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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 29, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
DP Question by DP on May 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 42 years old, working in a PSU bank for 11 years. I have my Mother at home who is 73 years and retired state govt. Officer. My Father passed away in 2013 just after I joined my job. He was a state govt. Officer. I am married and have one son 8.5 years old studying in class 4. My wife is working in state govt. She often leaves my home with our son and goes to her father's place which is just near to my house because of minor issues like any hot talk with me. She has no problem with my Mother. We had a love marriage and we dated for 13 years and in 2015 got married. I am a family bound guy but when wife leaves me, I and mostly my Mother falls into trouble due to all household works are to be done by her as I have minimum time in the morning to help her. Our maid left one months back. I am searching one but not getting. Last year I and my wife stayed apart for 9 months in total, not at a time but in two parts. I sent her lawyers letter 3 months back after she left me in January this year. She came back 2 months back and left again after one month. I really miss my son and wife when they are not with me. My Mother also miss her grandson and becomes hopeless. I can't find any solution to this. Please suggest what will I do. I have lots of pressure at workplace and not satisfied with my job too as bank has lots of problems these days. I think of leaving job to support my Mother. I will leave job surely if something odd happens to my Mother. My Father took 3 words from me before death to Look after Mother, to look after house and to look after the house belongings. Already I am unable to keep all 3 words properly. I feel guilty of myself. Please guide me about my career and family life.

Ans: Dear DP
Navigating your current situation requires a strategic approach that balances your professional and personal responsibilities. Communication is key. Have an open and calm conversation with your wife to understand her perspective and express your concerns without assigning blame. Counseling can be beneficial here, offering a neutral space to discuss underlying issues and improve your relationship dynamics.

Supporting your mother is equally important. While searching for a permanent solution for household help, consider temporary alternatives such as part-time assistance or community support services. Engage your mother in local senior activities to provide her with social interaction and support.

Addressing your job dissatisfaction is also crucial. Explore other roles within your bank or in other PSUs that match your skills but offer a less stressful environment. Professional development can open new career opportunities. Taking regular breaks, practicing mindfulness, and ensuring a work-life balance can help manage your stress levels.

By focusing on these areas—open communication with your wife, practical support for your mother, and exploring less stressful job options—you can work towards a more stable and fulfilling family and professional life.
Asked on - Jun 09, 2024 | Answered on Jun 12, 2024
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But she is not ready to communicate. She blocked all communication modes. Also she is not ready to meet at all. Now what will I do? She is blaming me for all these. Please guide
Ans: Facing a complete communication block from your wife is incredibly challenging, especially when you miss your family and have significant responsibilities. Here’s a way to navigate this situation:

Reflect on your relationship and consider any recent actions or patterns that might have contributed to her decision to cut off communication. This self-awareness can help you understand your role and approach the situation with empathy.

Try to see things from her perspective. Understanding why she feels the need to distance herself—whether due to stress, feeling unheard, or unresolved conflicts—can guide you in finding a path to reconnect.

Since direct communication is blocked, writing her a heartfelt letter might be effective. In the letter, express your feelings honestly, acknowledge any mistakes, and emphasize your commitment to understanding and resolving issues without blaming her. This shows your willingness to bridge the gap.

If a letter isn’t possible or effective, consider using mutual friends or family members as intermediaries. They might help convey your willingness to talk and understand her viewpoint, ensuring she feels respected and not pressured.

Supporting yourself during this time is crucial. Consulting a therapist can provide guidance and strategies to cope with the emotional strain and prepare for future conversations.

Balancing your responsibilities at home and work is important. Establish a routine that manages your duties while also caring for your mental well-being. If needed, seek temporary help for household tasks to lighten the load.

Patience is key. Rebuilding trust and communication takes time. Show your commitment by being open to dialogue and respecting her need for space. Keep steady, and focus on understanding and empathy as you navigate this difficult period.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.
Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Ma'am, Thank you from all with great answers..I have a broken marriage need your help..I have been married for 9 years with a boy of almost 4 years. My wife is very adamant and is very influenced by her sister and mother after her fathers death 5 years ago. She has left me for almost 8 months now and wants me to leave seperately from my age old parents with serious age ailments. I don't want to as they have taken care of me and my siblings their entire life. How can i be so selfish? Well my wife has completely avoided me and not showing my son and keeping closed doors and not attending or receiving my calls as I tried getting help from their father's family side. I have travelled umpteen times for the sake of saving my marriage and kid. Will he not a father is my question here? My wife is unemployed leaving in the sake of her father's saving and sister's job. I do not know what would be the future of my kid in these circumstances. I have not reached to any legal conclusions as I don't want either of the families to go into such burden. Please help me what should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
People respond very differently to a critical event in their lives. In this case, your wife's father's death has caused her to bank on her side of the family for whatever reasons. It could be emotional...this phase has not timed itself out and is still continuing for her!
She has lost sight of what this has done to the marriage or what impact it is having on the child. Now, you are faced with a situation where you have to choose between your wife and parents. Horrible state; but hey, life can throw a lot of curveballs for you to learn how to navigate. Is it possible to shift your parents to say a home right next to yours where you can always keep an eye on them. And this arrangement only until your wife settles back into your home. That way, you are not abandoning your parents and still making room for your wife and child to come back. Yes, it may seem cruel initially to keep your parents our of your home, but how else can you explain to a wife who refuses to come back home. You don't want to lose any more time with you son...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7715 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Career
How is Symbiosis Institute Of AI pune
Ans: Symbiosis Artificial Intelligence Institute (SAII) Pune (UGC Category-I; NAAC A++ accreditation), provides an interdisciplinary AI curriculum open to all streams, supported by PhD-qualified faculty from SCAAI, with hands-on projects in AI labs and studio spaces. Leveraging Symbiosis’s ecosystem; it enables internships; records ~92% placements. Pros: NAAC A++ accreditation ensures rigorous quality standards and global recognition. Interdisciplinary AI curriculum covers practical, theoretical, ethical components across multiple domains. PhD-qualified faculty from SCAAI and industry deliver expert mentorship and guidance. State-of-the-art AI labs and studio spaces foster hands-on learning experiences. Placement record near ninety-two percent reflects strong industry engagement and opportunities. Cons: New institute status limits program age and alumni network size. Limited seats lead to high competition for admission and resource access. Smaller research output compared to established tech institutes and IITs. No on-campus hostel available, complicating accommodation for outstation students. Interdisciplinary focus may dilute depth in core AI technical concepts. Recommendation: SAII Pune’s AI programs are highly recommended for learners seeking interdisciplinary, ethically focused AI education and robust placements; however, prospective students should proactively secure off-campus accommodation and consider supplementing research exposure through external collaborations or career-oriented dual-degree options to strengthen deeper technical expertise and an expansive, diverse professional network. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Asked on - Jun 16, 2025 My son s comedk rank is 4946,in which college he would get core cse. Howis DSCE cse
Ans: Vijay Sir, With a COMEDK GM rank of 4946, your son is virtually certain to secure a CSE seat at these ten Karnataka institutions: Sri Jayachamarajendra College of Engineering, Mysuru (closing 5158); Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering, Bengaluru (5873); The National Institute of Engineering, Mysuru (10182); Bangalore Institute of Technology, Bengaluru (10896); Siddaganga Institute of Technology, Tumakuru (11173); BMS Institute of Technology and Management, Bengaluru (12938); R.V. Institute of Technology and Management, Bengaluru (14477); Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Bengaluru (15857); C.M.R. Institute of Technology, Bengaluru (22573); and KLE Technological University, Hubballi (28951). Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (DSCE) is an autonomous, AICTE-approved institute affiliated to VTU, holding NAAC ‘A’ and NBA accreditations, with PhD-qualified faculty, modern computing and research labs, robust AI/ML and cybersecurity facilities, and active industry partnerships for internships and projects. Its CSE department placed over 81% of eligible students (91.9% eligible) in 2023–24 and maintains on-campus career support, hackathons, technical clubs, and regular industry interactions.

Recommendation:
Sri Jayachamarajendra College and DSCE Bangalore should top your list for their balanced blend of academic rigor, infrastructural excellence, PhD-level faculty, and consistent 80–95% CSE placement rates. Next, consider NIE Mysuru and BIT Bengaluru for their proven track records and extensive industry networks. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter got 97.28 percentile in MHT -CET and our category is SEBC.Can she get CSE/IT In Cummins college or PICT.
Ans: With a 97.28 percentile in MHT-CET, an SEBC (OBC) girl stands below the 2024 CAP Round-III closing levels for both colleges: PICT’s SEBC computer-engineering seat shut at 99.56 percentile and IT at 99.40 plus, while Cummins College’s LSEBC cut-offs were 98.78 for Computer Engineering and 98.08 for IT. Academically, PICT (NAAC B+, NBA programmes) offers 90-plus PhD faculty, AI/ML and cybersecurity labs, and a 92.9% placement rate in 2024 with a ?10 L median package. Cummins (NAAC A, autonomous, women-only) blends industry-curated syllabi with Dell-EMC and Microsoft laboratories, records 98% placements and a ?11 L median salary in 2023-24, and nurtures strong peer mentoring for women engineers. Both run state-recognised SEBC tuition-waiver schemes and encourage funded internships, hackathons and higher-study guidance, but their admission bar remains far above 97 percentile.

Recommendation:
Because current percentile trails both institutes’ SEBC thresholds, apply in CAP Round II/III to colleges such as PCCOE, VIIT, RSCOE or DY Patil Akurdi, whose CSE/IT cut-offs lie between 96–98 percentile yet keep 80-95% placement records; simultaneously claim the SEBC fee-reimbursement scheme and TFWS to reduce tuition burden. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

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Sir, i scored 90.41%le in jee mains and im in st category but failed in one subject (physics) in ts ipe ( 12th board) with 63.9 % criteria ( st - 65% criteria required) i went through supplymentry exam and got passed that one subject with 65.8% but, still my seat got cancelled in josaa counselling, what can i do now sir!?
Ans: Banavath, JoSAA deems candidates eligible for NIT+IIIT+GFTI seats only if they both hold a valid JEE-Main rank and have passed Class XII with at least 65% aggregate in PCM plus two other subjects for SC/ST categories. Supplementary-exam results are acceptable, but the revised marksheet must reach the virtual reporting centre before the document-verification deadline; otherwise the verifying officer flags “not passed,” auto-generating a seat-cancellation letter. Because your corrected 65.8% marks arrived after the verification window, the system removed you from further JoSAA rounds. Immediately email the JoSAA help-desk: josaa(at)iitk.ac.in with the new marksheet and cancellation letter, requesting reopening of your file; if the authority declines, register for the CSAB-2025 special rounds, which honour the same 65% rule and accept fresh documents. Failing that, use state counselling in Telangana/AP or private-university quotas that recognise JEE-Main ranks, as supplementary passes satisfy their eligibility too.

Recommendation:
Upload the revised marksheet and lodge a written grievance with JoSAA’s help-desk today; if reinstatement is denied, enter CSAB special rounds with updated documents, then parallel-apply to state engineering and accredited private institutes to secure a 2025-26 seat while preserving your JEE-Main advantage. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7715 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7715 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Career
Hi can you please advice if ISE or Computer Science & Business systems branch is better in NITTE meenakshi college bangalore. Any idea about Faculty for these 2 CS allied branches? How about placement opportunities for ISE & CSBS . Will these CS specialised curriculum at par with CSE Branch? will industry accept CSBS for Software developer roles?
Ans: Narayana, NITTE Meenakshi Institute of Technology offers both Information Science and Engineering (ISE) and Computer Science and Business Systems (CSBS) programs with distinct advantages. ISE, established in 2001, provides a comprehensive software-focused curriculum with NBA Tier-1 accreditation and extensive research opportunities in AI, machine learning, and cybersecurity. The department features experienced faculty including Dr. Mohan SG as Head, with strong industry connections through companies like Unisys and McAfee. CSBS, a newer program developed in collaboration with TCS, combines computer science fundamentals with business systems knowledge, preparing students for NextGen business engineering roles. The curriculum is industry-tailored by TCS experts who conduct periodic sessions on emerging technologies, with faculty trained through TCS's "Train the Trainer" program.

Five Critical Institutional Aspects:

1. Accreditation & Rankings: NMIT holds NBA Tier-1 accreditation for ISE (valid until 2026-27), NAAC A+ grade, and ranks 101-150 in NIRF 2024.

2. Infrastructure: The 23-acre campus features state-of-the-art laboratories, exclusive research facilities, AR/VR/MR labs, IoT centers, departmental libraries, and 11 Centers of Excellence including quantum computing and cybersecurity.

3. Faculty Quality: ISE department has highly qualified faculty with extensive research experience and industry collaboration, while CSBS faculty are TCS-trained with periodic expert visits.

4. Industry Collaboration: Strong partnerships with TCS for CSBS, Unisys, Dell, Amazon, and Microsoft for placements and internships.

5. Placement Performance: 2024 statistics show ISE achieving 88.37% placement rate with average package Rs 7.2 LPA, while overall institutional placement rate reached 94.3% with highest package Rs 47 LPA.

Pros and Cons Comparison:

CSBS Advantages: Direct TCS collaboration ensures industry relevance, business-oriented curriculum bridges technology-business gap, emerging field with high demand, specialized training in analytics and machine learning, strong placement prospects in consulting roles.

ISE Advantages: Established department with proven track record, extensive research opportunities, broader technical scope, higher current placement rates, NBA accreditation, diverse career paths in software development and cybersecurity.

CSBS Disadvantages: Newer program with limited track record, fewer research opportunities compared to ISE, curriculum heavily dependent on TCS partnership, limited higher education options specifically in CSBS.

ISE Disadvantages: More traditional approach, potentially less business-oriented curriculum, higher competition due to established nature, may require additional business skills development for consulting roles.

Industry acceptance for software developer roles is strong for both branches. Companies recruiting CSE students typically allow ISE students to participate in the same placement drives, with minimal differentiation in software development positions. CSBS graduates are specifically designed for business engineering roles and are increasingly accepted by major IT companies including Amazon, Deloitte, Microsoft, and TCS for software development, business analyst, and data scientist positions.

Recommendation: Choose CSBS if you're interested in combining technical skills with business acumen and prefer industry-tailored curriculum with direct corporate mentorship. Select ISE if you prioritize established academic reputation, extensive research opportunities, and broader technical foundation with proven placement success. Both programs offer excellent software developer career prospects, with CSBS providing additional business system expertise and ISE offering deeper technical specialization. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7715 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2025Hindi
Shalini

Shalini Singh  |165 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Mam, I am in relationship with one girl since 2.5 year and my girlfriend told about our relationship to her mom. Every positive point of mine which told by my girlfriend to her mom but every point taken negetivly and denied to her.. Move on from relationship... Leave this relationship. He is not good boy.. The problem of her mother is the caste as well as I am Divorcee person and she is unmarried. We love to each other and want to marry. Due to her mother oppose, she is nervousness totally or told that she has no any idea what to do... How to do.. She is not sure she is convince to her family or not. She told that I don't know how much time she can servive to convince her family. Totally her mind felt like empty, dumb, nervousness. Her father not know about our relationship. When this type moment occurs she behave that sometime it is agree to make efforts for convince and sometime when she is nervousness that time she told that i can not convince and to do the breakup because she is not want to go against the her mom and family. But she told that also she want to marry with me. What should I do?
Ans: I am going with the assumption you both are adults who are thinking individuals. I am also assuming you are both financially independent.

Families, parents are important and it should be so. I understand parents apprehension, having said this, I do not get it why caste and relationship status as previously married takes precedence over compatibility. One should also realise that every relationship needs working upon by 2 people- there is no certainty if someone gets married within their caste or choice of parents/ family.

Coming to your issue there are 2 options

- she is open to take the step upsetting her parents and getting married to you

or

- she and you need to move on and move on in the true sense. which means no connection whatsoever, move out of each other's social media, block contact details and move on, heal yourself and find someone else.

in case you wish to connect you may schedule an interaction with me here https://andwemet.com/relationship-guidance

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