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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Sep 08, 2021

Mutual Fund Expert... more
KK Question by KK on Sep 08, 2021Hindi
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Please provide your guidance to consolidate my portfolio to achieve goal of retirement corpus of Rs 2 cr.

I am currently investing a SIP of Rs 64,000 per month in the following funds from June 2020. My age is 46 years. I plan to work for another 9 years.

1. Axis Bluechip Direct G Rs 3,000
2. Axis Focused 25 Direct Growth Rs 3,000
3. Axis Midcap Direct G Rs 2,000
4. AXIS Small Cap Direct fund G Rs 2,000
5. HDFC Gold Fund Direct Growth Rs 5,000
6. ICICI Pru Discovery Direct Growth Rs 5,000
7. ICICI Pru US Bluchip Direct Growth Rs 5,000
8. Kotak Emerging Equity Direct Growth Rs 3,000
9. Kotak Flexicap Direct Growth Rs 3,000
10. Kotak NASDAQ 100 FOF Direct G Rs 3,000
11. Kotak Small Cap Direct Growth Rs 2,000
12. L&T Hybrid Equity Direct Growth Rs 3,000
13. L&T MidCap Fund Direct Growth Rs 2,000
14. L&T Nifty Next 50 Index Fund Direct G Rs 5,000
15. L&T Value Fund Direct Growth Rs 3,000
16. Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Direct G Rs 2,500
17. Mirae Asset Large Cap Direct G Rs 2,500
18. SBI Equity Hybrid Regular Growth Rs 5,000
19. SBI Focused Direct Plan Rs 3,000
20 SBI Multi Asset Fund Direct Growth Rs 2,000

Ans: You may continue with 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 16 and 20.

 

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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Sep 19, 2022

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I started investing in mutual fund back in 2006 with very small SIP amounts and I am 41 now. Currently, I have a MF corpus of approx 30 lakh, with SIP investments in following schemes, though i myself feel i have invested in multiple fund houses or similar portfolios and need your help or guidance with consolidation and then keep a target of 2.5 to 3 crore in next 15 years through Mutual fund only. Currently I am investing 32500 per month through SIPs only. Sr No Fund Name Start Date Amount 1 HDFC Top 100 Fund Growth 20-Sep-06 1000 2 HDFC Top 100 Fund Growth 05-Dec-13 1000 3 SBI BlueChip Fund Regular Growth 25-Apr-16 1000 4 ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund Growth 22-Jul-16 1000 5 Kotak Flexicap Fund Growth 23-Aug-17 1000 6 IDBI India Top 100 Equity Regular Fund Growth 05-Jan-18 1000 7 L&T Hybrid Equity Fund Growth 06-Dec-18 1000 8 L&T Hybrid Equity Fund Growth 07-Jan-19 1000 9 Indiabulls Equity Hybrid Fund Regular Growth 12-Mar-19 1000 10 HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Regular Fund Growth 01-Jul-19 1500 11 SBI Magnum MidCap Regular Fund Growth 01-Jul-19 1000 12 ICICI Prudential Bluechip Direct Fund Growth 01-Jul-19 1000 13 HDFC Top 100 Fund Growth 27-Oct-19 1000 14 HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund Growth 27-Oct-19 1000 15 Axis Midcap Fund Direct Plan Growth 16-Dec-20 1000 16 Canara Robeco Equity Hybrid Fund Direct Plan Growth 17-Dec-20 1000 17 SBI Magnum Global Fund Direct Growth 17-Apr-21 1000 18 HDFC Flexi Cap Fund Direct Plan-Growth 17-Apr-21 1000 19 Motilal Oswal Focused 25 Direct Growth 17-Apr-21 1000 20 HDFC Flexi Cap Fund -Direct Plan - Growth Option 17-Apr-21 1000 21 SBI Flexicap Fund Direct Growth 17-Apr-21 1000 22 Motilal Oswal Flexi Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 24-Jun-21 1000 23 Tata Quant Fund Direct Fund 30-Jun-21 500 24 Aditya Birla Sun Life India Gennext Fund Direct Plan Growth 01-Jul-21 1000 25 ICICI Prudential FlexiCap Fund Direct Growth 05-Jul-21 500 26 Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 01-Sep-21 1000 27 IDFC Corporate Bond Fund Direct Plan Growth 22-Sep-21 1000 28 ICICI Prudential NASDAQ 100 Index Fund Direct 27-Oct-21 1000 29 HDFC Corporate Bond Fund -Direct Plan - Growth Option 09-Dec-21 1000 30 Aditya Birla Sun Life Corporate Bond Fund Direct Plan Growth 09-Dec-21 1000 31 TATA Digital India Fund Direct Growth 25-Dec-21 1000 32 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Direct Growth 25-Dec-21 1000 33 Kotak Gilt-Investment Fund Provident Fund and Trust-Growth Direct 28-Dec-21 1000
Ans: The funds that can be continued are 15, 16, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 32 and 33; 27, 29, 30, and 33 being debt funds and 15, 16, 28 and 32 being equity funds.

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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

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Money
I am a working class man and have started SIP in following funds from the last 6 months. Can invest till my retirement i.e. for the next 23 years period. My total monthly SIP is of Rs 22,000, I can increase Rs 500 in each fund (i.e. 15% step up) every year based on my salary. For the next 13-15 years I can take high risk out of 23 years. My other investments are PF (21600(employer) + 21600(employee)) yearly and can start Rs 50,000 yearly in NPS for tax saving. Looking for a combined corpus of 8-10 crore till retirement for my child's education (1 year old) and for my retirement savings, Can I achieve this with my SIP and other investments? Kindly guide /provide your expert opinion whether any of my funds are overlapping or needs to be discontinued or any new funds needs to be added to meet my target corpus. Funds: 1. Mirae Asset Global Electric & Autonomous Vehicles ETFs FundofFund (Direct Growth) - Rs 1,000 -Active 2. canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund (Direct Growth-Large Cap) - Rs 3,000 -Active 3. ICICI Prudential US Bluechip Equity Fund (Direct Growth-Sectoral/Thematic) - Rs 3,000 -Active 4. PGIM India Flexi Cap Fund (Direct Growth) - Rs 3,000 -Active 5. PGIM India MidCap Opportunities Fund (Direct Growth) - Rs 3,000 -Active 6. Quant Active Fund (Direct Growth-Multicap) - Rs 3,000 -Active 7. Quant Small Cap Fund (Direct Growth) - Rs 3,000 -Active 8. Quant Tax Plan (Direct Growth-ELSS) - Rs 3,000 -Active 9. Axis Long Term Equity Fund (Direct Growth-ELSS) - Rs 3,000 -Paused 
Ans: Funds are fine, with a monthly investment of 22000 with an annual step up of 15% the corpus that can be created is Rs 10 -12 cr in 23 years.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi, Please review my Portfolio My NPS tier 1 a/c 1500000 NPS tie2 a/c 500000 PPF investment 700000 NSC 5,50,000 (maturing soon) SIP (monthly) Motilal Oswal mid cap 15k, Nippon india small cap 10 k, Parag parikh flexi cap 15 k, SBI Contra Fund 8k lumpsum ICICI valu discovery 4 lac 72k(Fund Value), 360 one Equity fund 1 lac 71k (Fund Value) PGIM Flexi Fund 2 lac 80k (Fund Value) Nippon india large cap 1 lac 10k (Fund Value) kotak dynamic fund 1lac 3k. Please help me consolidate funds and I also want help if i have lumpsum amt how to invest and which fund. my goal is to make 6 cr and I am 40yr. Thank you
Ans: Reviewing Your Current Investment Setup
Your NPS Tier?I holds ?15?lakh, serving as a retirement base.

NPS Tier?II has ?5?lakh, offering flexible liquidity.

You invested ?7?lakh in PPF, providing secure long?term returns.

Your NSC of ?5.5?lakh is nearing maturity, offering a timely reinvestment opportunity.

Monthly SIPs include:

?15,000 in mid?cap funds.

?10,000 in small?cap funds.

?15,000 in flexi?cap funds.

?8,000 in a contra fund.

Lump?sum mutual fund holdings are:

?4.72?lakh in value-discovery equity.

?1.71?lakh in an equity fund.

?2.80?lakh in a flexi fund.

?1.10?lakh in a large?cap fund.

?1.03?lakh in a dynamic equity fund.

Overall, you have strong equity exposure alongside substantial debt investments and no liabilities—an excellent foundation.

Clarifying Your Financial Target
Your goal is to amass ?6?crore in 20?years.

Current total investments: approximately ?38?lakh in equity, ?32?lakh in debt instruments, and ?20?lakh in NPS.

That totals around ?90?lakh in assets.

Your ambitions require generating ?6 crore from this base plus ongoing investments over two decades.

Given the timeframe and asset quality, expecting an average 12–15?% return is realistic and achievable.

Reimagining Your Asset Allocation for Growth and Stability
Your current portfolio is heavily equity-focused, which aligns with your goal but can expose you to systemic market risk. A more balanced structure enhances stability and growth:

Focus on large?cap and flexi?cap equity as your portfolio’s core.

Add mid?cap funds to accelerate growth potential.

Retain a small allocation in small?cap funds as a growth lever, but keep exposure controlled.

Introduce an aggressive hybrid fund or multi?asset scheme to cushion volatility.

Keep debt instruments such as PPF, NPS, and debt funds as anchors.

Maintain a liquid fund for emergencies or market opportunities.

Consider adding a small gold allocation for inflation hedging.

This blend supports both wealth growth and downside defence.

Simplifying and Consolidating Your Funds
You hold several equity and flexi funds, which may result in overlap and inefficient portfolio tracking. Here’s a simplified consolidation strategy:

Reduce equity fund count by retaining only 2–3 carefully selected actively managed funds with strong track records.

Ensure each fund serves a distinct strategic role: large-cap stability, mid-cap growth, or value-driven equity.

Par down overlapping mandates to avoid dilution of management attention.

Retain small-cap exposure, but with reduced SIP amounts and tighter risk control.

Add a hybrid or multi-asset fund via SIP to smooth return fluctuations.

Reinvest NSC proceeds into either a short-term debt fund or start gold or hybrid exposure.

Maintain PPF and NPS debts; these are long-term anchors.

By streamlining your holdings, you enhance transparency and increase portfolio efficiency.

Structuring Your New SIP Schedule
Assuming you continue SIPs amounting to ~?48,000 monthly and reallocate strategically:

Direct ?20,000 monthly into large?cap or flexi?cap equity.

Put ?15,000 monthly into mid?cap equity.

Allocate ?7,500 monthly to a small?cap fund.

Set aside ?5,000 monthly for an aggressive hybrid or multi?asset fund.

Channel ?2,500 monthly into a gold ETF or gold?based mutual fund.

You can continue with existing equity fund SIPs until new ones take hold and then gradually reduce original SIP amounts for rebalancing. These new SIPs create a well-rounded, future-ready framework.

Wise Deployment of Lump?Sum Assets
Your NSC amount of ?5.5?lakh presents a timely reinvestment window.

Target ?3?lakh into a short?term debt fund (with a 2–3?year horizon and laddered maturity).

Use the remaining ?2.5?lakh to bolster equity exposure, split across large-cap and hybrid funds for balance and reinvestment.

For any additional lumps sums in the future:

Allocate approximately 60% to equity, 20% to hybrid/debt, 20% to liquidity.

Spread deployment gradually—quarterly or semi-annually—to average market entry cost and reduce timing risk.

Align deployments to your defined asset allocation targets.

Maximising NPS for Retirement with Flexibility
Your NPS Tier I serves secure retirement core; Tier II provides liquidity.

Continue contributing to Tier I, maintaining a balanced equity-debt mix.

As the corpus grows, gradually shift to more debt exposure to reduce volatility risk.

Tier II funds are ideal for capturing market upside via SIP or systematic transfers.

Post-retirement, assess systematic withdrawal options to meet your income needs.

Managing Debt Instruments and Tax-Efficiency
Your current debt investments – PPF, NPS, and soon, a short-term debt fund – stabilize returns and funding needs.

PPF offers guaranteed returns and safety over 15 years.

NPS Tier I grows with a mix of equity and government securities and provides pension flexibility.

The new short-term debt fund replaces NSC and offers liquidity, better tax treatment, and ease of withdrawal flexibility.

For tax-efficient growth, consider:

Using partial debt fund redemptions annually to utilize LTCG limits and avoid high tax brackets.

Keeping higher equity allocation for retirement years for tax advantages.

Why Actively Managed Funds Outshine Index Options
Index funds replicate benchmarks without strategic direction.

They cannot offload positions before sharp downturns.

Active fund managers can shift holdings to protect returns or capitalize on opportunities.

For your growth-focused portfolio, active funds offer better situational adaptability and downside defence.

The Limitations of Direct Plans Without Advisory Support
Direct funds excel in cost reduction but lack advisory support.

Composite portfolios need regular rebalancing and behavioural guidance.

CFP-backed MFD plans ensure periodic review, disciplined allocation, and tax optimization.

They help steer clear of poor fund selection, exit blunders, and missing review cycles.

Regular Portfolio Monitoring and Rebalancing
Set quarterly checkpoints to assess performance and asset distribution versus targets.

Define asset allocation bands; e.g., large-cap equity 25–35%. If outside this range, rebalance either by redirecting SIPs or switching units.

Annual comprehensive reviews ensure strategies stay aligned with your 20-year goal.

Rebalancing through SIP additions rather than fund redemptions preserves tax benefits and reduces transaction costs.

Emergency Fund and Risk Management
Hold 6–12 months of monthly expenses in a liquid or ultra-short debt fund for unforeseen contingencies.

Ensure adequate term life and health coverage aligned with age and inflation.

Keep a watch on health insurance renewal and top-up as required.

Avoid lifestyle inflation since your investment strategy depends on disciplined expense management.

Forecasting Achievement of Your ?6 Crore Goal
The existing ?1?crore-plus corpus with structured SIPs and aggressive age?based mindset provides strong compounding power.

With an ideal 12–15% annual return, long-term wealth creation goal is both reasonable and achievable.

The proposed allocation balances growth potential, risk management, and liquidity needs effectively.

Periodic incremental investments and potential tracking increases inflate your cumulative outcomes.

Risk and Contingency Considerations
Market volatility can cause short-term dips—but stay disciplined and aligned.

Maintain and review emergency funds yearly especially as your dependents or expenses evolve.

Healthcare cost inflation may require higher medical coverage by your 50s; proactively plan for it.

Tax changes may affect realized gains; staying updated ensures smoother withdrawals and corpus retention.

Alternative Asset Options (Optional)
A small SIP in a gold ETF (~?2–3k per month) helps hedge against inflation.

Consider a 5% allocation to an international equity fund to gain global diversification benefits.

All other asset types (real estate, annuities, etc.) can be skipped as per your preference for simplicity and liquidity.

Final Insights
You already have a robust, debt-equity balanced portfolio without liabilities.

By refining fund count, maximizing SIP distribution, and factoring in lumpsums, your approach becomes more coherent and effective.

Integrate hybrid and debt to increase stability while preserving growth focus.

Regular rebalancing and maintaining advisory support enable seamless adjustment with changing markets.

You are well-positioned to achieve ?6 crore in two decades, with a strategy built around purpose, discipline, and adaptability.

Let me know if you'd like help shortlisting specific active fund options, implementing the staggered deployment plan, or setting up regular reviews.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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