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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
VA Question by VA on May 25, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu,This is Vish this side 38 years old, male, single.
In October my cousin moved to my place due to some issue in her marriage. She is clear now she doesn't want to go back.

She is five years older to me, we both share a very good bond. She has many friends online whom she talks to and all many of them even propose her.
She tells me everything, even the last boy with whom she was like unable to stay without talking to him. But suddenly all has changed and she talks to me more than before, and keeps telling me she doesn't have a boyfriend.

I like her but, how should I know that she is interested in me. I would like to ask her but scared she should not think something different and leave me and go.
I am confused what to do. Should I just leave it and continue how it's going or ask her to be in a relation with me?
Please guide.

Ans:

Dear VA,

Both of you are weakly piling on each other it seems. When there are so many wonderful people that you or she can connect with on the outside, why would you want to enter into a relationship with a cousin of yours?

Don’t you ever think of how the family will react to this?

They might strongly oppose this OR Have you thought of what it would mean to have children with a close relative? Health issues in your off springs?

She is in a weak mind space searching for someone and just because you like interacting with her does not mean that have to fit in to fulfil that space.

You can still be friends and support her in a caring manner.

But of course, the choice is yours; you could either be that friend or approach her with your proposal bearing in mind the challenges around it.
All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Mam. I like a girl precisely 23 years back through one of my relative. We met quite often.she was from different city. She confessed that she loves me and we were going good. The meetings used to happen only with the knowledge of my relative. One day I called her and requested for a meeting without the knowledge of my relative . There she confessed that she loves somebody else. It was shocking . I supported her and she went back to her boyfriend. I dont know what happened between them afterwards.As the time passed we married to different spouses. In 2016 she mailed me.( requesting for my number and for a meeting). We met and there she confessed that she does not love her husband. I asked about her boyfriend . She said that they are facebook friends. After that we talked quite often. We met also many times. Three years back I realised that she is still in touch with her boyfriend and they both are liking each other post and profile pics and used to talk long on whatsapp calls. When I confronted her she said that she still have feelings for each other.Lately she has started defending him and used to put status on whatsapp only where they both have good times. I can see that. I dont know how their spouses are reacting when they like each other post and pics. Myself and my wife had an arranged marriage . We are poles apart on many things. Somehow we both are managing our lives. She knew my past. What is bothering me Mam that she has only treated me as time pass. I gave her so much of my time. I Respect her. She has always used the word parallel ( for me and her boyfriend). Though she has hided me from her husband , but once I met him because she wanted that.Her boyfriend is in all her groups and social media apps like fb, insta. Kindly suggest me what should I do. Its an old feeling. Though we have moved on.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you have realized that she is using you as a 'Time Pass', why exactly are you still mulling over the whole issue?
Do you still want to be her 'only available person' when she chooses to connect with you?
Going weak with feelings now from 23 years back doesn't really make sense, does it?

She hasn't quite figured out who she is with or who she wants to be with. (That's what I can gather from what you have shared in your email). So, why are you putting yourself in the equation as one the one men around her?
Take yourself out of it and focus on your life and its happenings. You and your wife maybe poles apart, but that need not be a reason to be someone's 'Time Pass.'

If you say that you have moved on, then truly move on. No point wasting your time on the past and someone from the past who has little respect for you, your feelings or your time.

All the best!

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