Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

P Das, 40, wants to build a 3 crore corpus in 20 years with a monthly income of 80k and expenses of 40k. How?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi I am P Das, 40 yrs old. my monthly in hand salary is 80k. Monthly expenses 40 k. My investment so far PPF 6 lac, NPS 15 lac FD 14 lac, monthly NPS contribution is 18 k with employees and employer both. I want to build a corpous of 3 cr in next 20 yrs. Please suggest

Ans: Das, at 40 years old, your monthly salary is Rs. 80k. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 40k. This leaves you with Rs. 40k for investments and savings.

Your current investments are:

PPF: Rs. 6 lakhs
NPS: Rs. 15 lakhs
FD: Rs. 14 lakhs
Your monthly NPS contribution is Rs. 18k, combining both your contribution and your employer’s.

Financial Goals
You aim to build a corpus of Rs. 3 crores in the next 20 years.

Assessment of Current Strategy
PPF
Your investment in PPF is good for long-term growth and tax benefits. It has a stable interest rate and risk-free returns.

NPS
Your NPS contributions are excellent for retirement planning. NPS offers tax benefits and market-linked returns, making it suitable for long-term growth.

Fixed Deposits
FDs are safe but offer lower returns compared to other investment options. Consider reallocating some of these funds for higher returns.

Recommendations for Improvement
Increase Equity Exposure
Equity investments have the potential for higher returns over the long term. Consider starting SIPs in equity mutual funds.

Diversify Investments
Diversifying your investments helps reduce risk. Apart from PPF and NPS, you can invest in mutual funds and bonds.

Adjust Fixed Deposits
FDs are low-return investments. Reallocate a portion of your FD corpus to mutual funds for better returns.

Consistent Review and Adjustment
Review your investments regularly. Make adjustments based on market conditions and your financial goals.

Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: Start SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds. These funds have higher growth potential.
Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds due to professional management.
Retirement Planning
Your NPS contributions are excellent. Continue this for a stable retirement corpus. Additionally, allocate funds to mutual funds for diversified growth.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund. This should cover 6-12 months of expenses and be kept in a liquid asset.

Tax Planning
Maximize your tax-saving investments. Ensure you are using instruments like PPF, NPS, and tax-saving mutual funds.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is solid, but can be improved. Increase your equity exposure for higher long-term returns. Diversify your investments to reduce risk. Review and adjust your portfolio regularly.

Start SIPs in equity mutual funds and consider reallocating some FD funds to higher return investments. Maintain an emergency fund and maximize tax-saving investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 35 year old and I want to build a corpous of 2-3 cr in next ten year i.e by 2034. I am investing 45k pm in equity through SIP. My current allocation is Rs20k in quant small cap growth direct, 10k in HDFC mid Cap opportunity fund, 5 in ICICI Large and Mid cap fund, 5k in ABSL PSU Equity fund, 5 k in quant infrastructure fund. (Note: I recently switched from Axis small cap fund to quant small cap fund having corpous of 2L). I am also committed to step up by 10% each year. Also I have NPS balance of Rs 27.00 lakh as on date and In NPS monthly contribution is Rs 22 k, which is separate from MF investment of 45K. Please advise whether change is needed in my plan or I may go with the same.
Ans: Congratulations on your commitment to building a significant corpus by 2034. Your current investment strategy is well thought out and shows a good understanding of equity investments through SIPs. Let’s review your plan and see if any changes or improvements can be made to help you achieve your financial goals more effectively.

Current Investment Portfolio
Your current SIP allocation is as follows:

Quant Small Cap Growth Direct: Rs 20,000 per month
HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity Fund: Rs 10,000 per month
ICICI Large and Mid Cap Fund: Rs 5,000 per month
ABSL PSU Equity Fund: Rs 5,000 per month
Quant Infrastructure Fund: Rs 5,000 per month
Additionally, you have an NPS balance of Rs 27 lakh, with a monthly contribution of Rs 22,000.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
1. Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds can provide high returns but come with significant volatility. Your allocation of Rs 20,000 per month in Quant Small Cap is substantial. Given the potential for high growth, this is a reasonable allocation but should be balanced with more stable investments.

2. Mid Cap Funds
Investing Rs 10,000 per month in HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity Fund is a good choice for capital appreciation. Mid cap funds offer a balance between the high growth of small caps and the stability of large caps.

3. Large and Mid Cap Funds
Allocating Rs 5,000 per month in ICICI Large and Mid Cap Fund adds stability to your portfolio. These funds invest in a mix of large and mid cap stocks, providing growth potential with less volatility than small caps.

4. Sector-Specific Funds
ABSL PSU Equity Fund: Rs 5,000 per month in a sector-specific fund like this can be risky due to its concentrated exposure.
Quant Infrastructure Fund: Another sector-specific fund which can be highly volatile and dependent on government policies and economic conditions.
Suggested Portfolio Adjustments
To achieve your goal of Rs 2-3 crore in 10 years, here are some suggestions:

Diversify Sector-Specific Investments
Sector-specific funds like ABSL PSU and Quant Infrastructure can be high-risk. Diversifying into more broadly diversified equity funds can reduce risk. Consider reallocating some of these investments to multi-cap or flexi-cap funds.

Increase Stability with Large Cap Funds
Increase your allocation to large cap funds. These funds offer more stability and consistent returns, balancing the high-risk small and mid cap investments.

Maintain ELSS for Tax Benefits
If you are not already investing in ELSS funds, consider allocating a portion of your SIPs to them. They provide tax benefits under Section 80C and can help in wealth accumulation.

Step-Up SIP Strategy
Your plan to step up your SIPs by 10% each year is excellent. This strategy helps in combating inflation and increasing your corpus significantly over time. Continue with this disciplined approach.

National Pension System (NPS)
Your NPS contributions are a great way to build a retirement corpus. The NPS offers tax benefits and the potential for good returns. Keep contributing Rs 22,000 per month and ensure you review the asset allocation within NPS regularly.

Example Reallocation
Here’s a suggested reallocation for a balanced and diversified portfolio:

Large Cap Fund: Rs 10,000 per month
Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Fund: Rs 10,000 per month
Mid Cap Fund: Rs 10,000 per month
Small Cap Fund: Rs 10,000 per month
ELSS Fund: Rs 5,000 per month
This allocation provides a balance of growth and stability, with a focus on diversified funds to reduce risk.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor your investments to ensure they are performing as expected. Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps in mitigating risks and ensuring alignment with your financial goals.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is commendable, and with a few adjustments, you can further optimize your portfolio for better risk management and growth. Diversifying your sector-specific funds into broader equity funds and maintaining a disciplined step-up SIP strategy will help you achieve your goal of Rs 2-3 crore by 2034.

Feel free to reach out for personalized advice or assistance in structuring your investment portfolio. I'm here to help you optimize your investments and achieve your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I'm 32 year old and aim to build corpse 3 crore in next 25 year. I have NPS of about 1.80 lakh (monthly 4000), PPF 2lakh(2000monthly) 7 lakh of shares and 7 lakhs of mutual fund holding at present. 50k monthly goes to mutual fund and also contributed to 2 insurance for combine 40lakh which will mature in 20 year. Have 1.40 lakh monthly income and have 1 kid 1year old.
Ans: You have a great start on your financial journey, and it’s fantastic that you’re thinking long-term. At 32, aiming to build a corpus of Rs. 3 crore in the next 25 years is a commendable goal. Let’s break down your current situation and outline a strategy to help you achieve your target.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
NPS (National Pension System):

Current Balance: Rs. 1.80 lakh

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 4,000

PPF (Public Provident Fund):

Current Balance: Rs. 2 lakh

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 2,000

Shares:

Current Value: Rs. 7 lakh
Mutual Funds:

Current Value: Rs. 7 lakh

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 50,000

Insurance Policies:

Total Sum Assured: Rs. 40 lakh

Maturity in 20 years

Income and Expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs. 1.40 lakh

Expenses: Not specified, but let's assume reasonable monthly living expenses and contributions.


First of all, congratulations on having a well-rounded portfolio at a young age. Your disciplined approach towards NPS, PPF, shares, and mutual funds is impressive. Balancing investments while managing a young family is commendable.

Analyzing Your Current Portfolio
NPS:

NPS is a great retirement savings option. It offers tax benefits under Section 80C and additional benefits under Section 80CCD(1B). Your Rs. 4,000 monthly contribution is a smart move.

PPF:

PPF is another excellent tax-saving investment. It provides safe, tax-free returns. Your monthly contribution of Rs. 2,000 will grow steadily over the years.

Shares and Mutual Funds:

Investing in shares and mutual funds shows your appetite for higher returns. Rs. 7 lakh in shares and mutual funds indicates you are willing to take calculated risks for potential growth.

Insurance:

Having insurance is crucial for financial security. Your combined sum assured of Rs. 40 lakh maturing in 20 years will provide a significant safety net.

Building a Strategy to Achieve Rs. 3 Crore
Step 1: Evaluate and Adjust Existing Investments
Increase NPS Contributions:

Consider increasing your NPS contributions. The NPS provides good long-term returns, especially with the equity component. Try to increase your monthly contribution as your income grows.

Maximize PPF Contributions:

PPF allows a maximum investment of Rs. 1.5 lakh per year. If possible, increase your monthly contribution to reach this limit. It offers tax-free interest and maturity benefits.

Review Your Equity Portfolio:

Regularly review your shares and mutual funds portfolio. Ensure they align with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. Diversify across different sectors to mitigate risk.

Consider Surrendering Investment-Linked Insurance Policies:

If your insurance policies are investment-linked (ULIPs), evaluate their performance. ULIPs often have high charges. It might be better to surrender these policies and invest in mutual funds for higher returns. Ensure you have sufficient term insurance to cover your life.

Step 2: Enhance Monthly Mutual Fund Investments
Diversify Across Fund Categories:

Instead of putting all Rs. 50,000 into mutual funds, diversify across various types:

Large-Cap Funds: Rs. 20,000
Flexi-Cap Funds: Rs. 15,000
Mid-Cap Funds: Rs. 10,000
ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme): Rs. 5,000
Advantages of Active Funds Over Index Funds:

Active funds have the potential to outperform the market due to active management. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market conditions, whereas index funds only replicate an index and miss out on potential gains.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds:

Regular funds, managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer expert advice and personalized service. Although direct funds have lower expense ratios, the guidance and expertise provided by a CFP can lead to better long-term returns.

Step 3: Additional Investment Strategies
Start a SIP in Mutual Funds:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are a disciplined way to invest regularly. They help in averaging out the purchase cost and reduce the impact of market volatility.

Explore New Avenues:

Consider investing in international mutual funds to diversify geographically. This can provide exposure to global markets and reduce domestic market risks.

Step 4: Long-Term Financial Planning
Children’s Education Fund:

Start a dedicated fund for your child’s education. An education fund, through mutual funds or PPF, will ensure you are financially prepared when the time comes.

Retirement Planning:

Continue to focus on building your retirement corpus. The combination of NPS, PPF, and mutual funds will help you achieve a comfortable retirement.

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and parked in liquid funds or savings accounts.

Step 5: Regular Review and Adjustments
Annual Portfolio Review:

Conduct an annual review of your portfolio. Assess the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments. Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Stay Informed and Updated:

Keep yourself informed about market trends and economic developments. This will help you make informed decisions and adapt to changing market conditions.

Step 6: Tax Planning
Utilize Tax-Saving Instruments:

Continue investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS and PPF. ELSS funds have a lock-in period of 3 years and offer potential high returns along with tax benefits.

Tax Implications on Investments:

Be aware of the tax implications of your investments. Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% beyond Rs. 1 lakh, while short-term gains are taxed at 15%.

Step 7: Insurance and Risk Management
Adequate Life Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate term insurance cover. The sum assured should be at least 10-15 times your annual income. This will provide financial security to your family in case of any unforeseen event.

Health Insurance:

Maintain a comprehensive health insurance policy. It should cover you, your spouse, and your child. Medical emergencies can be financially draining, and health insurance will protect you from high medical costs.

Step 8: Seeking Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

Consult a CFP for personalized advice. They can help you create a robust financial plan, select the right investments, and monitor your progress. A CFP’s expertise will be invaluable in achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
You have a strong foundation for building a substantial corpus over the next 25 years. By diversifying your investments, increasing contributions, and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 3 crore. Stay disciplined, informed, and seek professional guidance to navigate your financial journey successfully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |955 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x