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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I am an overthinker and an extremely anxious person. In fact I am so fearful of taking the next step in my life or my career that sometimes I get headaches, and feel restless in bed simply wondering if my action or decision will backfire. Is this normal? Or is it something I should be worried about? Can it be treated? What can I do to improve? Can you please help?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I will address this question in 3 parts
Part I
What causes overthinking?
- Any unpleasant event from the past or any expectation of an unpleasant event in the future happening causes anxiety/panic.
- To recover from the past experience or prevent a future occurrence goes into a mode of self-preservation whereby your thoughts LOOP one into another: If this happens, then that can happen and if that happened, what more can happen!
This is OVERTHINKING....predicating without adequate proof and projecting one situation into another.
This is our of your control OR locus of control...
Still why do you do it?
Because you want to move away from the pain a past event caused or a future event might cause. Who wants pain, right?

Part II
How much do I believe Overthinking?
NEVER!
Of course, the past event might recur, but you also know how to deal with it because you have already experienced it.
Of course, a future event might happen, but isn't it better to live in peace for NOW and actually think: I will cross the bridge when it comes
So doubt your thoughts that cause you to overthink

Part III
What can I do to change this habit?
Since you are aware as to the harm it causes you like headaches and restlessness, you know that this has to stop.
So, try this:
1. When you start to LOOP, doubt your thoughts and ask: Is this really true?
2. Journal about certain unpleasant experiences from the past
3. Remind yourself that you know what to do in any situation
4. Break into a dance or go for a run as this helps displace the feelings from your body
5. Surround yourself with people that are happy and positive
6. Leave the past behind and Let the future happen when it must
7. Practise breathing exercise that help you calm

Lastly and most importantly, tell yourself: I am more powerful than my fears and I have the means to work on them.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam. I kind of need mental fitness advice. I am 26 years old female. I am afraid a lot in taking up the decisions in my life due to overthinking. But it is not same when it comes to my work side. Always taking up the negative things from my surroundings and expressing the same. Sometimes i make negative situations in my mind and cry. Is there a way to change my mindset to overcome my overthinking as well as my negative mindset. Pls give me some tips to overcome laziness as well as procastination. Is there any yoga or medidation to cure this one. Because i really hate myself for this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What exactly do you get by punishing yourself? It's another way to indulge in self-pity which will only keep you in the problem zone for longer.
Instead pay attention to the reasons towards laziness and procrastination.
Ask:
- Do I display laziness with every activity or a few or one specific one?
- If Yes, which is it?
- What about that activity/situation makes me want to procrastinate and not take action on it?
- If I actually make a plan and act on that activity/situation, how will things change for me?

This will give you an idea as to what exactly happens in the mind to avoid something and what you can do about it. We are never motivated to do anything if we don not get something concrete back in return. So, define the reward clearly...
And as far as negative things go, if you choose to focus on it, obviously it will grow bigger in the mind.

Keep the above questions list with you and check at regular intervals when faced with procrastination. Have a social circle of friends who can pull you up when you are down BUT they will not be kind all the time if you are going to indulge into self-pity. So, the decision to get better, to become more positive and actually do something big in life is a decision. Focus on how much your life will change for the better when you do this and it will be a clean and quick switchover.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am 21. I am a chronic overthinker. I am always thinking about what other people think about me or overanalysing situations and making things complicated. Is this a serious problem? What should I do?
Ans: Dear overthinker,

Thinking is a good trait to have, overthinking is not.

You literally have to STOP overthinking!!!

One way to overcome this is to stop thinking and become more action oriented. STOP analyzing everything in the head, put it on paper, there is something calming about putting thoughts on paper, writing them down with a pen and paper.
And then taking actions based on what you have written and no more thinking about it.

Indulge in physical activity, play a game which is more action oriented , this teaches you to be fully present in the moment, which helps you in being in the moment. Being fully present in the moment is what gets you out of overthinking.
Do meditate , I really can't enumerate all the benefits of meditation, what meditation does to people is beyond words.

There is a book called as, STOP OVERTHINKING by Nick Trenton, this book offers practical advice and exercises to help you break free from negative thoughts and worries. It provides evidence-based methods to combat overthinking and anxiety.

Another amazing book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of NOW", can help you.

There is no problem which can't be overcome, believe in yourself, you are more powerful than you think, the body and mind have to listen to you!!
What you think so you become, feed yourself the right thoughts and let the magic unfold.!!

All the best!!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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