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Should I invest in mutual funds or real estate for my son's education and future?

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Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 13, 2024Hindi
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I’m Vikram from Surat. I am 44 with one son, aged 15. I have Rs 30 lakh in savings and want to use it for my son’s education and our future. Should I invest more in mutual funds or explore other options like real estate?

Ans: Assessing Your Investment Options: Mutual Funds vs. Real Estate

Understanding Your Goals

Your primary goals seem to be funding your son's education and securing your future. Both mutual funds and real estate can be effective tools for achieving these objectives. However, each has its own unique characteristics and risks.

Mutual Funds: A Versatile Choice

• Liquidity: Mutual funds offer high liquidity, meaning you can easily buy or sell units whenever you need. This is particularly beneficial for short-term goals like your son's education.
• Diversification: Mutual funds allow you to invest in a basket of assets, reducing risk. This is especially important for someone with a limited investment corpus.
• Professional Management: Mutual fund managers handle the investment decisions, freeing you from the burden of research and analysis.
• Tax Efficiency: Some mutual funds offer tax benefits, such as index funds that track the market and are generally tax-efficient.

Real Estate: A Tangible Asset

• Potential for Higher Returns: Real estate can offer higher returns over the long term, especially in growing markets.
• Tangible Asset: Owning property provides a sense of security and can be a valuable asset in the future.
• Rental Income: If you purchase a property and rent it out, you can generate regular income.
• Higher Costs: Real estate can involve higher upfront costs, such as down payments and closing fees.
• Illiquidity: Selling a property can take time and may involve significant costs.

Recommendation

Given your goals and risk tolerance, a combination of mutual funds and real estate might be the most suitable approach.

• For your son's education: Invest a significant portion of your funds in equity mutual funds to capitalize on the long-term growth potential of the stock market. Consider using a systematic investment plan (SIP) to invest regularly.
• For your future: Allocate a portion of your funds to real estate to diversify your portfolio and potentially generate rental income. You could consider investing in a real estate mutual fund or directly purchasing a property.

Additional Considerations:

• Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance to determine the appropriate balance between equity and real estate.
• Time Horizon: Consider your investment horizon. Mutual funds are generally more suitable for shorter-term goals, while real estate can be a long-term investment.
• Tax Implications: Consult with a tax advisor to understand the tax implications of your investment choices.

By carefully considering these factors, you can create a diversified investment portfolio that aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 45 years earning 2.1laf per month and investment is 20K per month MF since last six months. PPF(18 lakhs) NpS(7Lakhs)and HDFC policy (9 lakhs) and PF 38 lakhs are my savings still today. I have 2 twin boys studying 2nd standard. Please suggest investment plan for my son's education and retirement plan.
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Position
First, let me appreciate your disciplined approach to saving and investing. You earn Rs. 2.1 lakh per month and already invest Rs. 20,000 per month in mutual funds. Your existing savings in PPF (Rs. 18 lakhs), NPS (Rs. 7 lakhs), an HDFC policy (Rs. 9 lakhs), and PF (Rs. 38 lakhs) are commendable. This demonstrates a strong foundation for future financial goals, including your sons' education and your retirement.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your current investments provide a mix of safety, tax benefits, and potential growth. Here’s a breakdown:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): With Rs. 18 lakhs, PPF offers tax-free returns and safety. However, its long lock-in period limits liquidity.

National Pension System (NPS): With Rs. 7 lakhs, NPS is good for retirement due to its low-cost structure and tax benefits. But, it's not very liquid and has some equity market exposure.

HDFC Policy: The Rs. 9 lakhs in the HDFC policy should be carefully reviewed. Often, investment-cum-insurance policies offer lower returns due to high charges. You might consider surrendering this policy and reallocating the funds to higher-yielding investments.

Provident Fund (PF): Your PF savings of Rs. 38 lakhs are a solid, risk-free investment with decent returns and tax benefits. This forms a crucial part of your retirement corpus.

Investment Plan for Your Sons' Education
Given your sons are in 2nd standard, you have around 15 years before they start higher education. This time frame allows for a balanced investment strategy that maximises growth while managing risk. Here’s a structured plan:

Step 1: Estimating Future Education Costs
Education costs are rising, and it's crucial to estimate future expenses accurately. Assuming an annual inflation rate of 6% for education costs, let’s calculate the future cost of a four-year course.

Let's assume the current cost of a good quality higher education is around Rs. 10 lakhs per year.

Using the formula for compound interest, Future Value (FV) = Present Value (PV) * (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs. 10 lakhs
r = 6% (0.06)
n = 15 years
FV = 10,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^15 = Rs. 23,96,000 approximately per year

For a four-year course, you will need roughly Rs. 95,84,000 for each son, totalling Rs. 1.92 crores.

Step 2: Investment Strategy
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds: Continue your current SIPs and gradually increase them as your income grows. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds, as professional fund managers aim to outperform the market.

Diversification: Spread investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This will balance risk and growth potential.

Equity-Oriented Child Plans: Consider mutual fund schemes specifically designed for children's future needs. These plans often have a lock-in period, ensuring disciplined saving.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): If your sons were daughters, SSY would be an excellent choice for secure, tax-free returns. Instead, look for similar secure options tailored for boys.

Regular Review: Monitor the performance of your investments annually. Adjust the portfolio based on market conditions and changing financial goals.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning requires a detailed assessment of future expenses, inflation, and life expectancy. Given your current age of 45, you likely have 15-20 years before retirement. Here’s a structured approach:

Step 1: Estimating Retirement Corpus
Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Assuming your current monthly expense is Rs. 1 lakh, and you expect to maintain the same lifestyle:

Consider an inflation rate of 6%.

Using the formula for compound interest, FV = PV * (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs. 1 lakh
r = 6% (0.06)
n = 20 years (till retirement)
FV = 1,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^20 = Rs. 3,21,000 approximately per month

You’ll need to plan for at least 20 years post-retirement. Thus, your annual requirement would be Rs. 3.21 lakhs * 12 = Rs. 38.52 lakhs.

For 20 years, considering the inflation-adjusted returns, you will need a significant corpus.

Step 2: Building the Corpus
Increase Contributions to NPS: Enhance your NPS contributions to benefit from its long-term growth and tax benefits. Diversify your NPS portfolio to include a balanced mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Mutual Funds: Continue with SIPs in diversified mutual funds. Increase the amount periodically. Actively managed funds with a focus on blue-chip stocks can offer stability and growth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Continue contributing to PPF for its tax-free, secure returns. The long-term nature of PPF aligns well with retirement goals.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Maintain and possibly increase your EPF contributions if feasible. EPF offers risk-free, decent returns and is a cornerstone of retirement planning.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Medical costs can erode your savings significantly. A robust health insurance plan safeguards your retirement corpus.

Step 3: Adjusting Investment Strategy
Reduce Equity Exposure Gradually: As you near retirement, gradually shift from equity to debt funds. This reduces risk and ensures capital preservation.

Diversify: Include debt funds, balanced funds, and government bonds in your portfolio. This provides stability and regular income post-retirement.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to maintain the desired asset allocation and adjust for market changes and personal financial goals.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Opting for regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has several benefits over direct funds:

Professional Guidance: A CFP provides expert advice tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Regular Monitoring: CFPs monitor your portfolio regularly, making necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Comprehensive Planning: CFPs offer holistic financial planning, considering all aspects of your financial life, including taxes, insurance, and estate planning.

Behavioural Coaching: A CFP helps you stay disciplined and avoid emotional investment decisions, which can be detrimental to long-term goals.

Administrative Support: Managing investments can be complex. A CFP handles the paperwork, compliance, and administrative tasks, allowing you to focus on your life and career.

Final Insights
Your disciplined saving and investing habits are commendable. With a well-structured plan, you can comfortably achieve your sons' education and your retirement goals. Focus on increasing your investments gradually, diversifying your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance to optimise returns and manage risks. Remember, regular reviews and adjustments to your financial plan are crucial to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, i am 32 year married female, with 3 year old son. Me and my husband together earn 3lakh per month. We have an an fd of 60 lakhs, have 3 properties in the city worth 2cr. Having 15 lakhs in gold. We have no EMI to pay. We live own house. I am planning to retire by the age of 45. Can you suggest how should i invest for financial freedom and future educational needs of my son
Ans: You and your husband earn Rs 3 lakh per month. You have Rs 60 lakhs in fixed deposits, 3 properties worth Rs 2 crores, and Rs 15 lakhs in gold. You have no EMIs and live in your own house.

You plan to retire by age 45.

You also need to plan for your son's future educational needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Goal
Current Age and Retirement Age

You are 32 years old and plan to retire at 45.
You have 13 years to build a retirement corpus.
Monthly Expenses After Retirement

Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement.
Consider inflation to project future costs accurately.
Investment Strategy for Financial Freedom
Diversified Portfolio

Diversify your investments across different asset classes.
Consider a mix of equity, debt, and gold.
Equity Investments

Invest in equity funds for long-term growth.
Actively managed funds can provide better returns than index funds.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to select the best funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start a SIP in equity funds.
This will help in disciplined investing and averaging out market volatility.
Debt Investments

Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income.
Debt funds are less volatile and provide steady returns.
Gold Investments

Continue holding gold as part of your portfolio.
Gold acts as a hedge against inflation.
Planning for Your Son’s Education
Education Fund

Estimate the future cost of education.
Consider inflation in your calculations.
Dedicated SIP

Start a dedicated SIP for your son’s education.
Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds for balanced growth.
Education Loans

Keep education loans as a backup option.
They can provide financial flexibility without burdening your savings.
Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Portfolio Review

Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Adjust your investments based on performance.
Rebalancing

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.
This helps in managing risk and optimizing returns.
Additional Tips
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.
This ensures liquidity without touching your investments.
Tax Planning

Consider tax implications of your investments.
Utilize tax-saving instruments where possible.
Insurance

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance.
This protects your family from unforeseen financial burdens.
Final Insights
Your goal to retire by 45 is ambitious but achievable with disciplined planning. Diversify your investments and start SIPs in equity and debt funds. Focus on long-term growth while balancing risk. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio. Plan a dedicated fund for your son’s education. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. This strategy will help you achieve financial freedom and secure your son's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2024

Money
pooja: I am 37 year old Married female. My monthly income is 45k. My monthly expenses are 15k. My monthly savings is RD: 5k. my son is 2 years old and i want to invest money for their higher education for 15-18 years.I need advice on how to use the money to get a medical insurance and to invest in mutual funds.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
First of all, I would like to appreciate your disciplined approach toward savings. With your current monthly income of Rs 45k and expenses of Rs 15k, you are already saving a significant portion of your income. The Rs 5k in a recurring deposit (RD) shows that you are working towards building a safe and steady financial future.

Given that your son is just 2 years old, planning for his higher education over the next 15-18 years is the right step to take now. You also mentioned your desire to secure medical insurance and explore mutual fund investments. Let’s explore both these areas in detail, along with other suggestions to create a 360-degree financial plan for you.

Health Insurance: A Must for Family Protection
Before jumping into investments, it’s crucial to protect your family’s health. Medical emergencies can be costly, and without insurance, they can drain your savings. At 37, the time is ideal to get a comprehensive health insurance policy.

Family Floater Plan: You should consider a family floater health insurance plan. It covers the entire family under one plan. This will include you, your spouse, and your son.

Coverage Amount: A health insurance plan with a coverage of at least Rs 10-15 lakhs is recommended. Given the increasing cost of medical treatments, it is wise to have adequate coverage.

Additional Top-Up Plan: You can also opt for a top-up health plan. It provides additional coverage once the basic limit is exhausted. This is a cost-effective way to increase your coverage.

Critical Illness Coverage: Along with regular health insurance, you might want to consider critical illness coverage. It covers major illnesses like cancer, heart attacks, and kidney failure. Such illnesses lead to high medical costs, and a critical illness plan can help manage them.

Hospital Network: Ensure that the insurance provider has a wide network of hospitals, including those near your residence.

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you in choosing the right insurance plan. They can help you compare premiums and select one that fits your budget while offering adequate coverage.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
Since you want to invest for your son’s education over the next 15-18 years, this is considered a long-term financial goal. For such goals, mutual funds are one of the best investment options. They offer the potential for higher returns, and with a long-term horizon, the power of compounding works in your favor.

Let’s break down the types of mutual funds you should consider and other important aspects.

Actively Managed Mutual Funds Over Index Funds
Given that you have a long-term goal, actively managed mutual funds are preferable to index funds. Index funds, though low-cost, simply follow the market index. This means they offer no protection during market downturns.

Better Performance: Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager who can make changes in the portfolio based on market conditions. This helps in generating better returns than index funds.

Risk Management: The fund manager can shift investments to safer assets during a market downturn, reducing risk.

In contrast, index funds will simply follow the ups and downs of the market. They do not have any risk management strategy. Hence, actively managed funds are a better option, especially for long-term investments like your son’s education.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through a Certified Financial Planner
When investing in mutual funds, you might come across the option of investing in direct or regular funds. While direct funds come with a lower expense ratio, they require you to handle everything on your own. This can be tricky, especially if you don’t have in-depth knowledge of the market.

Expert Guidance: By investing through a CFP, you get expert advice. They help you choose the best-performing funds, rebalance your portfolio, and align your investments with your goals.

Regular Monitoring: A CFP will regularly review your investments, ensuring they are on track to meet your goals. They can make necessary adjustments based on market conditions.

Direct funds may seem like a good option because of lower costs, but the lack of professional guidance can lead to poor decision-making. The benefits of regular funds, managed with the help of a CFP, far outweigh the slight cost difference.

Mutual Funds for Your Son’s Education
Since your son’s education is a long-term goal, equity mutual funds are the best choice. Over a period of 15-18 years, equity markets have historically delivered higher returns than debt instruments.

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have the potential to deliver high returns. Since you have a long investment horizon, the volatility of the stock market will be averaged out.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: If you prefer a bit of safety, balanced or hybrid funds can be a good choice. They invest in both equity and debt, giving you the growth potential of equity while providing some stability through debt.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Instead of investing a lump sum, you should invest through a SIP. This allows you to invest a fixed amount every month. SIPs benefit from rupee-cost averaging, where you buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

By starting a SIP in equity mutual funds now, you’ll be able to build a substantial corpus by the time your son is ready for higher education.

Building an Education Corpus
Let’s now focus on building a sizeable education corpus for your son. You mentioned that your monthly income is Rs 45k, and after expenses, you can save Rs 5k in an RD. To achieve your education goal, consider increasing the amount you invest.

Increase Monthly Savings: Consider increasing your monthly savings from Rs 5k to Rs 10k-15k. This will accelerate your investment growth and help you meet your education goal more effectively.

Diversification: Apart from equity mutual funds, you can also invest in debt mutual funds for a portion of your portfolio. This will provide stability to your investments, especially when your goal approaches.

Review Periodically: Every year, review your portfolio. As you get closer to your goal, you can shift a portion of your investments to safer instruments like debt funds or fixed deposits. This will protect your corpus from market volatility.

Emergency Fund: A Safety Net
It’s important to have an emergency fund before making long-term investments. An emergency fund helps cover unexpected expenses without touching your investments.

3-6 Months of Expenses: Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months of your monthly expenses. In your case, this would be around Rs 45k to Rs 90k.

Keep It Liquid: Your emergency fund should be easily accessible. A good option is to keep it in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. This will provide quick access to funds while earning some interest.

An emergency fund acts as a safety net, ensuring that you don’t have to dip into your long-term investments during a financial crisis.

Life Insurance: Protecting Your Family’s Future
As a mother, it’s essential to secure your family’s financial future in case of any unfortunate event. A life insurance policy can help provide for your child’s future even in your absence.

Term Insurance: The most suitable type of life insurance is a term insurance policy. It offers a high sum assured at an affordable premium.

Adequate Coverage: Your life insurance coverage should be at least 10-12 times your annual income. With an income of Rs 45k per month, you should consider a coverage of Rs 60-70 lakhs.

Avoid mixing insurance with investment. Investment-cum-insurance products like ULIPs or endowment policies often offer low returns and inadequate coverage. Stick to term insurance for life protection and invest in mutual funds for wealth creation.

Education Inflation: Planning for Rising Costs
Education costs are rising at a rapid rate in India. When planning for your son’s higher education, it’s essential to consider the impact of inflation on education expenses.

Education Costs Double: In India, education costs typically double every 7-10 years. This means that by the time your son is ready for higher education, costs will be significantly higher than they are today.

Plan for Inflation: Ensure that your investments are growing at a rate higher than inflation. Equity mutual funds, over the long term, have historically outpaced inflation, making them ideal for education planning.

By taking inflation into account, you can ensure that your education corpus will be sufficient to cover your son’s higher education expenses.

Financial Planning for Other Life Goals
In addition to planning for your son’s education, it’s important to plan for other life goals. This includes your retirement, purchasing a home, or any other major expense you foresee.

Retirement Planning: Even though your immediate focus is your son’s education, you should also start planning for your retirement. Consider opening a Public Provident Fund (PPF) account or investing in a National Pension System (NPS) to secure your retirement.

Diversify Across Goals: Allocate your investments based on your financial goals. While equity mutual funds can be used for your son’s education, you might want to use safer options like PPF or fixed deposits for other medium-term goals.

A holistic financial plan considers all your life goals and ensures that you have the right investments to achieve each one.

Final Insights
To sum up, you are on the right path with your savings and planning. However, by increasing your monthly investments, securing health insurance, and diversifying your investments into mutual funds, you can further strengthen your financial plan.

Ensure that you review your investments periodically and adjust them based on changing goals or market conditions. With disciplined savings and smart investment choices, you can comfortably meet your financial goals for your son’s education and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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