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Married for 12 Years with 2 Kids, Wife Cheated Repeatedly. How to Decrease Anxiety and Rebuild Trust?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1497 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

hi anuji. I have been married for last 12 years with 2 kids of 10 years. in March I came to know that my wife is repeatedly on call with one person. after checking call logs came to know that she was in touch with the person from last 8 months. initially she denied and informed that she is talking with her female friend but on Truecaller male name was displayed. when I confronted 2-3 times she agreed she was speaking with male person but he is outside town for training purpose. when I checked the persons records I came to know that dates provided by my wife were incorrect. I went to marriage counseling and after repeated confortation she agreed she has committed mistake and asked for forgivenes and requested one chance. after 2 months I came to know that she has lent money without my knowledge to 2 people whom we had agreed that she would not speak 7-8 years back but now came to know she was in contact and has lent money and jewellery without my knowledge. people are refusing to return. these incidents have happened 4-5 months back and wife has moved on but it's difficult for me to trust her even after 5-6 sessions of marriage counseling. currently we are enjoying healthy married life but back of mind it's very difficult to trust my wife and I face anxiety and depression issue whenever such thoughts crop in my mind. I am been in marriage for children well-being and overall family well-being. I have already informed her parents and given ultimatum that if such things repeats then there wouldn't be any chance of recourse. last six months have been worse due to this issue. I want to know how to decrease anxiety and fear of such issue cropping in my life as it's getting difficult to trust.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You learn to live with the fact that your wife is going to do stuff like this or you are going to be faced with constant anxiety...
OR
Give an ultimatum and then go to someone highly recommended for a couples therapy. You both need therapy more than just counseling...
When all trust is list, working at rebuilding it, can be a huge task BUT do take the help of a professional. He/She will dig deeper to find out what goes on in your wife's mind when she lends money or is in random conversations with people. It looks like a people-pleasing thing but without knowing all the facts and going deeper, this is all I can suggest. Try going to a professional who can handle this well and if after that thing still don't work out, the ultimatum is the only thing that might work.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1497 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

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Relationship
I have been married from last 20 years. It's arrange marriage and before marriage told me let she had an affair with a har college friend dena hai asked that if any relation physical relation has been done she said no I trusted her and married her but after 4 years of marriage I am notice that she didn't paid any attention or don't love me I always thought that there are some mistakes from my side that's why she behave like this . From last 16 years I was suffering from the situation. Recently I come to know when I saw her mobile accidentally and I come to know that she has the same affair from last 16 years with the same guy when I ask about this she told me that it was by mistake I am sorry I won't do this again after some pressureise she also told me that she did a physical relation with him before marriage and after marriage too. I was shocked cause physically I am fit and capable to satisfy her with all the way still she cheated me. Now she confess me all the things and told me promise me that she won't do any mistake henceforth. But no problem is whenever I am trying to get physical or emotional with her some thoughts in my mind game that she did all the things with another guy and cheating me so I can't make any relation ship with her. How can I trust her again we have to kids 10 year each. Please tell me what to do I am frustrated
Ans: Dear Trade,
You need to decide if you wish to trust her or not. It is difficult obviously with what you have discovered. But if you have chosen to carry on within the marriage, the only way that the mind can be managed is to accept what has happened and work with how things are today.
Give your marriage another chance and only then you can work your work through otherwise you will spend time only thinking about her cheating and what she did with the other person which anyone is not working well for you.
So, are you ready to forgive and move on OR hold onto the past? No decision is right or wrong; it's just what you want and then when you make that decision, make everything else work in favor of that decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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Hi, i am 32 year old, Male. I have personal loan of upto 7 lakhs, (2.25L and 4.75L). The 2.25L i have been paying EMI regularly and no issues. The other one of 4.75L the EMI amount is quite big and since I lost my job in September 2024 i am finding it very difficult to pay the EMI for 4.75L loan. I had requested the lender to restructure the loan by reducing the EMI by 50% and extend the tenure or suspend the EMI for 3-6 months till I get a job and after the suspension period take the regular EMI. But both my request was rejected. I also sent a letter through lawyer mentioning the above request but even then that was rejected. I am delaying their EMI payments from last 2-3 months by 5-6 days and they start calling and disturbing the very next day. Please help me with other options that I have to reduce the EMI. Since I had health issues I lost my job in September 2024 and for health reasons i had to borrow money from friends and family. Right now I am doing odd jobs that help me pay the EMI for 2.25L loan and some part of EMI for other loan of 4.75L. please help me the options that I have.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging but manageable with the right strategy. You need a structured approach to reduce your loan burden while ensuring financial stability. Below is a step-by-step plan to help you manage your EMI payments effectively.

Assess Your Current Financial Situation
You have two personal loans totaling Rs. 7 lakhs.
The Rs. 2.25 lakh loan EMI is being paid on time.
The Rs. 4.75 lakh loan EMI is difficult to pay due to job loss.
Your lender has rejected the restructuring request.
You are doing odd jobs to cover partial EMIs.
You have borrowed money from family and friends for health-related expenses.
Immediate Steps to Reduce EMI Pressure
Prioritise Essential Expenses

Focus on necessities like rent, food, and medical expenses.
Cut down on discretionary spending.
Avoid new loans or credit card debt.
Try Negotiating Again with the Lender

Approach the lender with a new repayment proposal.
Request a lower EMI based on your current earnings.
Highlight job loss and health issues in your request.
If needed, offer partial payments to show commitment.
Seek Financial Assistance from Family or Friends

Consider borrowing a small amount to clear missed EMIs.
Ensure you repay them once you secure a stable job.
Use Savings or Liquid Assets

If you have emergency savings, use them for EMI payments.
Consider selling small assets or non-essential valuables.
Medium-Term Solutions for Loan Management
Debt Consolidation Loan

Apply for a new loan with a lower interest rate.
Use it to pay off the Rs. 4.75 lakh loan.
This can reduce your EMI and extend the tenure.
Compare interest rates before applying.
Balance Transfer to Another Bank

Some banks offer lower interest rates for balance transfers.
Shifting your loan to another bank can reduce EMI pressure.
Check the processing fee before proceeding.
Freelance or Part-Time Work

Explore temporary jobs or online gigs.
Any additional income can help cover EMIs.
Consider skills-based freelancing for better income.
Emergency Loan from Employer or Community Groups

Some organisations offer interest-free loans to employees.
Community groups may provide financial assistance.
Check for government schemes supporting job seekers.
Long-Term Strategies for Financial Stability
Build an Emergency Fund

Once you secure a job, start saving for emergencies.
Keep at least six months' expenses as an emergency fund.
This will prevent future financial stress.
Improve Credit Score

Pay EMIs on time to avoid credit score damage.
Avoid multiple loan applications in a short period.
Good credit history will help in future financial needs.
Plan for Future Expenses

Set financial goals for savings and investments.
Avoid unnecessary borrowing in the future.
Invest in health insurance to cover medical emergencies.
Final Insights
Focus on paying the overdue EMI as soon as possible.
Explore options like debt consolidation or loan balance transfer.
Look for additional income sources to ease financial pressure.
Once stable, build an emergency fund to avoid similar issues.
Stay disciplined with spending and financial planning.
If you need more personalised guidance, feel free to reach out.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |999 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

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my policy number was taken on 19 February 2021, in the first week of March 2021 suddenly my blood pressure increased, due to which the doctor asked me to undergo angiography. After that the doctor asked to do angioplasty immediately and thus on 18 March 2021 I got angioplasty done. Now I am completely healthy, since my illness occurred within 31 days of taking the policy, company agent told me that there is no provision to cover any health related problem within 31 days. Company agent told me that there is no provision to declare any illness midway. Now I am completely healthy. Company not include my above mentioned health condition in my policy. And compny given me reply "Dear Mr. Jain, We acknowledge the receipt of your mail. With reference to our previous telcon, this is to inform that any disease or ailment/illness if found after inception of policy. It is not required to disclose under policy. But if you still wish to disclose the disease then kindly find the attached PED inclusion form, fill and submit us for further evaluation. Note : To note the disease in the policy PED form is mandatory. We request you to provide the Medical reports/ Discharge summary /any relevant /First consultation paper / medical document of the said procedure/diagnosis, which shall be kept for our reference. " What can I do.
Ans: Hello;

I feel no need to inform this to the insurer now since you acquired it after policy inception.

However you may update it to the insurance company sighting change in health status before next renewal.

Most likely renewal will get rejected or will be accepted without this condition.

Check on cardiac exclusive policies to cover your ailment.

Also keep an emergency fund aside as a safe provision in case any unforeseen situation arises.

Best wishes;

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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I am 38 male married with 2 kids of age 5 and 1 year. I am earning 5L per month and have a plot worth ~70L, 30L in EPF, 20L in stocks, 50L in FD, I am investing in SIP and ulip plans, Lic and other schemes (~1.2L monthly), have term insurance and no loan. my monthly expense is 50-60k. I want to create a plan where I don't have to worry about my kids education and my retirement. I am also doing some investment in NPS (~10L done till now)
Ans: Your monthly income is Rs. 5 lakh, with expenses of Rs. 50,000–60,000.

You have strong savings and investments in different assets.

Your investments include EPF (Rs. 30 lakh), stocks (Rs. 20 lakh), FD (Rs. 50 lakh), and SIPs.

You are investing Rs. 1.2 lakh per month in SIPs, ULIPs, LIC, and other schemes.

You have a term insurance plan, which is essential for financial security.

You have no loans, which is a great advantage.

You have invested Rs. 10 lakh in NPS, which helps in retirement planning.

Optimizing Your Investments

Your SIPs are the right approach for wealth creation. Increase them by 10% yearly.

ULIPs and LIC policies do not give high returns. Consider surrendering them and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Actively managed funds outperform index funds over the long term. Ensure your SIPs are in well-managed funds.

EPF is a safe retirement asset but has lower growth. Consider balancing with equity.

Stocks require deep knowledge and time. Mutual funds provide professional management and diversification.

FDs offer security but do not beat inflation. Consider debt mutual funds for better tax efficiency.

Planning for Your Children's Education

Your kids are 5 and 1 year old. You have 10-15 years to plan for their education.

Estimate future costs considering inflation. Higher education costs rise rapidly.

Allocate a separate portfolio for education. Equity mutual funds are best for long-term growth.

Continue SIPs in equity funds. Increase contributions every year.

Avoid child-specific insurance plans. They give low returns and high costs.

Debt funds can be used as your child nears higher education. They provide stability.

A mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds balances growth and risk.

Building a Strong Retirement Plan

You are 38 years old. You have at least 20 years before retirement.

Retirement planning requires a mix of equity and debt investments.

Your EPF and NPS provide stability, but equity gives higher long-term returns.

Increase equity exposure in your retirement portfolio. It helps in wealth accumulation.

SWP in mutual funds after retirement gives a steady income with tax benefits.

Keep emergency funds separate. At least 12 months of expenses in liquid funds.

Health insurance is essential. Ensure sufficient coverage for you and your family.

Generating Passive Income Before Retirement

Your goal is financial freedom, where investments generate income.

Dividend mutual funds are not tax-efficient in the 30% slab.

Arbitrage funds offer stable returns with low tax impact.

Debt funds can provide a steady cash flow through SWP.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs) in mutual funds can give periodic payouts.

A mix of equity and debt funds creates a reliable income stream.

Finally

You are on the right track with disciplined investing.

Optimize your portfolio by shifting from low-return ULIPs and LIC policies to high-growth mutual funds.

Increase SIPs yearly to build wealth for retirement and children’s education.

Keep a tax-efficient withdrawal strategy for passive income.

A Certified Financial Planner can help you refine your strategy for long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Vivek

Vivek Lala  |305 Answers  |Ask -

Tax, MF Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 09, 2025Hindi
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Hello Gurus, I am 35 and earning 3lac per month. I have a daughter of 5 yrs old and recently bought a house 1.5 cr. And paid 30% from my savings. I currently have a corpus of about 1 cr including MF, NPS and few term INSURANCE. I do a monthly SIP of about 2 lacs in MF like Mirae emerging fund, Dsp opportunity fund, parag parik flexi, hdfc midcap opportunity fund, UTI nifty fifty index and few small cap funds aswell. I look forward to retire in next 5-7 years. My monthly expense is about 1 lac a month. I want to understand how can I secure future of my daughter and repay my loan that will start after 3 yrs. Also to get 2 lacs monthly after the retirement of 5-7 yrs from the corpus that I will make. Please help me.
Ans: Hello, since your aim is retirement you need to decide what's your monthly requirement going to look like post retirement from a 5-10-15-20-25-30 yrs point of view
You are 35 and if you decide to retire at 45 with a 2L SIP and 1crs corpus as of today, you will have about 8.54crs @13% xirr at the age of 45yrs.
A conservative SWP % is about 5-6% which means you can get 4.2L per month from your corpus collected
If you are satisfied with the same you can continue on the same path
Please note that these suggestions are based on your stated goals and the information you provided. It is always a good idea to consult with a financial advisor in person to better understand your risk tolerance, time horizon, and specific financial goals.
Do let me know your views on this on my LinkedIn profile, attaching my profile :
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ca-vivek-lala-21a2038b?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=android_app

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

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Dear Sir, I have started my SIP's of Rs. 1000 each in the following mutual funds from October 2024, 1. Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund Direct Growth. 2. ICICI Prudential Equity and Debt Fund Direct Growth. 3. ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Direct Growth. 4. DSP Nifty 50 Equal Weight Index Fund. 5. Quant Small Cap Fund. Since Oct-24 onwards Iam only seeing losses in these funds with negative returns, I know that investments in equity mutual funds give actual returns only after 5 years, but I wanted to ask whether these are good mutual funds for long term growth or whether I should switch to other funds. Iam 43 years of age and I have kept these funds for my retirement, My plan is to increase the SIP every year by 5% and do SWP in them after I retire to get monthly passive income. My second question is how can I generate passive income currently via arbitrage funds, dividend mutual funds are also a good option, but they attract taxation and in my case I fall under the 30% tax slab (under the old regime). Thanks & Regards, Shirin Pathak
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Mutual Fund Portfolio

Your investment journey is off to a strong start. Equity mutual funds work best over the long term.

It is normal to see losses in the short term. Markets fluctuate, but patience rewards long-term investors.

Your selected funds cover multiple categories, including flexi-cap, blue-chip, small-cap, and hybrid funds.

Actively managed funds provide better growth potential than index funds over long periods.

Direct funds lack professional support. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures proper guidance.

Small-cap and flexi-cap funds have high volatility. Stay invested for at least 7-10 years for better returns.

Hybrid funds balance risk and return. They help during market corrections.

Your plan to increase SIPs annually by 5% is excellent. Compounding will help in wealth creation.

Retirement-focused investments should prioritize stability along with growth.

Diversification is good, but too many funds can dilute returns.

Should You Switch Funds?

No need to change funds immediately. Review performance over 3-5 years.

Actively managed large-cap funds can outperform index funds in India’s dynamic market.

Avoid sector funds unless you understand their risks.

Continue investing consistently. Avoid switching based on short-term performance.

Generating Passive Income Through Mutual Funds

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) after retirement is a smart approach.

Arbitrage funds are low-risk and tax-efficient for short-term income needs.

Dividend mutual funds attract high tax in your 30% bracket. Growth option with SWP is better.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs) in mutual funds provide stable returns with lower tax impact.

Ultra short-term or liquid funds can also be used for periodic withdrawals.

A mix of equity and debt funds ensures stable income post-retirement.

Tax Considerations for Passive Income

SWP from equity funds is tax-efficient. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Arbitrage funds are classified as equity, making them tax-friendly.

Dividend income is taxed at 30% in your case, making it less attractive.

Finally

Stay patient with your SIPs. Market corrections create buying opportunities.

Review fund performance every year but avoid frequent changes.

Plan passive income carefully to reduce tax burden.

Continue SIPs even after retirement to maintain long-term wealth growth.

A Certified Financial Planner can help optimize your portfolio for retirement and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Jinal

Jinal Mehta  |96 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2025Hindi
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I am 52 year old and having takehome salary(after tax) of about 2.5LPM. I have 2.00 Cr in PF/VPF , 40 L in PPF , 15L in mutual funds, 1.2 Cr in stocks , 15L in pension plan , 5 L in NPS , One house , one flat , one land piece. My son has completed education and got an IT sector job of 20LPA CTC. I want a corpus of 10 Cr for my son by I superannuate. How to do investment in future?
Ans: You have a strong financial foundation with diversified investments.

Your retirement savings are well-structured across PF, PPF, and pension plans.

You hold significant investments in stocks and mutual funds.

You own real estate assets, but they should not be considered for your son’s corpus.

Your monthly salary allows for further wealth accumulation before retirement.

Understanding Your Target
You aim to build Rs 10 crore for your son before retirement.

The available investment timeframe depends on your superannuation age.

A well-balanced portfolio with active management can help you reach this goal.

Regular contributions and strategic asset allocation are essential.

Avoid relying on real estate appreciation due to unpredictable liquidity.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Provident Fund & PPF: These provide stable returns but are low-yield investments.

Stocks: You have Rs 1.2 crore in stocks, which can grow with active monitoring.

Mutual Funds: Rs 15 lakh in mutual funds needs better allocation for higher growth.

Pension Plan & NPS: These ensure retirement security but have liquidity constraints.

Real Estate: It is illiquid and should not be part of the Rs 10 crore target.

Why Active Management is Better Than Index Funds
Index funds only track market performance without expert management.

Actively managed funds can outperform the market through research-driven decisions.

Index funds do not adjust to market conditions or economic cycles.

Fund managers in active funds optimise portfolio allocation for better returns.

Your portfolio should focus on actively managed funds to maximise growth.

Steps to Build Rs 10 Crore Corpus
Increase Equity Exposure
Your stock portfolio needs high-quality, fundamentally strong companies.

Invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks for diversification.

Periodically review and rebalance holdings to eliminate underperforming stocks.

Avoid speculative investments and focus on long-term wealth creation.

Stay updated with market trends but avoid frequent trading.

Expand Mutual Fund Investments
Increase mutual fund allocation for disciplined wealth accumulation.

Choose diversified funds covering large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap segments.

Actively managed funds are better than index funds for higher returns.

SIPs with step-up investments will enhance compounding over time.

Review fund performance and reallocate if needed every 6-12 months.

Utilise Your Monthly Surplus Efficiently
Your take-home salary allows for aggressive investments.

Increase monthly SIPs in mutual funds for long-term compounding.

Consider investing in debt funds for stability along with equity exposure.

Keep emergency savings in liquid funds for short-term needs.

Avoid overexposure to fixed-income assets, which have lower growth potential.

Avoid Direct Mutual Fund Investments
Direct funds lack professional guidance and structured investment planning.

Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner provide expert fund selection.

Professional monitoring ensures portfolio adjustments based on market trends.

Certified planners help in tax optimisation and risk management.

Invest through a trusted MFD with CFP credentials for better financial discipline.

Tax Implications on Investment Growth
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax outflows.

Tax-efficient investment strategies can enhance net returns.

Balancing Risk and Stability
Equity investments offer high returns but require patience.

Debt instruments provide stability but cannot achieve high wealth targets.

Maintain a 70:30 equity-to-debt ratio for optimal risk management.

As retirement nears, shift a portion to stable income-generating instruments.

Avoid panic selling during market downturns to sustain long-term gains.

Finally
Your financial position is strong, but structured investments are key.

Increase SIPs in actively managed mutual funds for higher returns.

Avoid index funds and direct mutual fund investing for better wealth creation.

Continue stock market investments with a disciplined approach.

Maintain portfolio reviews and rebalance as needed.

A well-planned strategy will help you reach the Rs 10 crore goal before retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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