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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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I will retire in 3 years ,in june 2027 & will have a corpus of around 3.5 Cr invested in PPF, EPF ,Supper Annuation Fund & MF . I live in my own flat ,currently market value of Rs 1.8 Cr . I also have an inherited flat from my parent valued at Rs80 lakhs . I need a monthly income of Rs 2.0 lacs after retirement . Please suggest way to invest

Ans: Congratulations on your impending retirement and the substantial corpus you've accumulated across various investment avenues. Planning for a comfortable post-retirement income is essential, and I'm here to offer guidance on how to achieve your financial goals.

With a corpus of around 3.5 crores invested in PPF, EPF, Superannuation Fund, and mutual funds, you have a solid foundation for retirement. Additionally, owning your own flat with a market value of Rs. 1.8 crores and an inherited flat valued at Rs. 80 lakhs provides further financial security.

To generate a monthly income of Rs. 2.0 lakhs after retirement, you'll need to ensure your investments are structured to provide a consistent stream of income while preserving capital for the long term.

Given your investment horizon of 3 years until retirement, it's crucial to adopt a balanced approach that combines both growth and income-generating assets. Here are some suggestions:

Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your corpus towards dividend-paying mutual funds, focusing on both equity and debt funds. These funds provide regular income through dividend payouts while also offering the potential for capital appreciation.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Consider setting up SWPs from your mutual fund investments to meet your monthly income requirement post-retirement. SWPs allow you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically, ensuring a steady stream of income while keeping your investments intact.

Rental Income: Utilize the rental income from your inherited flat to supplement your monthly income post-retirement. If feasible, you may also explore renting out a portion of your own flat to generate additional income.

Fixed Deposits and Bonds: Allocate a portion of your corpus towards fixed deposits and bonds to provide stability and ensure liquidity. Opt for instruments with varying maturities to create a ladder that aligns with your income needs.

Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs): Consider investing in REITs, which offer exposure to income-generating commercial real estate properties. REITs provide regular dividends and the potential for capital appreciation, enhancing your overall income stream.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Regularly review your investment portfolio and make necessary adjustments to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy and navigate the complexities of retirement planning.

By diversifying your investment portfolio across multiple asset classes and implementing income-generating strategies, you can work towards achieving your goal of a monthly income of Rs. 2.0 lakhs post-retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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I will retire this year at the age of 63. Will have a corpus of around 3 crores out of which I want to have a yearly return of at least 18 lakhs to take care of monthly expenses. How do you suggest to invest ??
Ans: Congratulations on reaching this significant milestone of retirement! With a corpus of 3 crores and a goal of generating an annual income of 18 lakhs, thoughtful investment planning is key. Here's a tailored approach to help you achieve your financial objectives:

Diversify your investments across various asset classes, including equities and fixed income securities, to mitigate risk and enhance returns.

Allocate a portion of your corpus to actively managed equity funds. These funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially during periods of market inefficiencies, offering you the opportunity for higher returns.

Avoid direct funds investing. They may require active management, expertise, and time, which could be challenging, especially during your retirement phase. Instead, consider investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can guide you in selecting the right mutual fund distributors (MFDs).

Fixed income investments such as bonds and debt mutual funds can provide stability and regular income. Allocate a significant portion of your corpus to these instruments to meet your income requirements.

Regular review and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider periodic consultations with your CFP to make any necessary adjustments.

Stay informed about market trends and economic developments. Keeping yourself updated will empower you to make informed decisions regarding your investments.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to remain patient and disciplined. With careful planning and prudent investment decisions, you can enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I am 33 years old working as a software professional. I have a mothly SIPs that I started earlier this year of 30000 rupees which was divided into 10000 rs for ICICI Prudential bluechip fund direct growth large cap, 10000 rs for motilal oswal midcap and 5000 rs each in Quant small cap and Aditya birla sunlife PSU fund. Along with this I have couple of life insurance policies with LIC on my name and one each for my wife and kid altogether I'm paying premium of 3 lakhs per annum. I also invested in real estate and bought a land worth 40 lakhs. I'm planning for my retirement at the age of 45 and want to know best ways for investment to build my corpus and earn 2 lakhs per month from it post retirement which suffices my needs adjusting to inflation.
Ans: Your commitment to securing your financial future is commendable, and your portfolio reflects a mix of investments. Let's analyze your current strategy and chart a path towards your retirement goal.

Starting with your SIPs, allocating funds across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap indicates a balanced approach to risk and growth. However, it's essential to review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your changing goals and market conditions.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:

Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


Your life insurance policies provide financial protection for your family, which is crucial. However, it's advisable to evaluate if the coverage meets your evolving needs and if there are more cost-effective options available.

Investing in real estate can be lucrative, but it comes with its own set of challenges like liquidity issues and market volatility. Considering your retirement goal, diversifying your investments beyond real estate might be prudent.

To achieve your retirement target of ?2 lakhs per month adjusted for inflation, you'll need a substantial corpus. Considering your age and retirement timeline, investing in a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes is essential.

Since you're aiming for early retirement, focusing on growth-oriented investments with higher returns potential could be beneficial. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your strategy and maximize returns while managing risks.

Additionally, exploring tax-efficient investment avenues like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and PPF can optimize your tax outgo and enhance your corpus over time.

Remember, building a retirement corpus requires discipline, patience, and a well-thought-out strategy. Stay committed to your savings plan and adapt to changes in your financial landscape.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
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Greetings I am retiring in April 2027. I may get a retirement corpus of around 2Cr. I have FDs of around 60 L Mutual Funds 40L. I have two flats and the home loan of one flat will be repaid before my retirement. For the other flat there is no loan. Myself and my wife have ancestors property (land)valued at around 6 Cr. I may need a monthly income of 75 K.Kindly suggest investment options for me
Ans: First, congratulations on your upcoming retirement. You've done a great job building a solid financial foundation. You have a diverse portfolio with fixed deposits, mutual funds, real estate, and ancestral property. This diversification provides stability and potential growth.

Your expected retirement corpus of Rs. 2 crore is substantial. With this, along with your current assets and minimal loan commitments, you are well-positioned for a comfortable retirement. Let's evaluate your options to generate a monthly income of Rs. 75,000 while ensuring your capital grows and remains secure.

Creating a Retirement Income Plan
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
You have Rs. 60 lakhs in fixed deposits. FDs offer security and guaranteed returns. However, their interest rates may not keep pace with inflation. It's wise to keep a portion of your retirement corpus in FDs for liquidity and safety. Allocate around 20-25% of your corpus here.

Mutual Funds
You already have Rs. 40 lakhs in mutual funds. Mutual funds are excellent for growth and can be tailored to match your risk tolerance. Consider the following types of funds:

Balanced Funds

Balanced funds provide a mix of equity and debt. They offer growth potential while minimizing risk. Given your age and risk tolerance, a balanced fund can help maintain stability.

Equity Funds

Equity funds are suitable for long-term growth. They can be volatile, but with a horizon of 10-15 years, they can significantly enhance your returns. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to spread risk.

Debt Funds

Debt funds are less risky and provide regular income. They are good for short-term needs. Invest in high-quality debt funds to ensure safety and reasonable returns.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use an SWP from your mutual fund investments to generate a regular income. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly, providing you with Rs. 75,000. This method ensures that your capital continues to grow while providing you with the needed income.

Additional Investment Options
Senior Citizens' Saving Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering attractive interest rates and regular income. It's safe and suitable for retirees. You can invest up to Rs. 15 lakhs individually or Rs. 30 lakhs jointly. The interest is paid quarterly, providing a steady income.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS)
POMIS is another secure option. It offers a fixed monthly income and is backed by the government. You can invest up to Rs. 4.5 lakhs individually or Rs. 9 lakhs jointly. The interest rate is competitive, and the monthly payout can supplement your income.

Corporate Bonds and Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs)
Investing in high-rated corporate bonds and NCDs can provide higher returns than traditional FDs. They come with a fixed tenure and interest rate, offering a predictable income stream. Ensure to choose high-rated instruments to minimize risk.

Dividend-Paying Stocks
Investing in blue-chip companies that pay regular dividends can provide a steady income. Dividends are usually paid quarterly and can supplement your monthly income. Choose companies with a strong track record of consistent dividends.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs offered by mutual funds invest predominantly in debt instruments with a small portion in equity. They aim to provide regular income and capital appreciation. MIPs can be a good option for generating monthly income with moderate risk.

Assessing Risks and Diversification
Risk Assessment
Retirement planning requires balancing risk and returns. While you need growth to beat inflation, capital preservation is equally crucial. Assess your risk tolerance and align your investments accordingly. A mix of safe and growth-oriented investments will ensure stability and growth.

Diversification
Diversification reduces risk and enhances returns. Spread your investments across different asset classes like FDs, mutual funds

, government schemes, and stocks. This strategy ensures that poor performance in one area does not significantly impact your overall portfolio.

Tax Efficiency and Planning
Tax-Saving Instruments
Maximize your tax benefits by investing in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, such as Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and SCSS. These instruments help reduce your taxable income while offering growth and regular income.

Tax on Returns
Understand the tax implications of your investments. For instance, interest from FDs and SCSS is taxable, while long-term capital gains from equity mutual funds enjoy favorable tax treatment. Plan your withdrawals and investments to minimize tax liabilities.

Health Insurance
Ensure you and your wife have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can erode your retirement corpus quickly. A comprehensive health insurance plan will provide peace of mind and financial security.

Estate Planning
Wills and Trusts
Estate planning is essential to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Draft a will to specify how your properties and investments should be allocated. Consider setting up a trust for efficient estate management and to minimize disputes among heirs.

Nomination and Succession
Ensure all your financial instruments have updated nominations. This simplifies the process for your heirs and ensures that your assets are transferred smoothly. Discuss your plans with your family to avoid confusion and misunderstandings later.

Emergency Fund
Liquidity
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a liquid instrument like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund. It provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Plan
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. Financial markets and personal circumstances change, so adjust your plan accordingly. Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Rebalancing
Rebalancing your portfolio periodically is crucial to maintain your desired asset allocation. If your equity investments perform well, they might constitute a larger portion of your portfolio, increasing risk. Rebalance by selling a portion of equity and investing in debt to restore balance.

Stay Informed
Keep yourself informed about financial markets and new investment opportunities. Continuous learning helps make informed decisions and adapt to changing market conditions. Subscribing to financial newsletters and attending seminars can enhance your knowledge.

Long-Term Growth Strategies
Equity Investments
For long-term growth, maintain a portion of your portfolio in equity investments. Equities have historically outperformed other asset classes over the long term. However, they come with higher risk, so balance your equity exposure based on your risk tolerance.

Real Assets
While you've asked not to consider real estate, it's worth mentioning that your ancestral property is a significant asset. Ensure it is well-maintained and consider potential income streams from it, such as renting or leasing, to supplement your retirement income.

Genuine Compliments and Appreciation
You have done an admirable job of planning and saving for your retirement. Your diverse portfolio, debt-free lifestyle, and significant assets reflect careful planning and financial discipline. It’s evident that you have a clear vision for a comfortable and secure retirement.

Your meticulous approach towards ensuring a regular income and safeguarding your assets for the future is commendable. You’ve laid a strong foundation for your golden years, and with a few strategic adjustments, you can enjoy a financially worry-free retirement.

Final Insights
Retirement planning is a continuous process that requires regular monitoring and adjustments. Your primary goal should be to ensure a stable and sufficient income while preserving your capital. Diversify your investments, assess risks carefully, and make informed decisions.

Utilize safe investment options like SCSS, POMIS, and high-rated corporate bonds for regular income. Consider mutual funds for growth, and always keep an emergency fund. Regular reviews and rebalancing will keep your portfolio aligned with your goals.

Stay informed, and don’t hesitate to seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your strategy. Your proactive approach and diversified portfolio set you up for a successful and enjoyable retirement. Keep up the good work and continue to make prudent financial decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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