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Overprotective parents in Bombay: How can a 28-year-old woman break free without severing ties?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |551 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024Hindi
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I am a 28 year old female, my parents are very over protective. In a city like Bombay my timings of going and coming from my job are monitored I have been asked to keep my WhatsApp location on. They always want to monitor my life and keep a check on my mobile phone and other movements. Their behaviour has affected me mentally and I want to break free from their clutches. I have tried all conversations to build their trust but its all in vain. Please suggest how to get away from this situation by not breaking the ties and still get to enjoy my adulthood days

Ans: Overprotective parenting often comes from a place of fear, but when it crosses into controlling behavior, it can suffocate you emotionally. Since conversations haven’t helped build their trust, you may need to take a more gradual and strategic approach to gain your freedom.

One way is to slowly create boundaries without triggering their anxiety too much. If they demand to track your location, maybe start by saying your phone battery drains quickly, so you’ll only update them at certain times. If they check your phone, you can put a password and say it’s for security reasons, as you have work-related or personal data you need to protect. Make them feel that you are still being responsible, but at the same time, reclaim your space.

A long-term solution would be to work towards financial and residential independence. If moving out isn’t an option right away, consider staying out more often with friends or taking trips that require you to be away for a few days. Show them that you can take care of yourself without anything going wrong. If they see that nothing bad happens when you have more freedom, their grip may loosen over time.

It’s also important to emotionally detach from their control. They may always try to guilt-trip or pressure you, but if you stop reacting strongly to their monitoring, they will eventually lose interest in controlling every aspect of your life. Stay firm yet respectful, and over time, they will have to adjust.

What’s the biggest fear they have about letting you be independent? If you can understand that, you might be able to address their concerns in a way that helps them ease up.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma'am I have suffered a lot with my parents since childhood they never allowed me to go outside with friends. I have never even attended a birthday party of my friends. They never want me to be independent and do something which I like to. Even on lockdown time they don't allow me to go to the terrace of my own house because they think I will talk with someone. Now I am doing a job in my city only but they also force me every day to leave that job because the are super unhappy that I am not dependent on them financially. I have a boyfriend and want to marry him but they will not agree to that also as it will be a intercaste marriage. And I will let them know about this they will house arrest me. My father also told me that even if I got a job of 1000k per month he is not going to allow me to do that. He just want me to stay in home do help my mother on house hold work and get married to his choice boy. I really love my boyfriend he is the one who supported me till now please help me that how can I get out of my house and get married to him. Also his parents are very supportive for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown-up...what makes you want to heed to your family's drama? Are you unsure of whether you will be able to make it without your family's support?
It's your life and if you know what you want of it and out of it, then do the things that make it happen. Take decisions and stick by them...
You clearly know what the issue is from your parents (from what you have shared here). When you are able to express it here to me, what stops you from actually telling your parents how you feel about the way they treat you? What will happen if you tell them that they are being obstacles in your happiness path?
Sometimes people; even if they are your parents must be told not to cross the line especially if it has begun to hamper your life's growth path. Be bold and firm...The biggest thing on your side is that your boyfriend and his family are in support of you. What more do you want?
Never heed to emotional blackmail from anyone even your own family. Your parents hold a great level of control over you and you have given them that power to do so...how much longer? Now when its' time for you to create your life, make sure what and how you include people in them.
Don't confront your parents, simply tell them that you are old enough to take decisions for yourself and that you would love if they supported you. If they don't and start their drama, you know what you must do...Build your life...

All the best!

..Read more

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