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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My daughter 30 is in a unhealthy relationship. Her lover dont want to marry her. He is an irresponsible guy who traumatizes my daughter. But my daughter is not leaving him also. How can i change her mind. Stages of advice is over.

Ans: Well it’s a relief that he doesn’t want to marry her if he’s such a no-good character. Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you can take a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink. She’s deeply in love with him and getting herself used to the trauma he’s putting her through. Advise her to visit a therapist of her choosing (if you choose, she’ll think there’s bias) and discuss her experiences there. Maybe a professional will be better able to help her see things clearly for what they are. To her, you’re the parent who doesn’t like her partner. And no matter how much you say it, she won’t end things. In the end, it has to be her decision.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2023Hindi
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She was waiting for a person like me and I met her first time after 2.5 years of her marriage. The girl, currently aged 22 years was married (at her 14 years of age as per document or at 12 years as per actual (child marriage)) and has one girl kid aged 5 years. She is not comfortable with her husband from the day of her marriage due to daily harassments, abusing her parents, siblings etc., and she is trying to take divorce from his husband (also her parents agreed her decision too). Her husband(aged 38 years) is reluctant to the divorce due to honour issues. I am unmarried and all my well wishers are keeping pressure to marry and are ready to find/fix matches, but I am already in a relation with that girl and ready to take care of her which my family or anybody doesn’t knows. What should be my and her move?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your move should be to simply support the girl. It is highly possible that she is attracted to you more as a friend after going through a marriage at a young age and bearing a child as well.
She was looking out for a saviour and you happened to be at the scene. Let her breathe first from the shackles of a forced marriage before she jumps into another one with you. the emotional wounds from the first one must be allowed to heal before you pursue any relationship with her.
Kindly expect your side of the family to oppose this situation as they might not be in a position to understand the girl and what she has been through.
So, first...let all the legal matters get done and let her heal well from the past before she starts a new life. I don't know if you are patient enough for this and if she is emotionally mature to understand that you are not spurning her, but it is for her own good. Also, do know that you might expect unhappy family members; so be prepared to handle them as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Dear Madam I am a mother of 24 year daughter. She studied in a reputed school with convent background till class XII. After that she went to Bangalore to study Mass comm but came back to her home town. Here again she got admitted to a new college but due to influence of drugs she could not continue. However she is out of that now. In 2020 she fell for a guy who is two years older and started living with him separately without our consent .She was working with a tier 1 IT company then and later she was asked to leave due to attentdance. After that she joined many company but could not continue. Though the guy work sometimes but the main point is he beats her up. Many times she came out but again she goes back saying she cant leave him. She has 5 dogs. Recently also something happened and her friends from canada called me . We asked her to come back but then later she backed out. We are afraid that we might lose her. We are just clueless what to do. How to convince her as she never listened to us. She is our only daughter and me and my husband are working parents.
Ans: Dear Nibedita,



I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're facing with your daughter. It's understandable to feel helpless and unsure about what to do next.

First and foremost, it's important to remember that your daughter is an adult, and ultimately, it's her decision on what choices she makes. However, as her parents, you can still offer support and guidance to help her make the best decisions for her well-being.

It's concerning to hear that your daughter is in an abusive relationship, and it's crucial to ensure that she understands the gravity of the situation. One option is to speak with a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide insight on how to approach the topic and offer guidance on how to support her.

Additionally, it may be helpful to reach out to organizations that specialize in supporting victims of domestic abuse. They can provide resources and advice on how to deal with the situation and can even offer assistance in finding a safe place for your daughter and her pets.

It's important to maintain open communication with your daughter and let her know that you're there for her, no matter what. Try to avoid blaming or shaming her for her choices, as this can further isolate her from seeking help. Instead, express your concern and offer to assist her in finding a solution that works for her.

Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your daughter's safety and well-being, even if it means taking difficult steps such as seeking legal action or involving authorities.

..Read more

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