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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4139 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Saibal Question by Saibal on Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money

Myself Saibal from Kolkata. I need your suggestion about the shaving scheme and future plan. I am a Private employee salary PM (94000 in hand) Saibal(39) Wife (39) One Daughter(12 years) Expense per Month school Fees:-2000/- PM EMI for Flat:-- 33500/- PM in kolkata (Loan amount 38 L started from Nov 2021 present interest rate 9.3) 1 extra EMI every 3 Months (after getting a variable amount of 25K ) started from this month only. home expense 12000 -PM(approx) shavings PM :---- Post office 10,000 PM(RD) from May 2014 SBI, 2000 PM(RD) from March 2014(maturity date March, 2024 ammount 200000) SIP in mutual fund 18000 from Aug 2021 and want to continue at least 10 yrs. Mirae emerging direct 5500 PM Mirae Tax saver Direct: 5000 PM DSP Blackrock micro capital: 1000 PM SBI Bluechip growth: 2000 PM Quant small cap 2000 PM. Motilal Oswal TAX saver: 2500 PM Lic(4000) per year - Money-back policy existing 7,50000 in mutual fund through SIP. Post office 400000 TD from Dec 2020 FD 66000 at Uco Bank. Health insurance through office up to 14 L. Fund for Daughter's Higher Education. Fund for Daughter's Marriage. plan to complete the home loan within 10 yr. one confusion in 2025 I will get approx 18Lakh from the Post office should I deposit all money against the home loan or keep as TD, and use the interest amount to reduce the home loan? please let me know if any change is required for shavings.

Ans: Hey Saibal, it's great that you're thinking about your financial future. You've done a commendable job planning for various needs. Your detailed approach shows dedication. Let's dive into your financial plan and future strategy.

Income and Expenses

You have an in-hand salary of Rs. 94,000 per month.

Monthly expenses include:

School fees: Rs. 2,000
Home loan EMI: Rs. 33,500
Additional home EMI every three months: Rs. 25,000
Home expenses: Rs. 12,000
Your current commitments are substantial but manageable with your income.

Savings and Investments

Your savings and investment portfolio includes:

Post office RD: Rs. 10,000 per month (since May 2014)
SBI RD: Rs. 2,000 per month (since March 2014, maturing in March 2024 with Rs. 2,00,000)
SIPs in mutual funds: Rs. 18,000 per month (since August 2021)
Your SIPs include:

Mirae Emerging: Rs. 5,500
Mirae Tax Saver: Rs. 5,000
DSP Blackrock Micro Cap: Rs. 1,000
SBI Bluechip Growth: Rs. 2,000
Quant Small Cap: Rs. 2,000
Motilal Oswal Tax Saver: Rs. 2,500
Additionally, you have:

LIC policy: Rs. 4,000 per year
Post office TD: Rs. 4,00,000 (since December 2020)
FD: Rs. 66,000 at Uco Bank
Health insurance: Rs. 14 lakhs through your office
Future Goals

You aim to:

Fund your daughter's higher education and marriage
Complete your home loan within 10 years
Optimize the Rs. 18 lakh maturity amount in 2025
Analyzing Your Current Strategy

You've diversified well across savings schemes and mutual funds. Here's a closer look at each aspect.

Savings
Your recurring deposits (RDs) are steady, providing a reliable return. However, as these mature, you may consider shifting some funds to higher-return investments like mutual funds.

Mutual Funds

Your mutual fund SIPs are a strong point. They offer potential for significant returns over time. However, it's crucial to periodically review the performance and adjust if needed.

Home Loan Management
You plan to complete your home loan within 10 years. Your current EMI is Rs. 33,500 with an additional EMI every three months. This is a smart move to reduce the principal faster.

Insurance
Your health insurance coverage of Rs. 14 lakhs through your office is good. Ensure it's adequate by considering additional coverage if needed.

Fund Utilization in 2025
You’ll receive Rs. 18 lakhs from the post office in 2025. Here's a strategy to consider:

Pay Off Home Loan

Using the entire amount to pay off a portion of your home loan can significantly reduce your outstanding principal. This will lower your EMI burden and save interest costs in the long run.

Term Deposit (TD) Strategy

Alternatively, keeping the Rs. 18 lakhs as a TD and using the interest to pay your EMIs can provide liquidity. However, this might not be as effective in reducing your overall loan burden compared to direct repayment.

Recommendations for Adjustments
To optimize your financial plan, consider these adjustments:

1. Reviewing Mutual Funds

Regularly review your mutual fund portfolio. Monitor performance and make changes if funds consistently underperform.

2. Increasing SIP Investments

If possible, increase your SIP contributions over time. This will compound returns and build a substantial corpus.

3. Evaluating Insurance Needs

Assess if your current health insurance is adequate. You might need additional coverage for unforeseen medical expenses.

4. Home Loan Prepayment

Whenever you receive bonuses or windfalls, consider prepaying your home loan. This reduces the principal and interest burden.

5. Educational and Marriage Fund

Start dedicated investments for your daughter’s education and marriage. Consider child plans or earmarked mutual funds for these goals.

Final Insights

Your financial plan is robust, but a few tweaks can optimize it further. Prioritize prepaying your home loan to reduce interest costs. Regularly review and adjust your mutual fund portfolio. Ensure your insurance coverage is adequate for your family’s needs.

Moving Forward
Monitor Investments: Regularly check your SIPs and make adjustments as needed.
Prepay Home Loan: Use any extra income or bonuses for prepayments.
Ensure Adequate Insurance: Reassess your health insurance coverage periodically.
Dedicated Funds for Goals: Set up specific investments for your daughter’s education and marriage.
You're on a strong financial path, Saibal. With a few adjustments, you can achieve your goals efficiently. Your dedication to securing your family’s future is commendable. Keep up the great work!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4139 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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? rediff.com Rediff Gurus Logo Hi Jay Chandora | Sign Out HealthHealth MoneyMoney RelationshipRelationship CareesCareer Ask your questions about health, money, relationship or careers here Ask Anonymously Jay Jay 1 Questions 0 Answers 1 Gurus 0 Bookmarks These questions will be answered soon. Not Answered yet Jay Asked on - May 10, 2024 I am 31 years old and I have monthly income of 1,80,000 including wife's income after deducting all taxes and monthly expenses and EMIs. Curent Investment is going like this per month. 1. 125,000 in mutual funds in below category. And I am expecting to increase this sip by 10% annually. 65000 in small cap 35000 in mid cap 25000 in large cap 2. 8500 in PPF 3. 25000 towards buying gold coins I have a emergency funds of 11 lacs in FD which is almost 20X of monthly expenses. Also in stocks I have accumulated around 12 lacs since from last month only I increased sip amount. My goal is to get financial freedom by age of 38 with 4-5 crores. Could you please suggest if I am moving in right path.
Ans: Congratulations on your disciplined financial planning and significant progress towards your goals. You have a well-structured approach to investments, and it’s great to see your commitment to financial freedom.

Current Financial Situation
Your current monthly income is ?1,80,000. After deducting taxes, expenses, and EMIs, your investments are allocated as follows:

Mutual Funds: ?1,25,000 (increasing SIP by 10% annually)
Small Cap: ?65,000
Mid Cap: ?35,000
Large Cap: ?25,000
Public Provident Fund (PPF): ?8,500
Gold Coins: ?25,000
You have an emergency fund of ?11 lakhs in a fixed deposit, which covers 20 months of expenses. Additionally, you have ?12 lakhs in stocks.

Analyzing Your Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
Your allocation in mutual funds is quite aggressive, with a significant focus on small and mid cap funds. While these can provide high returns, they also come with higher volatility.

Small Cap Funds: These can deliver substantial growth but are risky. Ensure you have a long-term horizon for this investment.

Mid Cap Funds: These balance growth and risk but still carry more risk compared to large cap funds.

Large Cap Funds: These provide stability and moderate returns, balancing your portfolio.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your monthly contribution to PPF is ?8,500. PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits, and it should be part of a long-term strategy.

Gold Coins
Investing in gold coins can be a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. However, the allocation seems high. Consider diversifying within other stable asset classes.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund of ?11 lakhs is prudent and well-maintained. It ensures liquidity and financial security in unforeseen circumstances.

Steps to Achieve Financial Freedom
Increase SIPs Gradually
You plan to increase your SIPs by 10% annually. This is a sound strategy. As your income grows, increasing your investment contributions will significantly impact your corpus growth.

Portfolio Diversification
Ensure your portfolio is diversified. Currently, there’s a heavy tilt towards small and mid cap funds. Consider increasing allocation to large cap and balanced funds to reduce risk.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to align with your risk tolerance and financial goals. A diversified portfolio helps manage risk effectively.

Target Corpus Calculation
To achieve a corpus of ?4-5 crores by age 38, considering you have 7 years, your current investments and future increments should be strategically planned.

Mutual Funds Growth: With an expected annual return of 12-15%, your increasing SIPs can substantially grow your corpus.

Stock Market Investments: Your current ?12 lakhs in stocks can grow significantly with regular investments and market returns.

PPF and Gold: Continue with your PPF contributions for safety and tax benefits. Gold investments should be moderate to avoid over-concentration in one asset.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide tailored advice. A CFP can help optimise your investment strategy, monitor performance, and adjust as needed.

Conclusion
You are on the right path with a disciplined approach to savings and investments. Increasing SIPs, diversifying your portfolio, and regular monitoring will help you achieve your goal of financial freedom by 38. Keep up the good work and stay committed to your plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4139 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Money
Iam 38 year old govt employee in Jammu. Net Income is 140000/-month I have 2 children's Age 9 yrs and 5 yrs Already have a ???? A car ???? No Bank Loan Iam a NPS subscriber with 17000 contribution per month (my +govt.) Which keep increasing with DA and increment. As on date 17 lakhs is accumulated in NPS. My spouse is also govt employee with 14000 contributions per month ........................ As on date 14 lakhs is accumulated in NPs Both have LIC policy jeevan Labh. (Since2017) *38k premium per annum for 15 years maturity at 21yr /15lakh sum assured *32k premium per annum for 16 years of maturity at 25 yr./25 lakh sum assured We Both are APY subscriber 5000+5000 after 60 yrs. I have started SIP in 03 MF (5k, 2.5 k, 2.5 k) Total 10000.per month for long term.for children education Mirae Assest tax saver fund direct growth 5k Parag parikh .....2.5 k Quant flexi cap ....2.5 k I have a term insurance of 1 cr Health policy of 10 lac ( family floater) invest 150,000/- in stocks which I buy when gets opportunity 10000/month in stocks I am planning for a housing loan at the age of 40 ( both as an investment and tax rebate purpose) As I live in a small town so I don't have a high living cost as in cities. Kindly Guide me if anything I need to do.
Ans: I see you have a well-structured financial situation. Let’s go through your details and provide a comprehensive plan for your financial goals and needs. You are 38 years old, a government employee in Jammu, with a net income of Rs 1,40,000 per month. You have two children, aged 9 and 5, and no bank loans. You and your spouse contribute to the NPS and have LIC policies, SIPs in mutual funds, term insurance, and a health policy. You are also planning for a housing loan. Let’s break this down and see if there are any improvements or adjustments needed.

Current Financial Overview
Income and Expenses
Net Income: Rs 1,40,000 per month
Expenses: Not explicitly stated, but assume moderate living costs due to small-town lifestyle.
Investments and Savings
NPS Contributions: Rs 17,000 per month (self) + Rs 14,000 per month (spouse)
Accumulated NPS: Rs 17 lakhs (self) + Rs 14 lakhs (spouse)
LIC Jeevan Labh Policies: Rs 38,000 per annum and Rs 32,000 per annum
Atal Pension Yojana (APY): Rs 5,000 each per month for both you and your spouse
SIPs in Mutual Funds: Rs 10,000 per month
Term Insurance: Rs 1 crore
Health Insurance: Rs 10 lakh family floater
Stock Investments: Rs 1,50,000 one-time + Rs 10,000 per month
Children’s Education Planning
You have started SIPs in three mutual funds aimed at long-term growth for your children’s education. This is a good strategy. Here are some tips:

Increase SIP Amount: As your income grows, consider increasing the SIP amount to ensure you are on track to meet the rising costs of education.
Review Fund Performance: Periodically review the performance of your funds. Ensure they align with your long-term goals.
Retirement Planning
You and your spouse are contributing to the NPS and APY, which will provide a solid retirement corpus.

NPS Contributions: Your contributions to NPS are substantial and will continue to grow with your DA and increments. Ensure you review your NPS portfolio and consider increasing the equity allocation for higher growth potential, if not already done.
APY: The APY contributions are a good addition to your retirement plan, providing a fixed pension post-60.
Insurance Coverage
Term Insurance: Your term insurance of Rs 1 crore is adequate for now. Ensure it covers your family’s future needs, considering inflation and rising costs.
Health Insurance: The Rs 10 lakh family floater health policy is good. Consider increasing the coverage as healthcare costs are rising rapidly.
LIC Policies
Your LIC Jeevan Labh policies are traditional plans with a mix of insurance and investment. While these provide guaranteed returns, the returns are relatively low compared to other investment options.

Continue with LIC: Since you have already paid premiums for several years, it might be wise to continue to avoid loss of benefits. However, assess if the returns meet your long-term goals.
Investment in Stocks
You have invested Rs 1,50,000 in stocks and are investing Rs 10,000 per month.

Diversify Portfolio: Ensure your stock portfolio is diversified across sectors to minimize risks.
Research and Monitor: Keep researching and monitoring your investments. Consider consulting a certified financial planner for stock investment advice if needed.
Housing Loan Planning
You plan to take a housing loan at age 40 for investment and tax rebate purposes.

Affordability: Ensure the EMI is affordable and doesn’t strain your finances.
Tax Benefits: A housing loan will provide tax benefits under Section 80C and 24(b). Calculate the benefits to see how it impacts your overall tax liability.
Property Selection: Choose a property in a location with good appreciation potential to maximize investment returns.
Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for financial security.

Fund Size: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6-12 months of your expenses. Given your income and responsibilities, a larger emergency fund is advisable.
Liquid Assets: Keep the emergency fund in liquid assets like a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund for easy access.
Final Insights
You have a strong financial foundation with diversified investments and savings plans. Here are some additional steps you can take to optimize your financial health:

Regular Reviews: Conduct regular reviews of your financial plan. Adjust your investments and insurance coverage as needed based on changes in your financial situation and goals.
Financial Education: Keep educating yourself about new investment opportunities and financial strategies. Stay updated with market trends and regulatory changes.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting a certified financial planner for personalized advice and to ensure your financial plan is comprehensive and aligned with your goals.
With disciplined savings, strategic investments, and adequate insurance, you can achieve financial security and meet your long-term goals. Keep monitoring and adjusting your plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4139 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Money
Dear Financial Advisor I am 44 years old and currently earning a monthly salary of ?1.60 lakhs. I have the following financial obligations and investments: - Home Loan 1: ?31.49 lakhs towards a home in Pune, with a remaining tenure of 128 months, an interest rate of 8.35%, and a monthly EMI of ?30,000. - Home Loan 2: ?8.20 lakhs with an original loan tenure of 182 months, a remaining balance of 116 months, an interest rate of 9.35%, and a monthly EMI of ?5,410. - Car Loan: ?6 lakhs for 5 years, with a monthly EMI of ?10,476. - Rent: ?15,000 per month for a rented home in Navi Mumbai. My investments include: - Mutual Funds: ?20,000 per month. - Equities: Total investment of ?20 lakhs. - Insurance: - Health Insurance: ?21,000 per annum for a cover of ?10 lakhs. - Term Plan: ?50 lakhs for myself and ?50 lakhs for my wife. My retirement goal is to accumulate ?20 crores. Please provide guidance on how to achieve this goal, considering my current financial situation and investments. Sincerely, Abhishek Jain
Ans: Dear Abhishek,

It's great to see your proactive approach toward financial planning. At 44, with a monthly salary of Rs 1.60 lakhs, you are at a crucial juncture to optimize your investments and obligations to meet your retirement goal of Rs 20 crores.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs 1.60 lakhs. This is a good amount to manage your obligations and investments. Here's a snapshot of your expenses:

Home Loan 1: Rs 31.49 lakhs with EMI of Rs 30,000 for 128 months at 8.35%.
Home Loan 2: Rs 8.20 lakhs with EMI of Rs 5,410 for 116 months at 9.35%.
Car Loan: Rs 6 lakhs with EMI of Rs 10,476 for 5 years.
Rent: Rs 15,000 per month for a rented home in Navi Mumbai.
Your total loan EMIs and rent sum up to Rs 60,886 monthly. Adding regular living expenses, savings, and investment plans, your budget allocation needs a strategic review.

Investments and Insurance
Mutual Funds and Equities
You invest Rs 20,000 monthly in mutual funds and have Rs 20 lakhs in equities. This is a robust start. However, evaluating the performance and diversity of these investments is essential. Ensure your mutual fund portfolio includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for balanced growth and risk management.

Health and Term Insurance
Health Insurance: Rs 21,000 annually for a cover of Rs 10 lakhs.
Term Plan: Rs 50 lakhs each for you and your wife.
Your insurance coverage is adequate for your current needs. However, revisiting your health insurance to ensure it covers all possible medical expenses and conditions is always wise.

Analyzing Financial Goals and Obligations
Home and Car Loans
You have significant loan obligations, and here’s how you can manage them effectively:

Home Loan 1 and 2: Consider prepaying these loans whenever you get a bonus or windfall. This reduces the principal amount, saving you interest in the long term.

Car Loan: Given its high-interest rate, prioritize paying off this loan early. Car loans are depreciating assets, and clearing this loan sooner can free up funds for other investments.

Retirement Goal: Rs 20 Crores
Assessment of Current Investments
Reaching a goal of Rs 20 crores by retirement requires strategic planning and disciplined investing. Here's a breakdown:

Mutual Funds: Your monthly investment of Rs 20,000 should continue, but ensure it's allocated in diversified funds. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds, despite higher fees. These funds are managed by professionals aiming to outperform the market.

Equities: Your Rs 20 lakhs in equities should be monitored regularly. Equity markets are volatile, but with a long-term horizon, they can yield significant returns. Ensure your equity investments are diversified across sectors to mitigate risks.

Enhancing Investment Strategy
Increase SIP Contributions: Gradually increase your SIP contributions by 10-15% annually. This leverages the power of compounding and helps you reach your retirement corpus faster.

Regular Funds over Direct Funds: While direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios, regular funds offer the benefit of professional guidance through a certified financial planner (CFP). This guidance can be invaluable, especially in volatile markets.

Asset Allocation: Maintain a balanced asset allocation. As you approach retirement, shift from high-risk investments like equities to more stable options. However, don't move entirely to low-risk investments, as some exposure to equity can combat inflation.

Risk Management and Insurance
Health Insurance: Ensure your health cover is comprehensive. Given rising medical costs, a cover of Rs 10 lakhs is good, but consider increasing it based on family health history and future healthcare needs.

Term Insurance: Your term plans provide a solid safety net. Ensure the sum assured is 10-15 times your annual income. Also, consider adding critical illness riders if not already included.

Debt Management
Prepay High-Interest Loans: As mentioned, prioritize prepaying your car loan due to its higher interest rate. For home loans, look for part-payment options to reduce the principal.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering at least 6 months of expenses. This should be in a liquid form like a savings account or liquid mutual fund to access it easily during emergencies.

Maximizing Savings
Tax-efficient Investments: Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme), PPF (Public Provident Fund), and NPS (National Pension System). These not only save tax but also offer good returns.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your financial plan with a CFP. Life events like salary hikes, job changes, or major expenses should trigger a review. Adjust your plan to stay on track with your goals.

Empathy and Understanding Your Financial Journey
Your dedication to securing your family's future and planning for retirement is commendable. It's essential to stay disciplined and adaptive to market changes. Financial planning is a journey requiring periodic adjustments and strategic decisions.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is on the right track with prudent investments and comprehensive insurance coverage. By strategically managing your loans, increasing your SIPs, and maintaining a balanced asset allocation, you can achieve your retirement goal of Rs 20 crores. Regularly consulting with a CFP will ensure your plan stays aligned with your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Relationship
i am 50 and my wife is 43. We are living two different countries to help our children to pursue their interests. We are pretty good in financially and i go to my home (where my wife and younger son live) at least 2 to 3 times a year and spend 2 to 3 weeks per trip. We married for the last 22 years and we both of us seen ups and lows of our relationship. Most of the time, we are happy and we did the right things not only for us but also for our children and both are willing to take sacrifices for the sake of children and we wholeheartedly agree on this. However, i see few concerns especially after living separately. 1. really don't see my wife shows much interest about me. She also mentioned that if i come to my home where she lives, she doesn't feel really excited and just normal for her. However, i will be happy to see her and spend time with her. Inspite I come to our home, she really didn't care much about my interests like what food makes me happy. In-fact, she doesn't need to cook and we have cook who does most of the stuff. 2. In-terms of intimacy, she doesn't show much interest and i stopped asking her unless if she initiates and I didn't want to initiate as I start getting rejection from her for the last few years. Overall, if I ask to fulfill my interest (showing love and affection), she says that she cannot do as she is too busy. However, she does other works like taking care of children, spending time with her friends or her own interests she does take care. however, any thing specific to me, she thinks it is not a high priority. I askied clearly to her that why my needs of lower prioirty. Her answer is very vague and she does say that she loves me and she needs me. I am getting a picture that I am there to take care of them financially like building assets, taking care of the children and wife but I am not getting any return from her, I vent my frustration to my wife and asker her to open up and share any concerns. She really don't share any point that could really help me to understand her mind. At this point, I am kind of confused. I am just 50 and she is 43 and i see that there is really not much love. i was thinking when i turn 60 , it would be far worse than today in terms of love and affection. I really don't want to divorce at least for the next 10 years as my kids are growing and i really don't have a compelling reason to do now as I still love my wife and if she is feel bad on any reason , I don't care of these problems and i still be with her to address any problem she has. I support even today for her wants and desires and I do wholeheartedly. Also, She is not a person who cheats me My concern is that I cannot change her much. I would like your advice on How should I change so that i still live happily (regardless of whether i get love from my wife or not) without getting frustations on relathinship issues. Should I accept that this what I would expet from wife and be content.
Ans: Navigating the dynamics of a long-term marriage, especially one complicated by physical distance, is indeed challenging. Your situation is layered with decades of shared history, responsibilities, and deep commitments.
First and foremost, it’s crucial to try to understand your wife's perspective. Living apart can create emotional and physical distance that’s hard to bridge during occasional visits. When she says she’s not particularly excited about your visits, it may not necessarily reflect a lack of love or care. Instead, she might be grappling with the routine and demands of her daily life, which can often dull the excitement of reunions. The responsibilities of managing a household, even with help, combined with the constant care for your children, can be incredibly taxing. This often leaves little room for nurturing the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship.

It’s also possible that she has grown used to the independence that comes with your living arrangement. Over time, people can adapt to new rhythms and find comfort in their routines, even if those routines don’t include their partner as prominently as before. This doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love; rather, it’s a shift in how she’s accustomed to living day-to-day.

For your part, consider what you’re seeking from your relationship and what you’re currently receiving. You’ve mentioned feeling like a provider rather than a partner, which can be deeply unsatisfying. Reflect on whether your expectations align with the reality of your relationship. Are you hoping for expressions of affection and excitement that your wife may not be able to provide right now due to her own emotional or practical constraints?

Your frustration and sense of being undervalued are entirely valid. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not dismiss them. However, the key is to approach this situation without letting these feelings drive a wedge between you and your wife. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, try to identify what’s still present in your relationship. Your shared commitment to your children and the mutual sacrifices you've made are significant bonds that can still be honored and celebrated.

In terms of intimacy, it’s understandable to feel hesitant about initiating when past attempts have led to rejection. This aspect of your relationship might require open, honest, and non-confrontational dialogue. Let your wife know that you miss the closeness and that it’s important to you, not just physically but emotionally. It’s possible she might not fully realize the impact her disinterest has had on you.

While it’s clear you’re committed to staying in the marriage for at least the next decade, it’s also important to focus on your own happiness. Invest in self-care and activities that bring you joy outside of the relationship. This could be pursuing hobbies, spending time with friends, or even exploring new interests that fulfill you personally. Building a satisfying life for yourself can alleviate some of the pressure on your marriage to meet all your emotional needs.

Acceptance can be a powerful tool in finding contentment. Accepting that your wife may not be able to give you what you once had or what you currently desire doesn’t mean giving up on the relationship. Instead, it’s about finding peace with the current reality while still cherishing and nurturing the aspects of your relationship that are strong and positive.

Remember, relationships are dynamic, and people change over time. What’s crucial is finding a balance that allows you to feel fulfilled and connected, even if it means adjusting your expectations and finding joy in different ways. Continue to express your love and support for your wife and children, but also give yourself permission to seek happiness and fulfillment in ways that are within your control.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1003 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I m 35 years old woman I married twice but my marriage not success first marriage in religion and second is interfaith marriage which I have two kid one son he is 16 year old and one daughter she is 8 year old I married my second one husband in 2009 he is in relationship with other women he have 1 kids with her then also I accepted because of my of my dad woh is poor and I have no family no house infact I have nobody support I stay with mother in laws in 2016 my daughter was born after that 6 months my inlaws is expired and after that my husband who sold the house my 2 kids and me on road nobody is helping me out he left me with kids. How I manage to register a dv case in 2020 but the case will go on an on in 2022 the order is pass for maintenance which he is not pay single money till know to me after this he is in jail for a month. my kids and I leaving alone on rent house . I am not working because of my health issues I m bagging for my kids to feed both .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is so unfair and I do feel for you...
What I suggest is approach a family member who can support you for a while. During this time, contact a local NGO that helps women facing domestic issues. They will be able to put you in touch with a lawyer who in turn will work out on how the maintenance money can come to you.
So, at this point in time, you need to find someone to guide you with legal matters. Please act quickly; having children with you in this situation is no joke at all.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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