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Is My Current Investment Portfolio Good? (Started Sep 2023)

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Please suggest if following investment are good as SIP started last year sep 2023 HDFC Flexi cap 5000, Parag Parikh 5000,SBI L & Mid cap 2500/-, Axis Blue chip fund 2500, AXis Mid cap fund 2500/- HDFC mid-cap opportunities fund 5000, Kotal emerging fund 2500/- Nippon India smal cap fund 5000/- HDFC Pharma & healthcare fund 4000/- Nippon India multicap fund 2500/- HSBC value fund 3000/- Investment are on monthly basis. Pease advise

Ans: Your portfolio demonstrates a proactive approach to wealth building. It includes diverse mutual funds across categories. Monthly SIPs indicate your long-term financial discipline. This is commendable. However, let’s evaluate its alignment with your financial goals.

Below are detailed insights for your portfolio assessment:

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Diversification

You’ve invested in funds from multiple categories. This includes large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and sectoral funds.
A diversified portfolio reduces overall risk. It balances growth potential across market segments.
Consistency

Monthly SIPs ensure disciplined investments. This helps capture market volatility effectively.
Long-term SIPs can create substantial wealth through compounding.
Exposure to Growth Opportunities

Investments in mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher growth potential. These funds are suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Sectoral funds provide concentrated exposure to booming sectors like healthcare.
Inclusion of Value and Multicap Funds

Value funds identify undervalued stocks. This can deliver long-term growth.
Multicap funds offer flexibility to invest across market capitalizations.
Areas for Improvement
Overlapping Fund Categories

Having multiple funds in the same category might lead to redundancy. For example, multiple mid-cap and flexi-cap funds.
Similar funds can increase portfolio overlap. This reduces the benefit of diversification.
Sectoral Fund Allocation

Sectoral funds like healthcare have high risk. These funds depend on sector-specific performance.
Such funds should have limited allocation in a balanced portfolio.
Number of Funds

A portfolio with too many funds can be hard to track. It dilutes returns without adding significant diversification.
Fewer funds with distinct strategies are easier to manage and monitor.
Portfolio Insights
Risk Assessment

Your portfolio leans towards high-risk categories like mid-cap and small-cap.
Consider balancing it with funds having stable growth, such as large-cap or flexi-cap.
Goal-Based Allocation

Align investments with specific financial goals. For example, retirement, child’s education, or buying a house.
Define timelines for each goal. Adjust fund categories based on risk tolerance and time horizon.
Taxation Awareness

Equity fund gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains attract 20% tax.
Ensure to account for these taxes in your investment strategy.
Regular Fund Investment Benefits

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers advantages.

They provide expert insights, fund tracking, and timely rebalancing.

Direct fund investments might lack professional guidance. This could lead to suboptimal decision-making during market volatility.

Suggested Course of Action
Streamline the Portfolio

Reduce the number of overlapping funds. Keep one or two funds per category.
Focus on high-quality funds with a proven track record.
Adjust Sectoral Fund Exposure

Limit sectoral fund exposure to a small percentage of your total investment.
Use these funds only for specific, high-risk goals.
Rebalance Annually

Review your portfolio at least once a year. Rebalance it to maintain desired asset allocation.
Shift funds if they no longer align with your goals or risk tolerance.
Emergency Fund Allocation

Maintain a liquid fund or emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses.
This avoids withdrawing SIPs during unexpected financial needs.
Monitor Fund Performance

Regularly review the performance of each fund against its benchmark.
Replace consistently underperforming funds with better alternatives.
Long-Term Discipline

Stick to your SIPs, especially during market downturns. This helps average out costs.
Avoid making decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.
Final Insights
Your portfolio reflects a strong commitment to financial growth. However, streamlining your investments can enhance efficiency and returns. Focusing on goal-based allocation ensures better alignment with your financial objectives.

Consider professional guidance to refine your portfolio and stay on track. This ensures your investments work harder for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Hii i am investing in SIP since 1 year in ICICI prudential commodities Fund direct growth Rs200 monthly, Tata digital India und direct growth Rs150 Monthly, HDFC Technology Fund direct growth Rs100 monthly, ICICI prudential Technology direct plan growth Rs100 monthly, Nippon India Pharma fund direct growth Rs300 monthly, Nippon India small cap fund direct growth Rs300 monthly, axis nifty IT index fund direct growth Rs1000 monthly, ICICI prudential bluechip fund direct growth Rs250 monthly, Aditya Birla Sun Life digital India fund direct growth Rs100 monthly, ICICI prudential NASDAQ 100index fund direct growth Rs300 monthly, HDFC transportation and logistics fund direct growth Rs200 monthly so I invested in above SIPs Total monthly i invest Rs3000 so please give me some suggestions or modifications if required
Ans: Your Current SIP Portfolio
You have been investing ?3,000 monthly across various SIPs for a year. Your chosen funds focus on technology, healthcare, commodities, and other sectors. This shows a good start towards disciplined investing.

Concentration in Technology Sector
A significant portion of your investments is in technology-focused funds. Technology funds can offer high returns but also come with high volatility.

Sector-Specific Funds
You also have investments in healthcare, commodities, and logistics funds. Sector-specific funds can be very volatile as they depend on the performance of their respective sectors.

Diversification
Your portfolio lacks diversification. Investing too much in a single sector increases risk. Diversification helps in balancing risk and returns.

Importance of Broad Market Exposure
Diversifying across different market segments reduces risk. Balanced exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds is crucial. This strategy ensures you are not overly dependent on one sector's performance.

Adding Stability with Debt Funds
Including debt funds can provide stability. Debt funds offer regular returns and reduce the overall risk in your portfolio. This balance is vital for long-term growth.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds due to professional management. Fund managers actively select stocks to maximize returns. This can be advantageous, especially in volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds mirror the market index and do not aim to outperform it. They lack flexibility in changing market conditions. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, adapt to market changes, providing better growth potential.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require thorough research and monitoring. Regular funds, through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer professional guidance and management. This can be valuable for optimizing returns and managing risks effectively.

Suggested Modifications
Reduce Sector-Specific Overweight

Reduce the number of technology and sector-specific funds. This will help in balancing the portfolio and reducing sector-specific risks.

Increase Broad Market Exposure

Allocate more funds to diversified equity funds. Large-cap and multi-cap funds provide stable returns and reduce overall risk.

Include Debt Funds for Stability

Add debt or hybrid funds to your portfolio. This will provide regular returns and reduce the volatility of your overall investment.

Suggested Allocation
Technology Funds: Choose one or two funds to maintain some exposure but reduce concentration.
Broad Market Funds: Increase investment in large-cap and multi-cap funds for stable growth.
Debt Funds: Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Monitor your investments regularly. Review fund performance annually and adjust your portfolio based on your financial goals and market conditions.

Conclusion
Your dedication to investing through SIPs is commendable. With a few adjustments, you can achieve a balanced and diversified portfolio. This will help you meet your long-term financial goals with reduced risk.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Hello sir, i am 32 years old and just started a SIP investment of 7K per month for the following funds for wealth creation for next 10 - 15 years. Core portfolio (60%) 1. Parag Parikh flexicap fund - 1.5K 2. JM Flexicap - 2K 3. Navi Nifty 50 - 0.5K Satellite portfolio (40%) 1. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - 0.8K 2. JM Midcap fund - 1K 3. Tata smallcap fund - 0.7K 4. Edelweiss midcap 150 momentum 50 - 0.5K Could please review and advise me whether the above funds is to be considered good. Please provide some suggestions if changes required.
Ans: Your SIP portfolio seems well-diversified across various categories of equity funds, which is a good approach for long-term wealth creation. Let's review each fund and provide some suggestions:

Core Portfolio (60%):

Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund: This fund follows a flexible investment approach across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. It's known for its quality stock selection and has delivered consistent returns over the years.
JM Flexicap Fund: Another flexi-cap fund, providing exposure to companies across market capitalizations. Ensure you review its performance and consistency compared to peers.
Navi Nifty 50: Investing in an index fund like Navi Nifty 50 provides exposure to India's top 50 companies. It's a low-cost option with a focus on large-cap stocks.
Satellite Portfolio (40%):

Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: This fund focuses on emerging companies with high growth potential. Review its performance and ensure it aligns with your risk appetite.
JM Midcap Fund: Mid-cap funds like JM Midcap can offer higher growth potential but come with higher volatility. Monitor its performance and risk closely.
Tata Smallcap Fund: Investing in small-cap funds can provide exposure to high-growth companies. Ensure you're comfortable with the risk associated with small-cap investing.
Edelweiss Midcap 150 Momentum 50: This fund follows a momentum-based investment strategy, focusing on mid-cap stocks showing positive price momentum. Understand its investment approach and risk profile.
Suggestions:

Monitor Performance: Regularly review the performance of your funds and ensure they're meeting your expectations. Consider replacing underperforming funds with better alternatives.
Risk Management: Given the higher allocation to mid-cap and small-cap funds in your portfolio, be prepared for higher volatility. Ensure your risk tolerance aligns with the risk profile of these funds.
Review Fund Selection: Consider diversifying across fund houses to reduce concentration risk. Also, consider adding an international equity fund or a debt fund for further diversification.
Long-Term Perspective: Stay focused on your long-term investment horizon and avoid making knee-jerk reactions based on short-term market movements.
Overall, your SIP portfolio appears well-structured for wealth creation over the next 10-15 years. However, regularly monitoring and reviewing your portfolio's performance is essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a financial advisor for personalized guidance based on your individual circumstances.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

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Hello Sir I am 45 year old and I have been investing Rs.1000/- as SIP in following stock - 1 Aditya Birla Sun Life Small Cap Fund 2 Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan – Growth 3 Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan – GROWTH 4 HDFC Large and Mid Cap Fund - Regular Growth Plan 5 ICICI Prudential Flexicap Fund – Growth 6 Nippon India ELSS Tax Saver Fund-Growth And I also have invested Rs.50,000/- in liquiloans I just want to know is my investment is good or do I need to make more investment or any changes in my invest ment Sir pls do reply Thanks & Regard
Ans: Congratulations on taking proactive steps towards securing your financial future at the age of 45! Your commitment to investing is admirable and sets a solid foundation for wealth accumulation.

Understanding Your Portfolio:

You've chosen a diversified portfolio with investments across various mutual funds, including small-cap, flexi-cap, large and mid-cap, and ELSS tax saver funds. Additionally, your investment in Liquiloans adds an alternative asset class to your portfolio.

Assessing the Investment Mix:

Your portfolio reflects a well-rounded approach, with exposure to different market segments and investment styles. Small-cap funds offer growth potential, while flexi-cap and large and mid-cap funds provide stability and diversification.

Evaluating Investment Choices:

Each fund you've selected has its unique investment objective and risk profile. Aditya Birla Sun Life Small Cap Fund and Canara Robeco Emerging Equities focus on small and emerging companies, potentially offering high returns but also higher volatility.

Axis Flexi Cap Fund, HDFC Large and Mid Cap Fund, and ICICI Prudential Flexicap Fund offer flexibility in asset allocation, blending exposure across market caps. Nippon India ELSS Tax Saver Fund provides tax benefits along with long-term wealth accumulation.

Analyzing Additional Investment:

Your decision to invest in Liquiloans introduces an element of diversification beyond traditional mutual funds. However, peer-to-peer lending platforms like Liquiloans carry inherent risks, including credit and default risk, which should be carefully considered.

Recommendation for Consideration:

Given your age and investment horizon, your portfolio seems appropriately diversified. However, it's crucial to regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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