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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I plan to retire in 2 yrs time .im 53 now . I will have a corpus of 4 crores by that time. If i need to get an income of 1 lac , what are possibilities of investment. I have no liabilities in terms of any loans . My wife is a homemaker and my son will be in his first year of engineering this year and i Have set across separate funds for his education

Ans: Planning for Retirement Income
Congratulations on nearing retirement with a substantial corpus. Generating a steady income of ?1 lakh per month from a ?4 crore corpus is achievable with careful planning. Let's explore some investment possibilities to achieve this goal.

Diversified Investment Strategy
A diversified investment strategy can help manage risk and provide a steady income. Consider a mix of the following:

Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds
Fixed Deposits (FDs) and debt funds offer stability and guaranteed returns. Allocate a portion of your corpus to FDs and high-quality debt funds to ensure a reliable income stream. Debt funds, especially short-term and ultra-short-term funds, offer better liquidity and tax efficiency compared to FDs.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from Mutual Funds
Mutual Funds, particularly hybrid funds (balanced funds), can provide growth and income. Using a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from these funds allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly. This method can offer both capital appreciation and regular income. Opt for funds with a good track record and consistent performance.

Monthly Income Schemes (MIS)
Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS) is a government-backed investment offering a fixed monthly income. It is a low-risk investment, suitable for retirees seeking guaranteed returns. The interest rates are periodically revised, and it provides assured returns.

Dividend-paying Stocks and Equity Funds
Investing in dividend-paying stocks or equity mutual funds with a focus on dividend yields can provide regular income. Although dividends are subject to market risks, selecting well-established companies with a history of stable dividends can be beneficial.

Senior Citizens’ Saving Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a government-backed savings instrument specifically for senior citizens. It offers attractive interest rates and provides regular quarterly interest payments. The current interest rates are attractive, making it a viable option for a portion of your corpus.

Balanced Portfolio Allocation
To achieve an income of ?1 lakh per month, a balanced portfolio allocation is crucial. Here is a suggested allocation:

Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds: 30-40% for stability and guaranteed returns.

SWPs from Mutual Funds: 30-40% for growth and regular income.

Dividend-paying Stocks and Equity Funds: 20-30% for potential growth and dividend income.

Annuities and SCSS: 20-30% for guaranteed income.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Evaluate your risk tolerance. Given your proximity to retirement, it’s advisable to lean towards conservative investments. However, a small exposure to equities can help combat inflation and provide capital growth.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio. As you withdraw from your investments, it’s essential to review their performance and adjust allocations to maintain a balanced risk and return profile.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial situation. They can help optimize your portfolio, ensuring it aligns with your risk tolerance and income requirements.

Conclusion
With a well-planned investment strategy, achieving a monthly income of ?1 lakh is feasible. Diversify your investments, assess your risk tolerance, and consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice. Your diligent savings and thoughtful planning will help you enjoy a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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I will retire in 3 years ,in june 2027 & will have a corpus of around 3.5 Cr invested in PPF, EPF ,Supper Annuation Fund & MF . I live in my own flat ,currently market value of Rs 1.8 Cr . I also have an inherited flat from my parent valued at Rs80 lakhs . I need a monthly income of Rs 2.0 lacs after retirement . Please suggest way to invest
Ans: Congratulations on your impending retirement and the substantial corpus you've accumulated across various investment avenues. Planning for a comfortable post-retirement income is essential, and I'm here to offer guidance on how to achieve your financial goals.

With a corpus of around 3.5 crores invested in PPF, EPF, Superannuation Fund, and mutual funds, you have a solid foundation for retirement. Additionally, owning your own flat with a market value of Rs. 1.8 crores and an inherited flat valued at Rs. 80 lakhs provides further financial security.

To generate a monthly income of Rs. 2.0 lakhs after retirement, you'll need to ensure your investments are structured to provide a consistent stream of income while preserving capital for the long term.

Given your investment horizon of 3 years until retirement, it's crucial to adopt a balanced approach that combines both growth and income-generating assets. Here are some suggestions:

Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your corpus towards dividend-paying mutual funds, focusing on both equity and debt funds. These funds provide regular income through dividend payouts while also offering the potential for capital appreciation.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Consider setting up SWPs from your mutual fund investments to meet your monthly income requirement post-retirement. SWPs allow you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically, ensuring a steady stream of income while keeping your investments intact.

Rental Income: Utilize the rental income from your inherited flat to supplement your monthly income post-retirement. If feasible, you may also explore renting out a portion of your own flat to generate additional income.

Fixed Deposits and Bonds: Allocate a portion of your corpus towards fixed deposits and bonds to provide stability and ensure liquidity. Opt for instruments with varying maturities to create a ladder that aligns with your income needs.

Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs): Consider investing in REITs, which offer exposure to income-generating commercial real estate properties. REITs provide regular dividends and the potential for capital appreciation, enhancing your overall income stream.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Regularly review your investment portfolio and make necessary adjustments to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy and navigate the complexities of retirement planning.

By diversifying your investment portfolio across multiple asset classes and implementing income-generating strategies, you can work towards achieving your goal of a monthly income of Rs. 2.0 lakhs post-retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I am 33 years old working as a software professional. I have a mothly SIPs that I started earlier this year of 30000 rupees which was divided into 10000 rs for ICICI Prudential bluechip fund direct growth large cap, 10000 rs for motilal oswal midcap and 5000 rs each in Quant small cap and Aditya birla sunlife PSU fund. Along with this I have couple of life insurance policies with LIC on my name and one each for my wife and kid altogether I'm paying premium of 3 lakhs per annum. I also invested in real estate and bought a land worth 40 lakhs. I'm planning for my retirement at the age of 45 and want to know best ways for investment to build my corpus and earn 2 lakhs per month from it post retirement which suffices my needs adjusting to inflation.
Ans: Your commitment to securing your financial future is commendable, and your portfolio reflects a mix of investments. Let's analyze your current strategy and chart a path towards your retirement goal.

Starting with your SIPs, allocating funds across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap indicates a balanced approach to risk and growth. However, it's essential to review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your changing goals and market conditions.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:

Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


Your life insurance policies provide financial protection for your family, which is crucial. However, it's advisable to evaluate if the coverage meets your evolving needs and if there are more cost-effective options available.

Investing in real estate can be lucrative, but it comes with its own set of challenges like liquidity issues and market volatility. Considering your retirement goal, diversifying your investments beyond real estate might be prudent.

To achieve your retirement target of ?2 lakhs per month adjusted for inflation, you'll need a substantial corpus. Considering your age and retirement timeline, investing in a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes is essential.

Since you're aiming for early retirement, focusing on growth-oriented investments with higher returns potential could be beneficial. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your strategy and maximize returns while managing risks.

Additionally, exploring tax-efficient investment avenues like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and PPF can optimize your tax outgo and enhance your corpus over time.

Remember, building a retirement corpus requires discipline, patience, and a well-thought-out strategy. Stay committed to your savings plan and adapt to changes in your financial landscape.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 52 years old. My current salary is 1.40 lacs per month. I will retire at 60. I dont any loan in my name. My both childrens are dping job. I am iving in rental house. Want to get regular income of Rs 2 lacs per month after retirement. Plz suggest investment to achive the goal.
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on being financially disciplined and having no loans. Living in a rental house and planning for a secure retirement shows great foresight. Your focus on achieving a regular income post-retirement is commendable.

Overview of Current Situation
Age: 52 years old
Salary: Rs. 1.40 lakhs per month
Retirement Age: 60 years
Dependents: None (both children are employed)
Current Residence: Rental house
Loans: None
Goal: Rs. 2 Lakhs Monthly Payout After Retirement
Your goal is to secure a regular income of Rs. 2 lakhs per month after retirement. Let’s devise a plan to achieve this.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds: The Power of Compounding
Mutual funds are a crucial component of your investment strategy. They offer the benefits of diversification, professional management, and the power of compounding.

Advantages of Mutual Funds:

Diversification: Spread risk across various sectors and companies.
Professional Management: Expert fund managers handle your investments.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell units.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Regular investment helps in rupee cost averaging.
Categories of Mutual Funds:

Equity Funds: High returns but higher risk. Suitable for long-term growth.
Debt Funds: Lower risk, stable returns. Ideal for stability and income.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt. Balanced growth and risk.
Recommendation:

Equity Mutual Funds: Invest a significant portion in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. They have the potential for high returns.
Debt Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability and regular income. They provide a cushion against market volatility.
Hybrid Mutual Funds: Consider hybrid funds for a balanced approach. They offer growth potential with reduced risk.
Shares: Active Management and Dividend Income
Investing in shares can provide high returns and dividend income. Active management of your stock portfolio is essential.

Advantages of Direct Stocks:

Potential for High Returns: Direct exposure to company performance.
Dividend Income: Additional cash flow from dividends.
Recommendation:

Diversification: Diversify your stock portfolio across sectors to mitigate risk.
Blue-Chip Stocks: Invest in blue-chip companies for stability and growth.
Regular Review: Stay updated with market trends and company performance.
Fixed Deposits and Bonds: Stability and Security
Fixed deposits (FDs) and bonds are safe investment options providing stability and security.

Advantages:

Safety: Low-risk investment options.
Fixed Returns: Predictable interest income.
Recommendation:

Fixed Deposits: Maintain a portion of your savings in FDs for safety and liquidity.
Bonds: Consider investing in government or high-rated corporate bonds for regular interest income.
Insurance and Guaranteed Schemes
Having adequate insurance cover is crucial for financial security. Guaranteed schemes provide assured returns.

Advantages:

Financial Security: Protects against unforeseen events.
Guaranteed Returns: Assured maturity amount for planned goals.
Recommendation:

Insurance: Ensure you have sufficient life and health insurance cover.
Guaranteed Schemes: Invest in schemes offering guaranteed returns for a secure future.
Liquid Assets: Emergency Fund
Maintaining liquid assets (FD, gold, RD) ensures you have an emergency fund.

Advantages:

Liquidity: Easily accessible in emergencies.
Security: Safe investment options.
Recommendation:

Emergency Fund: Keep an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses.
Liquid Investments: Invest surplus liquid assets in mutual funds or stocks for higher returns.
Financial Planning for Monthly Payout
Estimating Future Needs
To achieve a monthly payout of Rs. 2 lakhs after retirement, we need a well-structured plan. Let’s explore different strategies.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
SWPs from mutual funds can provide regular income post-retirement.

Advantages:

Regular Income: Monthly payouts.
Tax Efficiency: Lower tax on long-term capital gains.
Recommendation:

SWP: Invest a portion of your corpus in mutual funds with SWP options. Choose funds with a good track record and stable returns.
Dividend Income
Your stock portfolio can generate regular dividend income.

Recommendation:

Dividend-Paying Stocks: Invest in dividend-paying stocks. Reinvest dividends for compounding benefits.
Interest Income from Fixed Deposits and Bonds
Fixed deposits and bonds can provide regular interest income.

Recommendation:

Interest Income: Use interest from FDs and bonds as a part of your regular income.
Rental Income Management
If you decide to invest in rental properties, manage rental income effectively.

Recommendation:

Rental Properties: Ensure timely rent collection and regular reviews of rental agreements.
Additional Income Streams
Explore additional income streams to supplement your monthly payout.

Options:

Consulting: Use your expertise for consulting roles.
Part-Time Work: Explore flexible, part-time opportunities.
Risk Management and Diversification
Diversifying Investments
Diversify across asset classes to manage risk.

Recommendation:

Asset Allocation: Balance between equity, debt, and other investments. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.
Risk Assessment
Assess and manage risks associated with your investments.

Recommendation:

Stay Informed: Keep abreast of market trends. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for regular reviews.
Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and diversified portfolio are impressive. With careful planning, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 2 lakhs monthly payout after retirement. Continue leveraging mutual funds, stocks, and other investments. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure you stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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