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Can I move on from my past emotional scars after my divorce?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |463 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 30, has one kid and getting divorced. My husband himself left our responsibilities but denying it in court to avoid paying alimoney. It is been 4 years since this seperation and still couldnot land a good job. Having financial troubles, emotionally disturbed and work stress. I somehow manage to pay my son's school fees. But there are 100s of other insecurities that surface time to time and I loose my patience. I have these insecurities due to emotional violence I faced in my marriage. Now I want to move on, I want to work on the emotional scars and live life peacefully. Is that even possible, then how?

Ans: I commend your courage in wanting to move forward and heal. The journey ahead might seem overwhelming, but with the right steps, it is possible to rebuild your life, find peace, and regain control over your emotions and future.

First, acknowledging the impact of the emotional violence you've endured is an important step. These scars run deep and can influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions long after the relationship ends. Healing from this requires time, patience, and often, professional support. Consider seeking therapy or counseling, if you haven’t already. A skilled therapist can help you process your emotions, understand the patterns of your past relationship, and equip you with strategies to manage the insecurities that surface.

Financial stability is another crucial area, and it’s understandable that the ongoing court battle adds to your stress. You might want to consult with a legal advisor who specializes in family law to ensure you're getting the support you and your child are entitled to. Some organizations offer free or low-cost legal services, which could be helpful in your situation. In parallel, continue your job search, but also consider upskilling or exploring different career paths that might open more opportunities. Even part-time work or freelance gigs can help bridge the gap financially while you look for something more stable.

As for the emotional toll and stress, self-care becomes essential. Try to carve out small moments for yourself each day, even if it's just a few minutes. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling, can help you stay grounded and manage anxiety. Connecting with supportive friends or joining a support group for single parents or those going through divorce can also provide comfort and practical advice.

Building a routine that includes regular self-care, professional support, and steps toward financial independence will gradually help you regain your strength and confidence. It’s important to remember that healing is not linear—there will be setbacks, but each small step forward is progress.

Yes, it is absolutely possible to move on, heal from emotional scars, and live a peaceful life. It will require effort, resilience, and sometimes the willingness to ask for help. But with each step, you'll be closer to the life you envision for yourself and your child—a life where you feel empowered, secure, and at peace.

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Dr Ashish Sehgal  |115 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 60 year old havig a family of a spouse and a son. since last two years our relation with spouse is not moving smoothly for everything there is an argument and no concensous in the matters of day tody life, son is also not lisoning properly I am under seveor stress which is leading to upset my health and I am facing epilepsy problen since last months I am unable to forget the things and move ahead. Thsere was no problem in leading a normal middle class life. I am facing in security and also I facinig negativities in my life and slowlely slipiing in depression I am trying too much to forget theses things but I am not in a position to lead a peacefull life inspite of adequate resources. Kindly advise me.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time with your spouse and son. It sounds like the arguments and lack of consensus are causing you a lot of stress and impacting your health. It's important to prioritize your health and seek support if needed.

It might be helpful to try and have an open and honest conversation with your spouse and son about how you're feeling and see if there's a way to work together to improve the situation. It could also be beneficial to seek professional support, such as therapy or counseling, to help you manage your stress and emotions.

Additionally, taking care of your physical health through regular exercise, a healthy diet, and enough rest can also help improve your overall well-being. It's important to remember that it's okay to ask for help and take steps towards finding peace and happiness in your life.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am a 45 year old housewife. I have been married for 23-24 years and I have children who have grown up. I have had a lot of life experiences in my life. I was mentally abused, because of that i lost self confidence. As I am not financially independent so i can't take any wise decision for me . I feel like illiterate and i dont have any work experience. Now a i feel weak by mentally and physically. today I feel that it is very important to be financial independent. In this all situations i don't understand what to do become financially independent. Please suggest.
Ans: Path to Financial Independence for Housewives
Your situation is complex, but achievable goals exist. You can achieve financial independence with the right approach.

Acknowledging Your Strengths
Recognize your life experiences as strengths.

Your journey has equipped you with unique skills and resilience.

This foundation is crucial for building financial independence.

Your dedication to your family shows strong organizational and management skills.

These skills are valuable in many professional settings.

Assessing Your Current Situation
Evaluate your financial status.

List all income sources and expenses.

Understand your financial position clearly.

This will help identify areas for improvement.

Assess your skills and interests.

Identify what you enjoy and where you excel.

This can guide you towards suitable job opportunities.

Enhancing Your Education and Skills
Consider further education or skill development.

Many online courses are affordable and flexible.

They allow you to learn at your own pace.

Focus on skills that can lead to employment.

Computer skills, communication, and project management are in demand.

Exploring Employment Opportunities
Start by looking for part-time or freelance work.

This allows you to gain experience without overwhelming yourself.

Jobs like virtual assistant, content writing, or tutoring can be good starts.

These roles often require skills you already possess.

Starting a Home-Based Business
Consider starting a home-based business.

This can be an excellent way to use your skills.

For example, cooking, crafting, or tutoring can be monetized.

A home-based business offers flexibility and control over your time.

Building a Support Network
Seek support from friends, family, or online communities.

A strong support network can provide encouragement and advice.

Connecting with others in similar situations can be empowering.

Financial Planning and Management
Work with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

A CFP can help you create a financial plan tailored to your needs.

They will guide you in budgeting, saving, and investing wisely.

Regular funds investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credential is beneficial.

They provide professional management and expertise.

Creating a Budget
Develop a budget to track your income and expenses.

This helps in identifying areas where you can save money.

A budget is a vital tool for managing your finances.

Saving and Investing
Start saving a portion of your income.

Even small amounts can grow over time.

Consider investing in actively managed funds.

These funds have professional managers who strive to outperform the market.

Avoiding Debt
Be cautious about taking on new debt.

Focus on paying off existing debts.

This will improve your financial stability.

Health and Well-being
Take care of your physical and mental health.

Exercise regularly and maintain a balanced diet.

Seek professional help if you struggle with mental health issues.

A healthy body and mind are crucial for achieving financial independence.

Continuous Learning
Stay updated with the latest trends in your field of interest.

Continuous learning will enhance your skills and employability.

Setting Realistic Goals
Set short-term and long-term financial goals.

These goals will give you direction and motivation.

Review and adjust your goals regularly.

Conclusion
You have the strength and resilience to achieve financial independence.

Take small steps towards your goals every day.

Seek support and guidance when needed.

Your journey is unique, and every step forward is a success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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How to finish home loan faster
Ans: Paying off your home loan early while building wealth requires strategic planning. A parallel SIP in equity mutual funds can complement your goal by leveraging market growth over the long term. Here's a detailed approach:

1. Start a SIP in Equity Mutual Funds
Invest monthly in a diversified equity mutual fund for a period of 7+ years.
Equity funds historically offer higher returns over long periods, outpacing home loan interest rates.
Align your SIP amount with your financial capacity, ensuring consistency.
2. Time the Loan Closure with SIP Maturity
Use the maturity value of the SIP to make a lump sum prepayment towards your loan.
Ensure the investment horizon of the SIP is long enough to mitigate market volatility.
A 7-10 year SIP period can yield significant growth due to the power of compounding.
3. Continue Regular EMI Payments
Maintain your regular EMIs while running the SIP.
Do not compromise on timely loan payments to avoid penalties.
The parallel strategy reduces your loan tenure effectively when executed with discipline.
4. Focus on High-Interest Loan Years
Prepayments made during the initial years have the highest impact on interest savings.
Coordinate your SIP maturity during this time to maximise loan repayment benefits.
5. Leverage Tax Benefits on Both Ends
Claim tax deductions under Section 80C and Section 24(b) for home loan payments.
Equity mutual funds held for over a year qualify for long-term capital gains tax benefits.
Use the tax savings to either increase your SIP or make additional prepayments.
6. Step-Up Your SIP Amount Annually
Increase your SIP amount by 10-15% every year to match income growth.
A higher SIP contribution accelerates wealth accumulation for loan repayment.
7. Avoid Premature Withdrawal from SIP
Do not redeem SIP investments prematurely unless used for loan closure.
The longer you stay invested, the higher the growth potential.
8. Track Loan Tenure and SIP Performance
Regularly review your loan outstanding and SIP performance.
Align your repayment strategy with market conditions and financial goals.
9. Focus on Financial Discipline
Avoid new liabilities while managing your home loan and SIP.
Stick to a budget that prioritises both EMI payments and SIP contributions.
10. Plan for Surplus Investments
Channel any bonuses, tax refunds, or additional income into either SIPs or loan prepayments.
Small additional investments can significantly enhance your repayment capability.
Final Insights
Starting a parallel SIP in equity funds while paying regular EMIs creates a structured pathway to close your home loan early. Over time, the compounded growth from your SIP can ease the financial burden of a lump sum loan prepayment. This balanced strategy ensures financial growth and reduced debt simultaneously.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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