Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Dear Anu, I am an overthinker and an extremely anxious person. In fact I am so fearful of taking the next step in my life or my career that sometimes I get headaches, and feel restless in bed simply wondering if my action or decision will backfire. Is this normal? Or is it something I should be worried about? Can it be treated? What can I do to improve? Can you please help?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I will address this question in 3 parts
Part I
What causes overthinking?
- Any unpleasant event from the past or any expectation of an unpleasant event in the future happening causes anxiety/panic.
- To recover from the past experience or prevent a future occurrence goes into a mode of self-preservation whereby your thoughts LOOP one into another: If this happens, then that can happen and if that happened, what more can happen!
This is OVERTHINKING....predicating without adequate proof and projecting one situation into another.
This is our of your control OR locus of control...
Still why do you do it?
Because you want to move away from the pain a past event caused or a future event might cause. Who wants pain, right?

Part II
How much do I believe Overthinking?
NEVER!
Of course, the past event might recur, but you also know how to deal with it because you have already experienced it.
Of course, a future event might happen, but isn't it better to live in peace for NOW and actually think: I will cross the bridge when it comes
So doubt your thoughts that cause you to overthink

Part III
What can I do to change this habit?
Since you are aware as to the harm it causes you like headaches and restlessness, you know that this has to stop.
So, try this:
1. When you start to LOOP, doubt your thoughts and ask: Is this really true?
2. Journal about certain unpleasant experiences from the past
3. Remind yourself that you know what to do in any situation
4. Break into a dance or go for a run as this helps displace the feelings from your body
5. Surround yourself with people that are happy and positive
6. Leave the past behind and Let the future happen when it must
7. Practise breathing exercise that help you calm

Lastly and most importantly, tell yourself: I am more powerful than my fears and I have the means to work on them.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |189 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 28, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello mam, I cannot focus on my work....I keep overthinking about the future and even after being skilled i cannot execute my work.I get distracted and agitated easily these days.I have lost confidence in myself i keep thinking how i would tackle things in future,I dont know what to do.Can you please guide.
Ans: Improving self-confidence and avoiding overthinking are two related but distinct issues. Here are some tips for both:

To improve self-confidence:

Identify your strengths and achievements. Write them down and revisit them when you feel insecure.Practice self-care, such as getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating healthy.Set realistic goals and work towards achieving them.Focus on your progress rather than comparing yourself to others.Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.Learn from your mistakes and failures rather than dwelling on them.Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations.Try new things and step out of your comfort zone.

To avoid overthinking:

Recognize when you're overthinking and acknowledge that it's not productive.Set aside time to think about the issue, but limit it to a specific amount of time.Engage in activities that distract you, such as exercise or hobbies.Practice mindfulness and focus on the present moment.Write down your thoughts and feelings to gain perspective and clarity.Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your concerns.Accept that not everything can be controlled and focus on what you can control.Remind yourself that worrying won't solve the problem and take action towards a solution.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 42 years old,done B.A and B.ED.I feel anxious whenever i sit with others.Even i can't share my feelings. I am a housewife. When i cook food i feel anxious whether others will like my food or not.Each work give me anxious moment. I am married and have a adopted male child.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What will happen if someone does not like your food?
What will happen if someone does not like something that you said or did?
What will happen if someone does not like you?
That's okay...we are all entitled to our opinions, aren't we? We like something and we dislike something, we like some people and dislike a few others.
So what?
You might have to learn to accept that a few people may not like you, like what you wear, like what you cook, like what you say...and that's fine...does that change anything about who you are? NO!
Then pull yourself up and step out of this zone where you spend time feeling anxious about things that are not within your control...Learn to live with a simple fact that you maybe serving food to a person who dislikes your food...expect a few comments from them, brush it aside, take a deep breath and move on to the next thing.
BUT
If the person genuinely means well and sharing their feedback with you, take it well as it goes a long way in your self-improvement...we are constantly learning, right?

Also, if there is something that you can do with your amazing qualifications, you will have less time to mull over these things. Use your time wisely...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |193 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |193 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x