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Second Marriage Blues: How to Convince Parents?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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I'm in a relationship with a divorced man. After reaching about his past relationship I came to a conclusion that the divorce was not due to his mistake but now my parents are telling that they are ashamed of getting me married to him as it's his second marriage. Is there any solution to convey my parents and my I know the legal rules to getting married to a divorced man?

Ans: Addressing your parents' concerns about marrying a divorced man requires open communication and understanding. Start by having an honest conversation with them, explaining that you've carefully considered his past and believe the divorce was not his fault. Emphasize his positive qualities and how well he treats you.

Acknowledge their concerns about societal stigma, but gently challenge these perceptions. Highlight that successful second marriages are common and that his past does not define your future together. Encourage them to get to know him better, as personal interaction can help change their views.

Legally, there are generally no obstacles to marrying a divorced person, as long as his previous marriage is legally dissolved. Ensure all necessary paperwork, such as the final divorce decree, is in order. Consulting a lawyer can provide clarity and ensure all legal requirements are met.

By combining open communication, education, and personal engagement, you can help your parents see the strength of your relationship and work towards gaining their support.

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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I have been in relationship for 4 years, once my cousin elder caught me with my bf and told my parent. I told my parents that I wanted to get marry with him. But they denied. Due to my brother listening. Now it's been 4 years from that period. My bf is asking me for marriage. I wanted to convience my parents. But I m not able to tell them. And my Bf is less educated and I am employed graduate person. He works as a driver,but loves me a core. What shall I do to convience my parent. As Im of 25 years old and he is one year elder then me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a challenging situation. If you want to convince your parents, the first thing is to acknowledge their concerns. It is normal for parents to be worried about their child's future. You mentioned your partner is comparatively less educated than you and works as a driver; while every profession is equally important and as long as he is honest and hardworking and puts food on the table, he is doing well, parents can find the financial situation a little concerning. Instead of avoiding or being defensive about these concerns, address them. Let them know how you plan on tackling these differences in your relationship. Emphasize his character, personality, and all the qualities that drew you to him. Tell them how you have been in a stable relationship for 4 years, despite all the odds. In today's day and age, that is a huge thing. Convincing them would also require you to show that you are mature enough to make this decision so have the discussion once you and your partner have a solid plan and have the nitty-gritty all sorted.

Be practical and do not expect them to be onboard immediately. They have your best interest at heart and you know that your situation isn't ideal. Give them time to come around. It might take some compromises as well.

In the end, I would also urge you to think this through before introducing the relationship to your parents. Marriage is a big decision. Ultimately, it's your happiness and life at stake. Don't rush.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I love my parents a lot & the same way is for them, but in my family there are people who might say ill words against my father if he agreed to my decision, its really been 5 years I am trying to convince my father and even my grandfather also convinced him, but still my father is on the same point that I will not let this happen & if you want to do you go ahead but you will never come back here. I know the love and worry he have for me but there are many people ( one pandit) out of nowhere they are coming and askiing me to leave the guy and get marrieg in same caste. How the rules are changed if they know that my relationship is now 16 yrs & now I am making a tough decision of getting court marriage done. But suggest me will there be any tiny hope where I can still ask my father to be on my side. Apart from that he agreed for cousin marrigae in same cast but he will not attend that marrirage for mine atleast he can give me blessing. I was a good bacha for him which really made him hurt and he didnt expected this from me, tell me how can i make them agree
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
16 years is a long time and I am sure that you have thought this through...It's possible that your father may come around someday...for now, it's time for you to take a decision to live life and take charge. You cannot force him to agree to anything and maybe address what his worries. Some of it may make sense and some of it may seem unnecessary. But ultimately he is a parent and wishes you well.
Address his concerns and if he still does not want to look at things differently, you know what you can do...So, take charge...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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