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40-Year-Old Male Software Engineer Seeking Advice on Extramarital Relationship

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dont take my name. I am 40 male a software engineer and have left any hope of patch up with wife. We are leaving together for our daughters. I feel alone some time and desire for physical intimacy keeps haunting me.Should and how can i look for relationship outside.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Looking for intimacy outside does come with its set of challenges. I cannot tell you whether you should or should not look for it (That is a decision for you to make based on perspectives that I will share) and how to do the same (that is not my line of work).

Desire for physical intimacy is natural and when one does not find that with their spouse/partner, invariably the mind will try and look for it outside. If it is only a physical release, then I suggest going SOLO (masturbation) to ease your sexual energies. But the moment it involves another person outside of marriage, it is going to get complicated with possible emotional tangles from both sides. Now, that is up to you, if you choose to take on that complex situation and navigate through it.

As a side thought, is it not possible to find some sort of reconciliation between you and your wife?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2024

Question by abdulrashid - Mar 06, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am 50 Years old man, my wife is not interested in sex with me ,i am looking someone to fullfill my need, can i get any such women need same. how can i find if any one read this try to contact me. i am feeling lonely, and advise me is it right decesion or wrong and the solution for same how can i come over this situation

Ans: Dear Abdul,
This platform clearly is for people who need guidance on challenges that they are facing in their lives and NOT for finding men/women to satisfy their needs.
If you want guidance with the challenge that you are facing, then please rephrase your question and re-post it please.

Of course, loneliness is a state of mind...if you do feel it, do encourage yourself to spend time with family, friends and most importantly your wife...try and improve the quality of life with your wife and this may help your intimacy as well.

All the best!

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2024Hindi

Relationship

i am 60+ now , i had a relationship with one married lady since 7 years and suddenly she stopped the communication and feel lonely now, can you suggest me on this please

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Friendship OR Relationship?
I guess somewhere what she was getting from you has lost its value and worth. Also, since she is married, the consequences might have been felt by her at home and she would have left without any explanation.
There is a vacuum YES; but fill this only with what you can by yourself. Anything that depends on someone else can destroy your self-worth which is why you are feeling lonely.
This time around, instead of searching for someone to give you a pep, invite yourself into your space and make it wort it. Do the things that you love and care about.
If there's a hobby that has been on a back-burner, bring it back, expand your social circle to invite meaningful associations with people...lead a wholesome life without depending on anyone to care for your emotions...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, I am 51 year old male having one son 21 years. Myself and my wife love each other very much however there is no intimacy between us for nearly 12 years now for a simple reason that my wife doesn't want it. I am now frustrated. I feel physically strangulated. One of friends asked me seek pleasure outside but i am avert to it. I want feel very depressed sometimes and get a strong urge but to no help. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not alone! There are many couples in this age bracket who have very mismatched sexual urges; but that doesn't take the fact away that there is a marriage and love within it, right?

What do we do when children grow from a baby to a adult? Every phase requires us to interact with them very differently. From being instructional to giving them their space, we have managed it all...How? Because we have acknowledged that children grow up and that we need to keep adapting to suit their minds and their age then.

It's the same with marriage as well. It's not fair to expect that your wife will be sexually active and highly charged up like she used to in the early days of marriage. She possibly is going through her perimenopause or some changes emotionally that is possibly deterring her from getting intimate. Talk to her, care for her, support her and also know that there are other forms of sexual intimacy other than sex alone. Start slowly, like you are still dating and bring back the spice element. Get a general check-up done to rule out any deficiencies in terms of vitamins so that this can be added as supplements.

Now, does this mean that she will be back with the energy and urge of a 25-year old? Possibly not, but at least it will give you both time to appreciate that there are phases in life and to accept this calls for maturity and a great deal of understanding. So, start by talking about it and take it slowly...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Question by Arkajyoti - Nov 07, 2024Hindi

Money

My age is 34 and I invest in SIP for around 30000 monthly. My current corpus is around 30Lakhs in MF, 10Lakhs in PF and another 10Lakhs in savings. I step up my SIPs every year by 2-3K, but I do not have much room to increase my SIP amount as my salary is very low. I want to retire with a monthly income of around 80K-1Lakh. What age can I retire?

Ans: Hello;

With your current investment levels, you may need 15 years to accumulate a corpus of around 3.46 Cr, which if annuitized may yield you a post-tax monthly income of 1.2 L assuming 6% annuity rate.

Returns from pure equity mutual funds are considered to be 12% and PF interest assumed to be 8%.

So you may consider about retirement, 15 years here onwards.

Happy Investing;

Milind Vadjikar |592 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Question by Samar - Nov 06, 2024Hindi

Money

I have EPF contribution with Patni software now acquired by Capgemini.. my EPF of 2004 doesn't have UN number how can I withdraw the EPF.. send reply

Ans: Hello;

You may Log in to the EPFO website and navigate to the Inoperative Helpdesk.

There enter all of the data of the inactive EPF account and provide KYC information such as your Aadhaar number, PAN number, bank account number, and IFSC code.

The application will then be reviewed and handled by EPFO authorities.

Best wishes;

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024

Relationship

My age is 47 male and my partner age is 41 we have a child of 12 years old i didn't had sex for more than 3 years and my partner is not interested in sex what is the solution ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Did physical intimacy stop all of a sudden? Like, what could have led to your partner not wanting sex?
Usual causes:
- Hormonal changes in your partner causing disinterest
- Boredom of the usual routine in the bedroom
- Lack of intimacy and closeness outside the bedroom scene
- Loaded with housework that leaves your partner tired
- Sense of non-accomplishment if she is used to working earlier and is not doing that anymore
- Need to do something different other than taking care of the house in case she is a full time homemaker

I guess the only way to find out is to find out from her...focusing on her needs may help you ease on your needs...Start with her first and LISTEN to what could be going on in her mind.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Im 54 married my wife 44 since our marriage 22 years all is fine even in my trouble time my wife supported me fully but last 2 years we are no contact situation even we shaare same house we have 2 kids 18 and 12. Last 2 year back she met her school friend from there she is ignoring me don't know how to fix it i Dought she has a affair with him. But m not getting clue. Hiw to find it

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a wonder as to why she would suddenly be different from what you have been used to. It's also natural to pinpoint it to her reconnecting with her school friend if there is no other recent changes or events that might have caused her to act very different. The best is to ASK...she may not even be aware of her behavior change or the impact certain things are having on you.
While you have that chat, it will give you a fair understanding of what is going on with that friend of hers.
Communication is better than Assumption and in your case, it's best to talk things through...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024

Relationship

Hi, I am a 48 year old unmarried woman. I stay with my parents and we 3 enjoy our life in our own way. I have 2 married elder sisters and share a loving relation with them. In short I am blessed with a loving and supportive family. But at times I miss having a man in my life. We have tried so hard but nothing materialised on the marriage front.All men in my age group either married or divorced with kids. Do u think its ok to get married if I find someone whom I like. Sometimes I feel i should atleast date someone and if marriage is to happen it will. I am single for a very long time. I am grateful to God for all the good things I have in my life. How to find someone no clue. Have tried thru matrimony no success. Not interested in any dating app. Nor interested in casual dating with a younger guy. I need someone of my age or elder. Pls advise. Thanks..

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Of course, you must date someone if that's what you want and it's possible by entering the right social circles. Something that interests you can be a point of meeting; gym, sports, music groups, dance groups, theater groups...the list is long...
It just takes that little effort to join one of these and meet a few like-minded people who are not just into casual dating but are interested in pursuing a connection with you...So, give it a shot!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024

Relationship

I had lost my virginity before marriage, at the age of 18 and now I'm 26 years old but now I Going to marry someone else.did my future husband know that I have lost my virginity when I have intercourse with my ex, we had 7 to 9 years of relationship till now but that relationship did not worked so we broke up recently. Now I'm going to marry next year ending. What should I do? Its a arrange marriage if he knows all that shits then my family reputation is also harm. What should I do to this situation. I can't tell anyone about this and what is the solution that he never know about my past life..i want to hide from him that I'm not virgin.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have lost your virginity, so be it!
And what are you making a big noise about it, family reputation etc...are you serious that the boy's side is going to do a medical examination or send some elderly aunt to inspect you? Which age are you living in?
Oh and by the way, how do know the boy is a virgin? Or is this great responsibility only that of a girl?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1281 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Question by harsh - Sep 16, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.

Ans: Dear Harsh,
If in the past you have had the urge to QUIT, how is this time going to be different? This is not to discourage you from taking up 'new work' but pointing out that there is some amount of work that you need to put to clear the mind out of blockages.
-What is limiting you?
- What is the reason for putting off things?
- What comes first to the mind when you start something new?
Also, focus on one thing at a time; study and go deep into it...what's this thing with work? I don't understand. When the mind is unsettled, take one thing/activity, pursue it and finish it. It could simply be studying for Year 1 of your college...just only do that...once your mind is trained in completing an activity, you can add another one the next year along with studying and then pursue both...it could be some sport and studying...then the next year, you could add a third activity. This is called 'training the mind in discipline'. Discipline will make sure that you start and finish things...So, go slow and do one thing at a time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Dr Pananjay K Tiwari |95 Answers |Ask -Follow

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Question by Krishan - Aug 27, 2024Hindi

Career

Hello Sir, Greetings. What will be the expenditure for MD abroad, after doing MBBS in India.? Also please let me know which country is the best.? Kind regards Krishan

Ans: Hi Krishnan
The cost of pursuing an MD abroad after completing MBBS in India varies by country. In the USA, expenses can range from $200,000 to $300,000, including tuition and living costs. Germany offers affordable MD options with minimal tuition fees, though learning German is required. The UK has high tuition costs but offers globally respected programs; both the UK and Germany are popular due to their structured pathways for international graduates.

Dr Pananjay K Tiwari |95 Answers |Ask -Follow

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi

Career

Sir,my daughter is in third year BTech in Bioengineering.She wants to pursue Masters in Bioinformatics but I am confused which country like USA ,Canada , Germany or Ireland should I opt for looking from job prospects.Kindpy suggest suitable country

Ans: Hi...For job prospects in bioinformatics, the USA and Canada are excellent choices due to their strong biotech industries and demand for bioinformatics professionals. Germany is also ideal, especially for affordable education and a growing job market in biotech. Ireland is a good option with its vibrant pharmaceutical sector, though job opportunities may be more limited than in North America.
You can visit us at www.shreeoverseaseducation.com

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Question by JABEZ - Oct 07, 2024Hindi

Career

Sir I'm studying my MBBS in Kyrgyzstan which country can I dom my PG

Ans: Hi Jabez
After completing your MBBS in Kyrgyzstan, popular options for pursuing a postgraduate (PG) degree include Germany, the United States, and the United Kingdom, each offering high-quality training with different entry requirements. Germany is affordable and has a strong medical education system, though learning German is essential. The U.S. requires passing the USMLE for residency, while the UK requires the PLAB exam and offers recognized, globally respected programs.
You can visit us at www.shreeoverseaseducation.com

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