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Can I move on from my past emotional scars after my divorce?

Kanchan Rai |463 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am 30, has one kid and getting divorced. My husband himself left our responsibilities but denying it in court to avoid paying alimoney. It is been 4 years since this seperation and still couldnot land a good job. Having financial troubles, emotionally disturbed and work stress. I somehow manage to pay my son's school fees. But there are 100s of other insecurities that surface time to time and I loose my patience. I have these insecurities due to emotional violence I faced in my marriage. Now I want to move on, I want to work on the emotional scars and live life peacefully. Is that even possible, then how?

Ans: I commend your courage in wanting to move forward and heal. The journey ahead might seem overwhelming, but with the right steps, it is possible to rebuild your life, find peace, and regain control over your emotions and future.

First, acknowledging the impact of the emotional violence you've endured is an important step. These scars run deep and can influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions long after the relationship ends. Healing from this requires time, patience, and often, professional support. Consider seeking therapy or counseling, if you haven’t already. A skilled therapist can help you process your emotions, understand the patterns of your past relationship, and equip you with strategies to manage the insecurities that surface.

Financial stability is another crucial area, and it’s understandable that the ongoing court battle adds to your stress. You might want to consult with a legal advisor who specializes in family law to ensure you're getting the support you and your child are entitled to. Some organizations offer free or low-cost legal services, which could be helpful in your situation. In parallel, continue your job search, but also consider upskilling or exploring different career paths that might open more opportunities. Even part-time work or freelance gigs can help bridge the gap financially while you look for something more stable.

As for the emotional toll and stress, self-care becomes essential. Try to carve out small moments for yourself each day, even if it's just a few minutes. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling, can help you stay grounded and manage anxiety. Connecting with supportive friends or joining a support group for single parents or those going through divorce can also provide comfort and practical advice.

Building a routine that includes regular self-care, professional support, and steps toward financial independence will gradually help you regain your strength and confidence. It’s important to remember that healing is not linear—there will be setbacks, but each small step forward is progress.

Yes, it is absolutely possible to move on, heal from emotional scars, and live a peaceful life. It will require effort, resilience, and sometimes the willingness to ask for help. But with each step, you'll be closer to the life you envision for yourself and your child—a life where you feel empowered, secure, and at peace.