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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7915 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Abhishek Question by Abhishek on Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money

I am a retired army officer with 1 CR in FD.I am now working in a bank with 95 000 rs as take home salary.I am 39 years old.i have no liabilities. I am single. Please guide where should I invest my FD amount so as to get better returns. I would not like to invest in shares. Regards Maj Abhishek

Ans: Hi Maj Abhishek,

Firstly, I want to appreciate your dedication and service to our country. It’s an honour to assist you with your financial planning. Let's explore some investment options that suit your profile and goals.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
You’ve done a commendable job by saving Rs 1 crore in a fixed deposit (FD). It shows discipline and a focus on financial security. Your monthly income of Rs 95,000, without any liabilities, puts you in a strong financial position. At 39, you have a good time horizon to grow your wealth. Let’s explore some investment avenues that can offer you better returns than FDs, while managing risks effectively.

Mutual Funds: A Balanced Approach
Mutual funds are a great way to diversify your investments. They pool money from many investors to invest in various assets like stocks, bonds, and other securities.

Categories of Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds

These funds invest in stocks and aim for high returns over the long term. They come with higher risks compared to debt funds. Given your age and financial stability, equity mutual funds can be a good choice for a portion of your investments.

Debt Mutual Funds

These funds invest in fixed-income securities like government and corporate bonds. They are less risky than equity funds and provide more stable returns. They can be a good option for maintaining liquidity and safety in your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds

These funds invest in a mix of equities and debt. They balance the potential for higher returns from equities with the stability of debt. This can be a good option for someone like you who seeks moderate risk and balanced growth.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make investment decisions on your behalf. This is beneficial if you prefer not to handle the complexities of individual stock picking.

Diversification
Mutual funds provide diversification by investing in a variety of assets. This reduces risk compared to investing in individual securities.

Liquidity
Mutual funds offer good liquidity, allowing you to redeem your units on any business day at the current NAV.

Compounding Power
Investing in mutual funds over the long term allows your returns to compound, significantly enhancing your wealth. Regular investments through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) can further boost your returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
You may have heard about index funds, but let’s discuss why actively managed funds can be a better choice.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate a market index. They offer average market returns and lack the flexibility to respond to market changes. They may not perform well during market downturns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment choices. The fund manager actively buys and sells securities to take advantage of market opportunities. This can potentially offer higher returns, especially in volatile markets.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be advantageous.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require you to handle all investment decisions and paperwork. This can be time-consuming and complex, especially without professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a CFP ensures you get expert advice tailored to your financial goals. A CFP can help you choose the right funds, monitor your portfolio, and make adjustments as needed. The guidance of a CFP can be invaluable in optimizing your returns and managing risks.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This approach is beneficial for disciplined investing and takes advantage of rupee cost averaging. SIPs can help mitigate market volatility and build wealth over time.

Risk Assessment and Management
Understanding and managing risk is crucial. Mutual funds come with different risk levels.

Equity Funds Risks
Equity funds are subject to market risks and volatility. However, they have the potential for higher returns over the long term.

Debt Funds Risks
Debt funds carry lower risk compared to equity funds but are not risk-free. They are subject to interest rate risk and credit risk.

Hybrid Funds Risks
Hybrid funds balance the risks of equity and debt investments. They offer moderate risk and are suitable for balanced growth.

Insurance Policies and ULIPs
If you have any LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider reviewing them. These policies often have lower returns compared to mutual funds. Surrendering these policies and reinvesting in mutual funds could be a better option for higher returns.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds offer tax benefits compared to FDs. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are tax-free up to Rs 1 lakh per annum. Gains above this are taxed at 10%. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for indexation benefits, reducing the taxable amount.

Emergency Fund
It’s important to keep an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid asset like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund. It ensures you have quick access to cash in case of unexpected expenses.

Retirement Planning
Given your age, retirement planning should be a priority. Investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds can help build a substantial retirement corpus. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your portfolio will ensure it aligns with your retirement goals.

Diversification
Diversification is key to managing risk. A well-diversified portfolio across different asset classes can provide better risk-adjusted returns. Avoid putting all your money in one type of investment.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with personalized investment strategies. A CFP can help you navigate the complexities of the financial markets and make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Investing your FD amount in a diversified portfolio of mutual funds can offer better returns than FDs. Equity, debt, and hybrid funds each have their advantages and risks. Balancing these funds in your portfolio can help you achieve your financial goals while managing risks.

Working with a CFP can provide you with expert guidance and peace of mind. SIPs can instill disciplined investing and take advantage of compounding.

Regularly reviewing your investments and making adjustments is essential to stay on track with your financial goals. With careful planning and professional advice, you can optimize your returns and build a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

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I am 63 yrs old i received rs 9 lakhs from fd where to invest for monthly income minimum 5000 pm for personal
Ans: Given your age and the desire for a steady monthly income of Rs. 5,000 from your investment of Rs. 9 lakhs, you may want to consider options that prioritize stability and regular income.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): SCSS is a government-backed savings scheme designed for individuals aged 60 years and above. It offers a fixed interest rate and provides quarterly payouts, making it suitable for generating regular income.
Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): POMIS is another government-backed savings scheme that provides monthly interest payments. It offers a fixed interest rate, providing a reliable income source for retirees.
Fixed Maturity Plans (FMPs): FMPs are debt mutual funds that invest in fixed-income securities with a predetermined maturity date. They offer relatively stable returns and can be suitable for generating regular income.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from Debt Mutual Funds: You can consider investing in debt mutual funds and opt for a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) to receive a fixed amount periodically. This allows you to potentially benefit from higher returns compared to traditional fixed-income instruments.
Annuity Plans: Annuity plans offered by insurance companies provide regular income payments in exchange for a lump sum investment. You can explore different annuity options to find one that meets your income requirements and preferences.
Before making any investment decision, carefully assess your income needs, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can help you develop a personalized investment strategy tailored to your financial goals and circumstances.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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I will be retiring from service next year. I would like to invest 50 lakhs. Please guide which type of investment is better. I am familiar with bank FDs only
Ans: Congratulations on your upcoming retirement! It's a significant milestone, and it's wonderful that you're considering how to invest your retirement funds wisely. As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand the importance of making informed decisions about your finances, especially during this transition phase of life.

Understanding Your Investment Options
You've mentioned being familiar with bank fixed deposits (FDs), which are a popular choice for many investors due to their stability and ease of understanding. However, it's essential to explore other investment avenues to maximize your returns and meet your long-term financial goals.

Diversification Is Key
While FDs offer security, they may not provide the growth potential needed to combat inflation effectively. Diversifying your investments across various asset classes can help mitigate risks and optimize returns over time.

Exploring Alternatives to FDs
Consider allocating a portion of your retirement corpus to debt mutual funds or corporate bonds. These instruments typically offer higher returns than FDs while maintaining a relatively low level of risk. Additionally, investing in mutual funds provides professional management and the potential for capital appreciation.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds have gained popularity for their low costs and passive approach, it's crucial to understand their limitations. Unlike actively managed funds, index funds are tied to the performance of a specific market index and may underperform during market downturns. With actively managed funds, experienced fund managers actively seek out opportunities to outperform the market, potentially yielding higher returns in the long run.

The Role of a Certified Financial Planner
As a Certified Financial Planner, my role is to help you navigate the complexities of the financial markets and tailor an investment strategy that aligns with your unique goals and risk tolerance. By working with a professional, you gain access to personalized advice and ongoing support to optimize your investment portfolio.

Embracing Change and Growth
Retirement marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life, filled with exciting possibilities and opportunities for growth. By investing your retirement funds wisely, you can secure your financial future and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle in your golden years.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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I am 59 years and retired . Have a housing loan of 22 lakhs carrying 6 % simple interest , invested 30 lakhs in FD, getting 47000 pension. Have an excess of 12 lakhs. Where to invest
Ans: You are 59 years old and retired. You have a housing loan of Rs 22 lakhs at 6% simple interest. You have invested Rs 30 lakhs in an FD and receive a pension of Rs 47,000. You also have an excess of Rs 12 lakhs available for investment.

Key Considerations
Risk Tolerance: As a retiree, preserving capital is crucial. Avoid high-risk investments.
Income Stability: Ensure stable income to meet your monthly expenses.
Debt Management: Evaluate paying off the housing loan versus investing.
Evaluating Investment Options
1. Debt Repayment
Interest Savings: Paying off a part of the housing loan can save you on interest costs. This ensures a guaranteed return equivalent to the loan interest rate.
Emotional Relief: Reducing debt can provide peace of mind.
2. Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Safety: FDs offer safety and guaranteed returns. Suitable for conservative investors.
Liquidity: Choose FDs with different maturities to ensure liquidity.
3. Mutual Funds
Debt Mutual Funds: Suitable for low-risk appetite. Provide better returns than FDs, with moderate risk.

Liquid Funds: For short-term needs, provide higher returns than savings accounts.
Short-Term Bond Funds: Suitable for a 1-3 year horizon, offering steady returns.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of debt and equity, offering balanced risk and return. Suitable if you have a moderate risk appetite.

4. Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS)
Government-Backed: Safe and secure with attractive interest rates.
Regular Income: Provides quarterly interest payments, ideal for retirees.
5. Monthly Income Schemes (MIS)
Post Office MIS: Provides regular monthly income, secure and low-risk.
Mutual Fund MIPs: Invest in a mix of debt and equity, offering monthly income with moderate risk.
Recommended Strategy
Debt Repayment and Investment Balance
Partial Loan Repayment: Use Rs 10 lakhs to pay off a portion of the housing loan. This reduces your interest burden and provides a guaranteed return.
Emergency Fund: Keep Rs 2 lakhs as an emergency fund in a liquid fund for easy access.
Investment Allocation
Fixed Deposits: Invest Rs 10 lakhs in FDs with varying maturities for safety and liquidity.
Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS): Invest Rs 5 lakhs for secure returns and quarterly interest.
Debt Mutual Funds: Allocate Rs 5 lakhs in short-term bond funds for moderate returns with low risk.
Monthly Income Scheme: Invest Rs 2 lakhs in Post Office MIS for regular monthly income.
Final Insights
Balancing debt repayment and secure investments is crucial. Partial loan repayment reduces your financial burden. Diversify the remaining funds into safe and moderately risky investments. This ensures capital preservation, regular income, and potential for moderate growth. Always keep an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7915 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Im 49 years and have opted for retirement. Will be returning to India by Dec 2024. Currently have 7.5 Cr invested in NRE FD's which i dont intend renewing post Apr 2025. Please suggest where i should invest this corpus . I am looking at a monthly income of 4.5 lakhs post tax
Ans: To meet your Rs 4.5 lakh monthly income requirement, it’s essential to optimise your current corpus. A combination of investments with stable returns and moderate growth potential can provide this.

Required Monthly Income Post-Tax: At Rs 4.5 lakh per month, your annual need is Rs 54 lakh post-tax.

NRE Fixed Deposits Maturity Consideration: Since you don’t intend to renew your NRE FDs, exploring alternatives will ensure efficient tax management and long-term income.

Investing in Debt-Oriented Instruments for Stability

Debt-oriented instruments offer predictable returns and can help stabilise your portfolio.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): Given your age, SCSS can offer high fixed interest rates. The scheme has a five-year lock-in, making it suitable for a long-term income goal.

Corporate Bonds and Government Bonds: Investment-grade corporate bonds or government bonds offer decent returns with relatively low risk. However, choose high-credit-rated bonds for lower volatility.

Debt Mutual Funds: Debt funds are tax-efficient, especially in the long term. By holding investments for over three years, you can benefit from long-term capital gains with indexation benefits.

Balancing Income and Growth through Hybrid Mutual Funds

A combination of stability and growth helps offset inflation and maintain purchasing power. Hybrid mutual funds are ideal here.

Balanced Hybrid Funds: These funds balance equity and debt, providing moderate growth and stability. Income generation and capital appreciation ensure both income and growth needs.

Equity Savings Funds: These funds have limited equity exposure and focus on debt. The equity component brings slight growth potential, while the debt provides stability.

Tax-Efficient Monthly Income from SWP in Mutual Funds

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) allow tax-efficient withdrawals. This strategy provides a monthly income while managing tax exposure effectively.

Using SWP from Equity-Oriented Funds: Equity mutual funds held for over a year are subject to lower long-term capital gains tax. An SWP allows regular income with reduced tax liability compared to traditional interest-bearing instruments.

Choosing Growth Option over Dividend: Opt for growth funds and SWP over dividend options to control the timing and tax impact of each withdrawal.

Incorporating Equity Exposure for Inflation Beating Returns

Equity investments add growth potential and counter inflation over time. A 20-30% allocation in equity-focused investments balances risk and returns.

Actively Managed Equity Funds: Actively managed funds offer the potential for growth and outperformance. These funds can be adjusted based on market trends and portfolio requirements.

Flexi-Cap and Large-Cap Funds: Focus on Flexi-Cap and Large-Cap funds with a moderate risk level. Flexi-Cap funds adapt to changing market conditions, while large-cap funds provide stability with blue-chip stocks.

Ensuring Emergency Fund and Health Coverage

Before finalising your investment, securing an emergency fund and medical insurance is vital.

Emergency Fund for Liquidity Needs: Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid, risk-free account. This fund helps manage unexpected expenses without affecting long-term investments.

Health Insurance for Medical Security: Ensure comprehensive health coverage to avoid out-of-pocket expenses. It’s crucial as you move into retirement without employer-sponsored coverage.

Tax Planning and Efficient Withdrawals

Tax-efficient planning is essential to maintain post-tax income at Rs 4.5 lakh monthly. Regularly reviewing the tax impact of each withdrawal helps meet your income target.

Capital Gains on Equity and Debt Funds: Keep your equity mutual fund withdrawals under Rs 1.25 lakh annually to stay in the 12.5% LTCG bracket. For debt funds, withdrawals are taxed as per your income slab.

Optimising SWP for Tax Efficiency: Withdraw smaller amounts consistently to benefit from lower tax liabilities. An SWP with a higher initial corpus but lower withdrawal rate balances tax efficiency and income.

Monitoring and Reviewing Investments Regularly

Periodic reviews help optimise portfolio returns and manage risk as your retirement progresses.

Annual Portfolio Review: Adjust your portfolio annually based on income needs, market trends, and any changes in tax laws. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights for these adjustments.

Evaluating Income against Inflation: Income needs may increase over time due to inflation. Consider small increments in equity allocation to preserve purchasing power.

Final Insights

Crafting a retirement income strategy requires balancing stability, growth, and tax efficiency. By optimising each investment type and using tax-efficient withdrawal strategies, you can achieve your monthly income target while maintaining capital.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Career
My granddaughter is preparing for NEET 2025. She has born in Telangana and studied upto 1st class in Telangana. Due to her father’s overseas assignment at USA she moved to USA and studied upto 10th class there. The family moved to India in 2023. So she is now doing Intermediate now in Telangana. My question is whether she comes to be local for Telangana state or not for NEET admissions.
Ans: Hi Prabhakara,

Greetings!

Your situation is quite unique. Your granddaughter was born in Telangana and is now pursuing her +1 education there after a gap of nine years. However, according to the government norms for NEET 2024, meeting the requirements to establish domicile in Telangana may be challenging.

NEET Domicile Criteria
In the context of MBBS and BDS admissions for state quota seats in Telangana, it is important to understand the distinctions between local and non-local candidates as stipulated by the Telangana NEET admission rules for the year 2024. The local status is further subdivided into areas associated with Osmania University (OU), Andhra University (AU), and Sri Venkateswara University (SVU). AU’s local area comprises seven districts, while SVU’s area encompasses five districts. Non-local candidates are exclusively eligible for 15% of unreserved seats, whereas local candidates can vie for both the 15% unreserved seats and the remaining 85% of seats allocated within their respective local areas.

Telangana Local Area Candidates:
Students hailing from the districts falling under AU, SVU, or OU regions are considered local area NEET domicile applicants for MBBS/BDS admissions in local institutions, as well as any other educational institutions under the purview of the State Government situated within these local areas.
AU Local Area: Srikakulam, Vizianagaram, Visakhapatnam, East Godavari, West Godavari, Krishna, Guntur, and Prakasham.
OU Local Area: Adilabad, Hyderabad, Rangareddy, Karimnagar, Khammam, Mahaboobnagar, Medak, Nalgonda, Nizamabad, and Warangal.
SVU Local Area: Ananthapur, Kadapa, Kurnool, Chittoor, and Nellore.
NEET Domicile Criteria for Telangana:
To qualify as a local candidate, applicants must fulfill one of the following criteria:
1. Studied in a school/college within the local area for a minimum continuous period of 4 years immediately preceding the year they appear for the relevant qualifying examination.
2. Resided within the local area for a minimum continuous period of 4 years immediately preceding the year they appear for the relevant qualifying examination.
For candidates who do not meet the above criteria but have studied in educational institutions within the state for a minimum of 7 consecutive academic years, ending with the year of application for NEET, the following conditions apply:
– They are considered local in relation to the local area where they have studied for the maximum number of years out of the said 7 years.
– If the period of study in two local areas is equal, they may choose either for local status.
– If they have not studied in any educational institutions in the state but have resided in any local area or two local areas (for an equal period) for a minimum continuous period of 7 years, they may be considered local.
The following categories can apply for the 15% unreserved seats:
1. Candidates who have resided in the state for a total period of ten years, excluding periods of study outside the state, or whose parents have resided in the state for a total period of ten years, excluding periods of employment outside the state.
2. Candidates whose parents are employed by the state or Central Government, Public Sector Corporations, local bodies, Universities, Educational institutions, and similar quasi-public institutions within the state.
3. Candidates whose spouses are employees of the state or Central Government, Public Sector corporations, local bodies, Universities, Educational institutions recognized by the Government or University, or other competent authorities, and similar quasi-Government Institutions within the state.
Domicile Criteria for Management Quota Seats:
Candidates from across the country are eligible to apply for Management Quota seats (Category B and C-NRI) if they meet the requisite subject and qualifying mark criteria in their 10+2 education.
Applicants who have completed their qualifying education outside Telangana state must provide a “Certificate of Equivalence” from the Board of Intermediate Education of Telangana.
Candidates who have completed their qualifying education outside India must provide a “Certificate of Equivalence” issued by the Association of Indian Universities, New Delhi, and the Board of Intermediate Education of Telangana.
Given the details above, your granddaughter would need to have resided in Telangana for a minimum of four years to obtain a residence certificate. Since she was born before the state formation, I recommend consulting with a Notary Public to explore potential benefits or exceptions. This is my suggestion.

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

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I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her of her life and killing themselves, can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent (age 29) but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

...Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

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