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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024
Relationship

DEAR ANU KRISHANA MAM, HERE IS PROBLEM Max and Candy, both in the same master’s program but in different sections, navigate a complex dynamic. Candy, captivated by Max, tries for over a year to get his attention but is repeatedly ignored. Her feelings persist even as she enters a relationship with someone else. Despite occasional brief interactions and Candy posting about her feelings in a confession group, Max remains distant. After some months, Max proposes to Candy through WhatsApp during the holiday, sensing that Candy had been giving him green signals—gazing at him for minutes, sitting near him after making eye contact. However, despite these signs, Max’s advances remain unreciprocated. Candy took whole day to reply and said no and block the max, may because at that time she was in relationship and then she was broken up after some months. In one day before the farewell candy looks max with smile and during the farewell candy tries twice to make the eye contact in the farewell, but max broke it and when she confirms that max is looking at him she start dancing like nothing matters to him. After the farewell, Max wrote another latter to candy, where he apologizes and express her feelings, but candy this time also not reply, On the last day, max wait fro candy outside the examination hall and candy friend told candy and then her friend came to max and told him to leave in gestures, and candy denies to met despite they are going to part because their degree going to complete. Then max wrote another confession which he put anonymously in confession group, where he apologizes to candy and tell him that he will reapproach her after the years when he neary solve his issues because he is undergoing the treatment because of which he ignored candy, Later, Max made another post in a confession group, once again apologizing to Candy and noting that she hadn’t responded to him. He told her that he would approach her again after a year when his issues were resolved. Candy remained silent but updated her bio, adding the phrase "Nothing lasts forever," a line Max had used earlier. She also added a yen symbol beside it and kept it unchanged for months. When Max added the yen symbol to his bio after some time, Candy updated her bio again, mirroring Max's changes and adding more elements to match his profile. Max sent a follow request afterward, which Candy did not accept, but she kept her bio intact. Then, suddenly, to check if Candy had unblocked him on WhatsApp, Max sent her a random message. When he saw the double tick, he realized he wasn’t blocked anymore. He quickly deleted the message, knowing she might block him again soon. This suggests that Candy unblocked him despite knowing he might reach out in the future, and she continues to mirror his bio. Next day candy post a photo on profile looks like something coping mechanism. After two or three days, Max messaged Candy. Despite deleting his message, Candy didn’t block Max. Max wrote, “Can we be friends?” but Candy didn’t reply and block the max . However, she continued mirroring Max’s actions. WHAT CANDY ACTUALLY WANT AND WHY SHE PLAYING LIKE THIS, IS SHE STILL HAVE THE GENIUNE FEELINGS

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The characters' names can be Tom and Jerry instead of Candy and Max, because one is chasing and the other is running...Typical cat and mouse game.
So, Max can take a break from Candy, so that she can come to a decision on whether she likes Max or not. She really has to stop playing immature games and constantly testing Max who by the way will get fed up someday.
Kindly suggest that Max go silent and not communicate with Candy for a while and if she really likes him, let her make her first honest move and then Max can decide thereon.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Relationship
Hi Love Guru. Please keep my identity as anonymous as possible.  I have few issues going on in my mind and want your suggestions. First, to get out of block and unblock chain. I met a girl who is my brother’s friend in 2017. We started chatting on FB, then exchanged numbers. We had a rapport till six months. There was a unique attachment between us during that period. Not chatting with her for even one day would make me uneasy. In October 2017, her engagement was fixed. I was normal, knowing that there cannot be much between us except being in contact. One day, at the end of our talk, she said, Love you. I laughed, saying “What nonsense that you always call me with different weird names. Now, after your engagement is fixed, you are telling me this.” Then, she blocked me on WhatsApp and I really felt like I was in a cage. Then, after a few days, she unblocked me. She got engaged but, after a few months, her engagement broke. We then again got in good contact. After few months her marriage got fixed. Now she is married. After her marriage, our contact was very, very less as priorities changed. I proceeded with my studies and job and she carried on with her personal and professional life. Two months back, she called me and said I am bored and feeling irritated with life so I called you to freshen my mind. I was also happy talking to her. I am that kind of introvert person who opens up with few and she was among them. For one or two weeks, we used to talk 30 to 45 minutes daily. Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I called her and she behaved like a stranger to me -- like who’s this, I don’t know you, who you are and she ended the call and blocked me. Till date, she has blocked me. I think there are many things she is hiding from me -- from why her first engagement broke to marring another guy who is not of her caste when she is from a conservative family  Post her engagement, there were many times she blocked and unblocked me. She is running in my mind. I want to get rid of her. Please suggest how and what shall I talk to her so I get an end to this. Thank you for bearing to read all this. My second issue is I think I am addicted to pornography. Two to three years back, I used to watch a lot of porn and would prefer MILF porn, ie senior pornstars videos. I think, due to this, I don’t get much attracted to girls of my age. I respect them but I think, because of my addiction, I see females elder to me attractive rather than females of my age. Please help. Suggest how I shall get out of this as this also affects me academically, personally and professionally. Thank you, Anon
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

 

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024
Relationship
in Uni. a girl have feelings for me and i also have feelings for him, are feelings are strong, she try to caught my attention for long and i ignore her due to some reasons, than she went in relationship with other guy but still looks at me with hope and gives me green signal, when i purpose and apologize she took one whole day to reply and said no, and block me, and than she gives the mix signal like getting nervous infront of me, than our education program cam to end, and in farewell she show interest, and smile and try to maintain the eye contact which i broke twice, than in farewell she made glimpse on me and when she conform that i am looking at him in farewell she dancing in farewell like nothing matters for him, next day during last exam i am waiting for him outside the exam hall, her friend came and in signal me to move from there, after that we parted because our program have ended, and in confession group i apologize to her and said i will approach her after a year when i sort mu all the issues, but she don't reply instead she start mirroring insta bio, put same things and quote in her bio which i had put despite the fact i said him that i will approach her after a year, and she keep the bio mirroring, i send her following request which she don't accept and keep the bio mirroring, what should i do, I have some disease from which i suffering and i don't want her to suffer with me, but i am also recovering very fast that's why i told her to wait for me for 1 year, so that we start our new journey. WHAT SHOULD I DO WAIT FOR HER
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Either one of two things is happening- you are reading her intentions wrong because so far she has made no verbal confirmation of her interest in you. Or, she is deliberately giving you mixed signals to manipulate you and keep you on the hook. I'd say the first one might be an honest mistake but the second comes very close to a toxic trait. I'd suggest you to be careful in dealing with this person. If she does not directly admit that she is interested in you, do not approach her. Consider her blocking and rejecting you as a final NO, even if it might not be so. Do the right thing, even if she isn't.

If she likes you, let her approach you. If that doesn't happen, focus on moving on. After all, you have not been in a relationship or have deep emotions for her. From what you have said, it seems like you barely know her. You deserve someone who is clear about their feelings for you.
Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’m 36M, I met a girl in my office, who works in the same department. It was love at first site for me, but I was scared to tell her that. As time passed, I used to strike some casual conversations with her or her team to connect with her and there were some clear signs that she liked me, for example, she would call me or text me why I’m not talking to her if I didn’t message her for some time (a week) or she would ask me if I was coming to office as we were working Hybrid if not she would also not come to office. But she always refused to come out with me for a movie or date/meet saying she had a very strict family and cannot come out other than office. I used to think that this was a real thing. But all this went on until her birthday arrived. I got some gift to give her on her birthday only to know that she suddenly stopped talking to me, no replies to my messages, calls or anything. At first, I was bit concerned if there was any problem or if she was in any trouble. But little did I know it was not the case at this time. After few (many) attempts trying to reach her. I though maybe she could be busy or something and I understood may be if I did not disturb her, she might call back. Time went on I again met her after 4 or 5 months in Office with no contact. By this time, I had already realised there was something wrong and she had already lost interest in me. But still I felt like I wanted to have a closure on this and I went on and gave the gift and proposed her, that is when she told me that she was in a relationship with some other person for 4 years. This blew my mind to pieces, as I was thinking why would someone shows any sort of interest on someone when they are already in relationship with some other person. I tried to move away from her after this incident, but fate we still are working in the same department and that I have to see her more often than not. I still have strong feelings for her, but I cannot show this to her and worst act normal. Whenever I see her, I want to talk to her and If I talk to her, I fall for her again and again. But she is happy and casual about all this as if there was not casualty in whole of this thing. Even now she asks me if I’m coming to office so that she could meet me. So, through all this, I have some questions 1. Why does a women show any sort of Interest on someone else when she is already in a relationship, so she can use me as a options and throw away when done 2. How do I move on, as I did not love her for some superficial features, rather I really liked her character, and that is the worst as I feel like I’ll never be able to find anyone like her in my life. Feeling down for a long time now. I’m already 36, feels like all the doors have closed for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and upset, and rightfully so. You thought she liked you but turns out, she is with someone else. It's a good enough ground to be upset. But I want you to understand one thing- you thought; she never gave you verbal confirmation. You assumed it all. So to answer your first question- all of her interest in you might have been friendly. It is difficult for me to say it with confidence because I have not seen any of this while it happened; I am only hearing your version of it. But my guess is that she thought of you as a friend or maybe, for a while there, she might have had feelings for you, but then realized that she was committed and pulled herself back. Again, all of these are my assumptions. We do not know the truth. Only she does. The next time, whenever you think someone likes you, get verbal confirmation before you act on it.

I understand that whether she showed friendly interest and you mistook it for romantic interest or she actually showed romantic interest and ghosted you, your pain remains the same because everything was real and romantic from your end. I suggest that you focus on yourself. It's unfortunate that you have to see her every day, but so be it. Take it one day at a time. Stick with your friends in your office. Find some hobby that makes you happy and when you are ready to move on, be open to finding love. I understand that this experience was bad, but it won't be the same way every time.

Best wishes.

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |996 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 51 single, divorced and have one little sister who is 32. Recently I lost my job, and I am not in the mood to search for a new one. I am in the process of making arrangement to fulfill my monthly needs. I am holding the NPS which has a small corpus of 5 lacs in tier 1 and 45k in tier 2. Now I want to completely exit from the NPS. Now I must compulsorily accept the 20% withdrawal and 80% annuity. I have a few queries below. 1. Should I consider buying 100% annuity. 20% withdrawal does not make sense 2. Should I consider putting 1.5 lacs more to enhance the annuity (The corpus will become 7 lacs approx.). 3. Should I consider taking out the annuity on a yearly basis (Please explain Its pros and cons), since it offers more benefit. 4. Should I consider the Shriram life insurance. 5. Will it be safe to consider Shriram life insurance for life long future annuity. It offers the highest annuity. 6. Should I consider Annuity for Life with ROP - Subscriber will get annuity for lifetime and on death of the Subscriber, payment of annuity ceases & 100% of the purchase price will be returned to the nominee(s). The annual offer is 49,063.00 (7.01%) 7. Should I consider Annuity for Life without ROP - Subscriber will get annuity for lifetime and on death of the Subscriber, payment of annuity ceases, and no further amount will be payable. The annual offer is 58,112.00 (8.30%)
Ans: Hello;

Point wise answers to your queries as given below:

1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. If you do monthly annuity the rate will be lower but you get monthly payouts. In yearly the rate will higher but only one shot payment per year so it depends on your preference.

4. Cannot comment on suitability of xyz firm.

5. Consider an insurer which has good capital adequacy, growing profitable business, preferably listed, reputation of the owner/group apart from decent annuity rates on offer.

6 & 7. My suggestion would be to opt for annuity for life with ROP to your nominee. Ultimately it is your call.

Please have adequate healthcare insurance cover.

Best wishes;

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |996 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Inderpaul

Inderpaul Singh  |7 Answers  |Ask -

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I graduated with a BBA in 2022, and since then, I’ve been on a thrilling two-year adventure at an MNC. But guess what? I decided to resign in March 2024 because, you know, who doesn’t love a little drama at work? Now, I’ve managed to burn through all my hard-earned savings like a pro, and here I am, utterly confused about my future. Sometimes I think about leaving India—maybe for studies or just to escape and do some mindless job somewhere. Other times, I dream of retreating to the most remote corner of India and living off the grid. I’ve always been pretty good with technology, snagged a degree, and even racked up some work experience. But now? I’m completely lost on where to start over. I’ve scoured countless articles and advice columns, but they’ve been about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. I’m just looking for that life-changing advice that seems to be in short supply. Turning 24 this year!
Ans: Hello Manan,
My simple advice to you would be to get back to some job while you can continue to ponder over your long term goals/passion/pursuits.
Sitting idle (with no funds) at home won't help & it is not going to do any good to your career/life plans.
Simultaneously you can continue to do introspection & chalk out a proper plan as far your larger life goals are concerned.
Say you earnestly wish to pursue higher studies than you need to get yourself these answers 1) Why you need a higher degree in first place ? 2) Will it help you to get job/career of your choice? 3) If yes, then shortlist some relevant good courses & start exploring admit process etc. 4) Meanwhile do account for funds that will help you to time your break from the job (savings, loans etc.)
Likewise ask yourself questions for each option you have in mind & be honest in responses, that will help you to zero on your real aspiration & then do the proper detailing/planning. This may entail some compromises in short term but will certainly pave your way to achieve long term goals.

Best of Luck!

Major Inderpaul
HR Expert, Life & Relationship Coach

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025
Relationship
Me and my girlfriend we both are in relationship from about last 2 years (almost). After such a long time I got to know that she had 2 relationships before me that too she didn't told I got to know it by third person she was sexually involved too (not intercourse but yes other things with one of them)... When I asked her that why you didn't told anything to me before she said she was scared that if she'll tell it to me so I'll leave her and she really did not wanted that... She was scared to loose me. And she was still in contact with that guy and when I asked her that why you were still in contact with him (it's been around 3 years they got separated) so she says that she is like that only... She can't deny anyone because of her soft hearted nature but she did not had any feelings for him. She also said that once she even went to meet him when he requested to meet and also on the same she claims that her soft hearted nature has done that she wasn't able to deny. I loved her too much but now all these things are hurting me like anything. (She is my first relationship before her i never had anyone)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and the complexities of the hearts might be difficult sometimes to grasp. The first reason for your sorrow, her past relationship, and the fact that she was physically intimate with them is not completely justifiable. Though I understand that you feel hurt because she did not disclose it to you, still it should not matter so much as to ruin your present relationship. And whether she will open up about such sensitive details is actually up to her. It has nothing to do with how much she loves you or trusts you. Please understand that.

Now coming to the next thing, the fact that she is still in touch with them and has even met one of them, that is slightly concerning. It would have been okay if she did that openly- please understand that I am not saying she should have asked for your permission, but rather discuss the same with you. Moreover, in a relationship, it is also important to understand how much your partner is comfortable with- goes for both men and women. If you are uncomfortable with her relationship with her exes, she should consider that. I would have said the same if the table was turned. I suggest you have a clear conversation with her and express how you feel about this situation- depending on how she reacts and how the conversation goes, you both can think about the next step.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

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