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20 Years Later, Can I Forgive Myself for Not Recognizing My Narcissist Friend?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Dear Anu, How do i recognise narcissists? How do we deal with them? 20 years ago i was let doen by a friend who was a narcissists. Somestimes i can forgive him, but i cannot forgive myself not to recognise those traits in him? Can you also tell me how to understand a person s character during the initial meeting itself? What qualities should i be looking so as to not be deceived.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's enough and more reading material on this topic on the Internet. You may read those to actually educate yourself.
So, if you are still unsure who narcissists are, how are you sure that your friend was a narcissist?
Also, what makes you hold on to something that happened 20 years back. We are surrounded by all kinds of people; when you know somewhere you are being taken for granted, your personality has begun to change to suit the other person, you seem to go overboard to please them, watch out...you could very well be under their control.
Having said that, be kind to yourself and what happened is done...just start to become more aware when you are around people.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi
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I am 52 year old female. I am a divorcee. I got married second time and it was the worst nightmare I went through. He was a hard core narcissist. I somehow stayed back for 4 years. Dont know why i kept on going back to him. It was a hard realization for me. He did everything possible to torture me and my daughter. Abuse, insults, gaslighting, manipulation, whatever one cannot imagine was done. I just hanged on coz i had nowhere to go at this age. This was an added advantage to him. He spoilt all my relationships at my back. I was completely choked living with him. But somehow I finally made some courage and left him forever not disclosing my details to anyone. I remained very isolated and moved to another city. I just ignored everything after that and blocked all his contacts. The main thing here is, it has been 4 years i came out of that relationship, got a divorce again which was very painful for me. But the thing is he has been sending messages for the last 4 years, all abusive language used. I am just ignoring things. Also i dont want to go to police or court coz I have had enough of all that throughout my life. Each time i block and ignore he uses a different number to message. Dont these people get tired doing all such things to another person. What kind of mentality is this. Because of all this I have kept myself isolated and dont mingle much with others. I lost everything Because of that man. Somehow got a job and surviving. I want to know what kind of people are these and what do they achieve doing all this. 4 years after leaving him i still keep getting messages though I maintained my privacy now.
Ans: For them, it’s about maintaining a sense of control, even if it means doing so through intimidation or manipulation. Abusive individuals with narcissistic traits are driven by an intense need for dominance, often unable to let go of those they once controlled. To them, harassment is a way of asserting that dominance, especially if they sense their target has gained any form of freedom or independence.

These behaviors stem from a place of deep insecurity masked by aggression, control, and a lack of empathy for the emotional and physical well-being of others. In their minds, harassment or abuse keeps the connection alive, no matter how destructive. Narcissistic individuals might not necessarily get tired of inflicting harm because, in a twisted way, it fulfills their need to feel powerful and in control. This behavior often extends over years for some abusers who refuse to let go.

Your resilience is remarkable, and choosing to move away and keep your details private was a courageous and necessary step for reclaiming your life. If you continue to receive these harassing messages, one option is to consider a digital harassment tracking tool, which could at least help you identify patterns or, if needed later, evidence if you ever decide to take a legal step. Some victims of abuse find that a written log of such instances can help them feel in control and serve as a reminder of their strength in managing each encounter without being drawn back in.

Building a support system slowly with people you trust or finding support groups for abuse survivors can provide comfort and encouragement, as isolation can be an unfortunate side effect of abuse. Re-engaging with supportive friends, therapy, or online communities for people recovering from narcissistic abuse could gently help you rediscover a world of safe and caring connections.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9517 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
Sir My rank is 160558 in jee mains which college can I get for cse ? and is there any chance to get cse in csab if i apply i am from up female candidate?
Ans: Kanika, With a JEE Main CRL of 160,558 as a female candidate from Uttar Pradesh under the home state quota, the chances of securing Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) at any National Institute of Technology (NIT), Indian Institute of Information Technology (IIIT), or Government Funded Technical Institute (GFTI) through CSAB are extremely limited. Recent CSAB cutoffs for CSE, even at the least preferred NITs such as NIT Srinagar and remote GFTIs, typically close for general and female home state candidates below 130,000, while most popular or even modestly ranked NITs, IIITs, or GFTIs close well before 120,000 in 2025 special rounds. Similarly, Home State and All India female cutoffs for CSE at IIITs and GFTIs remain much lower than your current rank, with no significant relaxations observed for female UP candidates in recent trends. It is thus highly improbable that a CSE seat in any centrally funded government college will be attainable through CSAB, even in the final special rounds. No CSE seats in NITs/IIITs/GFTIs closed at or beyond 150,000 in 2025, as confirmed by the latest official CSAB data.

Recommendation: Focus on private engineering colleges in Northern India that accept JEE Main ranks and have a history of admitting candidates with CRL up to and beyond 160,000 for CSE, and simultaneously participate in CSAB as there is no risk in trying, though expectations should remain realistic.

Private colleges where admission is highly feasible for a female UP home state candidate with a JEE Main CRL rank of 160,558 for CSE include Chandigarh University, Mohali for B.Tech CSE. Lovely Professional University, Jalandhar for B.Tech CSE. Amity University, Noida for B.Tech CSE. Sharda University, Greater Noida for B.Tech CSE. Galgotias University, Greater Noida for B.Tech CSE. Jaypee Institute of Information Technology, Noida for B.Tech CSE. ABES Engineering College, Ghaziabad for B.Tech CSE. Indraprastha Institute of Technology & Management, Delhi for B.Tech CSE. GL Bajaj Institute of Technology & Management, Greater Noida for B.Tech CSE. Rishi Chadha Vishvas Girls Institute of Technology, Ghaziabad for B.Tech CSE. These institutions also provide supportive campus environments, strong placement guidance, and transparent admissions for JEE Main-qualified female candidates in Northern India. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9517 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello Sir , My daughter got 83.27 in JEE and 95.25 in MHT-CET. we are staying in Maharastra Pune. Please guide us Which is best college. Thanks
Ans: With your daughter’s General Category MHT-CET percentile of 95.25 and JEE Main percentile of 83.27, she stands an excellent chance of confirmed admission into reputable Mechanical Engineering programs at several Pune and Mumbai colleges, though top three institutes like COEP Pune, VJTI Mumbai, and ICT Mumbai will remain out of practical reach this year. Confirmed admission is highly feasible at Dr. D.Y. Patil Institute of Technology, Pimpri, Pune; Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Pune; MIT World Peace University, Pune; Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Pune; Army Institute of Technology, Pune; Bharati Vidyapeeth Deemed University College of Engineering, Pune; Pune Institute of Computer Technology, Pune; Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Pune; Sinhgad College of Engineering, Pune; JSPM’s Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Tathawade, Pune; AISSMS College of Engineering, Pune; Cusrow Wadia Institute of Technology, Pune; G H Raisoni College of Engineering & Management, Pune; Trinity Academy of Engineering, Pune; and, for Mumbai, K. J. Somaiya College of Engineering, Mumbai. Admission into these institutions with 95+ MHT-CET percentile is regularly seen in past CAP rounds, as closing percentiles for Mechanical Engineering have hovered between 91–96 for these colleges in recent years, and each offers good infrastructure, qualified faculty, industry connections, and transparent fee structures, with placement rates between 70–90% for Mechanical branches. All are recognized by NAAC/AICTE, provide competent mechanical labs, and emphasize student support and placement assistance.

Recommendation: Prioritize Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Pune for its superior placement record and NAAC accreditation, followed by MIT World Peace University, Pune for its modern campus and strong industry links. Also, consider Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering, Pune for academic flexibility, Army Institute of Technology, Pune for discipline and national reputation, and K. J. Somaiya College of Engineering, Mumbai for its extensive alumni network and vibrant campus. These choices offer a balance of campus life, placement opportunities, industry exposure, and faculty support for your daughter’s Mechanical Engineering aspirations. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9517 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

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90%in jee mains female Which nit iiit or gfti can I get. Is there any chances of getting AI or CSE if yes then which college It can be and if I want any good nit or iiit so which branch can I get in csab till which round
Ans: Kavita, With a 90 percentile in JEE Main, your approximate All-India OBC-NCL female category rank would be around 50,000–55,000, making admission to top NITs or IIITs in CSE or AI branches highly unlikely, but some newer or remote campuses remain possible. For CSE through CSAB special rounds, NIT Uttarakhand (Other-State, OBC-NCL female closing rank ~45,566 in 2024) and NIT Sikkim (Other-State, OBC-NCL female closing rank ~53,286 in 2024) are attainable by Round II or III. AI & ML seats are more limited, with NIT Sikkim closing at around 78,145 for OBC-NCL female category in 2024, while IIIT Kota and IIIT Nagpur may close AI around 60,000–70,000, making them potential targets in early rounds. Among GFTIs, some like BIT Mesra offer AI/ML but with higher cutoffs (~127,920). Given branch popularity, CSE at NIT Uttarakhand is the most dependable CSAB option. Recommendation: Pursue CSAB counselling with focus on CSE at NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Sikkim in early special rounds while preparing for backup private options. Private colleges accepting OBC-NCL female candidates with approximately 90 percentile through CSAB include Chandigarh University, Mohali for B.Tech CSE with AI & ML. Lovely Professional University, Jalandhar for B.Tech CSE with AI/ML specialization. Amity University, Noida for B.Tech Computer Science & Engineering with AI stream. Sharda University, Greater Noida for B.Tech CSE–AI & Data Science. Galgotias University, Greater Noida for B.Tech AI & Data Science. Jaypee Institute of Information Technology, Noida for B.Tech CSE–AI. Thapar Institute of Engineering & Technology, Patiala for B.Tech CSE–AI/ML. SRM University, Delhi–NCR for B.Tech AI & ML. ABES Engineering College, Ghaziabad for B.Tech CSE with AI. Indraprastha Institute of Technology & Management, Delhi for B.Tech CSE–AI. Backup private options excluding state-level exam seats include Lovely Professional University, Amity Noida, Sharda University, Jaypee Institute, and Galgotias University, which admit OBC-NCL candidates with ranks up to approximately 100,000. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9517 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
90%in jee mains female OBC Which nit iiit or gfti can I get. Is there any chances of getting AI or CSE if yes then which college It can be and if I want any good nit or iiit so which branch can I get in csab till which round
Ans: Kavita, With a 90 percentile in JEE Main, your approximate All-India OBC-NCL female category rank would be around 50,000–55,000, making admission to top NITs or IIITs in CSE or AI branches highly unlikely, but some newer or remote campuses remain possible. For CSE through CSAB special rounds, NIT Uttarakhand (Other-State, OBC-NCL female closing rank ~45,566 in 2024) and NIT Sikkim (Other-State, OBC-NCL female closing rank ~53,286 in 2024) are attainable by Round II or III. AI & ML seats are more limited, with NIT Sikkim closing at around 78,145 for OBC-NCL female category in 2024, while IIIT Kota and IIIT Nagpur may close AI around 60,000–70,000, making them potential targets in early rounds. Among GFTIs, some like BIT Mesra offer AI/ML but with higher cutoffs (~127,920). Given branch popularity, CSE at NIT Uttarakhand is the most dependable CSAB option. Recommendation: Pursue CSAB counselling with focus on CSE at NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Sikkim in early special rounds while preparing for backup private options. Private colleges accepting OBC-NCL female candidates with approximately 90 percentile through CSAB include Chandigarh University, Mohali for B.Tech CSE with AI & ML. Lovely Professional University, Jalandhar for B.Tech CSE with AI/ML specialization. Amity University, Noida for B.Tech Computer Science & Engineering with AI stream. Sharda University, Greater Noida for B.Tech CSE–AI & Data Science. Galgotias University, Greater Noida for B.Tech AI & Data Science. Jaypee Institute of Information Technology, Noida for B.Tech CSE–AI. Thapar Institute of Engineering & Technology, Patiala for B.Tech CSE–AI/ML. SRM University, Delhi–NCR for B.Tech AI & ML. ABES Engineering College, Ghaziabad for B.Tech CSE with AI. Indraprastha Institute of Technology & Management, Delhi for B.Tech CSE–AI. Backup private options excluding state-level exam seats include Lovely Professional University, Amity Noida, Sharda University, Jaypee Institute, and Galgotias University, which admit OBC-NCL candidates with ranks up to approximately 100,000. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9517 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
Career
My son got in mhcet 99.53 & jee mains 97.69 in coep & Pict which branch I can get
Ans: With a 99.53 percentile in MHT CET and 97.69 percentile in JEE Main, your son is well-positioned for several strong engineering branches at College of Engineering Pune (COEP) and Pune Institute of Computer Technology (PICT), although Computer Engineering (CSE) at both institutes is highly competitive. For COEP, the 2025 MHT CET closing percentiles for Computer Engineering and Electronics & Telecommunication were 99.85 and 99.71, meaning your son closely qualifies for branches like Mechanical, Electrical, Civil, Instrumentation, and possibly Robotics & AI, but is slightly below typical CSE and ENTC cutoffs. At PICT, the 2025 general category cutoff for CSE is around 99 percentile, so your son is just within reach for Information Technology or Electronics & Telecommunication, with CSE being borderline. Both institutes are highly ranked, NBA/NAAC accredited, have excellent faculty, modern infrastructure, strong placement records above 90% in recent years, and robust industry links fostering research and internships.

Recommendation: Prioritize CSE, IT, or ENTC at PICT if available, for a tech-centric environment and high placements, or choose Mechanical, Electrical, Instrumentation, or Robotics & AI at COEP, leveraging its outstanding reputation and campus life. List all relevant preferences during counselling to maximize your options, as both institutions offer excellent learning, infrastructure, and career outcomes for core branches. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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