Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

I'm 45, earning 2.3L p.m., with a family and a 75L home loan. Can I retire in 10 years with a 1L monthly income?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi Vivek, I am 45 year old. Myself and wife together earning 2.3L p.m. We have kids of aged 11 years and 3 years. Our monthly expenses are around 90K. We have home loan of 75L with 80k EMI for a tenure of 13 years and need to pay 30L for our new property in one year period. We have 50L worth apartment, 40L in PPF, 55L in PF, 20L in NPS, 40L in MF, 10L in stocks and 10L in ULIPs. We have monthly MF SIP of 40K and 10K pm for term and health insurances. We are expecting around 1cr expenses for children education till their graduation.We want to retire in next 10 years with 1L monthly income. Please advice on how to invest and plan for our future.

Ans: Existing Financial Position
Sources of Income and Expenses:

Monthly income: 2.3 lakhs
Monthly expenditure: Rs 90,000
Home loan EMI: Rs 80,000 (13 years tenure)
Probable payment towards new property: Rs 30 lakhs (can be within one year)
Assets and Investments:

Apartment value: Rs 50 lakhs
PPF: Rs 40 lakhs
PF: Rs 55 lakhs
NPS: Rs 20 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 40 lakhs
Shares and Stocks: Rs 10 lakhs
ULIPs: Rs 10 lakhs
Insurance:

Insurance premium payment by month: Rs 10,000 (Term and Health Insurance)
SIP:

Monthly SIP: Rs 40,000
Education Expenses:

Child's education expense : Rs 1 crore
Retirement Goals
Retirement Plan:

Retirement age: 55 years
Desired monthly income post-retirement: Rs 1 lakh
Analysis and Recommendations
Debt Management:

Firstly, try to repay the home loan.
If possible, prepay the loan to lessen interest burden.
Investment Strategy:

Continue with existing SIPs.
If possible, increase SIPs to enlarge the corpus.
Diversification:

Your investments are very well diversified.
There needs to be a balance between equity and debt.
Education Fund:

Set aside a dedicated fund for children's education.
Use a mix of PPF, mutual funds, and fixed deposits.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses.
Use liquid funds or a savings account for this purpose.
Retirement Corpus:

Calculate the required corpus for Rs 1 lakh monthly income.
Take into consideration inflation and healthcare costs.
Health and Term Insurance:

Take stock of your insurance coverage
Ensure that it is adequate to cover possible medical expenses.
Action Plan
Increase SIPs:

Gradually increase the amount of the monthly SIP.
Mix of large-cap, mid-cap and balanced funds.
Education of Children:

Allocate some mutual funds for education.
Child-specific education plans can be invested in if they are better in terms of returns.
Prepayment of Home Loan:

Utilize excess income and bonus for pre-paying the home loan.
The burden on the tenure and interest decreases.
Regular Review:

Yearly review of your financial plan
Investments alter with the market condition and change in goals.
Final Takeaways
You are doing well on the financial front. Now, increase your SIPs and try to prepay on your home loan. Diversify your portfolio appropriately with adequate insurance coverage. Such disciplined planning with periodic reviews will help you achieve retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi sir am 41yrs old and earning 91k per month and have saving of 1 lac . I have invested 15L in M.I.S ,6.38L in equities and 5k every month in s.i.p.I have two kids , am planning to buy house after 4 years worth 50L kindly tell me any investment plan ...so that I can cover the expense of kids education and marriage
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards financial planning, especially considering your children's education and marriage expenses, as well as your goal of buying a house. Here's a tailored investment plan to help you achieve your objectives:

Education Fund for Children:
Open separate education funds or investment accounts for each child to save specifically for their education expenses.
Consider investing in Equity Mutual Funds or Equity Linked Saving Schemes (ELSS) for long-term growth potential, given your investment horizon.
Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in diversified equity funds, aiming to accumulate sufficient funds by the time your children reach college age.
Marriage Fund for Children:
Similarly, create dedicated investment accounts for your children's marriage expenses to ensure you have adequate funds when needed.
Explore a mix of equity and debt investments based on your risk tolerance and time horizon.
Consider fixed-income instruments like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Fixed Deposits (FDs), or Debt Mutual Funds for stability and capital preservation.
House Purchase Fund:
Since you plan to buy a house in four years, focus on short to medium-term investment options to accumulate the required down payment.
Consider investing in Debt Mutual Funds or Fixed Maturity Plans (FMPs) for capital protection and relatively higher returns compared to traditional savings accounts.
Evaluate your risk appetite and liquidity needs when selecting investment vehicles for your house purchase fund.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Adjust your investment strategy as needed, considering changes in market conditions, personal circumstances, and goal priorities.
Emergency Fund:
Maintain a separate emergency fund equivalent to at least six months' worth of living expenses to cover unforeseen financial challenges or expenses.
Keep this fund in a liquid and easily accessible account such as a savings account or liquid mutual fund.
Consult with Financial Advisor:
Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner or investment advisor to tailor an investment plan that suits your specific goals, risk profile, and financial situation.
A professional advisor can provide personalized guidance and help you navigate the complexities of investment planning, ensuring you make informed decisions.
By implementing a structured investment plan tailored to your goals and financial circumstances, you can work towards securing your children's future education and marriage expenses while also saving for your own house purchase. Stay disciplined in your savings and investment approach, and regularly monitor your progress towards achieving these important milestones

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi, I am 45. Myself and wife together earning 2.3L p.m. We have kids of aged 11 years and 3 years. Our monthly expenses are around 90K. We have home loan of 75L with 80k EMI for a tenure of 13 years. We have 50L worth apartment, 40L in PPF, 55L in PF, 20L in NPS, 40L in MF, 10L in stocks and 10L in ULPIs. We have monthly MF SIP of 40K and 10K pm for term and health insurances. We want to retire in next 10 years. Please advice on how to plan for our future.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
You and your wife earn Rs 2.3 lakhs per month.

Your monthly expenses are Rs 90,000.

You have a home loan of Rs 75 lakhs with an EMI of Rs 80,000 for 13 years.

Your apartment is worth Rs 50 lakhs.

You have Rs 40 lakhs in PPF, Rs 55 lakhs in PF, Rs 20 lakhs in NPS, Rs 40 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 10 lakhs in stocks, and Rs 10 lakhs in ULIPs.

You invest Rs 40,000 per month in SIPs and Rs 10,000 per month in term and health insurance.

You want to retire in 10 years.

Assessment of Current Investments
Mutual Funds
You have Rs 40 lakhs in mutual funds and a monthly SIP of Rs 40,000.

Mutual funds offer growth and diversification. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You have Rs 55 lakhs in PF and Rs 40 lakhs in PPF. These are safe investments with steady returns. They are good for long-term planning.

National Pension System (NPS)
Your Rs 20 lakhs in NPS will provide a pension after retirement. It is beneficial for retirement planning.

Stocks
You have Rs 10 lakhs in stocks. Stocks can provide high returns but come with higher risk.

Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs)
You have Rs 10 lakhs in ULIPs. ULIPs combine investment and insurance. They often have high charges and lower returns compared to mutual funds.

Insurance
You invest Rs 10,000 monthly in term and health insurance. This is important for financial security.

Evaluating Future Needs
Retirement Goal
You want to retire in 10 years. Plan to cover expenses and maintain your lifestyle.

Home Loan
Your home loan is significant. Consider ways to reduce this burden before retirement.

Strategies for Future Planning
Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP investments. This will help grow your corpus over time.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversify your investments to reduce risk and enhance returns. Consider actively managed funds for better performance.

Review ULIPs
ULIPs often have high charges. Consider surrendering ULIPs and reinvesting in mutual funds for better returns.

Regular Fund Investments
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance. Regular funds provide this advantage over direct funds.

Pay Down Home Loan
Focus on reducing your home loan. This will reduce financial stress in retirement.

Plan for Children’s Education
Set aside funds for your children’s education. This is a significant future expense.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses. This should cover at least 6 months of expenses.

Review Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate term and health insurance. This protects against unexpected events.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index Funds
Index funds track the market. They may not provide the best returns in all conditions.

Direct Funds
Direct funds require active management by the investor. This can be time-consuming and requires expertise.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial base. Focus on increasing SIP investments and diversifying your portfolio.

Review and potentially surrender ULIPs to reinvest in mutual funds.

Work on reducing your home loan to ease financial stress.

Ensure you have adequate insurance and an emergency fund.

Consider professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for better investment choices.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Moneywize

Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
My wife and I earn Rs 2.9 lakh per month. We have two daughters: 8 and 5. Our monthly expenses are around 120K. We have home loan of 50 lakh with 50k EMI for 10 years. We will need Rs 40 lakh for our new property in one year period. We have Rs 80 lakh worth apartment, Rs 20 lakh in PPF, Rs 35 lakh in PF, Rs 10 lakh in NPS, Rs 20 lakh in MFs, Rs 20 lakh in stocks and Rs 20 lakh in ULIPs. We have monthly MF SIPs of 80K and 40K pm and also have our individual as well as family floater health insurances and term insurance. We are expecting around Rs 2 cr expenses for children education till their graduation. We want to retire in next 15 years with Rs 3 lakh monthly income. How should we invest and plan for our future?
Ans: To plan for your future and ensure you’re on track to meet your goals, here’s a strategy that might work well for you:

1. Emergency Fund

First, it’s a good idea to set aside 6-12 months of your expenses (around Rs 7.2 lakh to Rs 14.4 lakh) in something easily accessible, like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund. This way, you’ll have a safety net in case anything unexpected comes up, and you won’t have to dip into your other investments.

2. Debt Management

Home Loan: Keep up with your current EMI of Rs 50,000. Since it’s spread over 10 years, it’s manageable given your income. If you find yourself with some extra cash, consider making lump sum prepayments to shorten the loan period and reduce the interest you’ll pay in the long run.

3. Funding the New Property

You’ll need Rs 40 lakh in a year for your new property. It might be wise to start planning how to use your liquid investments, like mutual funds and stocks, for this purpose. If the market conditions are favourable, you can gradually redeem the required amount to avoid the risks associated with market timing. It’s best to avoid taking on new debt if possible, to keep your finances balanced.

4. Children's Education

You’re looking at about Rs 2 crore for your daughters’ education, and you’ve got a 10-12 year window to prepare.
Dedicated Education Fund: It’s worth starting a specific SIP in equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon. With the power of compounding on your side, you can either reallocate some of your existing SIPs or start new ones to build up this fund steadily. Also, consider Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) for each daughter -- it offers a good interest rate and comes with tax benefits.

5. Retirement Planning

You’d like to retire in 15 years with Rs 3 lakh coming in every month. Accounting for inflation, you’re looking at needing a corpus of around Rs 7-8 crore.

• Current Retirement Savings: You already have Rs 85 lakh (from your PPF, PF, and NPS), which will grow over time, but you’ll need to invest more to hit your target.
• Invest Aggressively: Continue with your existing SIPs and think about increasing them each year as your income grows. Ideally, try to invest 30-40 per cent of your monthly income towards retirement.
• Equity Exposure: With your long-term horizon, keeping a high equity exposure (around 70-80 per cent) in your retirement portfolio could help maximise growth.
• NPS Contributions: You might also want to increase your contributions to the NPS for an additional tax-efficient retirement nest egg.

6. Insurance

Make sure your term insurance is enough to cover at least 10-15 times your annual income, which will help secure your family’s future in case anything happens to you. You’ve already got health insurance, which is great -- just review it to ensure it’ll be enough to cover rising medical costs in the future.

7. Tax Efficiency

Use all the tax-saving instruments available to you, like Section 80C, 80D, and 80CCD(1B), to minimise your tax liabilities. Also, consider diversifying your investments into tax-efficient options like ELSS, PPF, and NPS.

8. Review and Adjust

Finally, it’s important to regularly check in on your financial plan, at least once a year, to make sure you’re still on track. If your income, expenses, or goals change, you’ll need to adjust your investments accordingly.

By following this plan, you should be well on your way to achieving your financial goals, securing your children’s education, and retiring comfortably with the income you desire.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
Money
My salary 2.4 lac per month. I am 42 my wife and two son comprising of my family. One son is in 5th standard and other yet to start education. I have 2 house emis of 1.6 lacs of which one generates rent of 40k per month. Have around 50 lacs in investment comprising of 20lac in ppf and rest in stocks and sips and mfs. Only have company health insurance and no term insurance. Schooling cost is 1.2 lacs per annum. Rest expenses includes holiday every 6 months and daily needs. Please help me sort out investment to ensure I can generate enough to retire in next 10 years?
Ans: You have a solid foundation, and it’s commendable that you are managing two home loans while balancing various investments. Your monthly salary of Rs 2.4 lakhs and an EMI burden of Rs 1.6 lakhs shows you are carrying significant financial responsibility. However, generating Rs 40,000 from rent is helping reduce the impact of your EMIs.

Key highlights:

Monthly salary: Rs 2.4 lakhs
Two house EMIs: Rs 1.6 lakhs
Rent: Rs 40,000 per month
Investment portfolio: Rs 50 lakhs (Rs 20 lakhs in PPF, rest in stocks, SIPs, and MFs)
Annual schooling cost: Rs 1.2 lakhs
Other expenses: Holiday every 6 months, daily needs
No term insurance
Company health insurance only
While you have done well to invest Rs 50 lakhs, the lack of term insurance and the heavy EMI burden may be areas for improvement. Your goal of retiring in 10 years is achievable, but some adjustments will be necessary to optimize your portfolio and secure a comfortable future.

Investment Strategy Review
Let’s break down your current investments to better align them with your retirement goal in the next 10 years.

PPF (Public Provident Fund) - Rs 20 Lakhs
The PPF is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits, but its returns are relatively modest. Over the next 10 years, this will continue to grow at a steady pace.

Action Plan:

Keep contributing to your PPF but avoid putting additional large sums.
PPF should be treated as part of your safe, low-risk portfolio.
Stocks, SIPs, and Mutual Funds (Rest of Rs 30 Lakhs)
Your exposure to equities through stocks and mutual funds will help you generate growth, but it needs diversification and regular review. SIPs in actively managed funds are ideal for long-term goals like retirement.

Action Plan:

Actively managed mutual funds: Ensure that the mutual funds you are invested in are diversified across sectors and are actively managed.
Avoid direct funds: Regular funds provide better tracking and advice from an MFD with CFP credentials, which is crucial for your long-term planning.
Review your stock portfolio: Individual stocks carry more risk than mutual funds. It is wise to regularly assess performance and sell off underperforming stocks.
Balance with debt funds: Include some debt funds for stability, especially as you approach your retirement goal.
Rental Income from Property
Your rental income of Rs 40,000 per month is a significant contributor to offset your EMIs. While real estate is not recommended as a new investment option, your existing property generating income can support your cash flow needs.

Action Plan:

Rent reassessment: Ensure you are getting market rent or consider raising it over time to adjust for inflation.
No additional real estate investments: Avoid tying more capital into real estate. Focus on growing your financial portfolio instead.
Critical Areas for Improvement
1. Lack of Term Insurance
It’s essential to secure your family’s future in case of any unexpected event. Currently, you do not have term insurance, which is a vital part of any financial plan.

Action Plan:

Immediate term insurance: Buy a term plan covering at least 10-12 times your annual income. This will ensure your family is financially secure if something happens to you.
2. Health Insurance Coverage
You rely on company-provided health insurance. This is risky, as you may lose coverage if you switch jobs or retire early. Having separate family health insurance will ensure consistent protection.

Action Plan:

Buy individual health insurance: Get family floater health insurance with adequate coverage for your entire family, ensuring lifelong renewability.
Supplemental critical illness cover: Consider adding critical illness coverage to protect against major health expenses.
3. EMI Management
You have significant EMIs totaling Rs 1.6 lakhs per month. While one property generates rental income, the overall EMI burden is high. Managing this will be crucial for freeing up cash flow for further investments.

Action Plan:

Prepay EMIs: Any surplus income should go toward prepaying your loans, starting with the one without rental income. Reducing this burden will ease your cash flow.
No additional loans: Avoid taking on any further debt to ensure your financial plan stays on track.
Retirement Planning
You aim to retire in 10 years, at age 52. With your current lifestyle and goals, your investments will need to provide enough to cover your post-retirement expenses. Here’s a strategy to ensure a comfortable retirement:

1. Estimate Future Expenses
Your current schooling costs are Rs 1.2 lakhs per year, and other living expenses include vacations and daily needs. Over the next 10 years, expenses will increase due to inflation, and you must account for these future costs when planning your retirement.

Action Plan:

Create a detailed budget: Track all your current expenses and project them for the next 10 years, considering inflation. This will give you a clearer picture of your financial needs after retirement.
2. Build a Retirement Corpus
With 10 years to go, you will need to create a solid retirement corpus. The Rs 50 lakhs you currently have, along with further investments, will need to grow substantially. Here’s how to optimize this growth:

Action Plan:

Increase SIP contributions: Start contributing more to your SIPs as soon as your EMI burden reduces. A higher SIP contribution in actively managed mutual funds will provide better growth potential over the next decade.
Diversify investments: Include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds to ensure a balanced risk-return profile. Actively managed funds, especially those recommended by a certified financial planner, will perform better than index funds or ETFs.
Regular portfolio review: Work with a certified financial planner to review your portfolio annually. Ensure your funds are performing as expected and make necessary adjustments.
3. Plan for Post-Retirement Income
After retirement, you will need a reliable source of income to meet your monthly expenses. Your investments must be structured to provide regular income, adjusted for inflation.

Action Plan:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Set up SWPs in mutual funds to provide a regular, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement.
Emergency Fund: Set aside a portion of your corpus in a liquid fund for emergencies. This will ensure you don’t have to liquidate long-term investments prematurely.
Final Insights
To achieve your goal of retiring in 10 years, you will need to fine-tune your investment strategy and reduce your EMI burden. Your current investments, while substantial, require diversification and a focus on growth-oriented funds.

Additionally, securing term insurance and individual health insurance is critical for protecting your family’s future. By prepaying your loans and increasing SIP contributions over time, you will be better positioned to build a retirement corpus capable of supporting your post-retirement lifestyle.

Finally, always remember that regular reviews with a certified financial planner are key to staying on track and adjusting for any changes in your financial situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x