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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Dec 06, 2023

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2023Hindi
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Hi Sanjeev, I am investing in merie asset emerg (5k),parag parekh flexi cap(2k) and ICICI equity (2k)n debt mutual fund since 3 years, wanted to start Nippon India small cap with (5k),also have pf around 7lakhs, ppf 3 lakhs,2 homes loans (85k).stocks1.50 lakhs n saving 1 lakh. I am 38 years old n moderate risk taker n wanted ritired till 55, my retirement goal is 2 caror..pls suggest if m on track on this or not..Thank you

Ans: You have allocated a reasonable portion of your investments to equity funds based on your moderate risk tolerance. Long-term gains from equity funds might be larger, but they also carry more risk. Although the funds held by you are good in fundamentals and can be continued but proper advice based on your needs, goals priority and requirement that too once we are aware about holistic picture.
You are also contributing to a PF and a PPF, both of which are excellent retirement savings instruments.

However, it is critical to keep an eye on your assets and make modifications as needed. To reduce risk as you approach retirement, consider gradually shifting a part of your savings from equity funds to debt funds.

We highly recommend consulting a certified financial advisor who can provide personalized advice based on your risk tolerance, financial goals, and specific circumstances.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

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Hello Mr Lala, I am 42 and I am investing in the following schemes. some for close to 8/9 years now. Please let me know your thoughts. Mirae Asset Large & Midcap Fund-Reg(G) - 5000, MOTILAL OSWAL M100 ETF - 2500 (STEPUP - 20% YoY), Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund(G) - 5000, Quant Focused Fund(G) - 5000, SBI Small Cap Fund-Reg(G) - 5000, Tata ELSS Tax Saver Fund-Reg(G) - 1000, HDFC SMALL CAP FUND - REGULAR PLAN - GROWTH PLAN - 1000, AXIS BLUECHIP FUND-GROWTH - 1000, Motilal Oswal Nasdaq 100 FoF - 2500 Besides these I have off late started investing 15K in equities every month with the help of a SEBI Registered advisor. Yearly out go in PPF - 21600. My idea is to hold on to equities for the long term hence mostly blue chip stocks. I have also invested in Term Insurance - 75L. Besides that I do invest in ESPP and also hold some RSUs Please evaluate & let me know your thoughts. My liabilities are - HL - 36K monthly out go - 14 years left Car Loan - 31K 4 years left Monthly Salary - 2.3L
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach to investing and financial planning. Let's review your current investment portfolio:

• Firstly, investing in a mix of mutual funds, ETFs, and direct equity demonstrates a diversified approach to wealth creation, which is crucial for managing risk effectively.

• Mirae Asset Large & Midcap Fund, SBI Small Cap Fund, and HDFC Small Cap Fund offer exposure to different segments of the market, providing diversification benefits.

• Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund and Tata ELSS Tax Saver Fund are tax-saving investments that offer potential tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. It's essential to review their performance and compare them with peers periodically.

• Axis Bluechip Fund and Motilal Oswal Nasdaq 100 FoF focus on blue-chip stocks and global equities, respectively, providing exposure to different geographies and sectors.

• Investing in PPF is a prudent move for long-term wealth accumulation, given its tax benefits and safety. However, it's essential to ensure that your overall portfolio is adequately diversified across asset classes.

• Term insurance coverage of 75 lakhs is commendable and ensures financial protection for your loved ones in case of any unforeseen events.

• Holding some of your investments in ESPP (Employee Stock Purchase Plan) and RSUs (Restricted Stock Units) can complement your overall investment strategy, but it's crucial to diversify beyond company-specific investments.

• Regarding your liabilities, it's good to see that you have a clear picture of your outstanding home loan and car loan. It's essential to manage these liabilities efficiently while focusing on wealth creation.

In conclusion, your investment portfolio reflects a balanced approach to wealth creation, with a mix of mutual funds, direct equity, and tax-saving instruments. However, it's essential to regularly review your portfolio's performance, reassess your financial goals, and make adjustments as needed. Keep up the good work, and here's to your continued financial success!

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Ramalingam

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 35 years old and have an investment goal of 5 crore by the age of 55. I am investing 8000 per month in following mutual funds : ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Direct - Growth - 2000 Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct - Growth - 500 SBI Bluechip Direct - Growth - 2000 Axis Midcap Direct - Growth - 500 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct - Growth - 1000 Axis ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan - Growth - 500 Axis Small Cap Fund Direct - Growth - 500 Tata Business Cycle Fund Direct - Growth - 500 ICICI money market Direct - Growth - 500 I have accumulated 3.78 lacs till date in last 2 years. Can you tell me if these MFs have growth potential or let me know any other funds that can help me with my goal. I can invest 2000 more by year end in MFs. I also invest 6000 per month in different shares. I have accumulated 2 lacs in that as well. Invest 9000 per month in PPF and currently have 4.6 lacs in there and also have 11.25 lacs in there with monthly contribution of 22k. Invest 4000 per month in NPS. Also, invest 1200 per month in SBI Ulip plan with 12 years more to go. Currently with 8 years of investment, total yield stands at 1.7 lacs. Have 3 different LICs which will give me around 35 Lacs on maturity. I have a property that is around 35 Lacs with home loan pending of 23 lacs to be completed in next 6 years. I also have personal raw gold of around 2.25 lacs Am I on the right track?
Ans: You've embarked on a comprehensive investment journey, which is commendable. Let's delve into your portfolio and discuss its growth potential:

Your monthly SIP investments across various mutual funds demonstrate a diversified approach towards wealth creation.

ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund, Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund, and SBI Bluechip Fund are renowned for their stability and consistent returns.

Axis Midcap and Axis Small Cap Funds provide exposure to mid-cap and small-cap segments, respectively, offering growth potential over the long term.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund is known for its flexibility and balanced approach, while Tata Business Cycle Fund focuses on economic cycles, offering a unique investment proposition.

Considering your investment horizon and target corpus of 5 crores by the age of 55, these mutual funds align well with your goals.

Adding 2000 more to your monthly SIPs by year-end will further boost your investment corpus and accelerate your wealth accumulation journey.

Your investment in shares, PPF, and NPS complements your mutual fund investments, enhancing diversification and risk management.

Additionally, your investments in ULIP, LIC policies, and real estate add another layer of financial security and asset appreciation potential.

With a clear roadmap and diversified investment portfolio, you're on the right track towards achieving your financial goals.

However, it's essential to periodically review your portfolio's performance, rebalance if necessary, and stay updated with market trends.

Ensure that your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term objectives, and seek professional advice if needed.

Overall, your proactive approach towards financial planning and diverse investment portfolio indicate that you're on the path to financial success.

Moreover, instead of investing directly, consider investing in regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). Here's why:

By investing through a Regular Plan, you can access professional advice and guidance from an experienced Mutual Fund Distributor.
MFDs can help you navigate through the complexities of the market, select suitable funds based on your risk profile, and monitor your investments regularly.
Regular plans often offer additional services, such as portfolio reviews, financial planning, and timely updates on market trends and fund performance.
Investing through an MFD ensures that you receive ongoing support and assistance, helping you make informed decisions and stay on track towards your financial goals.

Overall, by diversifying your investments and leveraging the expertise of a Mutual Fund Distributor, you can enhance the effectiveness of your investment strategy and optimize your chances of long-term success.

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2025Hindi
Money
My Goal is to retire in 40-45 age with 5 Crore. I’m 30 now. I invested in PPF (6.75 Lakh till now it’s been 4 years now) and I will continue till I complete 15 years (1.5 Lakh/ Year Plan) NPS- 3.2 Lakh till now FD- 25 Lakh ( All will mature in June 2026) Mutual Fund (Lumpsum & Sip includes 13.5 Lakhs till today. Doing SIP of ₹25500 per month which is below.. MidCap Funds-(HDFC -5k, Motilal Oswal- 5k) LargeCap-(ICICI Pru- 2K, Canara Robeco- 1k) SmallCap-( SBI - 5K, Quant- 1K, Nippon India -1K) Flexi cap- (Parag Parikh-3.5k, HDFC Flexi-1K) Value - ICICI Pru Value Direct Fund-1k Above were all my SIP’s and I have invested lumpsum funds below. ICICI Pru asset allocator -7 Lakh Business cycle fund- 1.14 Lakh SBI Gold Direct plan- 6k EPF- 1.75Lakh till now Physical gold worth-9 Lakh SBI Nifty 50 Gold ETF worth -1 Lakh I recently left my Job where my salary was 14 LPA. I will start looking for new opportunity in few days. I’m also planning to purchase a house since I’m staying in Rented home where my monthly expenses are 30k /Month. I don’t have any responsibilities of kids & family as such . Please suggest me how should I plan accordingly & achieve my targets?
Ans: Hi,

Good that you have invested in various diversified assets at such age. Your dedication shows the sincerity you have towards your goals. Let us have a look at your financials:

1. FD - 25 lakhs. You should keep maximum 10 lakhs in FD as your emergency and other unforeseen expense. Move the remaining amount in multicap funds.
2. Have a dedicated term and health insurance for yourself and family.
3. Your contribution to PPF is not required. Instead redirect it to Balanced Advantage Fund as PPF is locked for 15 years and provide only 7% where as BAF gives 10-11% and is not locked. Contribute minimum amount in PPF to keep it active.
4. Continue with NPS investments.
5. Currently there are no responsibilites but in future, you might get married. Hence you should also be prepared for other major expenses such as your marriage, future family and life post marriage.
6. Currently your expenses - 30k. Factor in future - maximum 60k. You can save and invest the rest amount wholly in equity mutual funds.
7. Current 25.5k monthly inflow in your retirement corpus.
8. Start another SIP of 30k per month for down payment of your house after 4-5 years. It will help with less burden and you not liquidating your other investments.
9. Save the remaining amount from salary for your marriage or other expenses in hybrid funds.

The funds you are investing in currently are very overdiversified and overlapped. Entire scheme selection needs to be worked upon thoroughly.
Although direct mutual funds are quite famous due to their less expense ratio, but maximum times a direct portfolio underperformsto a major expense. That is why a guided portfolio with regular funds in much needed. It is important for you to work with a professional for their expert guidance as it will help in the periodic review of portfolio and any change whenever required.

Hence do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
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Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

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Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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