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Married for 12 Years with 2 Kids, Wife Cheated Repeatedly. How to Decrease Anxiety and Rebuild Trust?

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

hi anuji. I have been married for last 12 years with 2 kids of 10 years. in March I came to know that my wife is repeatedly on call with one person. after checking call logs came to know that she was in touch with the person from last 8 months. initially she denied and informed that she is talking with her female friend but on Truecaller male name was displayed. when I confronted 2-3 times she agreed she was speaking with male person but he is outside town for training purpose. when I checked the persons records I came to know that dates provided by my wife were incorrect. I went to marriage counseling and after repeated confortation she agreed she has committed mistake and asked for forgivenes and requested one chance. after 2 months I came to know that she has lent money without my knowledge to 2 people whom we had agreed that she would not speak 7-8 years back but now came to know she was in contact and has lent money and jewellery without my knowledge. people are refusing to return. these incidents have happened 4-5 months back and wife has moved on but it's difficult for me to trust her even after 5-6 sessions of marriage counseling. currently we are enjoying healthy married life but back of mind it's very difficult to trust my wife and I face anxiety and depression issue whenever such thoughts crop in my mind. I am been in marriage for children well-being and overall family well-being. I have already informed her parents and given ultimatum that if such things repeats then there wouldn't be any chance of recourse. last six months have been worse due to this issue. I want to know how to decrease anxiety and fear of such issue cropping in my life as it's getting difficult to trust.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You learn to live with the fact that your wife is going to do stuff like this or you are going to be faced with constant anxiety...
OR
Give an ultimatum and then go to someone highly recommended for a couples therapy. You both need therapy more than just counseling...
When all trust is list, working at rebuilding it, can be a huge task BUT do take the help of a professional. He/She will dig deeper to find out what goes on in your wife's mind when she lends money or is in random conversations with people. It looks like a people-pleasing thing but without knowing all the facts and going deeper, this is all I can suggest. Try going to a professional who can handle this well and if after that thing still don't work out, the ultimatum is the only thing that might work.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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