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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on May 10, 2023

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Puneet Question by Puneet on May 10, 2023Hindi
Money

Sir, I have following mutual Funds and I believe I have made many mistakes.. Need your advice as all are completing 12 months now. Canera robeco infrasturcfure fund Growth Regular - 5000/SIP - total value 70000 (with small lumpsum) Current Value 72236 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? UTI Flexicap - 5000 SIP with total value 65000 Current value 64500 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Mirae asset large cap growth regular - 5000 SIP - total value 113000 (With small lumpsums) Current Value 115000 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Axis focused 25 growth regular - 5000 SIP - total value 75000 (with small lumpsums) - Current Value 74700 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Axis Bluechip growth regular - 5000 SIP TOtal Value 155000 - Current Value 155100 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Kotak small Cap growth regular No SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips - total value 2 lakhs current value 202946 - I plan to keep it and eventually bring it to direct mode and continue investing - what's your opinion? SBI Contra Fund growth regular - NO SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips total value 166000 and current value 179780 - I plan to continue and bring it eventually to direct mode and continue investing. What is your opinion? SBI Contra fund - direct growth No SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips - total value 125000 current value 133000 - I plan to keep it and continue investing during dips and will eventually bring the 166000 from the regular mode also to the direct mode. What is your opinion? SBI Flexi CAP regular growth No SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips ) - Total value 1 lakh - current value - 103500 - I am not sure whether to continue investing in this one or not? Invesco India regular growth - 5000 SIP - total value - 40000 - current value - 40900 - I am not sure whether to continue or not? DSP Mid Cap regular growth - 5000 SIP - total value 40000 - current value 40200 - I am not sure whether to continue or not? HDFC Multicap Regular Growth - 5000 SIP - total value 50000 (with small lumpsum) - Current vlaue - 50260 - I might just continue with this one. What is your opinion? Parag Parikh Flexi cap regular growth No SIP - I put in money during dips - total value 2.7 lakh - current value - 2.93 Lakhs. I plan to continue investing lumpsums during dips and will eventually bring it in direct mode. What is your opinion? SBI Large and mid cap direct growth - 5000 SIP - total value approx 70000 - current value approx 74000. I might just continue with this one. What is your opinion? Quant ELSS direct growth No SIP - I put in money during dips. Total value approx 3 lakhs. Current value (haven't checked). I plan to continue putting lupmsums during dips. What is your opinion? Nippon India Small Cap direct growth No SIP - I put in money during dips. Total value approx 2.8 lakhs. Current Value (Haven't checked). I plan to continue putting lump sums during dips). What is your opinion? Kotak Bluechip Direct growth - No SIP. I put in money during dips. total value 2.35 lakhs. Current value approx 2.5 lakhs. I plan to continue putting lumpsums during dips. What is your opinion? As, I can see that there are too many funds and lots of overlapping also. Many funds have been at their historically low and some have been at the lowest ladder in rankings with continue bad performance. Thus, I need to reduce the number of funds and stop the bad ones and also to reduce the overlapping. It is not a goal based investment but simply an investment with no time horizon but I do not see myself touching them for the next 10 years. In fact, I plan to just keep putting in more so my approach can be seen as aggressive one and I would not mind going bullish on small caps and mid caps as the time horizon is long. Please advice me on how to proceed. Thanks

Ans: Puneet
You have 17 MFs and it is not possible for me to analyse and give recommendations on each one of them in the time available to me.

But from a cursory glance, I can surely say that there are too many of them. Too many of MFs neither give you diversification nor provide you safety or better returns. They only make monitoring difficult.

Since you are comfortable with an aggressive portfolio and have a long time horizon of 10 years, my advice to you is:-
• Straightaway cut down your number of funds to half – say 8. Use one of the rating websites to know which one is good and which not. Such websites are not the best way to select funds but, in your case, would work fine.
• The cutting down should be category-wise. Try not to have more than one fund per category. Rarely should you have two per category.
• If you only wish to have equity funds, then your total number of funds could be even lesser. Go in for Large Cap / Index Fund, Flexicap Fund, Large & Mid Cap Fund, Mid Cap Fund, Small Cap Fund, and maybe an Aggressive Hybrid or an Asset Allocator Fund. Try and take more funds with a value oriented approach than growth approach.
• One selected, do the same for SIPs and bulk amounts.
• Lastly, monitor your funds once in six months and rebalance if required.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Hello Sir, I have the following Mutual Funds Investments, request you to let me know if these can be continued with or need to discontinue any of them, also please let me know new good performing funds to invest in. One time investment: (1) ICICI/ India Opportunities Fund - Growth - ₹2,50,000, (2) ICICI/ Value Discovery Fund - Growth - ₹2,50,000, (3) ICICI / Transporation & Logistics Fund - Growth - ₹2,00,000 SIP Monthly: (4) Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - ₹5,000, (5) Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan - ₹5,000, (6) Aditya Birla SL Focused Equity Fund(G) - ₹5,000, (7) HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund(G) - ₹5,000, (8) ICICI Pru Bluechip Fund(G) - ₹5,000, (9) Axis Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan - ₹5,000, (10) ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Growth - ₹5,000, (11) L&T Midcap Fund - HSBC Midcap Fund - ₹5,000, (12) ICIPRU Multi-Asset Fund - Growth - ₹5,000, (13) ICIPRU Value Discovery Fund - Growth - ₹5,000
Ans: making decisions about investments can be overwhelming, especially when considering the future. It's commendable that you're taking an active interest in managing your portfolio. Remember, investing is a journey, and it's okay to seek guidance along the way. As a Certified Financial Planner, my goal is to help you navigate this journey with confidence and peace of mind.

Reflecting on your current investments and considering adjustments is a wise move. It's essential to evaluate each fund's performance, alignment with your goals, and overall portfolio diversification. While past performance is not a guarantee of future results, it can provide valuable insights into fund management and strategy.

As you explore potential adjustments, keep in mind the importance of staying diversified and monitoring your investments regularly. Don't hesitate to reach out for support or advice as needed. Remember, the journey to financial security is about making informed choices that align with your aspirations and values.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Hello Sir, I have the following Mutual Funds Investments, request you to let me know if these can be continued with or need to discontinue any of them, also please let me know new good performing funds to invest in. One time investment: (1) ICICI/ India Opportunities Fund - Growth - Rs.2,50,000, (2) ICICI/ Value Discovery Fund - Growth - Rs.2,50,000, (3) ICICI / Transporation & Logistics Fund - Growth - Rs.2,00,000. SIP Monthly: (4) Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (5) Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (6) Aditya Birla SL Focused Equity Fund(G) - Rs.15,000, (7) HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund(G) - Rs.5,000, (8) ICICI Pru Bluechip Fund(G) - Rs.5,000, (9) Axis Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Rs.5,000, (10) ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000, (11) L&T Midcap Fund - HSBC Midcap Fund - Rs.5,000, (12) ICIPRU Multi-Asset Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000, (13) ICIPRU Value Discovery Fund - Growth - Rs.5,000. Thank You.
Ans: Your current mutual fund portfolio reflects a thoughtful mix of investments. Here's a detailed evaluation to help you decide whether to continue with them or make adjustments.

One-Time Investments
ICICI India Opportunities Fund - Growth

This fund focuses on capturing opportunities in various sectors. It is suitable for investors with a high-risk tolerance and long-term horizon. If you fall into this category, continue holding this fund.

ICICI Value Discovery Fund - Growth

This fund aims to discover undervalued stocks. It has a good track record but requires patience. If you can handle short-term volatility, it’s a good hold for long-term gains.

ICICI Transportation & Logistics Fund - Growth

This sectoral fund targets the transportation and logistics sector. Such funds can be volatile and are suitable only if you have high sectoral conviction. If not, consider reallocating to more diversified funds.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Monthly
Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan

A flexi cap fund offers diversification across various market caps. This fund is known for its stable performance. Continue your SIP in this fund for balanced exposure.

Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan

This fund focuses on emerging companies with growth potential. It’s a good choice for aggressive investors. If your risk appetite supports it, continue this investment.

Aditya Birla SL Focused Equity Fund(G)

Focused funds invest in a limited number of stocks, offering high growth potential but also higher risk. If you can withstand market fluctuations, this fund can be a valuable part of your portfolio.

HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund(G)

Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies with high growth potential. This fund is well-regarded for its consistent performance. Continue your SIP for long-term wealth creation.

ICICI Pru Bluechip Fund(G)

Bluechip funds invest in large, well-established companies. They offer stability and moderate returns. This fund is a good choice for conservative investors seeking steady growth. Continue your investment.

Axis Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan

Small cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential but also higher risk. If you have a high risk tolerance and a long-term horizon, continue this SIP.

ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Growth

Technology funds can be volatile but offer high growth potential. If you believe in the long-term growth of the tech sector, continue this investment.

HSBC Midcap Fund

Midcap funds are suitable for investors looking for higher returns and willing to accept moderate risk. This fund has a good track record. Continue your SIP for potential high returns.

ICICI Pru Multi-Asset Fund - Growth

This fund invests across various asset classes, providing diversification and reducing risk. It’s a balanced choice for moderate-risk investors. Continue your investment for diversified growth.

ICICI Pru Value Discovery Fund - Growth

As mentioned earlier, this fund focuses on undervalued stocks. If you have patience and a long-term horizon, it remains a good choice.

Recommendations for New Investments
Based on the current market trends and performance, consider these high-performing funds for new investments:

Large Cap Fund

Investing in large-cap funds provides stability and consistent returns. These funds are less volatile and are a good option for conservative investors.

Mid Cap Fund

Mid-cap funds offer a balance between risk and return. They are suitable for investors looking for higher growth without the high volatility of small caps.

Balanced Advantage Fund

These funds dynamically allocate assets between equity and debt, based on market conditions. They offer stability and moderate growth, suitable for conservative to moderate investors.

International Equity Fund

Investing in international equity funds can provide geographical diversification and hedge against domestic market volatility.

Conclusion
Your current portfolio is well-diversified and has a mix of sectors and market caps. Most of your investments are performing well and align with long-term growth strategies. By adding a few new high-performing funds, you can enhance your portfolio’s performance and diversification.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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