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Kanchan Rai  |130 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Translate

I have been dating a guy since last year and we are serious about each other. Our families know about us and are quite accepting towards our relationship. But there is a problem idk what to do. I'm single child and my father passed 10 years ago so its just me and my mom. I cant just leave her after marriage. I want all of us ( me my bf his parents and my mother ) to stay together after our marriage but he says that his parents will have a problem with it. Idk what to do i just cant leave my mother but i also love this guy.

Ans: It's understandable that you're facing a challenging situation with conflicting priorities. Balancing your commitment to your mother and your love for your boyfriend can be difficult, but open communication and compromise are essential in such casesTalk about your expectations for family life after marriage. Understand what he envisions and what compromises can be made to accommodate both your wishes. This may involve discussing living arrangements, responsibilities, and boundariesIf possible, involve both families in the discussion. Sometimes, concerns can be addressed more effectively when everyone is aware of each other's perspectives. This can also help in finding common ground and building mutual understanding. finding a solution that respects both families and allows for a harmonious marriage may take time and effort. Patience, understanding, and compromise are key. It's important to create an environment where both you and your boyfriend feel heard and valued.
Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for both of you as a couple. Consider what compromises are reasonable and whether there are creative solutions that can satisfy both your desire to care for your mother and your commitment to your relationship.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022


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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!


Kanchan Rai  |130 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Translate
Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.
Latest Questions

Moneywize   |58 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 23, 2024Translate
What are balanced advantage funds and would you recommend how I should go about investing in such funds?
Ans: Balanced Advantage Funds are a type of mutual fund that dynamically manages the allocation between equity and debt instruments based on market conditions. These funds aim to provide investors with a balance between growth (through equity exposure) and stability (through debt exposure). The allocation between equity and debt is adjusted by fund managers based on various factors such as market valuations, interest rates, and economic indicators.

Here's a breakdown of the key features and considerations for investing in Balanced Advantage Funds:

1. Dynamic Asset Allocation: These funds have the flexibility to shift allocation between equity and debt depending on market conditions. When equity markets are expensive or overvalued, the fund manager may reduce equity exposure and increase allocation to debt instruments, and vice versa.

2. Risk Management: Balanced Advantage Funds tend to offer lower volatility compared to pure equity funds due to their ability to switch between asset classes based on market conditions. This can potentially reduce downside risk during market downturns.

3. Goal-based Investing: They can be suitable for investors with medium to long-term investment horizons who seek a balance between capital appreciation and capital preservation. These funds are often used for goals like retirement planning or wealth creation with a moderate risk profile.

4. Professional Management: Investors benefit from the expertise of professional fund managers who actively manage the asset allocation and investment decisions based on thorough research and analysis.

5. Tax Implications: From a taxation perspective, gains from equity investments held for more than one year are taxed at a lower rate (long-term capital gains tax), whereas gains from debt investments held for more than three years are taxed as per the investor's income tax slab. Balanced Advantage Funds may offer tax efficiency due to their equity exposure.

6. Expense Ratio: Investors should consider the expense ratio of the fund, which represents the annual fees charged by the fund house for managing the fund. Lower expense ratios can enhance returns over the long term.

As for whether you should invest in Balanced Advantage Funds, it depends on your investment objectives, risk tolerance, and financial goals.

If you're seeking a balanced approach with the potential for higher returns than pure debt funds but with lower volatility compared to pure equity funds, then these funds could be suitable for you. However, it's essential to consult with a financial advisor who can assess your individual circumstances and recommend the most appropriate investment strategy.

If you decide to invest in Balanced Advantage Funds, you can do so through various platforms such as mutual fund distributors, online investment platforms, or directly through the fund house's website. Here's a general guide on how to invest:

1. Research: Understand the different Balanced Advantage Funds available in the market, their investment objectives, performance track record, and expense ratios.

2. Select a Fund: Choose a fund that aligns with your investment goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

3. KYC Compliance: Complete the Know Your Customer (KYC) process as required by regulatory guidelines. This typically involves providing identity and address proof documents.

4. Investment Process: Decide on the mode of investment, whether lump sum or systematic investment plan (SIP), based on your convenience and investment strategy.

5. Online Platform or Distributor: If investing through an online platform, create an account and follow the instructions to invest in your chosen Balanced Advantage Fund. If using a mutual fund distributor, approach them with your investment decision, and they will assist you with the investment process.

6. Monitor and Review: Keep track of your investments periodically and review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Remember that all investments carry some level of risk, including the potential loss of capital. Diversification and a long-term investment approach are generally recommended to mitigate risk and achieve your financial objectives.

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2024Translate
Good Morning, We are married for almost 27 years and at various stages of my wife like, beginning days when Girls had dream of her happy married life beginning, honeymoon, pregnancy, fostering the child, mid-age crisis and now Menopause I have been very unfair & sometime very cruel to my wife. I am tryint to please her in my possible ways but whenever I am planning something exciting & pleasurable for her it turn out to be flop show & nightmare. I want her to be happy but don't know why it gets spoiled due to one or other reason. Despite of all this she is always giving me chance and prepare herself for new beginning. But now I fear & feel gradually I will become a big liability on her, health wise as I am diabetic and even after taking high dose of medicines it doesn't get controlled. I am worried that though the beginning was not good our end should be Peaceful & graceful. Need your guidance
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No point revisiting what has already happened. It seems like your wife wants a new beginning; then why not actually plan on how you want your life together to be from now on? What are the things that you have missed out on earlier, bring it all back and slowly start experiencing what life could be living in that harmony...
As for diabetes, getting the right medicine and taking it in the right dosage is important to see a change. Also, exercise, attempt to keep stress levels low and eat right...these help in keeping your blood sugar levels low...
Don't talk about the END when there is a NEW beginning in sight...

All the best!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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