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Is it okay for a 41-year-old woman to date her 25-year-old son's colleague?

Anu Krishna |1477 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 03, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi

Relationship

Anu, I am in love with my son's best friend. I know it sounds a bit weird. But technically he is my son's colleague. I was 19 when I became a mother. My husband and I are not compatible so we live in different cities. We are not officially divorced. I am 41, my son's colleague is 25, he's smart, good looking and has told his parents he is interested in me. My son knows that his friend is interested in me. We haven't talked about it yet but he has indirectly suggested that I talk to his Papa ie my husband about it. Do you think it is wrong to fall in love for the first time after being married early to a wrong guy? Apart from my son, my husband and I have no real connection or conversation. This is the first time someone has made me feel so important in his life.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, nothing is right or wrong; it's just the way we perceive things (a point of view that almost makes everything seem right).
But I am sure there are other reasons that have prompted you to write in here. It's a guy who is much younger. Is this young man also interested in you like you are to him? Is he misplacing his lack of love from his mother through this relationship with you?

Be very cautious about relationships that come from a place of NEED. When the need is filled, the relationship invariably breaks. In your case, with no great close relationships and love from them, you seem to be deriving that from the attention that you get from this young man. He's young and has a whole life ahead of him. He has the luxury to choose who he wants as his life partner by actually getting into the dating scene, right? Where will that leave you?

This line of thinking that I am guiding you into is not to dampen your spirits but to make sure that you are closing all these loose ends before thinking of a relationships. How can you do this? By actually pondering over the questions that I have asked you. That may also involve some talk with the young man as well BUT at his age and maturity there is only that much that he can give you. If you are looking for emotional stability, then think really hard about what is going on...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hello M'aam, I am a 43 year old woman happily married and we hv a 15 year old son. Recently I became friends with a man in my building and we r now good chat friends. I hvnt met him ever though. Hes married too and has two kids. By now we hv developed a good friendship and we sometimes chat till late night too. The talks are all about my family, his family, movies, series, work. Initially i felt extremely guilty to talk to him as I felt i was betraying my husband by talking to another married man. but now i hv begun to love these chats. He too dsnt mind talking and we hv becum very good friends. I want to know if this is wrong. I am getting so used to sharing all updates about my family to him. And he shares updates about his family. I hv been so lost in his words that i hv not let my hubby touch me for intimacy and I just sleep with thoughts of this friend. What should i do??

Ans: Only friends? Doesn’t sound like it! Yes, men and women can have healthy platonic relationships, but in this case…? Why would you avoid intimacy with your husband and go to sleep every night dreaming of some other man? You’re going down a slippery slope, my dear. Don’t do something you will come to regret, it may cost you both your families. Strictly friends, no need to feel guilty. But you are feeling guilty, and that’s because you have a thing for this friend of yours. Don’t pursue it! Leave it at friendly chatter or then pull away if you’re getting in too deep.

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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
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Dear Sir , My daughter is currently an XI th grader at an ISC school in Navi Mumbai . She chose Commerce early on and has excelled in all the subjects so far. Post HSC , She would want to pursue an undergrad degree in Finance/Economics in a top university in India . The situation is that she being an USA citizen, we are not sure about the eligibility and intake criterion of Top Universities colleges for Foreign Citizens. can you help us understand the same .Will she have to take up CUET ,CET,NPAT and likes of same or would there be different qualification criteria, she being a foreign citizen . Hope I am able to articulate my question well . Thank you in advance .

Ans: Hello,

Firstly, thank you for contacting us. To answer your question, while the application process for foreign nationals may have slight variations compared to Indian students, your daughter should not face any issues when pursuing an undergraduate degree in finance or economics at top universities in India as many institutions have a well-defined process for international students. While she may still need to take entrance exams, the process is generally straightforward, and her excellent academic performance will put her in a great position. I’d recommend visiting the specific university websites to understand the details, but overall, she should be in a great position to pursue her goals in India.

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Sir , i want my son to pursue MS in computer science from abroad probebly from UK or USA .Please suggest which country will be best in view of post study employment , study budget and citizenship.

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To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am happy to hear that you want your son to pursue his MS in Computer Science abroad. As an answer to your query, I would like to tell you that although competition is high, the USA, particularly with its OPT (Optional Practical Training) and H-1B visa pathways, provides lucrative job opportunities after graduation. In comparison to the USA, studying in the UK is more economical, and the country also provides a two-year post-study work visa, making it easier to stay and work. If you are prioritizing long-term citizenship, then bear in mind that the USA has a more complicated and prolonged process, whereas the UK provides a more straightforward route to permanent residency. Lastly, I would like to let you know that the decision you make should be based on your budget and long-term career or settlement objectives.

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First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am glad to know that your nephew has completed his BSc in PCM and now wishes to pursue Supply Chain Management in Germany. As an answer to your query, I would like to tell you that even after a BSc in Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics (PCM), your nephew can certainly pursue Supply Chain Management (SCM) in Germany. Nevertheless, he may be required to demonstrate pertinent abilities or complete prerequisite courses. Completing an online crash course in India can assist him in acquiring foundational knowledge as well as boost his application. Owing to its robust logistics industry, Germany is a wise decision, nevertheless, the USA, Canada, and the Netherlands are the other leading countries for SCM. I would suggest that your nephew reviews the university prerequisites and thinks about acquiring some related professional experience or certifications.

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Subject: Guidance for studying abroad and scholarship opportunities Dear Career Counsellor, I'm reaching out for guidance on behalf of my son, who recently passed his SSC (MH Board) with 91% and aspirations to study business management abroad after his 12th grade. As a middle-class family, we're looking for economical options with scholarship opportunities. Considering his strengths in maths and science, we're unsure whether to opt for the commerce stream in 11th grade. Please advise: 1. Suitable countries for affordable studies in business management 2. Scholarship opportunities available for Indian students 3. Recommendations for the 11th grade stream (commerce or otherwise) aligning with his interests and strengths Thank you for your valuable guidance and support. Best regards,

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First of all, thank you for reaching out to us and congratulations to your son on his outstanding SSC results. To answer your question, given your son’s strong academic record and aspirations in business management, I would suggest considering countries like Germany, Canada, the USA, and the UK. Germany and Canada offer relatively low tuition fees with scholarship opportunities, such as the DAAD for Germany, while the USA and UK, though higher in costs, provide various merit-based scholarships. In particular, the USA offers the potential for high-paying jobs after graduation, which can help recoup the investment in education very quickly. For the 11th-grade stream, considering his strengths in mathematics and science, opting for the commerce stream with mathematics would be a solid choice. This would provide him with a strong foundation for business management while keeping future options open. Additionally, incorporating subjects like economics could further complement his interests and prepare him for the business field. I wish him all the best in his academic journey.

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Surrendering the policy after 5 years of premium payment looks the most appropriate in this case.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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