options carefully.

Your policy appears to be the old deferred annuity plan, Plan 122, issued in 2001. The plan provides for a deferred annuity and includes provision for a terminal bonus.

» Will you get SRB in addition to Rs. 12 lakh NCO?

The important point is that the benefit in your policy should not be assumed to be a normal Simple Reversionary Bonus (SRB), like in a traditional participating endowment policy.

For this particular plan, the benefit structure refers to a Final Additional Bonus / Terminal Bonus payable at vesting, subject to LICs declaration and the terms applicable to your policy.

Therefore:

– Your Rs. 12 lakh NCO is the important base figure.

– A terminal/final additional bonus may be payable in addition to this amount.

– The bonus cannot be safely estimated merely by applying the current LIC bonus rates.

– The final amount will depend on the bonus actually declared by LIC for your particular policy at vesting.

So, I would not advise you to assume a particular bonus amount before LIC confirms it.

» Approximate corpus at vesting

Since your vesting date is 30.03.2028, there is still some time left.

For planning purposes, I would treat Rs. 12 lakh as the presently known NCO and consider the terminal bonus as an additional amount, rather than building your retirement decision around an assumed bonus.

A reasonable planning approach is:

– Base amount: Rs. 12 lakh NCO.

– Plus: terminal/final additional bonus, if declared and applicable.

– Final vesting value: to be confirmed by LIC before you exercise the annuity option.

I would be cautious about giving you a speculative corpus figure. It may look useful today, but it can create the wrong expectation.

» One important point about your Rs. 9,990 monthly annuity

You have mentioned:

– NCO: Rs. 12 lakh

– Monthly annuity: Rs. 9,990

– Annual premium: Rs. 9,918

– Policy term: 27 years

– Vesting: 30.03.2028

At vesting, you should obtain a written quotation from LIC showing the NCO after applicable bonus and the annuity payable under each available option.

The choice exercised at vesting is important because it determines your future pension structure and other benefits.

» What I suggest you do before 30.03.2028

About 6–12 months before vesting, ask LIC for a written statement showing:

– Present NCO.

– Terminal/final additional bonus credited or payable.

– Final amount available at vesting.

– Monthly annuity under each available option.

– Whether any commutation option is available to you.

– Death-benefit provisions under each option.

– Whether the Rs. 9,990 monthly annuity mentioned in your policy document remains applicable.

This is much safer than relying on an old policy document or verbal information.

» 360-degree retirement assessment

The bigger question is not only whether the corpus becomes Rs. 12 lakh or somewhat higher.

You should compare:

– The final LIC vesting amount.

– Pension available under each option.

– Whether you need regular income after 2028.

– Whether preserving capital for your family is important.

– Your other retirement assets and monthly income.

– Tax treatment of the income, where applicable.

– Liquidity required for medical and other emergencies.

Since this is an old policy and you have already paid premiums for many years, I would not suggest surrendering it at this stage without first checking the exact vesting benefits.

» Final Insights

Yes, your policy may have a terminal/final additional bonus in addition to the NCO, but I would not treat it as a guaranteed SRB or assume a fixed bonus amount.

For your decision-making, Rs. 12 lakh should presently be treated as the known base. The additional terminal bonus should be confirmed by LIC closer to the vesting date.

Most importantly, please obtain the official vesting quotation from LIC before choosing the annuity option. Once you have that quotation, the different options can be compared properly from an income, liquidity and family-benefit perspective.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 11, 2026

Money
I AM AGED ABOUT 56 AND HAVING A MEDICLAIM POLICY COVERING RS. 8.00 (EIGHT LAC) FOR ME AND MY SPOUSE WITH ORIENTAL INSURANCE COMPANY FROM LAST 10 YEARS, SOME ONE SUGGESTING ME FOR TOP UP PLAN FOR THE ABOVE POLICY, WILL IT BE HELPFUL. PLEASE ADVICE.
Ans: » Your Existing Health Cover

Maintaining the same mediclaim policy for around 10 years is a strong positive. Continuity can be very useful, especially as you are now 56.

Your present Rs. 8 lakh family cover may be adequate for smaller hospital expenses, but it may not be sufficient for a major hospitalisation in future.

So, considering your age, adding extra health cover is worth evaluating.

» Is a Top-up Helpful?

Yes. A top-up can be a cost-effective way to increase your overall health protection.

A top-up generally works after a specified deductible is crossed. For example, if the deductible is Rs. 8 lakh, the top-up starts paying only after eligible medical expenses cross that level.

Hence, your existing policy and the top-up can work together.

However, please do not select a top-up only because the premium is low.

» Top-up vs Super Top-up

This is an important point.

A normal top-up usually considers the deductible for each claim separately.

A super top-up generally considers the deductible based on total eligible medical expenses during the policy period.

For a family, a super top-up can often provide better practical protection.

Example: Suppose there are two hospitalisations in one year. The first costs Rs. 6 lakh and the second Rs. 5 lakh. A super top-up may consider the total eligible expenses, subject to its policy conditions.

So, compare both structures carefully.

» Do Not Disturb Your Existing Policy

Since you have maintained the existing policy for about 10 years, I would generally not suggest replacing it merely to get a larger cover.

Your existing policy may have valuable continuity benefits and accumulated waiting-period advantages.

First explore increasing protection through an additional top-up or super top-up.

» Important Conditions to Check

Before buying the additional cover, check these points carefully:

– Whether the deductible is individual or family based.

– Whether the deductible applies per claim or annually.

– Waiting periods for pre-existing diseases.

– Room-rent restrictions.

– Co-payment conditions.

– Disease-wise sub-limits.

– Coverage for daycare procedures.

– Cashless hospital network in your city.

– Restoration or refill benefits.

– Whether both you and your spouse are covered under the additional policy.

– Maximum entry age and renewal conditions.

– Whether the additional policy has its own waiting periods.

These conditions can matter more than a small difference in premium.

» Suggested Structure

At age 56, I would prefer a layered health-insurance structure rather than depending only on Rs. 8 lakh.

You can consider:

– Continue your existing Rs. 8 lakh policy.

– Add a suitable super top-up with a meaningful additional cover.

– Keep a separate emergency medical reserve for expenses not fully covered by insurance.

– Review the total family health protection every 2-3 years.

The exact additional cover should depend on your city, spouse age, health history, existing policy terms and premium affordability.

» Final Insights

Your existing 10-year policy is valuable. So, do not surrender or discontinue it without a proper comparison.

Adding a top-up can definitely strengthen your protection. However, I would specifically compare a super top-up also before taking the decision.

At 56, increasing health insurance protection now can give you much better peace of mind for the coming years. The earlier you arrange adequate cover, the better, because health insurance becomes more important as age increases.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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