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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024
Relationship

DEAR ANU KRISHANA MAM, HERE IS PROBLEM Max and Candy, both in the same master’s program but in different sections, navigate a complex dynamic. Candy, captivated by Max, tries for over a year to get his attention but is repeatedly ignored. Her feelings persist even as she enters a relationship with someone else. Despite occasional brief interactions and Candy posting about her feelings in a confession group, Max remains distant. After some months, Max proposes to Candy through WhatsApp during the holiday, sensing that Candy had been giving him green signals—gazing at him for minutes, sitting near him after making eye contact. However, despite these signs, Max’s advances remain unreciprocated. Candy took whole day to reply and said no and block the max, may because at that time she was in relationship and then she was broken up after some months. In one day before the farewell candy looks max with smile and during the farewell candy tries twice to make the eye contact in the farewell, but max broke it and when she confirms that max is looking at him she start dancing like nothing matters to him. After the farewell, Max wrote another latter to candy, where he apologizes and express her feelings, but candy this time also not reply, On the last day, max wait fro candy outside the examination hall and candy friend told candy and then her friend came to max and told him to leave in gestures, and candy denies to met despite they are going to part because their degree going to complete. Then max wrote another confession which he put anonymously in confession group, where he apologizes to candy and tell him that he will reapproach her after the years when he neary solve his issues because he is undergoing the treatment because of which he ignored candy, Later, Max made another post in a confession group, once again apologizing to Candy and noting that she hadn’t responded to him. He told her that he would approach her again after a year when his issues were resolved. Candy remained silent but updated her bio, adding the phrase "Nothing lasts forever," a line Max had used earlier. She also added a yen symbol beside it and kept it unchanged for months. When Max added the yen symbol to his bio after some time, Candy updated her bio again, mirroring Max's changes and adding more elements to match his profile. Max sent a follow request afterward, which Candy did not accept, but she kept her bio intact. Then, suddenly, to check if Candy had unblocked him on WhatsApp, Max sent her a random message. When he saw the double tick, he realized he wasn’t blocked anymore. He quickly deleted the message, knowing she might block him again soon. This suggests that Candy unblocked him despite knowing he might reach out in the future, and she continues to mirror his bio. Next day candy post a photo on profile looks like something coping mechanism. After two or three days, Max messaged Candy. Despite deleting his message, Candy didn’t block Max. Max wrote, “Can we be friends?” but Candy didn’t reply and block the max . However, she continued mirroring Max’s actions. WHAT CANDY ACTUALLY WANT AND WHY SHE PLAYING LIKE THIS, IS SHE STILL HAVE THE GENIUNE FEELINGS

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The characters' names can be Tom and Jerry instead of Candy and Max, because one is chasing and the other is running...Typical cat and mouse game.
So, Max can take a break from Candy, so that she can come to a decision on whether she likes Max or not. She really has to stop playing immature games and constantly testing Max who by the way will get fed up someday.
Kindly suggest that Max go silent and not communicate with Candy for a while and if she really likes him, let her make her first honest move and then Max can decide thereon.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |633 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2024

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6monsth back I started talking to one of my colleague, he is attractive by his nature. Almost everyone likes him. he is intelligent, funny, etc.... In calls he used to tell me about his family, his friends, his thoughts, also about the girl (Aliya) whom he liked a lot for 6years (they belong to same village), but she rejected and told that he is her friend only. He told her that he may get feelings for her if they both remained as friends, so better stop talking. But she insisted that they both need to be friends and continue talking. I felt like may be she needed emotional support that's why she insisted. After coming to Jaipur, Aliya started talking to another man named Jitesh. But my colleague used to feel like a third wheel and started keeping distance. Then also she told that they are just friends and he need not distant himself. She always wanted him to give her the first priority. He also feared that she might get upset if he don't give her 1st priority. They used to talk a lot on phone and share everything. One day he brought her to our bay where we both used to sit and work. that day I really felt like I was a third wheel. I felt very bad.. cried for few days. And decided not to talk to him from then on because I didn't want to cry anymore. But he kept trying to have a talk with me. One day he almost cried because I was ignoring him. I couldn't see him like that and also I felt guilt about my behaviour(my intention was not to hurt him but to save my tears). I couldn't help but starting talking to him. He used to mention to me whenever he used to talk to her. and everytime I used to feel very bad. We started talking a lot after few weeks. Whenever I didn't receive proper response from him I used to become very anxious waiting for his reply and cried a lot. But when he starts talking again I used to feel normal. I never wanted to get into relationships, so everytime I used to tell him directly or indirectly about it. But still he continued to talk to me. One day he called me and said that Aliya is in love with Jitesh. He said being a friend he is very happy for her but after sometime he also said that if you also love someone I will stop talking with you also. I understand that he is little sad that he cannot talk to Aliya as he used to talk before because she is in love with someone else. We continued to talk and kept talking a lot. One day I felt like I am too much emotionally getting connected to him and felt like these long talks need to stop. So I asked him saying that I didn't get clarity. Then he opened up and proposed me. I thought for a day and I felt he is also a good person and said yes to him. Then on he became my world. Then on he started talking little less with other girls. One day Aliya called him saying that Jitesh had an incident where everyone thought he was drowned but he came back safely. She needed emotional support and asked him to come to office. She also said she that one of her colleagues didn't bring lunch and she don't have enough food to give her so she asked my colleague to prepare some food and bring it to office. At first my colleague said no thinking of me but Aliya convinced him emotionally saying that will you leave friends if you get a girlfriend and so he prepared lunch and took it to office. That day when he told me all these I felt devastated, I felt really insecured and cried a lot that is our first fight regarding her. He told me that if you say no I will stop talking to her. She again called and asked my colleague that what was my reaction for all these... he kept silent she guessed what might have happened and told that I understand how she might have felt and will not ask him to bring food to office anytime. Then on fights started increasing between us regarding her. whenever we three had a conversation i felt like thirdwheel and felt he is showing more attention towards her, more care towards her. again a fight. Like that fights started increasing. At first he used to listen to me, but after some days he started saying like my thinking is wrong. I even told him how much I cried but he didn't bothered. I never wanted to break their friendship so I never wanted to ask him to stop talking(even though he gave me that option). I only wanted him to give me my importance but I still feel he shows equal care to both of us. Then how am I different? Later on in our every fight, he started supporting her this gave me more pain. One day he said If I leave her for you, then I may leave you for someone else, that is not my character( this is contrary to what he said previously 'I will stop talking to her if i don't want to'). I cried a lot, I don't have much friends I couldn't share this with anyone.... every moment he is only coming to my thoughts and whenever fights happen due to Aliya, I get disturbed a lot... unable to concentrate on my work... not getting interest to do anything. One day out of anger I said just stop talking to her then his expressions totally changed he became hesistant , he became very sad and said I need sometime and don't know how much( his expression is contrary to what he said 'It doesn't bother me much If I don't talk to Aliya' ). He is that much emotionally connected to her. After 5mins I pinged him saying that I am feeling very guilt about the decision and ask him not to stop talking to her. I understood finally that he still thinks I am wrong and I am tired of fighting. One day when I was very emotional I told him that I will no more bring Aliya topic in our discussion and asked him to do whatever he wants. After this, Whenever Aliya calls him or he call her he used to tell me... sometimes I felt very bad... sometimes I tried to ignore as if it didn't bothered me but didn't start any argument with him. After few days he even stopped telling me if she called him or not also. When he was not telling about Aliya's conversations I thought he understood my feelings and reduced talking with her. but one time accidently my colleague's friend told about the small conversation that my colleague and Aliya had, that's how I came to know that they had a conversation but he didn't tell me. I felt very bad, really very bad... again unable to concentrate on work feel like crying all the time... I can't ask him to stop talking to her because I don't like to do so and also afraid of having negative impression on me in my colleague's mind. at the same time, I feel very very bad whenever they meet or have a call or does something together. I cannot discuss with him about this anymore. what shall i do, this is bothering me a lot and also having effect on my career, peace and life. please suggest. I am ready to correct myself if there is anything wrong from my end. And I can surely say that If i have a boy bestfriend then he would definitely not feel comfortable and will get upset.
Ans: Dear Jia,

When two people enter a relationship, both must try to make each other feel comfortable. If you are uncomfortable with your partner speaking to his friend, who is also his ex-crush, it is perfectly normal for you to voice it. And reading your question I understood that he has repeatedly mentioned that he had feelings for her, and even wanted to sever ties because staying in touch could only further ignite those feelings. I don't see how you are wrong in letting him know that you don't like their interactions. Plus, in a healthy relationship, the partner comes first. Not friends, especially not this kind of friendship.

Just understand that you are not wrong. Even if his intentions are pure and he looks at her like a friend, you have every right to express your feelings. You made no unreasonable demand. She wasn't "just" a friend; she was always more than that, and being insecure about something like that is not uncommon.

The only thing to do right now is to tell your boyfriend that you understand that the friendship is important but you deserve someone who can pick you over everything- obviously, reasonable things. See what he does. And please remember, you actually deserve someone who would pick you. This is not an ultimatum; it's the truth.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |633 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024
Relationship
in Uni. a girl have feelings for me and i also have feelings for him, are feelings are strong, she try to caught my attention for long and i ignore her due to some reasons, than she went in relationship with other guy but still looks at me with hope and gives me green signal, when i purpose and apologize she took one whole day to reply and said no, and block me, and than she gives the mix signal like getting nervous infront of me, than our education program cam to end, and in farewell she show interest, and smile and try to maintain the eye contact which i broke twice, than in farewell she made glimpse on me and when she conform that i am looking at him in farewell she dancing in farewell like nothing matters for him, next day during last exam i am waiting for him outside the exam hall, her friend came and in signal me to move from there, after that we parted because our program have ended, and in confession group i apologize to her and said i will approach her after a year when i sort mu all the issues, but she don't reply instead she start mirroring insta bio, put same things and quote in her bio which i had put despite the fact i said him that i will approach her after a year, and she keep the bio mirroring, i send her following request which she don't accept and keep the bio mirroring, what should i do, I have some disease from which i suffering and i don't want her to suffer with me, but i am also recovering very fast that's why i told her to wait for me for 1 year, so that we start our new journey. WHAT SHOULD I DO WAIT FOR HER
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Either one of two things is happening- you are reading her intentions wrong because so far she has made no verbal confirmation of her interest in you. Or, she is deliberately giving you mixed signals to manipulate you and keep you on the hook. I'd say the first one might be an honest mistake but the second comes very close to a toxic trait. I'd suggest you to be careful in dealing with this person. If she does not directly admit that she is interested in you, do not approach her. Consider her blocking and rejecting you as a final NO, even if it might not be so. Do the right thing, even if she isn't.

If she likes you, let her approach you. If that doesn't happen, focus on moving on. After all, you have not been in a relationship or have deep emotions for her. From what you have said, it seems like you barely know her. You deserve someone who is clear about their feelings for you.
Best Wishes.

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