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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1308 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 29, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Ravi Question by Ravi on Mar 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu. I married intercaste in a hurry going against my family. My wife seems loves me a lot but she is also a screamer and likes to create a scene when we fight. She knows it is my weak point and continues to push it with the yelling till the neighbours come to our doorstep. When the fighting got really bad I slapped her a couple of times and now I am the bad guy. Sex life is ok if we are not fighting. But fights get really ugly. After a point I lost all the love and am going through the motions for the sake of my kids. Lately my son also started answering back to her when she screams at him. Do you suggest I go for separation? She says no to therapy as she does not think anything is wrong with her. Infact she thinks I need counselling.

Ans: Dear Ravi,
Sometimes screaming could be a means to get attention. if you notice a toddler, he/she will cry and scream, throw toys around to gain the parents' attention. So, it could just be a way for express her emotions.

Even as adults, at times we are stuck around like we were when we were children and use similar means of communication. She could be doing the same. So, when she is in a calm space, that is the time to speak with her and clearly impressing upon her how her actions have begun to impact the child. If he is modeling her behaviour, she needs to take stock of what's happening with her.
So, you maybe right that she can see an expert; but what I would suggest is: When she is calm, rather than point out her behaviour which she may feel accused for, handle it with gentle patience. Ask her: how she is feeling and what makes her upset over something?
Work on the issue together rather than asking her to deal with it. This approach will make her feel like she is the problem and she will try and defend herself and refuse all help. It maybe difficult given what you are facing, but hey, it's love for the other person that you are willing to do what it takes, right?
In a marriage, the two of you are always on the same side, yeah? So unite to conquer...

All the best!

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Hi, we are married for 19 years and have two kids.My wife is ill tempered, very rude and aggressive. Even if I tell her not to get angry and change her attitude, she argues by asking am I so bad? is it my fault always and never ever agrees that she is wrong. Counselling, Communicating and nothing will change her behaviour. Off Iate I understood that she is having an affair with my friend (which is safe because often he comes to our home and he is very close with all of us). If I ask her about this she will never ever accept, rather would retaliate by asking, have I gone insane? She will tear me apart by her aggressive behaviour. She is faking her love towards me and talks all sweet things whenever she requires me or my services as a husband. I am not interested in any counselling or any other such services. She will not budge or accept, thats guaranteed. Please, guide me and kindly dont bring kids angle in this, that will not help me. Shall I divorce (I am sure, it will be initial drama and later on it will not make any difference to her, she is independent and is a professional beautician. I am ready to gift her the plot which is in my name, she will be more than happy). what to do with this kind of aggressive and non accepting behaviour?
Ans: First of all, you have already decided that nothing will work without giving it a try. If marriage counselling didn’t work, people wouldn’t opt for it. But you’ve already said no. Second, you’re assuming an affair — till you have definitive proof, I wouldn’t go so far as to insist there is one. And third, you have already said in so many words that you want a divorce. So what exactly do you want to hear from me? It sounds to me like you’re as stubborn as your wife!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi madam, I am 58 yrs old and married since 30+ yrs. Have 2 daughters. Elder one is married in 2021 and happy with her life, younger one is working in MNC. Since my marriage i didn't came to know what the relationship to be there between husband and wife as my wife is very reluctant and she loves only money. since my marriage she always fight with me for silly issues and in childhood of my children's she often beat them with whatever she got in hand. always she said that her husband and children's are useless and always give very good reasons and remarks to others in society or family. Now many times i thought of getting away from her either by doing suicide or run away from my home or divorce her. but i just wanted to leave her alone so that she can think of our presence when we are not available to her. my younger daughter is finally decided to leave the home and be alone in another rented flat or on PG due to her mother behavior. please advice if i opt for divorce and run away from home. i can't speak to any one regarding my situation and need immediate help.
Ans: It's clear that you've endured a lot over the years, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and considering drastic measures like divorce or leaving home. Let's explore your situation with a compassionate and practical perspective.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You've been dealing with a challenging relationship for a long time, and it's natural to feel the weight of it all. Your desire to escape the pain, whether through divorce or even more extreme thoughts, signals just how tough things have been. Remember, these feelings are valid, but it's crucial to find a way forward that prioritizes your well-being and safety.

Considering a divorce is a significant step, especially after being married for over 30 years. It could potentially lead to a new beginning where you and your wife might find individual peace and happiness. Before making this decision, it might be helpful to reflect on a few things:

Sometimes, the prospect of a new start can bring clarity. Have you thought about what life might look like without your current relationship's stress and conflict? Envisioning this can help you understand your true desires.

Your daughters' well-being is a significant concern. Your younger daughter's decision to move out reflects how the family dynamics are affecting her. Would a change, like a separation or divorce, potentially bring more stability and peace for everyone involved?

If it's possible, consider having a heart-to-heart conversation with your wife. Sharing your feelings and how her actions have impacted you and your family might open a door to understanding or change. It’s a difficult conversation but can sometimes lead to unexpected resolutions.

Consulting a therapist or counselor can be invaluable. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and offer guidance on managing your situation. A professional can also help you and your wife if there's any possibility of working through your issues together.

If divorce seems like the best option, seeking legal advice is crucial. Understanding your rights and the practical aspects of separation can help you make an informed decision.

Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups for emotional backing. Your happiness and mental health are incredibly important, and finding a path that leads you to peace is worth the effort. Whatever you decide, take small, thoughtful steps towards creating a better situation for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7059 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Hemant, I am 28 and recently started my investment journey. Initially I thought of it as retirement funds but looks like I need to redeem it every 5-6 years cause of my sister's wedding, my wedding, future children education and the list just goes on. Is there any way I can invest for retirement considering I don't have to redeem it for emergency purposes.
Ans: Your concern about long-term retirement planning while managing intermediate financial goals is valid. It's great that you’ve started early, as time is your biggest asset in building wealth. Below is a detailed 360-degree financial plan to help you achieve your retirement goals without derailing your investments for emergencies or other life events.

Understand the Need for Separate Goals
Segregate Financial Goals: Clearly define your financial objectives—retirement, weddings, emergencies, and children’s education.

Allocate Separate Investments: Avoid using your retirement corpus for other purposes by setting up dedicated funds for each goal.

Prioritise Goals: List out goals based on timelines (short-term, medium-term, and long-term) to allocate investments accordingly.

Establish an Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of your expenses.

Use secure, liquid options like fixed deposits or liquid mutual funds for easy access.

Replenish the fund immediately after usage to maintain financial stability.

This buffer ensures emergencies don’t disrupt your other investments.

Set Up a Retirement-Exclusive Portfolio
Separate Retirement Corpus: Open a dedicated account to manage retirement funds.

Use Long-Term Instruments: Invest in equity mutual funds or other growth-oriented assets for high returns over time.

Automate Investments: Use systematic investment plans (SIPs) to build discipline in retirement investing.

Lock-in Options: Consider instruments like NPS, which discourage premature withdrawal, keeping your retirement funds intact.

Plan for Life Milestones
Sister’s Wedding: Plan with a target date in mind and invest in short-term instruments like ultra-short-term or hybrid mutual funds.

Your Wedding: Mid-term goals (5-7 years) align with balanced funds or hybrid equity mutual funds for moderate growth with reduced risk.

Children’s Education: Use child-specific investment products like Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (if applicable) or equity funds for long-term growth.

Build a Diversified Investment Portfolio
Short-Term Needs: Keep funds in fixed-income instruments for stability and liquidity.

Medium-Term Goals: Invest in hybrid mutual funds, which balance equity and debt exposure.

Long-Term Goals: Focus on equity mutual funds to harness market growth over 10-20 years.

Avoid Investment-Linked Insurance: Use term insurance for life coverage, not for wealth accumulation.

Enhance Your Financial Discipline
Stick to the Plan: Resist the urge to redeem retirement investments prematurely.

Create Goal-Based Accounts: Physically or mentally separate funds for each objective.

Automate Savings: Set up automatic transfers into various investment accounts.

Insurance to Protect Wealth
Health Insurance: Cover yourself adequately to avoid using savings for medical expenses.

Life Insurance: Buy a term insurance plan with a sufficient sum assured to protect dependents.

Maximise Tax Benefits
Use tax-saving options under Section 80C, such as PPF and ELSS funds, for dual benefits of saving taxes and growing wealth.

Avoid redeeming tax-saving instruments prematurely, as this affects long-term compounding.

Monitor and Review Regularly
Review your portfolio every 6-12 months to track progress and rebalance.

Adjust investments based on market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Final Insights
Your retirement plan should remain untouched. Life events like weddings and children’s education require separate financial strategies. By prioritising and diversifying your investments, you can achieve all your goals without compromising your financial freedom. Early planning and disciplined execution are the keys to long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7059 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am a single parent with an income of 80k per month. I have a PPF of 3 lakhs, real estate worth 10 lakh. My monthly expense is 45k. What should I do for financial freedom. I do not have any loan and have own house
Ans: Your current financial position is stable. You have no loans and own a house.

A monthly income of Rs. 80,000 provides good stability.

With monthly expenses at Rs. 45,000, you can save Rs. 35,000.

A PPF corpus of Rs. 3 lakhs is commendable.

Real estate worth Rs. 10 lakhs further strengthens your portfolio.

However, to achieve financial freedom, proper planning is essential.

Below is a detailed financial plan tailored to your goals and situation.

Understand Financial Freedom

Financial freedom means covering all expenses without stress.

It includes emergencies, child’s future, and your retirement.

A strategic approach to investments is crucial for achieving this.

Your plan should focus on growth and stability.

Prioritise Emergency Fund

An emergency fund covers six months of expenses.

Set aside Rs. 2.7 lakhs in a secure, liquid option.

This fund will safeguard against unexpected events.

Do not use this amount for any other purpose.

Evaluate and Optimise Your Savings

Your PPF is an excellent choice for risk-free returns.

Continue contributing regularly to maximise its benefits.

PPF interest is tax-free, helping you grow your wealth steadily.

Ensure you contribute the maximum allowable limit yearly.

Invest for Long-Term Goals

For long-term wealth, consider mutual funds managed by experts.

Actively managed funds can deliver higher returns than direct funds.

Diversify investments across equity, hybrid, and debt mutual funds.

Invest systematically every month through SIPs for disciplined saving.

Use funds with a track record of performance and a professional approach.

Avoid Over-Reliance on Real Estate

Real estate lacks liquidity and may have inconsistent returns.

Focus more on financial instruments for better growth.

This approach ensures flexibility and diversification.

Plan for Retirement

Set a retirement corpus goal based on future needs.

Calculate your post-retirement monthly expenses with inflation in mind.

Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term wealth creation.

Shift to safer options as you near retirement.

Review your plan periodically to stay on track.

Secure Your Child’s Future

Invest in equity-oriented funds for higher returns over time.

Start early to take advantage of compounding.

Avoid investment-linked insurance policies as they offer low returns.

Choose pure term insurance for protection instead.

Health and Life Insurance

Check your health insurance coverage and enhance it if needed.

Your current income supports buying additional health cover.

Ensure you have term life insurance for your family’s safety.

Tax Planning

Optimise tax-saving investments under Section 80C.

PPF, ELSS funds, and NPS are excellent tax-saving tools.

ELSS funds also provide equity exposure with a tax benefit.

Consult your Certified Financial Planner for detailed tax advice.

Regular Monitoring and Review

Review your financial portfolio every year.

Adjust investments based on changing life stages and goals.

Stay updated on new financial opportunities and tax rules.

Final Insights

You have a strong foundation for financial freedom.

By following this detailed plan, you can achieve your goals.

Consistency and discipline are the keys to success.

Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for personalised guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7059 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
I own few flats that generate a monthly rental income of Rs95,000. Additionally, I have a few residential land properties and no outstanding loans. Including all my savings, I have approximately Rs1.8 crores. I am into IT field working in an MNC My current monthly take-home salary is Rs2.9 lakhs. I have a daughter who is currently pursuing her B.Tech. I plan to take a six-month break in March 2025, and after that, if I don't secure another job, can I afford to retire?
Ans: Your financial foundation is commendable. You have diverse assets and no liabilities.

Your rental income of Rs 95,000 is consistent and predictable.

Owning land and flats provides financial security and growth potential.

A monthly salary of Rs 2.9 lakhs places you in a strong earning bracket.

Savings of Rs 1.8 crores give you flexibility and liquidity.

With no loans, your financial commitments are minimal.

Supporting your daughter in her B.Tech is admirable.

Your situation is ideal for evaluating early retirement.

Key Factors to Evaluate Retirement Readiness
1. Monthly Living Expenses
Analyse your current lifestyle expenses, including rent, food, utilities, and travel.

Account for increased expenses during your six-month break.

Ensure your rental income can cover your basic needs post-retirement.

Plan for additional expenses like hobbies, healthcare, and travel.

2. Daughter’s Higher Education Costs
Calculate the remaining costs for her education and any future needs.

Ensure funds are available for her marriage or further studies.

Avoid liquidating long-term assets for these short-term needs.

3. Health and Emergency Planning
Medical costs rise with age. Invest in a comprehensive health insurance plan.

Set aside an emergency fund equal to 12 months of expenses.

Consider critical illness cover for additional health-related security.

4. Lifestyle and Goals After Retirement
Define your desired lifestyle. Include travel, leisure, or new ventures.

Account for inflation in your retirement expense planning.

Building a Retirement Corpus
1. Existing Investments
Review current investments for growth and diversification.

Avoid overexposure to a single asset class, like real estate.

2. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth
Shift savings into diversified, actively managed equity mutual funds.

Actively managed funds outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.

Regular plans through an MFD with CFP credentials ensure consistent support.

Equity mutual funds offer inflation-beating returns over the long term.

3. Debt Funds for Stability
Allocate part of your portfolio to debt mutual funds.

Debt funds balance risks and offer steady returns.

They provide easy liquidity during market volatility.

4. Dividend-Based Strategies
Consider high-quality mutual funds with dividend payout options.

Dividend income can supplement your rental earnings.

Maximising Rental Income
Review current rental agreements for scope to increase rents.

Focus on high-demand areas to maximise returns on vacant properties.

Regular maintenance enhances property value and rent potential.

Avoid over-reliance on rental income alone for retirement.

Tax Optimisation
1. Rental Income
Rental income is taxed under "Income from House Property."

Use deductions like municipal taxes and 30% standard deduction.

2. Mutual Fund Returns
For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG from equity mutual funds attracts a 20% tax rate.

Debt funds’ LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions carefully to minimise tax liability.

Contingency for Post-Break Scenario
Use the six-month break to assess alternative income streams.

Evaluate freelance or consulting opportunities in IT.

Start passive income ventures like online courses or content creation.

Additional Recommendations
Track inflation and adjust your plans accordingly.

Avoid new real estate investments as they are illiquid and non-diversified.

Reinvest rental income surplus into mutual funds for compounding growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with your Certified Financial Planner.

Finally
You are financially secure and prepared to take a career break.

However, ensure your retirement corpus matches your desired lifestyle.

With proper planning, early retirement is achievable and sustainable.

Focus on a balanced portfolio and keep future goals in mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7059 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir.I am 41 yrs old female working in govt bank.I have 31 lacs fd,32 lacs nps,10 lacs mf,other benefits 15 lacs if i take early retirement. I have assets in real state around 1.50 cr.living in own house worth rs 90lacs.My spouse is self employed with income which is little unstable wheareas my income is 1lac p.m.We hav one child 10 yrs old.Our current expenses are 80000/= p.m .we hav term and health insurance for our family for 50 lacs. i want to know what are your opinion if i take early retirement?if my savings are enough? Is is financially .good for future or may raise financial issues?I may work if i get some interesting work in future but not sure about it?
Ans: Early retirement is an important financial decision. Your situation requires careful analysis from all angles. Below is a detailed review to help you assess your readiness.

Current Financial Standing
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 31 lakhs provides stability but low returns.

NPS: Rs. 32 lakhs ensures retirement-focused growth but lacks immediate liquidity.

Mutual Funds: Rs. 10 lakhs adds diversification and long-term potential.

Early Retirement Benefits: Rs. 15 lakhs can act as a financial cushion.

Real Estate: Assets worth Rs. 1.50 crore are non-liquid and hold long-term value.

Own House: Worth Rs. 90 lakhs; eliminates rent and provides security.

Income and Expenses Analysis
Current Monthly Income: Rs. 1 lakh ensures financial stability.

Spouse’s Income: Variable, adding uncertainty to household cash flow.

Monthly Expenses: Rs. 80,000, leaving Rs. 20,000 surplus from your income.

Strengths in Your Financial Profile
Term and Health Insurance: Rs. 50 lakhs covers major uncertainties for your family.

Child’s Age: At 10 years, financial needs will peak over the next decade.

Savings Portfolio: A balanced mix of fixed deposits, NPS, and mutual funds.

Concerns About Early Retirement
1. Long-Term Expense Management

Current expenses of Rs. 80,000 will rise due to inflation.

Post-retirement, expenses will rely on your investments and spouse’s income.

2. Educational Expenses

Your child’s higher education will need a significant corpus in 8–10 years.

Ensure funds are allocated early to avoid last-minute stress.

3. Retirement Corpus Sufficiency

NPS and mutual funds may need more time to grow for retirement.

Fixed deposits may lose value against inflation due to low returns.

4. Uncertain Income Post-Retirement

Spouse’s fluctuating income may create cash flow gaps.

Your re-employment plans are uncertain and may not materialise.

Recommendations to Strengthen Your Financial Plan
1. Build a Robust Retirement Corpus

Continue contributing to NPS for tax benefits and retirement savings.

Diversify into equity funds for long-term growth with professional advice.

2. Improve Liquidity in Investments

Convert part of your fixed deposits into balanced mutual funds.

Balanced funds ensure steady growth with moderate risk.

3. Allocate for Child’s Education

Start a dedicated education fund using a mix of equity and hybrid funds.

This will help meet your child’s higher education needs stress-free.

4. Manage Spouse’s Income Volatility

Create an emergency fund equal to 12 months’ expenses (Rs. 10–12 lakhs).

This will cushion the family during any income disruptions.

5. Optimise Current Expenses

Save at least Rs. 10,000–15,000 monthly from current surplus income.

Direct these savings into systematic investment plans (SIPs).

6. Avoid Dependence on Real Estate

Real estate is illiquid and not suitable for meeting short-term needs.

Focus on liquid investments like mutual funds for flexibility.

7. Tax Planning for Investments

Gains from equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% LTCG tax.

Plan withdrawals strategically to minimise taxes.

8. Review and Update Insurance

Ensure your term insurance covers both liabilities and future goals.

Review health insurance adequacy annually to account for medical inflation.

Financial Projections
Use professional assistance to project retirement expenses and corpus growth.

Ensure your retirement corpus can support Rs. 1 lakh per month (inflation-adjusted).

Factor in child’s education and future medical costs.

Final Insights
Early retirement is possible with careful adjustments to your portfolio. Focus on building a larger retirement corpus while ensuring liquidity for short-term goals. Spouse’s income uncertainty and your child’s education are key factors to consider. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can provide clarity and direction.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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